Restart My Heart

In the peaceful dawn, about 5 a.m, the swing creaked softly below me as I swung back and forth on it. Sighing, I stopped swinging, letting my feet drag in the cool sand of the neighborhood park.

Tumbling and turning all night left me waking up at 4:30 and somehow ended up at the park, attempting to organize my thoughts of my parents, my friends, the boys, my life. How it all ended up this way. My parents and I used to be so close; they would never leave home for more than a night.

As I slightly shivered in the jammies I had hastily overlooked along with the torment hair, I felt my throat ache and my vision blur

Before I knew it, unstoppable tears collided with my flushed cheeks. I sobbed like a child I was no more, not even bothering to wipe my tears as my head hung low

"Levi?" a familiar voice came from behind

My head immediately whipped around.

"Stephen!" I gasped, unfortunately recognizing the handsome brunette

My face immediately fell as he strolled closer, "Why do you have to appear at my weakest moment?"

"Hey, um... just out for a run," he sat awkwardly on the swing set beside, "You gotta love morning people," he chuckled lightly, almost nervously

I studied him; Pumas, comfy sweats, large sweater, tight T and heavy breathing. His curls glistened with the morning dew and his light brown eyes danced with his bushy but well trimmed eyebrows.

"Its 5 in the morning, Stephen," I wiped the stubborn hot tears away

"Not very convincing, huh?" he shrugged sheepishly, his fingers stuffed deep in his pockets, "Well... please don't make me say it. We all have our own problems that make us restless at night,"

When I didn't answer, silence rose along with the sun. It was not awkward but comforting; how both of us could mope in our own pile of problematic misery and not be prompted with annoying questions but still had nice company.

I let the thoughts of my miserable life come raging back as new tears sprinkling my cheeks. I am such a disgusting person, even my parents hate looking at me. My mind floated back to when my father avoided the freshly formed red mark painted angrily upon my face.

Suddenly, he turned to me and wiped my tears away and then went back to his original stance posed neatly on the rusty park swing, head hanging lower than mine.

Astonishment was written all over my face as the cheek he touched tingled.

"Your... your not going to ask me anything? Not curious at all?" I finally asked, wiping the remaining tears

"Yeah but you'll tell me when you're ready, right? I won't force you because you won't force me," he said

"Then, will you tell me when your ready? And promise me something?" my voice didn't want to stop talking now that it started though it was shaking; from the cool dusk air or tears, I did not know.

"Hm?" he then turned to me; studying me. Stephen swiftly shrugged his large Ed Hardy sweater and swept it across my shoulders. I was stunned for a moment but of course thankful. I slipped my arms in the holes, letting myself be embraced the simple yet flawless smell of it; coffee and light cologne.

"No hug?" I teased turning back to the muscularly exposed Stephen

I knew he knew I was just teasing but didn't hesitate to he hug me. He pulled our swing sets together and he brought me into a large, warm hug.

"Thanks," I mumbled into his chest, knowing we both needed one, not caring which needed it more.

"So, are you ever going to tell your great friend what's bothering you?" I asked after we pulled apart, "I mean, don't try denying it. It's written all over your face,"

He touched his forehead coyly before smiling, "You first,"

How could I resist those eyes or the glimmering sweat drops straining his cheeks in the nearly rising sun and dimming moon.

Starting with a sniff, I began. The fight last night, the other fights before. My parents and I. How they always go on trips, leaving me behind without so much a goodbye. One after the other, each story worse than the one before.

Stephen was amazed and shocked, obviously. He was such an amazing audience, 'oohing' and 'ahhing' at all the right moments, I wanted to give him fulfill everything on his Christmas list. But what was shocking to me was how amazing I felt after I let out it all out.

After I was done, he wrapped me in another warm, much too comforting hug.

Suddenly, an alarm went off, startling us apart.

"What the...?" I said feeling ditsy and hazy minded

"Oh, that's mine," Stephen said, taking out a phone from his pocket. He quickly turned it off and continued in a panicky voice, "Sorry, Levi but I have to go now."

"Alright. Wait! What...why? Huh?" I uttered, unable to find proper intelligent words.

"Sorry, I'll call you later or talk to you at school. Bye, Levi," and then he sprinted off

I guess my story was too shocking even for Stephen.

.

Looking for Stephen in the cafeteria is one of those almost impossible things in one's lifetime.

I switched uncomfortably in my seat, adjusting my outfit. Unlike this morning, I was dressed more appropriated for my reputation; Ms.Bitch. After I got home and a quick shower, my jittery nerves finally shimmered down but not my curiosity and randomly picked a me-normal outfit. My new pumps were definitely a good ending touch; to show Stephen I am still that spontaneous me compared to that water works Levi and told bitches - ahem, Jenna P. - to stay away of I'll break your nose again.

