Sequel: Attero Vicis ›
The Wasted Days.
Something So Terrible.
I’d been sitting there for hours, just staring at the door. I was waiting for my parents to come in, they must be having a horrible time. Either that or the hospital food made them sick.
That would have been ironic.
I looked down, twiddling my thumbs, trying to avoid looking at the tube coming from my wrist. I shuddered just thinking about the needle that must have been.
Finally, my door burst open and my head flew up to look into the frantic, blue eyes of Jared. And then slowly my gaze shifted to the fidgeting Alexa behind him. She waved over his shoulder before shrinking back a little ways. I didn’t blame her, she’d never really liked hospitals all that much.
“What happened?! Are you okay?!” He asked, still standing in the doorway, pulling Lexa to stand beside him. His knuckles were almost white around her hand and I flinched back, imagining what that must feel like.
“I’m fine,” I lied.
Jared let out a breath before letting go of Lexa and whispering ‘sorry’. I looked away, suddenly feeling awkward amidst their intimacy.
I cleared my throat, not to break them apart, but to make sure I had a voice. “You don’t have to stay, you know.” I half-smiled at Lexa, who shook her head and sat down in one of the other uncomfortable looking blue tinted chairs. “If you’re sure,” I whispered. I didn’t want her to stay if she didn’t want to. I knew how uncomfortable she must be here, and not just because of the chair.
“I’m sure.” She sounded hoarse, probably from all the screaming at the game. Go Panthers! I thought sarcastically.
“What happened?” Jared asked, shutting the door behind him.
“I’m sick,” I smiled. “You were wrong. I am sick.” I said proudly; jokingly.
“Seriously Salem. What. Happened?” He wasn’t asking anymore. He was demanding answers.
“I have leukemia.” I sounded strong and my voice didn’t quiver, but inside I was breaking. I was crumbling apart. I prayed that I could keep up this façade until the end, but something told me it wouldn’t last that long.
The silence burned my ears. You could only faintly hear the people in the hallway behind the thick wooden door. I couldn’t bare to look up at him, or over to Lexa. I could only stare into my hands, dreading the words I knew would come next. The words I almost didn’t want to hear next.
I needed to hear him say that he couldn’t handle it. That he would just have to leave, that he wouldn’t come back.
It would make it so much easier to tell him what I planned on doing then.
“You’re serious?” His voice was barely a whisper. I could hear him crumbling through it and that was enough to make the tears start coming.
“As a heart attack.” I laughed, trying to cover up the wetness on my cheeks.
“Not funny,” He deadpanned. He sat next to Lexa, then, and wrapped an arm tightly around her shoulders. I felt that he wasn’t doing it for her though. He was doing it for himself. He was doing it to hold himself together. He would hold onto her to keep himself from breaking apart.
For once, I didn’t wish it was me he held onto.
Alexa looked lost. Her overly done up eyes had been running already from the game, but now she looked almost like a raccoon, and her pink lips were formed into a thoughtful pout. She glanced up at me, but then quickly averted her eyes, instead staring at Jared’s jersey. She was crying now, and the silence was never interrupted.
I closed my eyes tightly and shifted my body so they couldn’t really see my face. I leaned backwards against the pillows, waiting for them to leave. I wanted them to walk out that door, and then never walk back into my life.
Or what’s left of it, at least.
“I’m sorry.” She finally burst. “I’m so sorry.” I looked up to see her staring at Jared. “I just… I just can’t do it!” She was whispering now, but in this room it felt like she was screaming. I shrunk back into the pillows, wanting to disappear. I had to keep reminding myself that this was what I’d initially wanted. That this was for the best.
I nodded while Jared looked at her accusingly. “What?” he asked, sounding disgusted.
That’s when I realized that he wasn’t leaving.
That’s when I couldn’t decide whether I should be happy or angry.
That’s when my heart broke in two.
That would have been ironic.
I looked down, twiddling my thumbs, trying to avoid looking at the tube coming from my wrist. I shuddered just thinking about the needle that must have been.
Finally, my door burst open and my head flew up to look into the frantic, blue eyes of Jared. And then slowly my gaze shifted to the fidgeting Alexa behind him. She waved over his shoulder before shrinking back a little ways. I didn’t blame her, she’d never really liked hospitals all that much.
“What happened?! Are you okay?!” He asked, still standing in the doorway, pulling Lexa to stand beside him. His knuckles were almost white around her hand and I flinched back, imagining what that must feel like.
“I’m fine,” I lied.
Jared let out a breath before letting go of Lexa and whispering ‘sorry’. I looked away, suddenly feeling awkward amidst their intimacy.
I cleared my throat, not to break them apart, but to make sure I had a voice. “You don’t have to stay, you know.” I half-smiled at Lexa, who shook her head and sat down in one of the other uncomfortable looking blue tinted chairs. “If you’re sure,” I whispered. I didn’t want her to stay if she didn’t want to. I knew how uncomfortable she must be here, and not just because of the chair.
“I’m sure.” She sounded hoarse, probably from all the screaming at the game. Go Panthers! I thought sarcastically.
“What happened?” Jared asked, shutting the door behind him.
“I’m sick,” I smiled. “You were wrong. I am sick.” I said proudly; jokingly.
“Seriously Salem. What. Happened?” He wasn’t asking anymore. He was demanding answers.
“I have leukemia.” I sounded strong and my voice didn’t quiver, but inside I was breaking. I was crumbling apart. I prayed that I could keep up this façade until the end, but something told me it wouldn’t last that long.
The silence burned my ears. You could only faintly hear the people in the hallway behind the thick wooden door. I couldn’t bare to look up at him, or over to Lexa. I could only stare into my hands, dreading the words I knew would come next. The words I almost didn’t want to hear next.
I needed to hear him say that he couldn’t handle it. That he would just have to leave, that he wouldn’t come back.
It would make it so much easier to tell him what I planned on doing then.
“You’re serious?” His voice was barely a whisper. I could hear him crumbling through it and that was enough to make the tears start coming.
“As a heart attack.” I laughed, trying to cover up the wetness on my cheeks.
“Not funny,” He deadpanned. He sat next to Lexa, then, and wrapped an arm tightly around her shoulders. I felt that he wasn’t doing it for her though. He was doing it for himself. He was doing it to hold himself together. He would hold onto her to keep himself from breaking apart.
For once, I didn’t wish it was me he held onto.
Alexa looked lost. Her overly done up eyes had been running already from the game, but now she looked almost like a raccoon, and her pink lips were formed into a thoughtful pout. She glanced up at me, but then quickly averted her eyes, instead staring at Jared’s jersey. She was crying now, and the silence was never interrupted.
I closed my eyes tightly and shifted my body so they couldn’t really see my face. I leaned backwards against the pillows, waiting for them to leave. I wanted them to walk out that door, and then never walk back into my life.
Or what’s left of it, at least.
“I’m sorry.” She finally burst. “I’m so sorry.” I looked up to see her staring at Jared. “I just… I just can’t do it!” She was whispering now, but in this room it felt like she was screaming. I shrunk back into the pillows, wanting to disappear. I had to keep reminding myself that this was what I’d initially wanted. That this was for the best.
I nodded while Jared looked at her accusingly. “What?” he asked, sounding disgusted.
That’s when I realized that he wasn’t leaving.
That’s when I couldn’t decide whether I should be happy or angry.
That’s when my heart broke in two.