Restart My Heart

"You're her father and you don't know?!?!" I heard a stern voice echo threw the halls immediately after I opened the large beige doors to my 'home'.

"You are the mother and you dot know any better! You have no right to criticize me!" another lower voice yelled

I sighed. I haven't heard or seen them for almost three weeks and the moment I do, my parents are yelling at each other. This has already happened so many times, it failed to surprise me any longer.

For a second I thought about sneaking upstairs without being noticed but I knew I had to face them sooner or later. Let pain come faster.

The walk down the long hallways that led to the living room, where the shouting came from, was agonizing. I didn't dare step foot in the room so I just lingered at the doorway until they stop fighting enough to notice me.

My mom, Cassidy Meester, had dark brown hair and light brown eyes. She was a fairly young looking and pretty lady in her 40s but over the short span of a few months, wrinkles had grown deep between her eyebrows and I rarely see her enchanting smile again. I have her lips but thankfully, not her mouth. She was standing by the one person couch, ferociously pointing her finger at either my father or the coffee table between them.

My dad, Johnathan Meester, had graying light brown hair and blue eyes. I had his nose and eyes. If I wore glasses, like him, we would look identical almost. He sat on the couch directly across, tapping his pointed dress-shoe toe impatiently on our expensive rug with an irritated expression that I haven't seen him wear off.

All the attention was suddenly all focused on me.

"Where do you think you have been on a school night!" my mom demanded, her wrinkles increasing in depth, making her look - dare I say it - the ugly witch from Sleeping Beauty

"You can put down that fake front now. Everyone in this room knows you could give two shits about me," I automatically hissed, flipping my hair over my shoulder.

"Excuse me? How could you talk to you own mother like that?" she snapped

"Like you act like one. Before your a mother, you are part of that pathetic Elite Ladies group," I snorted, feelings disgusted just mentioning the name of the stupid club my mother was the proud head mistress of.

And then, she slapped me.

I didn't see it coming because she had honestly never hit me before. Ever. But I don't know what has happened and what has changed in these last couple of months. It's like I don't even know who this monster is that has replaced the face of my caring, beautiful mom.

And it hurt.

Because she had striked me so casually, like it was natural for a mother to hit her own daughter. That daughter that used to be loved.

The pain of the red mark forming on my right cheek did not compare to that burning whole in my heart.

The sound of her little hand hitting my face still rung in my ears as I hit the floor in a painful thud.

I looked up at my daddy, almost certain he would stand up for me, once again. But, he was looking the other way, trying to avoid my gaze. His face was expressionless.

But yet again, I wasn't surprised.

I looked at my mother straight in the eye, my hair in my face, tears on the brink of colliding with my flushed cheeks.

"How could you be so disrespectful, Olja Meester! I do not remember raising you this way!" she yelled with no hint of guilt in her voice, like I was the one at fault. Like I would go away from home, weeks on end without so much a goodbye to their doiting daughter.

I snickered, my lips forming into an uncontrollable smirk from the irony of this situation.

"I'm a Levi Meester before I'm your daughter, Olja and last time I checked, Olja doesn't exist anymore," I hissed again and put a hand on my hip and whipping my hair out of my face
All signs of tears gone and in its place was a cocky 16 year old Levi I was.

Cassidy's eyes snapped into flames

"I named you Olja so I will call you Olja! I never allowed for you to change your name but you still went against my word! You are such an ungrateful child!" she snarled

I turned around but then tilted my head back

"Kiss my ass," I hissed and turned my heel toward the stairs.

Before I slammed my bedroom door shut, the last thing I head was my mother yelling, "That little bitch!"

I grabbed clean clothes and rushed into my bathroom and into the shower, turning the faucet to extra hot and steamy so it wasn't just the constant flow of overwhelmed tears that fogged my vision.

I let my hair soak in as much water as possible before it spilled down my back, leaving fast red marks because of the heat.

Olja.

Olja, is my real name, the one on my birth certificate; not Levi. It was a Russian name meaning 'light' given by mother, who once and still had a strong connection with that country. Odd thing was, she is not Russian. But father, who was madly in love at the time, did not dare disobey. The Cassidy family was basically proclaimed there; my parents met there, they were married and had their honey moon there, too. Actually I was born there and lived in a quiet, cute cottage for my first eight months of life.

