Stories from the Back of His Motorcycle

“Say it again,” Vaughn whispered into my hair, the huge smile he’d worn since dinner still turning up his lips.

“Vaughn,” I groaned, pushing him away from me softly, “stop it.”

He sat on the edge of my bed, legs dangling off the end with two long arms supporting his weight. Cocking his head back to look at me, it was obvious that he had no intention of listening to me.

Those grey eyes were half lidded in the dim light, as if he was tired, but I knew him better than that. It was his intense face, the one he only shot me when he thinking very hard about kissing me. And he normally always followed through. Warily, I pulled the pillow out from under me to hold between us like a shield.

It was past midnight, I was drunk on my feelings and my fatigue. The last thing I needed was Vaughn’s bedroom eyes. They were dangerous territory especially when we were all alone in my bedroom. And especially when I still had the imprints of his hands all over my body, remembering every time he’d ever touched me as if it had only been seconds ago.

“Just say it one more time for me Alice,” he whispered as if we had a reason to be quiet.

Nick wasn’t home – staying out late with someone or another, probably a girl who had a thing for washed up guitarists. The house was ours; Vaughn’s and mine, as he showed no hint of wanting to leave. So we sat on my bed like any other teenage couple only with my pillow now firmly standing between us to replace an overbearing parent.

“Once is enough, if I say it again then it won’t be so special.”

“It will always be special,” he said huskily.

I pressed my eyes closed and pulled the pillow tighter to my body. There were those traitorous feelings again, the ones he could conjure up with just his voice alone. The ones I knew all other seventeen-year-olds had felt at some point, and the ones I was only just experiencing now. Like a late bloomer. It was only for Vaughn though, only he had ever driven me so wild.

“I love you,” my lips curled softly over the words.

They were still beyond strange and completely beyond anything I could comprehend. Something told me I did love Vaughn though, more like a million things. All the ways he made me feel and the awful thoughts he caused me. With just a little glance, he could have me practically doubled over with love.

Love.

I groaned out loud just because it all seemed too much.

“Sweetheart?”

A hand pulled down the pillow so I could see how close Vaughn had moved. His beautiful face took up everything, those intense eyes just as half-lidded as before. I didn’t want to smile at him but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to be mad at him for making me into some girl in love but I couldn’t. Everything I didn’t want always turned out to be something better, something perfect, with him.

“I love you too,” he grinned.

He didn’t even initiate it. This time it was all me.

I leant forward, pushing the pillow away from us, and then lay my cold hands on his cheeks. I was up and crouching before I had a hold of my mind, because I had lost it. Cradling his face carefully, I moved into him completely and sat on his lap. Warmth swallowed me whole.

I kissed him gingerly, as if he would break, but Vaughn wasn’t having any of it. He pressed his lips against mine thoroughly and passionately and wonderfully. With enough force to have me leaning back against the bed and to have my mouth opening like some secret chasm. He kissed me like he had been waiting for this his entire life and there was no way he was letting the moment end any time soon.

“I love you more than I have ever loved anyone Alice,” he said in between kisses “I want you to only want me, is that selfish?”

“I’ll only ever want you,” I gasped in a large breath when we finally pulled apart.

With Vaughn I seemed to say a lot of things and only then realise they were true. I couldn’t imagine ever wanting anyone else the way I did Vaughn right then. The way I did Vaughn every day.

“Please, Alice, please,” he murmured again and again, almost as if he was begging. I didn’t even know what he wanted but I would give it to him anyway – because I was just that deep and just that pathetic. I was so in love it was almost impossible to hold my body up, so it was good that Vaughn could do it for me.

“Kiss me?”

And he did. Passionate and strong, once again, pushing me further back into the mattress with his soft hands. I could feel his protruding hipbones rubbing against my thighs from under his shirt, I could feel his core warmth running through me like blood. I wanted him to stay like this forever. Stay with me always.

I didn’t even know what I was doing – I had never done this before. My clumsy, trembling hands clung to his neck before they moved down to his shoulder, rubbing circles into the bare flesh there. We were breathing each other’s air. We were so close and so hot and so perfect. I almost couldn’t take it. I almost dropped my hands and retreated back into myself.

