Stories from the Back of His Motorcycle

I didn’t tell Vaughn about my Mom. Not when he cradled me against his chest, or when he caught my tears, or when he rained kisses on my temple. I couldn’t get the words out. It was as if there was a blockade just between these secrets and him; it wasn’t opaque, painting the illusion that it could be penetrated, but in practice it was just as solid as ever. I wanted to tell him everything but Vaughn Hart was still only human. He couldn’t be my superhero.

“Where are you going?” I asked for the fifteenth time that morning. Vaughn shot me the same agitated expression, waved his hand around as if incorporating the entire universe in his answer. It irritated me that he clearly didn’t trust me enough to disclose this information, as if I had really been holding back with my secrets intentionally. “Fine then,” I muttered as I detached myself from the motorcycle “bye.”

Vaughn let out a loud sigh, the tatty leather jacket rising and falling with the motion, and reached out an arm to enclose around my waist. “I’ll pick you up after school,” he smiled weakly. I could tell it was forced. I could tell wherever he was going wasn’t going to be pleasant.

The discomfort on his face softened my heart. I curled my own arms quickly around his shoulders while he still perched on the running motorcycle. “You are going to come back…?” I whispered quietly. It was horrific being this pathetic, especially around someone like Vaughn Hart, but something was telling me he wouldn’t return. I’d had too many people walk out on me already. I couldn’t lose him too.

“Here,” he passed me the helmet I’d just placed on the seat “I promise.”

I took it, knowing that my Vaughn Hart was safe enough without it, and smiled. I’d come to somewhat depend on him. The previous night he had held me and whispered sweet nothings and made everything seem so much better. With him it didn’t matter that I had nobody else. He made me feel like I could depend on someone even if I didn’t have my family to teach me this.

The school bell chimed, bringing me back to reality. I turned away from Vaughn only to, again, be pulled back so he could plant a frantic kiss on my cheek. “Bye Sweetheart.” And he drove off, capturing the attention of the entire parking lot as he did so.

I sat through Delia’s usual half hour rant about Josh, nodding when appropriate and even smiling weakly at her immature insults, ploughed my way through the assigned work, fake smiled my way through lunch, and meekly did my lap around the field in gym. It all felt like a dream though; the only real thing was the helmet I kept attached to me like an extra limb. I was breathing my way through the day but without Vaughn it didn’t feel like living. I wondered if, before he had come and changed me, every day was really like this.

The weather mocked me; every white cloud a smirk, every sharp beam of sunshine a taunt. It should have rained to reflect how dismal school really was. Nature all around was simply adding to my discomfort as if it knew that time wasn’t going fast enough already.

And then the bell rang, becoming possibly the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. I gathered my bag together quickly. Rays of sharp sunlight slid through the blinds’ cracks so strips momentarily blinded me as I shifted to collect my books. I was so excited it was stupid – so breathless it was ridiculous. He was just a guy. Just someone who might have actually come back for me.

I reached for the helmet only to find another hand on it, palms sweaty enough to be sliding slightly. I stared at it for a second before turning my attention to the man who it belonged to. It was my teacher, Mr. Douglas, who’d just subjected us to a full hour of quadratic equations.

“Sir?” I secured my bag properly and shifted on my feet, desperate to escape before Vaughn left.

“You’ve been hanging around a lot with that Vaughn Hart recently, haven’t you Alice?”

I instantly felt uneasy. This wasn’t a short conversation about how I was finding the syllabus, or if I needed extra help with my theorems. His tone wasn’t a conviction but I couldn’t help but feel defensive.

“Yes sir, why?”

He sighed and raised a sweaty palm up to run through his thinning hair. I had always liked Mr. Douglas even if he did enjoy maths a bit too much for a normal sane person. He remembered my name and understood that there were other subjects in the school beside his own.

“I just wanted to see if you were being careful, if you understand exactly what you’re getting into?”

The term ‘careful’ made me shudder, feeling as immature and young as a little girl being given the ‘birds and bees’ chat for the first time. I was pretty sure it had been Ross who had awkwardly explained such taboo subjects, not my Mom, but the impression was still there. I didn’t need some maths teacher, no matter how nice, to pretend to be anything other than he was. To pretend to understand my business.

“I don’t really think-.”

“I know it’s pretty unorthodox, but I don’t want you to be unprepared for what’s inevitably going to happen. Do you know about him? About Vaughn’s… problems?”

I didn’t. I didn’t know what he was even talking about but I wanted to give off the impression that I did. Secretly, it stung to know he knew more about Vaughn than I did. A teacher knew more than his best friend.

“It doesn’t change anything,” I spoke carefully and took the helmet into my chest. “I’ll have the homework in on Monday.” I left then, not looking back to see his anguished glance or giving myself enough time to consider exactly what ‘problems’ Vaughn had. He was perfect as he was – secretive but perfect. He liked me even with all the baggage I brought; I would do the same for him.

Peers jolted softly passed me through the teeming hallway as everyone fought to escape into the sunshine. My eyes were unfocused, my feet carrying themselves. I wondered if Vaughn would really be outside waiting for me. If the promise of his helmet was enough to keep him tied to me. My Mom and Dad had already left and they weren’t nearly as fleeting as Vaughn. He was like some passing thought, a balloon’s cord lost to the wind, a bird who didn’t even understand the concept of a cage. Mom and Dad were human enough but he was something more. Something special.

Mr Douglas’ words floated before my eyes. “Do you know about him?” Did I know about him? He was Vaughn Hart, the smoking motorcycle-driving class-skipping boy.
He wasn’t nice to his mother, lived in a huge house, liked to visit places others forgot.

“Watch it,” someone hissed at me as my shoulder cajoled with theirs. I stared at Cassidy Blockwood unsurely, wondering why her eyes were so full of hatred. Was it that Vaughn liked me better? Was it worth being loathed by so many other girls and adored by so many nameless boys?

“Sorry.”

She tossed her mane over her shoulder and swooped off to her gaggle of friends. I felt startlingly alone – no Delia to ward then off and no Vaughn to attract curious eyes. I was simply Alice Thornberry and I didn’t quite know how to take that.

A deep growl of an engine startled me, and everybody else, as the motorcycle revved just before the pavement. Others watched in awe, all seeming to stop and watch Vaughn shoot me that crooked smile from atop his still twisting vehicle. I reached up to trace my grin and clutched the helmet tighter to my body. He made me happy. Just seeing him made me happy.

I pushed through the small crowd of unmoving students. I could feel the stares shift onto me as the scene played out before their eyes, but I was solely focused on Vaughn. He was still smiling but it was altered, fake, one I’d practised millions of times to perfect.

We didn’t exchange words; I just slipped onto the back of the motorcycle and placed the helmet securely over my head. The world was suddenly quiet and tinted. The peace it gave me was startling, a thing with the promise of Vaughn. I never wanted to take it off. Never wanted to leave the back of his motorcycle.

My arms wound around him, the engine vibrating through our very beings. He took a tinted purple hand of mine into a tanned one of his and let it rest gently against his face. I felt his lips dance briefly across my palm and snuggled closer into his back.

It didn’t matter where he had been, what ‘problems’ he had, what everybody else though. Vaughn was important to me, more important than anyone else, and I would be damned if anybody wanted to change that. Not Mr Douglas or Cassidy Blockwood or even Delia with her narrowed eyes I just made out behind her car window. He was all mine in that moment, and I would have fought for him against it all.