But, both 'Olja' and 'Levi' has two deep stories behind them.

'Levi' came from my beloved great aunt. The funny part was one single memory from when I was five and we visited her all the way to Tribeca, NY right before she died.

She was old; hair pure white, cheeks hollow and always rocking in a chair near the window that streamed sunlight on her frail, sick body. But, no matter how sickly she was, her sullen eyes still oddly sparkled beautifully and her radiant smile always spread across her face from ear to ear, calling out 'caring' to my heart before her lips even spread apart. That smile touched my heart so, that I couldn't leave her side for the entire two months we stayed..

She would call me in this voice, like ripe oranges tumbling out of he mouth instead of those words, "Levi, you have such a pretty voice. Won't you sing to me?"

In my mind, I would think, 'My name isn't Levi'. But still, I would obey quiet contently with a large, whole-hearted smile.

But then, she died soon after

I was by her side, admiring the cute boy out the window, pointing how beautiful his eyes were, even though we were a few stories high in a fancy apartment complex in Tribeca.

"You are such a delight, Levi," she would chuckle softly though her whole body shook, "It's a shame I can't live to see you grow into an even brighter delight."

I had stopped admiring the boy to turn around to the dying woman with admirably glistening blue eyes of a young, lively soul. Though both of us knew she was going to die quiet soon, she never spoke anything of it so I had simply dodged the topic. So it was a shock hearing it.

"Won't you sing for me, lovely Levi," she continued slowly, "One last time?"

That was all I remembered.

My mom later told me that she found me, sitting on the window seat, my face on her lap, singing. And the fearless old woman had died, her eyes still shining and that forever sweet smile still spread across her face.

But I didn't remember any of it.

I only called her Great Aunt Tribeca because I could never even recall her real name.

After that, I told my new friends and old to call me Levi instead of Olja. Even daddy did. At first, I thought it was a cute, fun idea to have two names; mother didn't seem to mind much anyways. Whenever someone called me 'Levi' near her, all she did was give me a strange look.

Then, when I was twelve, I decided to legally change it. My father was on my side, like always but, to my surprise, mother went ballistic. She hated me for changing this 'chosen for you lovingly' but I ended up changing it anyways.

Father was also my guardian and had the money so I didn't find anything to stop me.

It had been many years ago and I thought my mother got over it.

I thought wrong.

.

Tears poured down my cheeks along with the hot water coming from the shower sprinkler over head. My shower was the only place I felt safe and secure enough to let my tears flow.

I touched the wet tile walls and thought back to the many other times I had been here, crying like this. My heart ached as my mind grew hazy, thinking back to a flashback.

The cold late winter wind met my face, making my exposed cheeks prickle. I pulled the flimsy jack closer to my body and wrapped my heavy wool scarf another round around my neck. As I stood at the school doorway I just came out only seconds ago, I grew more and more restless. After what seemed like forever, I checked my phone to see only one minute passed.

I gave into myself, finally entering the school again, suddenly stampeding down the hallways as casual as possible like I was running from a serial killer while still trying to look pretty.

I hated playing the clingy girlfriend but how could I not be worried when Alex DiRoma, the former man whore slash slacker slash permanent lazy bum of the school said 'I have to stay behind to discuss homework with my science teacher.'.

I knew my boyfriend; first, he does not used the word 'discuss', second, as mentioned before, he is lazier then a freaking sloth so naturally he hates homework and anything to deal with after school activities and third, he hates science... like legit.

After mindless possibilities and hallways that ran forever, I reached the science lab.

I saw him the same time he saw me.

My heart still skipped a beat like every other time I saw him; jet black hair gelled in a messy foe-hawk, pure green eyes that honestly, were not so pure.

But this time, my heart skipped a beat for another reason. Alex was on top of a desk, the shirt I had bought for him that he was wearing off and discarded on the dirty floor like garbage and he was nibbling on the ear of the girl on top of him.

Jenna P.

She looked the same as always, a slutty-school's-biggest-whore self; shirt off, exposing her fugly bra, her face plastered with a thick layer of foundation.

Unfortunately, she couldn't see me and I couldn't move from my spot. I watched in slow, agonizing disgust as she carefully slid her fingers down Alex's chest all the way to his jeans, slowly unbuttoning them as she whispered something in his ear, then nibbling it.

