Stories from the Back of His Motorcycle

It was uncomfortable setting foot on Vaughn Hart’s driveway again. Last time I had been in tears, drenched with both the rain and my misery, so the entire image of his home had been distorted. But pulling the helmet away, my eyes looked upon the large grand house in all its beauty.

The wood was a white so stark it seemed to shine in the sunlight as if still wet, the door scratch-less and pristine and inviting as a front door should be. There was no number – italic gold lettering spelling out ‘Honeybee House’ across the sparse redbrick outlining the entrance. I didn’t scoff or roll my eyes because seeing his home for what it was made me jealous. I felt small and insignificant, ashamed of the countless times Vaughn had seen my own house.

It was as if our houses were physical representations of each other. I was damaged and boring, ploughing my way through life in the hope that one day something would change me for the better, one day someone would give my walls a fresh lick of paint. Vaughn was grand and worshipped, he was beautiful in the moment, he was dependant on nobody to make him better. He could stand as he was for centuries and never fade away.

“What are we doing here?” I dragged my eyes away from the house to watch Vaughn roll his motorcycle into the open garage. The sleeves of his jacket were pushed up to reveal long arms, wrists thin and slightly bony.

“Because,” he disappeared momentarily behind the garage wall only to reappear moments later near the front door. “We’ve been to your house more times. How am I supposed to be a gentleman if I never return the favour?”

I scrunched up my forehead. “You’re trying to be a gentleman?”

He threw me a crooked smile before taking keys out of his pocket and jangling them about in the lock. I walked closer so that I could smell the last lingering cigarette smoke clinging to his clothes.

“Trying being the operative part.”

“How’s that working out for you so far?” I couldn’t bite back a smile “because I don’t know many motorbike riding gentleman.”

The door swung open under his touch and I followed him inside. It smelt pleasantly of home cooking, a wave of it curling around my nostrils, making me feel something like contentment in the pit of my stomach. I’d never walked into a house and been so confronted with family perfection. It felt like I had just stumbled upon the All American Family’s house without meaning to.

“We’d better be quiet; I don’t want Mom to know we’re he-.”

Vaughn’s words were cut off by a high pitched squeal, a blur of pink and bouncing brunette curls. I flinched back away from Vaughn as the woman wrapped her arms around him and squeezed so tight that veins in her arms began to protrude. My feet subconsciously backed away towards the door, not wanting to intrude or get caught up in whatever overflowing spectacle of affection was happening before my eyes.

“My baby boy! Oh God, look at you,” she pulled away abruptly from Vaughn, who had been shuffling and groaning protests relentlessly, to absorb every inch of him. “Where have you been? I haven’t seen you for days, you always manage to sneak in and off to school without so much as a ‘Hello’, not to mention the other night when you didn’t come home at all!” Guiltily, I bit my lip and looked down. The other night he had stayed with me, falling asleep on my coach after staying up until three in the morning just to hold me.

“And I get a call from the hospital telling me you missed that last appointment. You know how important they are Vaughn!” the woman seemed quite hysterical. The same smell of overpowering perfume hung around her, her hair perfectly curled as if the hairdresser was just hiding around the corner with the tongs still hot.

“Mom, stop,” Vaughn tried to object, a nasty red colour crawling up his neck. He slapped away her hands and took a few steps away from her.

“When were you going to tell me what Dr. Stevenson told you? Were you just going to wait around for everything to get ten times worse? Were you just going to wait around for your hea-?”

Vaughn didn’t let her finish. With fists clenched so tightly they were alarmingly white, he bashed them onto the wall beside him. “Shut up Mom.” His chest heaved with erratic breaths and I automatically reached a hand out to rest gently on his arm. I’d never seen Vaughn so upset, not even after his fights with Ross and Josh. He was calm, impenetrable, a mask that seemed to be cracking before my very eyes.

“Oh…” the woman’s eyes shifted onto me, following our now touching limbs. Vaughn reached out towards me and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. His breathing was still too sharp and movements too jerky to pretend he was calm but his expression was clear. The red had faded from his neck and my body relaxed into him. I was trying to join his act, help his lie. Watching his Mom upset him had raised something within me that hadn’t even twitched since Jake Longhorn had taunted Delia back in seventh grade for being so short.

“You’re that girl,” I watched realisation flash behind her eyes “from a few months back.”