"You're worrying, Levi," Ruth observed from across the lunch table She stuffed a forkful of lettuce in her mouth, unlike me who was poking at the half-cooked chicken set agitatingly in front of me.

Before I could say anything Ruth said, "You're making me worried at how worried you can be,"

"Sorry," I sighed, instinctively scanning the large, crowded cafeteria again

"How about calling him?" Ruth suggested

"I already text him like 16 times," I said truthfully, no added exaggeration, "I feel like an annoying girlfriend and we're not even dating!"

Ruth laughed, "You texted, not call. Just do it. If you hear a ring tone in the cafe, then you know Stephen is in here and you could quit looking around the room like a creepy lewd wolf searching for its next victim."

I smiled to Ruth's metaphor and took out my phone, dialing his number.

One ring.

"You a confusing child, you know? Of all people, you hesitate on Stephen, the easiest, nicest guy in the whole school," Ruth fished more salad

Second ring.

"You don't get it. Stephen will never accept my feelings no matter how nice. And don't call him easy!" I snapped as the dial tone rung a third time

"Why are you always so negative, Levi? After that time-" she abruptly stopped herself before continuing any further

I didn't say anything because I was too distracted by the ringing.

"I'm sorry, Levi. I didn't mean to..." thankfully, she didn't finish. Not that I cared

"It's alright. We broke up and it's all over now," I said, forcing a smile

"Oh, you thought I meant the..." once again, Ruth didn't finish. And once again, the ringing went on with just mindless chatters in the cafe and only the irritating ring replying to my loud-to-deafening thoughts

"What did you mean then?" I said, getting distracted when the ringing was suddenly cut off by the answering machine

I groaned in defeat knowing if he avoided my call he ignored my sixteen texts as well.

"Yeah, well... never mind," Ruth mumbled as she cleared her salad clean

"Huh? What's wrong, just tell me," I said dialing his number again. I was not letting him off that easily and return to another class in agonizing curiosity

"Nothing," Ruth said and went to throw out her garbage. I heard the period at the end of that clearly.

Stephen didn't pick up the second time either. Maybe his phone ran out of battery. The Stephen I know would never cut me off.

I decided to go with the more logical conclusion and became the bold and calm Levi again. Stephen was planning to talk to me after school or during P.E, unfortunately my last period. Or I would coincidentally bump into him in the hallways and we wold talk like always. Either way, it would all work out in the end

I was to not force him, I reminded myself all threw the next two periods.

But that didn't help

Come P.E with Stephen not in a fifty meter radius close to me. I didn't even see him. But that shouldn't be a big dilemma since were outside on the school's massive field split in two teams to play soccer. And anyways, he probably wanted to get good grades this semester since he was a very athletic and sportive person. Come to think of it, I was sort of dragging
him down

I decided to talk to him about that too after school but he didn't pass by my locker like he usually did. I tried searching for him and called him a couple more times but failed. Quiet miserably, too might I add.

And finally, big-fat-bum Friday lazily, miserably rolled around.

And I finally got the idea that Stephen was willing to pay any great cost to avoid me.

How did I know?

Maybe it was the sprinting to the change room after PE. Or maybe it was not eating lunch in the cafeteria anymore. Or maybe even when he walked the other direction when he saw me in the hallways or walking past me like he didn't know me; no he was probably much nicer yo a complete stranger, Maybe he wouldn't continuously ignoring their calls; in the hallways and over the phone, like he did to me

And I.

Couldn't.

Take.

It.

Any.

Longer.

Right after the last bell rang for the week, I trampled, no marched very angrily to his locker.

Lucky for me and unfortunately for him, he was still there.

Steam was practically blowing out of my ears but as I neared, the anger that was bubbling in me the past week weakly melted away; merely by the air around Stephen. Do not blame me! Anyone who would have approached him would have agreed at how angelic his aura felt just by putting his books away in his locker.

One full week of not speaking with him and now, when my anger finally seized for me to realize I missed him. A great deal, too.

"Stephen!" I yelled before I could chicken out.

Every student in the hallway turned to me - alarmed - including Stephen. The perfect reaction I wanted. I marched proudly to him, feelings judgementive eyes following the clicking of my edgy pumps

I walked up to him, trying hard not to let my nerves and self-consciousness surface

"We need to talk. Now." I demanded making an extra effort to sound extremely authoritative like Ruth when she was angry

Before he could open his mouth and make any pity excuse, I dragged him away by the collar of his smexy shirt. Shut up, the same reaction would probably come from anybody who set eyes on that shirt and want to rip it off with their teeth...

