Restart My Heart

"You know we're skipping class again,"

"I know,"

"You may fail your course

"I know,"

"Or the school may call your parents. You know that stupid speech 'We are sorry to inform you..."

"I know,"

"I'm not worth it."

"I know."

I glared at Stephen in the driver's seat beside me who gave me secret smile

"You are completely worth it," he corrected and turned his eyes back to the road

We finally pulled up in a space in the Hospital's under ground parking lot.

"Alright smart ass. What do we ask them for?" I unbuckled my seatbelt and turned toward him

"The text says it will tell us what to do us when we get here," Stephen turned the key and the engine fell silent

"We're here," I flailed my arms almost announcing 'ta-da!'

"Not entirely. We're in the parking lot," he said "Smart ass."

"The what are we waiting for. Let's go," I began to open the car door but Stephen put his hand on top of mine, stopping me

"Wait. I have to ask you one question first,"

I put my hand in my lap and waited patiently

"I was thinking, wondering why your blackmailer would send you to a hospital. What kind of a message is it trying to send?"

I nodded, growing slightly anxious but preserving. I already knew this wasn't just going to blow over so no matter how this happened, I know I could deal with it with Stephy beside me

"So I have to ask you, have you been in any accident or anything that might have put you in this particular hospital?"

Richmond Hospital. I thought back to the large sign at the entrance of the gates that led us in and tried to remember anytime I had been here. Once. When my diabetic uncle forgot to take her insulin and was rushed to the hospital along with my parents and a ten year old Levi. We had to wait three hours and in the end, she turned out just fine. I remembered how long my parents wore their worried faces and when they heard he was fine, all the muscles relaxed like a wave overcoming them.

"Once but it was for my uncle who forgot to take insulin. Completely irrelevant right?" I saw Stephen's face change expression "Sorry I'm not very helpful."

He shook his head of curls which was unbelievably adorable "No, I just had to make sure. It's sort of reassuring in a way."

We got out the car and started walking to the door that led to the elevator up to the actual Hospital.

"There's always a possibility this is all a big joke," he said beside me

I pushed him playfully "No you tell me."

But we kept walking because we both knew the chances were pretty low. If it was a joke it would be a relief but the knot in my stomach was like a premonition for bad and the sticky note on the handle of the door reassured my doubts. Just like the Triangle said.

Stephen saw it the same time I did. The neon yellow slip of paper stood terribly out of place in the dark parking lot like the a speck of light in a dark room. Everything was suddenly eerily quiet with only a drip of water echoing threw the empty basement. We were alone.

"May I?" I stepped out when he started towards it. He recognized the determination in my voice; the stubbornness The Bitch Levi attained. I walked slowly towards it with full knowledge each step determined the fate of my life; it was so pathetic.

As I got closer, I saw the bold letters written with a black sharpie and before I chickened put and ran, I lunged for it, tearing it off the handle in a crisp motion.

You're doubting. Think back. Don't doubt. Welcome the darkness. Go into the depths of your mind and invite the pain. Then you can step foot into this hospital. Or don't wait. Your next step with either make or destroy you. ▲

What does that mean? Stephen briskly read over my shoulder.

"What does it mean?" he asked.

My exact thought but I just shrugged. Suddenly I lost all strength.

I felt Stephen's eyes on me but all I could so was stand there.

After a while of nothing but the steady dripping of water and the blood roaring in my ears, Stephen spoke up "So what are you going to do now?"

I turned slowly to him. The crease his furrowed eyebrows made gave it all away; he was worried

"Are you going to go in or go back?" he shrugged and looked away "It doesn't look like this thing is stopping you nor pushing you."

"What does it want then?" I snapped then instantly regretted it. It wasn't Stephen's fault for all this inner turmoil I was suddenly feeling. He didn't cause all this.

"What is this anyways!?" I spat, pacing in pathetic fury "Some no-name is tearing me apart and I don't even know how! It hasn't hinted anything but claims it knows everything. And all these mixed messages!"

I cried frustrated at myself. I was getting worked up over nothing. That was it; nothing. Not parents leaving me to travel the world. Not a lover-stealer fucking my boyfriend. Not a player playing with my heart then crushing it.

I was finally over it all and found happiness; Stephen! Yet still, something out there is making it their mission to destroy even that.

"For fucksakes Levi calm down!"