“Don’t sound so shocked Mom,” his voice was like a blow “I am actually capable of keeping friends.” I could almost see her flinch with the words.

“That’s not the way I meant it darling,” her big brown eyes sloped to show sadness. She was possibly the polar opposite of Vaughn in the sense that I could read her easily. Every flicker of emotion could be read; every motion could be correctly interpreted. I wondered if that was why Vaughn was so guarded – he’d gotten sick of always knowing exactly what his Mom thought.

“It’s fine,” I rested a hand on Vaughn’s chest as if to stabilise him. I didn’t want him lurching into another unnecessary fight, especially with his Mom who things were already tense with. “Honestly Mrs. Hart I’m just as surprised at you are.”

There was only silence to what was probably my best ice breaker. Vaughn was still quivering slightly, eyes locked with his Mom. I sensed that something unsaid was being communicated, something which I had no right to know let alone understand. I shifted uncomfortably as Vaughn’s arm pressed me tighter to him.

“She doesn’t know,” Mrs. Hart closed her eyes as she said this “of course you haven’t told her.”

“What do you mean ‘of course I haven’t told her’? You just assume I’m some coward now too?”

His Mom’s eyes shot open to blaze at her son who didn’t even flinch. I did though, the heat and fury in that stare was something I’d never had turned upon me before.

“Don’t you dare. I love you more than anything else in this world, I’ve helped you through every second of this, even when you’re off smoking and driving recklessly and skipping school I support you. Who else would do that Vaughn? Would her Mom do that?” She pointed wildly at me. I flinched again only this time it was at her words. Vaughn’s mouth turned up into a snarl and he stepped defensively in front of me.

“You leave her out of this.”

“Oh don’t get so defensive,” she scoffed “I was just using her as an example. I’m trying to show you that I bend over backwards for you and you don’t even have the decency to tell me about Dr. Stevenson’s little announcement?”

Vaughn sighed heavily, his breath jagged and shaky. I wished that we had never left school. We could be sitting calmly in lesson, bored but nonetheless calm. Vaughn wouldn’t have to have a shouting match with his Mom right in front of me and I wouldn’t have to feel like the floor really should just swallow me whole.

“It was a mistake bringing you here Alice,” he said quietly “I’m sorry.”

“And her Vaughn. Alice. What are you doing?”

I prickled with the accusation laced in her words. Wasn’t I good enough for Vaughn? Wasn’t I every bit as worthy of his friendship as he was mine?

“Excuse me,” I retorted indignantly “what do you mean?”

She didn’t even look at me – her eyes were pleading with her son’s. I shot him a confused look but found he couldn’t spare me a glance either.

“It’s all under control Mom,” his tone was deadly calm and suddenly I was really angry. They were talking about me, about something that I didn’t understand, and about Vaughn’s involvement. Just standing there like a limp doll in his arms wasn’t working for me. I was Alice Thornberry! I didn’t let anybody or anything push me around outside of my house. I had control in the real world and I wasn’t about to be spoken about as if the ground had really swallowed me whole.

“I’m out of here,” I turned around, roughly pushing Vaughn’s arm off of me.

“Wait!” I was startled into a stop when Vaughn’s Mom called out to me. I had half expected to just be let go, or for Vaughn to stop me but not his Mom. I didn’t know her but what I did know was that she loved her son. She loved him like I wished my Mom had loved me, she loved him so much that I could never measure up to it.

“I’m sorry dear; I didn’t mean to drag you into this I just don’t want anyone else to get hurt. There’s been so much pain in this house that there doesn’t need to be anymore, let alone from a poor girl like yourself. I appreciate what you are to my son and I’m so sorry that he hasn’t told you. I’m so sorry.” She said the last part to Vaughn too, tears sparkling in those transparent brown eyes.

I gulped and nodded numbly. I didn’t really understand what she was talking about, and I felt that Vaughn wouldn’t explain it to me. I was getting sick of these secrets. Of this unspoken barrier that everyone insisted on putting between us.

“Goodbye Alice,” she smiled weakly, wiping furiously at her eyes as they decided to betray her tears. I nodded stupidly again and walked out of the house. Confusion made everything hazy so my surroundings felt surreal. I seemed to be trapped in make believe and I had no idea where I’d turned to get down such a crazy path.

“Take me home Vaughn,” I said slowly “take me home right now.”