Stories from the Back of His Motorcycle

Vaughn had been right.

Boys who couldn’t even get my name right, or whose names just never stuck in my head, flew quickly by in a flurry of pointless, awkward date proposals. I was proud of the single raised eyebrow and the why-are-you-even-wasting-my-time expression which I had practised down to a fine art. But they still came. As if the rumours had opened up a particularly nasty bottomless jar of ants. Only ants could be squished en masse whereas teenage boys took a little longer to get rid of.

I gulped in the spring air and closed my heavy eyes for a moment. It had been a long week. Delia was still extremely dependant on me – so much so that I ended up driving her to school in her own car most days – and my time seemed to be divided into only three categories. Work. Hide from home. Vaughn Hart. The latter wasn’t exactly a time consumption himself but rather the reason why I found myself impulsively daydreaming and how it was particularly difficult to concentrate in English. If it weren’t for my natural ability with the course I’d definitely be failing.

My sleep pattern was also becoming more sporadic. I’d find myself sometimes sitting up in bed, just staring at the white walls as if finding some intricate pattern there, or hidden secret. The unusual awakenings weren’t exactly unusual, my parents’ rows could strike at any given moment and were typically loud and hard to ignore so my body had, at some point in the past, incorporated this into its system. It meant that at some point between two and four am I would stir.

However, the sitting up and wandering around and, occasionally, watching the few cars stream by my window, was unusual. Strange even. It didn’t just mean that I was conscious for that night time period but also thinking and operating. And the fickle things my mind replayed were usually the times when my brain and body were clearly disconnected from each other. The times when I was with Vaughn Hart in some twisted ordeal or another.

“It’s all your fault,” I groaned as a chuckling Vaughn passed me in the hallway. I was watching the head of a boy I’d just turned down disappear into the crowd of emerging students. I should have felt guilty for hurting his feelings, or cared enough to at least lessen the blow, but I didn’t. There were plenty of other girls far prettier, far more popular, and far more willing that they’d next chase. Hopefully they’d like them for reasons other than Vaughn’s rumoured relationships which certainly did not exist.

“What?” He wasn’t stopping so I was forced to barge through some people to keep pace. Everyone parted ways for Vaughn, everyone was aware of him, everyone seemed to watch him either discreetly of bluntly. I didn’t know how he coped with all the stares and interest. I was happy being left alone yet Vaughn had to work hard for this.

“You and your stupid rumours.”

“I didn’t start them Alice,” I could tell that the other side of his face was smirking, trying to obscure his amusement.

“You haven’t stopped them either.”

“Neither have you.”

“That’s because-,” I was cut off by a rude Cassidy Blockwood who felt the need to shove roughly past me, briefly coming between Vaughn and I. The hallway in peak rush hour wasn’t exactly the best place to hold a conversation. Bodies pushed by as I fought the flow, battered like a pebble in a stream. But this seemed to represent my whole affiliation with Vaughn. Spontaneous, unplanned, very unpractical. “-Because nobody will listen to me. In case you haven’t noticed I don’t exactly inspire rapture and worship in my fellow colleagues quite the way you do.”

Vaughn stopped suddenly, causing major congestion as trailing girls and passersby practically fell into each other so as not to walk into him. The repercussions of that were unknown but probably highly unfavourable. I paused too but was carried along by the surge.

I felt his eyes sear through my back but didn’t turn. Didn’t allow myself to believe for a single second that the beating of my heart was erratic for any reasons other than the cramped hallway. I just needed to get some air, some space, some energy back into my suddenly hollow bones.

“So you and Vaughn Hart, huh?”

I didn’t even bother to spare the boy a glance. Others’ heads snapped around to focus on me, as if my reaction would tell them a thousand secrets regarding my ‘blossoming’ relationship with Vaughn. Let them see for even a fraction of a moment what hidden prowess I held which had lured the greatest mystery of all into my outstretched net.

“You busy on the weekend?” the boy tried again. He had managed to wedge himself between the bodies near mine so we flowed along beside each other. I looked around for escape, both his and my own. “Alice?”

My head slowly moved to acknowledge him, defeated at the sound of my name. At least he had gotten that correct. I recognised him as Brett Garrat, the guy who sat behind me in history and had, up to this point, barely acknowledged my existence. I fought back the glare. How was it that some people were shallow enough to only have eyes for the spotlight? How long until I was just another lost story, yesterday’s news, and back to being a blur in the background?

