The Wasted Days.

He shook his head before reaching the back of his hand up to rub the bottom of my nose while I sat, unmoving, and just watching awkwardly. When he pulled his hand away there was a mass of red. “Shit.” I mumbled this time.

“I’d say.” Jared laughed uneasily. “Are you feeling okay?” His voice was full of concern. It made me sick.

I shook my head, trying to ignore the queasy feeling in my stomach. I pulled my knees to my chest and laid my head on my knees, turned to face Jared. “Ow.” I whispered as my body began to ache more and more and I just wanted to sleep.

Where was this coming from?

Jared laughed. “Ow?” He asked, rubbing my back gently, making me sigh. “Seriously?” I could only nod awkwardly against my knees. “Do you need to-“ He was trying to ask something, but I didn’t let him finish as suddenly the world began spinning and I was jumping up and running for the nearest bathroom. “Salem!” He yelled, running after me.

I tried to shrug off the slight vertigo as I collapsed near the toilet where I emptied my insides. “Go away.” I was crying now. Why was I crying? I felt big, warm hands holding me gently as everything kept spinning and bile rose in my throat.

I heard him whispering something but I couldn’t make out the words as he held my hair back at the nape of my neck and rubbed soothing circles into my shoulder blade. “Shit.” I heard that one. “Shit, Salem.” I opened my eyes to look up at him. His face was wet.

Was he crying too?

A dark green washrag seemingly appeared out of nowhere and I watched him hollowly while he brought it up to my face, rubbing gently. I could see his mouth moving, I could see him talking, but I couldn’t hear any of the words. I was numb, but everything hurt.

Thinking sent sharp pains through my skull, so I just didn’t think as Jared pulled me into him. I could hear a low murmur. He was talking to me. My heart rate and my breathing slowed as the low rumble of his voice and the soft vibrations it sent across his chest lulled me into a lethargic state.

My back pressed into his chest even though I was slightly sideways. My head bobbed backwards and rested limply on his shoulder. I could feel his heart pounding into my back. It was beating so fast, so scared.

I could feel my body shake with a slight sob and it made everything else hurt so much more for just those few seconds. “Shhh, you’re gonna be okay. It’s gonna be okay.” I could hear his fear and his tears and everything, it was all right there in his voice. So open.

Why should he hurt like this? Why am I doing this to him?

“I’m sorry.” I whispered, my mouth near his ear as I tried to pull myself forward again. It was no use as he pulled me back against himself. “You shouldn’t be here.” I whispered again. I could hear my words slurring together.

“Shh…” His breathing shifted my hair a little as he started shaking beneath me. Crying harder and harder and it was all my fault.

“I’m so sorry.” I shook with the force of my own sobs. How could I do this to him?

“It’s not your fault.” He whispered.

“Yes, it is.” I barely got it out before feeling myself go limp and Jared struggling to get up with me in his arms.

~~~

Have you ever slept so long that it left you tired?

I felt as if I was only waking up too many times.

Maybe…

I felt arms tighten a little around my waist. I didn’t try to move, I just tried to savor the warmth. “Are you awake?” The groggy voice asked from behind my head.

I nodded a little. “Yeah.”

“You wanna go downstairs?” He asked before yawning.

“You should go.” I muttered as I stood up and stretched my arms over my head. Things started spinning and I felt his hands around my waist, holding me upright. “Sorry.” I whispered. I must be such a pain. Why does he stick around?

“Why do you keep trying to get rid of me?” He asked, shaking his head at me as if I was one of the crazy people in an insane asylum. Or an elderly person in a nursing home. One that couldn’t remember what name went with what face. He looked at me like I was lost.

“Because I feel that would be better for you.” I said quietly pulling away from his gentle grip and walked towards my door.

I heard his loud sigh and could see the movement of him shaking his head sadly in my mirror. “How am I going to get you to understand?” He sounded exasperated. He caught my eyes in the mirror and I got lost in his serious blue eyes for just a second. “I’m not leaving you.” The seriousness in those words made me go weak in the knees.

I almost smiled.