I let go of him when we entered the deserted parking lot but crossing my arms, continuing the pissed off Levi attitude that was not getting weak kneed with every step taken

"Look, Levi," Stephen began

"No, Stephen, you look," Bold Levi snapped, "Why don't you open your eyes and try to look clearly at the things you have done this past week. More like, haven't. Maybe then you will see the friend you hurt who doesn't feel like she is being treated much like one at all!"

"Le-" he started again

"Do you know what it feels like to be ignored by people you care about?" I cried anguishly

I blinked, suddenly remembering being ignored by someone I loved. And it wasn't Stephen

"I do," Stephen said plainly, waking me from my sudden flashback.

The atmosphere suddenly grew heavy and humid

"W-What do you mean?" I spoke gently, any trace of anger gone and curiosity and regret in place.

"Will you listen?" he asked. His intense light brown eyes made me shiver in my heels.

"If you give me the chance," I chirped unsure, biting at my bottom lip

Silence fell over us again as Stephen thought, clearly hesitating. He sighed loudly, closing his eyes as he lifted his scalp of shining curls in the clear spring sky, letting the wind run it's fingers threw it. When he finally looked back down, he avoided my eyes as he spoke,"You know the thing with Miles and my sister? Well, that night she came up to me and told me she made up her mind."

I was about to ask about what but he read my mind

"She didn't even give me a chance to explain my conclusion, saying she was tired of me calling Miles a pedophile and that even our parents accepted him, so why couldn't I. She was done giving me chances and said if I couldn't accept Miles, she won't accept me as a brother. For the rest of the week, she stopped talking to me. She wouldn't even look at me. She has been barely home and when she is, she's on the phone or in her room, blocking me out of her life," hurt and pain took over his face. It killed me to see him this way

All at once, regret and guilt overloaded, slumping my shoulders. Blinded by my own problems, I couldn't even tell he was being bothered, let alone about what. That's why, he was out that morning. Not just for a run but for his problems about his little sister.

I touched his arm comfortingly, "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you ignore me? I felt blocked out of your life, too."

"After hearing your story, I did not want to burden you," he shrugged

"You burdened me even more by doing that. Please, Stephen, know I'll always be here, to listen and share that burden okay? So don't go through pain by yourself," I instructed.

Cheesy yes, but he nodded anyways, giving me a big smile, "Yes ma'am,"

We shared another 'friendly' hug. The last thing I wanted to do was pull away from his warm radiance; it was nice to be back on friendly terms with my Stephen.

Though we seemed to be good and even closer friends now, Stephen still looked troubled.

I sighed, knowing exactly what to do to fix this, even though I would seem rude to barge into family business.

I looked up at Stephen once again, determined to help him no matter what, "Let's go talk to her. Together,"

Fortunately, he nodded with no sign of hesitation

"If your with me, I think we can,"Stephen said as offered his hand.

I took it and we walked to his BMW.

.

"Mr. Tense much," I teased, poking his muscular arm.

We were standing on the front porch of his enormous house only 15 minutes later. The key was only half-way in and his hands were already shaking.

He smiled, loosening and put the key in, opening the large doors of a house almost as big as Alex's which - damn myself for comparing - was a pretty grand mansion at that. Once we were in I knew this was definitely not a home like Alex's; it gave off one of the most homiest feelings. Lights were dim and it smelled of Glade candles and something nice baking in the oven

"Welcome," Stephen said as he tossed the key in the glass bowl on a table by the door. I followed him to the last room of the long hall, the kitchen. I caught a nice glimpse of the living room that had a grand piano in it, the endless staircase and a couple chandeliers.

"Would you like anything to drink?" he offered as he casually opened the stainless steel fridge.

I shook my head and leaned forward against the island separating Stephen and I

"Um, where's your family?" I asked trying to hide my uncomfortableness. It was my first time at Stephen's home after all and him being part of such a fortunate family didn't make it any better

"My dad doesn't get off work till eight, my mom is probably out getting last minute groceries as usual and Abigail should be upstairs," he said while opening a Coke can and closing the fridge door with his foot.

I studied Stephen.It didn't take an expert to know he was nervous by all the fidgeting and sweat beads lining his forehead

"Just tell her your feelings," I advised, "Just be honest and let me handle the rest, kay?"

He nodded. Though he didn't look completely relaxed, he looked convinced

"So when does your sister come down?" I asked

"When she's hungry," he said, handing me a coke. I happily took it.