The whole time, Alex's eyes were fixated on mine, not showing an ounce of emotion.

Just like the Alex I met in the beginning of ninth grade.

Heartless.

It wasn't exactly the kind of reaction I was expecting from a guy who had just been caught cheating.

His thin lips curved into a cocky smile, "So you're just going to stand there and watch?"

I wanted to yell at him, slap him, scream, curse but I didn't move an inch, couldn't

"Well, your not making it easier," Alex pushed the whore off him and hopped off the desk, stretching lazily like he just woke up from an afternoon nap.

Jenna P, who was still on the table, snickered

"God, women! Can you please excuse us?" Jenna P said as she hugged him from behind, her bare chest pressing against his back.

I watched in horror as her fingers crept all over his tone bare upper body.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out, my breath caught in my throat.

I watched as her fake nails crawled beneath his jeans

Alex turned his head around and I watched in horror as their lips met, right in front of me.

I still couldn't do a thing. At that very moment, I felt something break inside of me.

"Did you not hear me? Your disturbing us!" Jenna P hissed, their lips finally breaking apart

"Fuck off!" Alex's words cut me like a knife. Something inside me had officially broke.

There was a long pause. My bottom lip quivered as my head hung low. Finally, I lifted it back again, forcing a smile on my face.

I should of listened to what Ruth and everyone said about the school's number one biggest player. I never should of believed in him. I fell for the worst boy possible and I paid for it. My whole body shivered thinking I should of expected this to happen.

"Goodbye, Alex," I surprised myself by managing to sound so calm. I should of expected this to happen.

After that, I just ran. Ran threw down the hall, out the door, down the steps I had hesitated on just moments ago.

I should have been expecting him to let me down, time after time.

The first thing I did the next day was pridefully walk right up to Jenna P. the slut. My mind was clear, fresh.

If I said I didn't want the fight to break out, I would be lying. But, she was the one who slapped me first so it was only natural I would have lost it and of course, beating her ass with fast forming crowds cheering to 'rip our shirts off'.

It took a grand total of 4 teachers to break us apart.

I found out after, I had broken her nose, pulled out most of her nasty extensions, given her some nice scars on her makeup-covered fast and even sprained her wrist and ankle. Not to mention a minor concussion. That bitch deserved to be sent to the hospital.

But I was pretty wrecked, too with fresh cuts all over my arms from her fake nails and high heels. My right eye was pretty bloodied up, too.

I knew I did her a favor, giving her an excuse to finally get that nose job she wanted. Everyone knew her parents threw in a boob-job even thought she never admitted to it.

I guess that's how I got the name of Ms. Bitch at my school, even though it has been over a year ago and nobody really remembers anymore, thankfully.

And I remember sitting in the infirmary that day. The nurse wouldn't let me go to class because she thought I had to 'cool off' first. So, I sat on the bed, examining the scars on my right arm.

I heard chuckling and when I looked up, I saw Alex leaning against the doorway

"That was some shit you did," he chuckled, his eyes glistening with zero sympathy

"Proper grammar," I said coolly.

"I really am worth that much, aren't I?" he smirked, ignoring me

"Contractions make you sound even more stupid than you already are," I said casually again

He gave me a confused look.

"Whoops, forgot I can't use big words around you," I crossed the room to the mirror, inspecting my eye

When I looked over again, he had a stupid smirk on his face again.

"I mean a lot to you don't I? So much you got that cut above your eye and broke someones nose," he said

"Can you at least tell me why?" I couldn't contain myself to blurt out.

The atmosphere suddenly grew so thick, someone could have took a knife to slice threw it.

"I had to end it before you tattoo my name across your heart," he somehow knew what I was referring to

Instinctively, hurt ran across my face but he must have thought I was confused.

"You were getting to serious," he said slowly in a very idiotic way

The room grew silent.

My mind was empty and my throat dried

"Fuck off," I hissed, using the exact words he used to break my heart

.

