Restart My Heart
So I've got some things to stay to you
"We kissed,"
"You WHAT!?,"
I pulled the phone away from my ear so I wouldn't turn deaf. Stephen had dropped me back at my house at least a few hours ago and I was in my room, supposedly doing homework while Mother And Daddy were getting Chines Takeout.
"You heard me, Ruth," I couldn't but smile even though Ruth couldn't see it. I imagined her astonished face, dropping her guitar. I told her about the 'secret place' but not the location and the song and of course, the kiss.
"I can't believe it, Levi!" she squealed.
"Me neither," I admitted.
"So what did he do after? Did he kiss you again? Confess his love for you?" Ruth probed, "Levi tell me everything!"
"Well, nothing really. We just walked back to his car, holding my hand and when we got to my house he said goodbye and that was it," I said. At that moment I wasn't disappointed but now that I heard it with my own ears, it was kind of sad, kind of...
"That's a little er, cut off," Ruth said slowly
Cut off. It felt as bad as it sounded
"You didn't tell him you liked him?" she asked when I didn't answer
"Actually," I had to tell my best friend. How bad was it that Alex, my worst enemy knew but not my best friend? "Ruth, he has a girlfriend."
"What do you mean?" her voice sounded perplexed even if she was on the phone. I knew her eyebrows were wrinkling right now
"Stephen already has a girlfriend," the words were more for me than Ruth. They stung my chest and left a bad taste in my mouth.
"You mean you?"
"No," I sighed "I found a while back when Stephen first transfered. I over heard some people asking him. Alex was there. That's why I never did anything. I just tried to forget about this girlfriend. But I could never really stay away from him and now all this happened and he kissed me..."
"Where is she now?"
"The girlfriend? I don't know. They say she disappeared or something," I breathed deeply.
"Do you know who she is?"
"Nope and I don't want to know. I'm sorry Ruth. You must think of me of a bad friend for not telling you or a slut for trying to get Stephen while he was so unavailable or a coward for not telling him I like him."
"Of course not!" Ruth answered quickly "Why would you even think those things?"
"Because that's what I think of myself," I said quietly
"Oh, Levi," she sighed. "Does Stephen know you know?"
I shook my head but then remembered I was on the phone, "No. I don't know. What do I do tomorrow? What if it's awkward between us?"
I crashed down on my pillows, glad my parents weren't home to hear me.
"Tell him you know. Start from there."
I blinked. Tell him I know about his girlfriend? Won't that just make things more awkward? I imagined myself telling him I knew and he would tell me they broke up and we would kiss. Yes, positive outcome, imagine the positive. But I had this nagging feeling that would never happen.
I was never the lucky type
"No," I said with finality "I'll just wait to see what he would say or do."
"So if Stephen acts like nothing happened you'll do the same?" Ruth asked
It would hurt if he pretended nothing happened but... "Yes."
"And I heard you skipped P.E Levi Meester. You were with Alex weren't you?"
The way she asked me sounded like she was accusing me of murder. Like the way Stephen brought it up. "Why is everyone asking me that?" I muttered
"So it's true?"
Just then the cell phone by my ear vibrated. A text. Perfect timing.
"Sorry Ruth I got a text and I better get started with this homework anyways. See you tomorrow?"
"Ok. Bye Levi,"
I hung up, relived I dodged the bullet. I couldn't lie to Ruth and I knew I would spill everything that happened on that picnic bench. It wasn't like he kissed me. Stephen did. But I still felt guilty about it.
I found the text and opened it.
7:03
From: Unknown Number
Text: Levi and Alex sitting in a tree. F-U-C-K-I-N-G. First came love, then came fuck, then came a slut who stole your babe. And now you're secretly fucking a heart you can't own. Aren't you just like the slut who stole Alex? Love, ∆
They were just silent threats, I told myself as a threw my phone half-way across the room, This bitch can't touch me.
Just then the door swung open. My heart jumped.
"Honey, is everything okay?" my mother's head popped out. What was I expecting?
I breathed out, realizing I was holding my breath. "Y-yeah, mom."
"Well, we're home. Wash up and come down okay?"