"That helps," I laughed

"Patience is the key, young grasshopper," Stephen mocked

I laughed.

"For the time being, we will just have to wait. How about some T.V?" he asked

"Sure," I said

Then, he picked up a nearby remote and pressed a button. Two pieces of the wall popped open to reveal a cozy room which contained a big flat screen TV, a couch, some paintings, bookshelf and a pool table.

I looked at him quizzically and in return got a shrug.

"This way, we know when she comes down. C'mon," he urged me over as he stepped into the dim-lite room and onto the leather couch. I gingerly plopped down beside him, feeling even more awkward in the secret contraption. I am pretty sure Alex's home does not have random room popping from the wall

We cuddled under a blanket we found, our legs also propped under. He flipped threw some channels and stopped at a movie.

I recognized it almost immediately since I was a die-hard chick flick fan. Of course horror was a must but a girl needs her chick flicks!

"Fired-Up!" I squealed

Stephen laughed but that wasn't the last. The more into the movie, the more laughs we shared.

"Hey, Levi?" Stephen asked the TV

"Hmm?"

"Thanks. I'm really happy someone cares for me to enough to help me out," he said suddenly.

I looked up to face him. Other guys would never say something so sappy but that's just one of those magnificent sides of Stephen

"What are friends for?" I said humbly, quickly turning back to the screen before my flushed cheeks got even more pink

Just then, we heard foot steps coming down the stairs leading to the kitchen.

Stephen and I exchanged nods and he tip-toed silently to the kitchen, determined. I pressed the MUTE button and followed closely behind.

I bumped into him as he suddenly halted at the corner. It was like nervous was written all over his back and all determined had faded along with his slumped shoulders. I whispered in his ear, "Fired Up!"

He flashed me a smile and stepped onto the cold tiled kitchen floor.

"Abigail?" Stephen's voice was soft

A girl in sweatpants and a tight T-shirt who was poking threw the cupboards, jumped in surprise. She turned to us. I swear, she was a spitting image of Stephen. Only, in girl form.

Abigail had waist length curly dark brown hair. She had haunting hazel eyes outlined with a very thick layer of black eyeliner. Her nose was tall and her face thin. Abigail was very tall and skinny; definitely not a fifteen year old looking girl.

I could see why Miles is so attracted to her.

When she saw us, or Stephen, she rolled her eyes and turned away, taking out a plate of veggies and dip from the fridge.

"Look, Abigail-" Stephen said, moving closer.

Quick as a flash, I stood in front of him and gave him a 'open-your-mouth-and-die' look and turned back to his sister.

"Hi! I'm Levi, your brother's friend. Abigail right? Nice to meet you," I said in my friendliest tone and stuck out an even friendlier hand

After giving me a once look over, she looked away.

Arrogant brat was expected.

I blew it off, my smile never wearing, "Wow, you look a lot like your brother,"

"Are you his girlfriend?" she asked rudely

Rude was also expected

"Like I said, friends," I replied with the same happy smile. I wondered if she knew the ticking bomb called Bitch, stored in me

"So why are you here? Probably some desperate slut who just wants to get laid," she snickered and ate it in the skankiest way possible.

A huge hypocritical whore even more expected

Unconsciously, my smile twitched as the bomb struck its last tick.

"Sorry, Abigail, to intrude in your amazing life. I just needed to come down here to help a friend, of course, if you don't mind," I gave her an amazingly fake, almost serial killer like smile. And then, I took a step closer to her, my face twisting into a mad grin and my tone forever haunting. Meet Bitchy Levi, "Of course, I could care less what your doing with your life hitting it off with old men but just take a little ounce out of that bratty attitude of yours and listen to your worry sick brother. He's probably the only decent guy who would care about you if you keep being so arrogant and bitchy."

I guess my sudden outburst did something because Abigail just stood there, wide mouth and even wider eyes.

"Oh, and Abigail? Your brother was going to tell you he was going to try to accept your man whore boy friend but too bad you missed it. You're lucky he gives second chances,"

Maybe the bomb turned out a little bigger than I thought. Nonetheless, my job was done. I clicked my heel and turned around to face Stephen, my happy-go-lucky, refreshing girl attitude back

"Good luck," I smiled patting his shoulder on my way exiting the kitchen

I returned to the room, seating myself uncomfortably on the couch as I hoped everything would work out for Stephen.