“Yes,” I faked a smile “very very busy.”

“With Vaughn?” he had the nerve to ask.

I found myself nodding enthusiastically. “Yeah, we’re going to fuck in an old motel before driving all the way to Vegas to get hitched.” The way everyone reacted to my words had me questioning whether anybody knew what sarcasm was. I watched a tidal wave of shock and amusement ripple across my peers’ faces. I sighed and ran a cold hand down my cheek. By afternoon this would be the newest story of how Vaughn and I would spend the rest of our lives.

“Sweetheart, you forgot to wait for me," Vaughn called out. I didn’t turn around like everyone else did. They didn’t know his voice like I did. The way it still sent shivers across my skin and had me tucking my hands away from sight in case he saw how purple they had turned. It was a foreign noise to them – one that people felt blessed to hear.

But I didn’t have to or want to listen any longer. It was his fault I was in this mess of boys, a world I was sure as hell not ready to enter yet. I liked being invisible to a certain extent. So, instead of returning Vaughn’s less-than-appropriate greeting, I turned a sharp corner and entered the cafeteria.

Delia was waiting for me at our usual table by the large windows. I sat myself down quickly, ignoring the way her eyes were trained on something just over my shoulder. Vaughn no doubt. Or possibly the scene in which he’d just created. I remember his words then.

“Just coming to school makes a scene in this place.”

I hadn’t brought lunch. I was in too much of a hurry this morning to just flee the arguing and the way it grated against my eardrums. Food wasn’t exactly a priority when the front door grew ever more important to the point where it couldn’t be ignored.

But Vaughn followed me. I could smell the faint lingering traces of cigarette smoke and hear the chair beside my own scrape back. It was like a replay of English earlier and every English lesson for the past few weeks. I turned to him pointedly. “Go away.”

“Aw, don’t be mean Alice,” Delia chided, positively lapping up the sight of him.

Vaughn’s lips twitched slightly, fighting back his gloating smile. I narrowed my eyes but refrained from insulting him further. He wasn’t worth it.

“You’re going to be hungry sweetheart,” he slumped comfortably into his chair. An arm had somehow managed to drape itself across the back of my seat and pull it ever so slightly closer. I took note of all the faces turned in our direction and elbowed him discreetly under the table.

“I’m fine.”

“You want me to go get you something?” his sneer made it obvious that even if I did he would not be the one retrieving it. “I’m sure one of your newly acquired followers would be willing.”

“That’s rich coming from you. How many girls in this room would jump off a cliff just to get a smile from you? Far too many.”

“Just as many boys would eat their own balls to catch a glimpse of you naked.” He hadn’t been this sharp since the day I’d first met him. Something had happened back in the hallway, just before he stopped and stared. Was it really hard for him to accept the power he had over so many at this school? Surely he knew of it.

I grunted in disgust and pushed his arm away from me. “Get out of here Vaughn Hart.” He smirked, something which felt almost nice after his bitter expression, and swooped quickly close to plant his lips against my cheek. I flinched away but by the time I had an accusation behind my eyes he was already gone.

Delia let out a low whistle from across the table. It was odd how the sound seemed to echo around the entire large room. Almost everyone was staring at me in way which had me blushing far harder than I thought physically possible. A burning sensation still lingered against my cheek as if Vaughn was still there; blowing hot smoky air against it and making me feel both furious and mortified.

My heart was beating like that because of the stares. And because Delia was smiling for the first time all week. Not because of any stupid boy who rode a motorcycle.

“You know what,” my best friend’s light eyes watched me carefully. “That was the first time he’s been in here for a whole year.”

“I didn’t know that,” I fiddled with my top before deeming I looked too uncomfortable. I straightened up to try and appear calm and in control. Everything that Vaughn had been stealing from me.

“I think it’s time you set that boy straight Alice.”

I frowned, not quite comprehending her meaning.

“You don’t fall in love, especially with boys like Vaughn Hart. Cut him loose now before he gets a chance to leave a too permanent mark on you.”

I finally met her gaze and saw it. Saw the absolute devastation still left behind from Josh. But I was better with ‘love’ than Delia, I could handle a boy without finding myself blinded by a fictional emotion. Vaughn was no match for me and my broken, frozen heart.