Restart My Heart

There was a enormous pain in my back as I painfully opened my eyes, the stench of roting oak filling my nostrils. I instantly wanted to go back to my nap but something stopped me.

A lazy mid-afternoon sensation ran through my bones along a hot, moist tingle in my lips.

I felt wetness on my lap and when I looked down, realized Alex was still cradled like a baby, fast asleep. His cheeks were flushed a deep pink but his face was twisted in pain and tears gleamed shamefully proudly above his hot cheeks.

My hand automatically wiped them away, as I shivered at the electrifying feeling of our skins touching, his hair tickling my bare thighs.

Suddenly, Alex's left eye opened lazily and when he saw me, his whole face lite into a smil- grin, " 'Morning angel."

" 'Morning," I mumbled, adverting his sparkling eyes. Why was he crying in his dreams?

"Good nap?" he asked

"Would have been better if I wasn't a human pillow having to arch my back the whole time," I cracked my back, to emphasize my point.

"Nice boobs," I heard him say, recieving a smack across the head.

"Anyways, I had a really weird dream," I raked my brain for something to get my mind off those tears on his cheeks.

"What was it?" Alex never stopped looking in my eyes

"It was about... rose gardens?" I lied. I did not remember. After no real response from Alex, I finally asked a throbbing question, "How about you? Any dreams?"

"Interested?" he asked with a smirk and a cocked eyebrow. I simply nodded

"Well..." he prolonged. I tried my best to hide my curiousity, "Sorry, I don't really remember."

I swear my stomach dropped, "Oh, it's okay. What time is it?"

He checked a phone "Um 2:19."

"Shit, how did I sleep that long? Class is over then?"

He nodded with a grin "Seems like it."

"We better get going then. I have to get to my locker too," I started listing off all the things on my to-do list.

"Yeah, we really should,"

Neither of us moved. We looked at each other and laughed.

There was a moment of peaceful silence. We listened to the leaves of the old oak dance with the wind and the grasshoppers zip. Breathing contently, I couldn't help thinking how nice this was, a normal conversation with Alex again and silence with no awkwardness from a previous fight

"This is nice," Alex suddenly said. My head snapped down to see his eyes closed and a genuine smile placed contently; no sarcasm, no obnoxiousness, no immaturity, no cheeky, actually slightly sheepish smile. A genuine smile.

My stomach knotted. New feelings were resurfacing but I pressed them down

"Can you get off? My legs are kind of numb," I tried to say as nicely as possible. It was hard to imagine Alex crying other than that-

My head started to spin and I saw spots of white. My temples throbbed and my heart hammered. Alex was already up, holding onto me by the shoulders.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" a vaguely heard his voice, my head was pounding in my ears.

I tried to open my mouth to tell him I was fine, stop babying me. I ended up choking on my spit.

"Levi?" he was shaking me hard. It impacted me like a door slamming during a hard hangover.

I'm fine!

More shaking,

I really am fine, I promise.

Harder shaking

Please don't worry, Ali.

Shaking. Shaking. Uncontrollable shaking.

Actually, I think I might have to go to the hospital. It was a bad fall and I'm worried about the ba-

"LEVI?!" Alex was yelled. He looked on the verge of hysterics and finally stopped shaking.

My breath caught in my throat, my entire body shaking and sweaty. Was that a flashback? Of what? I had zero recollection.

"I'm fine!" I responded, surprised how unnerved my voice sounded. It was so reassuring to my own ears, I was almost convinced. Hopefully, Alex would stop acting like he cared

"What the hell was that? You scared the shit out of me," Alex started rambling, his hands still gripping my arms tightly "You just..."

"Shut up already," I cut him off, not wanting to relive it again.

He looked taken aback "Excuse me? I was worried about you and now you're yelling at me for caring?"

A whole new realization hit me. Just because he wasn't the jackass Triangle thing, didn't mean I liked him. Which didn't mean he didn't break my heart.

"Care? You didn't care when you broke my heart and you choose now of all times to start? Get over yourself Alex because any kind of 'friendliness' we had was my own wrong judgement, okay? I am over you. And your stupid mind games,"

"What is wrong with you? I did care, Levi. As shocking as that might have been for you," he scowled, he was so believable I almost believed him "So sorry that you always have to be the considerate one, the fucking victim."

"I am the victim!"

The sound of the shrill words froze both of us. There was a pause.

"You're right," Alex looked down and started muttering, "You're right."

I looked at him. He changed too fast for me to keep track of. His emotions, his mixed signals, were too messed up. I wondered how his mind worked in constant gear changing from one decision then changing to the next. He was ever-changing; too hot-and-cold.

Then I saw something in his hand that caught my attention. My phone.

I snatched it in a heartbeat, "Why do you have this?"

He didn't answer

I flipped through my phone. Did he read my texts? More importantly did he find out about the twisted Triangle? Alex knew two secrets of mine; two too many. I didn't need him having more dirt on me. Especially not about this.

But all I saw that was opened were two texts from Stephen. Stephen.

Realization hit me like a square blow to my stomach. The meeting with Stephen after school!

I looked back up to Alex, who was now pacing.

"You are too messed up for logic, Alex," my voice stopped him "So just... stay away from me. The only time we should communicate is about the assignment. After that, can you just stay out of my life? It runs perfectly fine without you and I prefer it that way."

I didn't even wait for a responses. I turned on my heel and headed for the parking lot that was already filling with students. I had to get away from Alex as quick as possible. Something deep inside me boiled with a threatening consistency, like an alarm bell.

Being around Alex was not safe.