Flipping threw the channels because Fired Up! was over, I lazily decided on South Park. I turned the MUTE button off, trying my best to not eavesdrop on their conversation. Thankfully, not even fifteen minutes in the show, Stephen came back in, wearing the jolliest grin

"So?" I asked even though using female intuition, I knew everything had gone perfectly, wonderfully well

He shrugged sheepishly. Yep, definitely went amazing.

"Come in," he cooed to someone behind him and out peeked Abigail. This was unexpected

She shyly waved and I smiled despite how confused I was

"Levi, right?" she squeaked. How long was it... 5-10 minutes? And suddenly the bitchiness was replaced by a shy, meek little fourteen year old. Maybe Stephen was right; she was an angel

I nodded.

"I... I'm sorry!" she chirped, her grip on her brother's arm tighter than her shut eyelids.

I laughed, realizing where this was going, "No worries, Abigail. If your brother is happy, so am I."

I tried not to sneak a peek at Stephen's reaction and watched as Abigail's shy face broke out into a large and stunningly cute smile,"Really?"

I couldn't kill the thought that she looked like a cute puppy. My arms were flung around her while I mumbled uncontrollably blissfully, "Puppy!"

"Yes?" she replied casually, almost happily to my sudden outburst of randomness. I then knew she was a weird slightly bipolar Levi in a puppy-like fifteen year old body; bitchy one moment, happy the next then plain weird two seconds later. And oh, yes, she loved Stephen, too. She even let me rub her soft, fluffy hair and I swear, she grew matching ears and tail

"Um..." Stephen's booming voice broke our bonding moment, "sorry to interrupt but it's almost 5:30 and..."

"Can she stay for dinner?" Abigail's large hazel eyes pleaded, making her look even more puppy-like.

My heart melted and I was about to answer but ,"What time did you say it was?" I cried frantically

"5:30," Stephen repeated, "Why?"

"Oh shit!" I cried breaking free from Abigail

"Levi?" Stephen asked concerned

"Meeting. Ruth. Late!" I was unable to form proper sentences as I fished my phone out my bag and send Ruth a fast text.

"Phone. Exchange. Us!" Abigail copied squealing

Despite the up and coming lecture from Ruth later, I laughed and agreed. After we said our goodbyes,promising to chill next time, we sprinted back to Stephen's BMW

"Ruth's right?" Stephen asked as he slowly ignited the engine.

"No! Alex's! DRIVE!" I yelled and thankfully, Stephen got the very loud message and we sped out his neighborhood.

"So, where is it?" he asked as he slowed down at a yellow light.

I wanted him to accelerate but I held it in. Stephen obviously has no idea how scary Ruth can be when you're late. So very, very mother-like scary.

"My neighborhood. I'll show you the way," I offered as nicely as possible

After a moment of silence, Stephen said awkwardly, "Um, I know I said this before but thanks. Really. I'm so thankful for you words can not express,"

I loved how he didn't say it with embarrassment, like other guys would have.

Laughing at his cheesiness, I turned up the stereo as Drake came on.

"Baby, you the fucking best, you the fucking best," we sang, no, yelled over the blasting radio. It was an old song but I still loved it; so did Stephen

As we neared Alex's mansion, I turned it down.

"Stephen, you are the fucking best," I blurted. Woah, where did that come from?

This time, it was his time to laugh, his light brown eyes glistening merrily. He reminded me of Santa

"Your sister's really cool," I changed the topic quickly, my cheeks burning

"She liked you a lot, too," Mr. Stephen Sister Complex shuffled uncomfortably in his seat and said horridly, "Almost more than me."

"Thanks for the ride, Jealous Boy," I pecked him on the cheek just as the car halted to a stop on Alex's driveway

"Just what I wanted, pet names," Stephen groaned, rolling his eyes, his voice dripping in sarcasm

Laughing, I opened the door as a cold breeze strolled in, sending goosebumps down my bare legs.

Before I stepped out, I remembered something. I turned around back to him, "Oh yeah. Do you know I still have your sweater?"

"Of course I knew," Stephen face told me he didn't

I laughed and hopped out without another word, finally letting the blood rush to my cheeks, creating the darkest shade of red. As I walked up Alex's front porch steps, I touched my lips thinking, I kissed his cheek,

"Levi?"

I quickly turned back around to Stephen from Alex's tall front porch, "Yeah?" I yelled back, leaning against the railing so I could see him better. He had his windows rolled down and his head popped out

"You can keep the sweater for as long as you like," I heard him yell then the car screeched and the engine was heard only as far as down the road.

"No bye?" I said to the empty street with a smile on my face
Another chilly breeze blew but happiness lingered in the air along with Stephen's light cologne

I smiled contently to myself, thinking

That boy is too special for words