Nobody Wins

I stared at the man who had recently turned my life upside down and the anger inside me boiled red hot. “Fuck you,” I spat and slammed the door in his face.

It was all I could do to keep from lashing out or killing him. I turned around and looked at carlie and she knew immediately.

She turned to Perry, “Come on, I need you to help me with something,” I heard the door slam and then yelling. I didn’t want to hear anymore so I walked to T.J room. I threw myself on the bed hoping it would all just go away and maybe I would wake up from a dream or something.

I felt T.J’s arm wrap around my waist as he lay down next to me. “Baby, it’s ok. Just calm down, I’m here.”

I turned to face him, “Are you sure you want me? I come with a lot of baggage,” I laughed out dryly.

His hand reached out and touched my cheek as he smiled, “Of course I want you.”

I rolled and looked him dead in the eyes, “You really don’t even know me. Everything not as simple as it seems, it’s just so much more-,” T.J stopped me by putting his finger over my lips.

“Sam, I don’t care. Whatever it is, you can tell me in your own time. I don’t expect you to force it out because your dick of an exboyfriend came around, I can wait.”

He kissed my forehead and I laid my head on his chest, falling asleep to his heartbeat.
**********

I woke up the next morning and rolled over to a sleeping T.J. Sliding out of the bed, careful not to wake him up I tiptoed to the kitchen to find some breakfast. It was dark in the kitchen, while I fumbled with the coffee maker.

“Are you ok?” Carlie’s voice startled me from behind.

“Dear Jesus Carlie,” I jumped and turned around to face her.

“Sorry,” She laughed out, “Didn’t mean to scare you. I heard you out here and I came to check on you.”

I sighed, “Yea, I’m fine. It’s just, everytime things start to finally get good it’s like poof, something has to go wrong. I’m sick and tired of it; I just want to be happy.”

She walked to the cupboard and was about to grab a coffee mug when she turned, “You know; now you know how I felt when you just left me to go to Colorado with Scott. You just waltzed off to some other life and left me to pick up all the pieces by myself.”

I stared at her, where was all this coming from. “That was different and you know it. You left me first and trust me Carlie I tried to find you.”

“You didn’t do shit, I had to find my own way and pick up the pieces just like I am now,” She spat.

I just looked at her, “Did you ever stop to think that maybe no one was ever asking you to pick up the pieces. I’m not asking you to fix me carlie, I’m asking you to be a fucking friend and just be there. I know you like to come in and play superwomen but not this time, I just want you to fucking be here. Nothing else, is that so much to ask?” I whispered back.

I started shaking, I couldn’t handle anymore fighting. I had enough fighting to last a life time. The one person I wanted to be here was fighting with me. I could feel everything crashing again and I had no idea what to do.