I didn't let myself remember anymore and slowly turned off the faucet

I quickly toweled off, slipped on my clothes and exited my bathroom, sitting on my bed

While I was taking in the cool air, my phone rang off. I had to run all the way across the room to where I had thrown my bag. Then, I realized I didn't have to run so fast because it was a message. When I opened it I nearly dropped my phone

From: Private Number
Text: Oh, jeez dreamer. Mommy strikes and daddy looks away. What are you to do now? Go for your one andonly guy. No matter what cookies comes along, you know who the right one is. Love, ▲

The same dark triangle stared back at me on my phone screen as my hands began to shake. This wasn't the first time. Cookie? My thoughts ran back to today at Miles with Stephen. Is someone following me? Am I being blackmailed? I took a deep breath in, attempting to calm myself but I wasn't even able to breath back out.

Am I being stalked?

I sniffed. I have had enough problems today so why the fuck do I deserve having an extra stalker. I whipped my phone across the room, hitting my wall with a bang

"Leave me alone," I yelled at no one at all.

I flinched when my ring tone blasted from my phone again. My whole body froze stiff. When I realized it was the ring tone Ruth had set especially for herself for whenever she calls me. Thankfully, I calmed my shaking hands and managed to beat the answering machine

"H-hello?" I said into the receiver, hating how nervous my voice was.

"Levi?" Ruth's sweet voice replied

"Yes, Ruthy-bear?" I cooed, picking up a towel and drying my dripping hair, pushing all thoughts about anything and everything.

"Er... well, I'm sorry," she muttered from the other line

"About what?" I chirped, perching on the side of my bed. Listening to your best friend's voice was always a lot better then listening to your rushing thoughts of a possible stalker, hunting you down.

My ice went cold again. Stalker

"Well, after school I stayed behind to talk with Mr.Brooks.You know about the song thing," she interrupted my thoughts once again.

"Y-yes?" my breathing began to pick up the pace. Someone wants to hurt me

"Levi, are you okay?" Ruth's voice dripped concern. I could imagine her at her mom's fashionable clothes shop, perched at the other side of the counter, her eyebrows merged together worriedly while her mothers' employees worked busily, attempting to please all the thousands of customer rushing in. Just that simple thought calmed me and make me smile

"Um, yeah. Why?" I asked trying to sound like the normal Levi

"Well, you don't sound okay." her voice trailed on.

"No, really. I am totally fine." I laughed nervously, hopefully not too nervously and quickly changed the subject, "So what were you saying before?"

"I talked to Mr.Brooks after school today. About the assignment and not working with Alex?"

"Aww! You are the best Ruth,"

"Please don't thank me. I failed miserably!"

"I guess he's just a hot piece of good-for-nothing ass,"

Ruth giggled on the other line

"So, details please?" I asked, putting down my towel and going out on my balcony. As soon as the cold fresh night wind touched my face, blowing my damp hair, it blew away all my worried feelings away along with it.

"I asked him to think over the assignment and he said he was very sure. I asked why he was so stubborn-"

My laughing cut her off

"What?" Ruth asked peculiar

"You could always surprise me. One point for Ruth being rude!"

I knew she was blushing.

"M-mr. Brooks said we never showed our selves during class. He never knew I could play the piano and you could play a guitar."

"Just because I can play doesn't mean I want to!" I defended

"I know! And he said he thought he knew you but apparently not. He wants to know if there are any more 'musical talent' we were hiding from him,"

"Musical talent?" I snorted, "Then what about Alex?"

"He said that Alex skipped class too much and needed another grade for him."

"Wow,"

"I'm sorry I couldn't change his mind. Alex was so cruel and now you guys have to work together."

"Its okay, Ruth! You love me so much and did so much for me! That's all that matters," I told her, truly thankful to have a friend like her

"Thanks for for understanding Levi. I was worried you would be mad at me."

"Of course I wouldn't! Knowing that someone as shy as you actually stood up to Mr.Brooks is plenty enough."

"T-thanks. We should look at the bright side right?"

"Like what?"

"M-maybe you and... A-lex c-could patch things... up?" her voice rose at the end after her stuttering sentence. I knew it took a lot for her to say it but we both knew that could never happen

"Sorry, Ruth. About that... I am not so sure." I bit my bottom lip, already regretting my words.

"Yeah, your right. I have to go now. I love you, Levi!"

"I love you more than a fat kid loves cake!" I cooed

She laughed again, "Cough Alex cough," and she hung up

Sometimes, we act like such kids I wonder if w would ever act like normal sixteen year old. She was the closest thing I had to family and I didn't want to loose her. Ever

Not for some stupid assignment

And especially Not for piling my own selfish problems onto her