I nodded, still shaken. What was I expecting?
"You WHAT!?,"
I pulled the phone away from my ear so I wouldn't turn deaf. Stephen had dropped me back at my house at least a few hours ago and I was in my room, supposedly doing homework while Mother And Daddy were getting Chines Takeout.
"You heard me, Ruth," I couldn't but smile even though Ruth couldn't see it. I imagined her astonished face, dropping her guitar. I told her about the 'secret place' but not the location and the song and of course, the kiss.
"I can't believe it, Levi!" she squealed.
"Me neither," I admitted.
"So what did he do after? Did he kiss you again? Confess his love for you?" Ruth probed, "Levi tell me everything!"
"Well, nothing really. We just walked back to his car, holding my hand and when we got to my house he said goodbye and that was it," I said. At that moment I wasn't disappointed but now that I heard it with my own ears, it was kind of sad, kind of...
"That's a little er, cut off," Ruth said slowly
Cut off. It felt as bad as it sounded
"You didn't tell him you liked him?" she asked when I didn't answer
"Actually," I had to tell my best friend. How bad was it that Alex, my worst enemy knew but not my best friend? "Ruth, he has a girlfriend."
"What do you mean?" her voice sounded perplexed even if she was on the phone. I knew her eyebrows were wrinkling right now
"Stephen already has a girlfriend," the words were more for me than Ruth. They stung my chest and left a bad taste in my mouth.
"You mean you?"
"No," I sighed "I found a while back when Stephen first transfered. I over heard some people asking him. Alex was there. That's why I never did anything. I just tried to forget about this girlfriend. But I could never really stay away from him and now all this happened and he kissed me..."
"Where is she now?"
"The girlfriend? I don't know. They say she disappeared or something," I breathed deeply.
"Do you know who she is?"
"Nope and I don't want to know. I'm sorry Ruth. You must think of me of a bad friend for not telling you or a slut for trying to get Stephen while he was so unavailable or a coward for not telling him I like him."
"Of course not!" Ruth answered quickly "Why would you even think those things?"
"Because that's what I think of myself," I said quietly
"Oh, Levi," she sighed. "Does Stephen know you know?"
I shook my head but then remembered I was on the phone, "No. I don't know. What do I do tomorrow? What if it's awkward between us?"
I crashed down on my pillows, glad my parents weren't home to hear me.
"Tell him you know. Start from there."
I blinked. Tell him I know about his girlfriend? Won't that just make things more awkward? I imagined myself telling him I knew and he would tell me they broke up and we would kiss. Yes, positive outcome, imagine the positive. But I had this nagging feeling that would never happen.
I was never the lucky type
"No," I said with finality "I'll just wait to see what he would say or do."
"So if Stephen acts like nothing happened you'll do the same?" Ruth asked
It would hurt if he pretended nothing happened but... "Yes."
"And I heard you skipped P.E Levi Meester. You were with Alex weren't you?"
The way she asked me sounded like she was accusing me of murder. Like the way Stephen brought it up. "Why is everyone asking me that?" I muttered
"So it's true?"
Just then the cell phone by my ear vibrated. A text. Perfect timing.
"Sorry Ruth I got a text and I better get started with this homework anyways. See you tomorrow?"
"Ok. Bye Levi,"
I hung up, relived I dodged the bullet. I couldn't lie to Ruth and I knew I would spill everything that happened on that picnic bench. It wasn't like he kissed me. Stephen did. But I still felt guilty about it.
I found the text and opened it.
7:03
From: Unknown Number
Text: Levi and Alex sitting in a tree. F-U-C-K-I-N-G. First came love, then came fuck, then came a slut who stole your babe. And now you're secretly fucking a heart you can't own. Aren't you just like the slut who stole Alex? Love, ∆
They were just silent threats, I told myself as a threw my phone half-way across the room, This bitch can't touch me.
Just then the door swung open. My heart jumped.
"Honey, is everything okay?" my mother's head popped out. What was I expecting?
I breathed out, realizing I was holding my breath. "Y-yeah, mom."
"Well, we're home. Wash up and come down okay?"
I nodded, still shaken. What was I expecting?