I felt Stephen's strong hands grip my shoulders and spin me around to face him. "We need to get you home. You need some rest."

His strong will in his bold chocolaty eyes sent me into something like chocolate heaven and I stopped my hysterias. He crushed the sticky note in his fist and led me to the car, buckled me in and floored it out the parking lot, away from the hospital and I let him without protests. We haven't even stepped into the hospital and I was already like this. I hate hospitals.

The entire ride to my home was silent and before I could get my thoughts straight, the car stopped on my driveway.

"Can you get in fine by yourself?" Stephen reached over and place a comforting hand on my shoulder

I shook my head weakly and got out, not even finding the ability to thank him or hug him or kiss him. Something in me shut down and haven't got the heart to do the things that used to be so important. Like make excuses to my mother.

She took one look at me and sent me to bed, promising to call the school and fix me some soup. But still when I slipped into bed I felt no relief my mother was downstairs stressing over me or had someone as hot and delicious as Stephen stressing over me. I felt nothing as my head hit my satin pillow and wasn't even conscious I had fallen asleep in under a second.

___________

My mother shook me awake. I felt like I had slept for over 24 hours in one position; my entire body sore and feeling like one giant bruise.

She helped me sit up and fed me soup with a big smile. I didn't protest and the spoonful of warm liquid she gave me was like spoonful of life and slowly I began to feel my senses again.

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked after the bowl was empty

"A good five hours," my mother in a stool beside the bed said and handed me a mug of steaming hot something that looked so inviting "You slept like such a baby I couldn't bare to wake you."

"Thanks," I said taking the mug

"You worried me sick, Levi," she said dotingly "You walked in like a zombie; your face pale as chalk."

"I'm feeling a lot better now,"

"And a lot more color," she felt my cheeks, my forehead with her cold hands for signs of a fever

I sipped my tea blissfully, trying to piece together what had happened before I practically blacked out and watched my mother scurrying around me. I was expecting her to leave after affectionately caring for me but was glad she didn't leave me alone.

"Your father will be home late," she informed me, fluffing up my pillow "I was planning on a little girls night in but now it doesn't seem like a good idea. We could still have a little girl chat though."

I groaned but had a smile plastered on my lips. She took a seat on the bed beside me and even tucking her feet in. She had her full intention to getting something out of me. The few grey strands in her hair gleamed along with her excited smile.

"Any boys lately?"

"Mom," I moaned but found myself chuckling. How did I know that was happening.

"C'mon, don't treat me like a mom but like a friend. Treat me like Ruth!" she cried, almost squealed. I could almost believe she was a teenager again

I just shook my head at that thought "Ruth is still the bestest friend ever."

"Like in the old times?" she needed reassurance

"Like in the old times," I echoed "That's how I like it."

My head throbbed when I said 'old times' but I ignored it

"Oh! I've been meaning to ask you. How's Alex dear?"

I just blinked at her. Of course she didn't know. How could she? We haven't spoken around the same time I caught Alex. I wondered how bad things could happen so coincidentally in a row like that. Those were the 'old times' I would like to forget.

But sadly, a human being ca not just forget so easily.

My mother's eyelashes dropped low and she teased "Is it just like 'old times'? Are you guys still so in love? Oh I remember how cute you guys were and had that young-love air about you."

"Mom, stop being so corny," I joked, dreading what I had to say next. Young-love air huh?

"So should I take that as a yes?" she teased some more

"No," I realized I had suddenly gone stiff "He was cheating on me all along with some girl and we broke it off. But it was a long time ago and I got over it and moved onto someone else. Someone much better than how he ever treated me anyways."

"Levi," my mother sighed and patted my bed head hair.

"His name is Stephen and he's the sweetest guy I have ever met," I continued in a rush. Except he has a girlfriend. Sorry to disappoint you again mom. But that didn't seem appropriate to say after dropping that huge bomb on her so I clamped my mouth shut

"Well," she said still patting my head. Her fingers were so cool and soothing and I almost wanted to go back to sleep where I felt nothing and didn't have to worry about why things never worked out for me.

She saw this and fluffed my pillow, pulling the comforter to my chin as I slide back down. Sleep was suddenly overwhelming and my conscious started slipping quickly. In between the line of dream and reality, I heard my mother's vague voice but the words as smooth as butter on bread

"Well nothing is ever that simple."