But Vaughn wasn’t allowing me even a moment of hesitation.

His hands slipped under my back so he could push us even further into each other. Our mouths stayed cemented together until he took to nibbling down my neck, making me arch myself just so that he wouldn’t stop the wonderful things he was doing. I had never felt as turned on as I did, lying underneath him, with our clothes still firmly in between us. I never thought it was possible to be so swept up in a single feeling. Pleasure.

I let out a breathy moan as his tongue flicked across my collarbone, twisting my hands in the back of his shirt and setting my eyes on him. He was gazing back, filling me up with his love. It was sickening really, how much we felt for each other, especially for an old cynic like me. I wasn’t sick of it though. I was young and excited and ready to give Vaughn Hart everything that I had to offer.

I flinched when I felt his hands brush against my bare thighs before slipping under the dress. I shivered. And shivered again, barely able to control myself from writhing around at the feel of his skin mixing with mine. I wanted him in ways I had never wanted anybody. My body came alive under his hands, under his mouth, under his eyes.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he whispered to me.

I nodded, not trusting my voice to stay steady. His hands were resting on my waist and goose bumps ran riot over every inch that he had touched. I swallowed a sudden lump in my throat before Vaughn’s lips found mine once again. I was drowning in him and I never wanted to be saved.

“Can I...” Vaughn hesitated, pushing himself up from me slightly so he could take in my every expression perfectly. “Your dress is kind of getting in the way right now.”

I laughed and unzipped the thing until his hands ushered mine away.

“I believe that’s my job sweetheart.”

Rolling my eyes, I felt him pull the zip right down, slowly, tauntingly slowly. And then the dress was being pulled over my head in one fluid motion. Hair strewn everywhere, falling in my eyes, I could still feel his eyes burning right into me. Seeing me, watching me, taking in all of my body which normally I hid away from the world. It wasn’t that I was self conscious so much as I was private. I had never shown off. I didn’t even know how to show off.

Fingers drew my hair away from my neck and pulled it away from my face. It hung in his hands, limp and heavy. The metal from my bra pressed into my chest with the sharp intake of breath I took. Somewhere, amid the secret movements and stolen glances, Vaughn had discarded his top which I could see out of the corner of my eye. On the floor.

He hovered above me like some beautiful vision. Too good to be true. His chest was pale and smooth, skinny, tiny, and I could almost trace the muscle depletion with my fingertips. I wondered how much of it was because he was ill and how much of it was because he was Vaughn Hart. No matter what he was still beyond beautiful and any girl in the world would have been just as breathless as me at seeing him so vulnerable.

I could see the bruises from where I lay, even in the dusk half light I could see them. Purple marks from the blood tests, and injections and the million different treatments they had tried over the years. And just under his fragile rib cage lay the heart which had caused him so much trouble. I wondered if it was racing, if it hurt him. I wanted him to be just as excited as me and I wished his heart would beat regularly at least for this. My own heart felt as if it was ready to take flight.

I reached out to touch him and watched as he practically sank into my hands. I ran just my fingertips over him, trying to memorise every pore and muscle, how he smelt faintly of cologne when he moved a certain way. I didn’t want to think of why I was going to have to remember this, I just wanted to enjoy Vaughn as he was – open and gorgeous and mine.

“Sweetheart,” he moaned “if you don’t kiss me within the next five seconds I’m going to have to maul you.”

Although his threat didn’t sound all that bad, I couldn’t resist the open invitation. I raised my lips to his and offered him my tongue, opening wide. Our hands were everywhere. On his chest. Over my bra. Running down my thigh. Caressing his hipbones. We were a blur of desire and tumbling breath.

Vaughn broke our heated kiss to unbutton his jeans and pull them hastily down his legs until our bare ankles cajoled together. There was no turning back from this. I didn’t want to, didn’t think I could anyway, but there was a definite cut off point approaching. I embraced it just as I embraced Vaughn, laying my lips on his jaw to leave sweet butterfly kisses.

“You’re sure about this, right Alice? No way am I going to force you into anything you don’t want. Fuck it, tell me to stop and I will... I mean I’ll have to go take a freezing cold shower but I’ll stop,” he had that pleading look in his eyes. Desperate for an answer before it all got so out of hand.

I had already made up my mind though; I wanted to go all the way. I wanted to give into the temptations I’d been having for months and the secret dreams I’d dreamt almost every night. This was the boy I was in love with – I loved him – and I trusted him with everything I had. He knew all of my secrets and he understood how I was so incomplete, broken, and yet here he was. Asking to be let in to something new for both of us.

“I love you Vaughn.”

He smiled so large it threatened to devour his face.

“And I’m sure about this.”

With only our underwear blocking our way, we made the most of it. He trailed and touched the most sensitive parts of my body, making my chest heave with jagged breaths. His lips burnt a path down from my mouth, to my neck, along my collarbone until they reached the top of my bra. I shocked myself by being more than ready for what came next.

I moaned the loudest of the night. I could feel his smile on my skin and I heard the light thud of my bra hitting the floor. So many different things were happening at once. Pleasure unlike any I’d ever known was ripping through me like adrenaline. Fireworks were going off somewhere in my head. Vaughn’s tongue was driving me completely insane. My fingernails were digging lightly into his back as I dragged them along slowly.

All too soon in an intense blur of lust, our underwear was completely discarded. When the time came I was scared, because I hadn’t even attempted to use a tampon yet and Vaughn’s size didn’t exactly put me at ease. It was an invasion, something to break me once again, but I was ready for it. I wanted him, my whole body still thick with the desire.

“I love you so much,” Vaughn Hart murmured to me, his mouth right next to my ear.

And he pushed slowly into me.

I couldn’t help but cry out. Tearing. That’s what it felt like, as if my body had been torn. I pushed back the pain, hoping to find the pleasure and forced a smile for Vaughn although he saw the collection of tears.

“Oh sweetheart, I’m sorry, I’ll stop!” he panicked.

“Don’t you dare move,” I breathed out.

“I don’t want to hurt you baby.”

“Don’t move Vaughn, please.”

He curled his arms tightly around me as if to shield me from the pain. He was the cause of it though; a bittersweet kind of pain that I knew would pass after some time. I wasn’t going to be a virgin forever and I couldn’t imagine anyone but Vaughn taking it away from me. I would rather him hurt me like this, as long as it was him and nobody else.

After a little while the pain subsided and I could shift without making it start all over again. Another feeling was quickly rushing over me, replacing the pain from before, something which had my toes curling.

“Okay,” I found a real smile for him “okay you can move.”

He watched me for any sign that I was lying, trying to hide my pride, but he found none. I meant what I said. In fact, I was desperate for him to move. I wanted the toe-curling feeling to stay, to double, to triple!

He finally did as I said. And instantly we both groaned together, my hand finding his and entwining with it atop the covers. There was already sweat pooled up on us, making Vaughn look adorable as an expression of pleasure passed over his shadowed face. I leant forward to kiss him, moaning out into his mouth as he picked up his pace.

It was over for both of us far too quickly, or what felt to be too quickly. Vaughn muffled his shouts into the pillow by my head while I just cried out his name. I saw sparks, I saw fireworks, I saw crazy beautiful things. Then I saw Vaughn with his naked body still curled tightly up in mine and I knew that the aftermath would be just as wonderful.

“Are you alright Alice?” he whispered to me, our sudden quiet feeling strange against our backdrop of so much noise.

“Perfect.”

He nuzzled his face into my neck before letting out a long sigh. We settled gently on the mattress, Vaughn pulling the upturned covers over our conjoined bodies. I couldn’t remember a time when I was as happy, as contented, as I was laying down with Vaughn. I was tired and I could feel the exertion embedded deep in my muscles, but I was so happy.

We both fell asleep to the sound of the other breathing but not before I’d heard him drowsily mutter out the sentiment that he had been so desperate for me to say earlier.

“I love you.”

Vaughn had been right – no matter how many times it was said it never ceased to be special.