The Wasted Days.

When we got back to my house I caught Jared hiding something, something I must have missed in the cart. Some sort of surprise.

Part of me wanted to pester him and find out, because surprises had never really been my thing. The other part of me decided that I should be fair and let him give me this last surprise.

Hell, maybe it wasn’t even supposed to be a surprise for me.

“What are we going to do for the rest of the day?” I asked him, unlocking the door and letting him in first with all of the bags before shutting and locking the door behind him.

“What do you want to do?” He looked over his shoulder at me, setting bags on the table and on the floor.

I rubbed the back of my neck, thinking. “Shower. I need a shower.” I decided, nodded to myself, and then started for the stairs.

“Uh, okay then, I’ll just stay down here, and, you know.” He yelled awkwardly after me.

I ignored him, feeling the best I have since I found out I had this cancer. I slid into my room “She could spit in the eyes of fools!” I screamed trying to sing the first song that came to mind as I grabbed a pile of clothes and let my socked feet slide me into the cold bathroom.

“Are you okay up there?” Jared yelled up the stairs, laughing.

“Peachy!” I yelled back, then started trying to sing again. Singing was something that, sadly, I was never really good at. “Sailors fighting in the dance hall! Oh man! Look at those cavemen go!” I turned on the water and made sure it was warm before flipping on the shower head. “It’s the freakiest show!” I screamed before undressing, ignoring all of the bruising that covered my body, and jumped under the stream of warm water.

I imagined the music in my head as I washed up and rinsed out my hair.

I almost didn’t notice how tired I was getting and how the water seemed to pound harder and harder into my skin, but I did. And it scared me.

I quickly dried off and got dressed, ignoring the big purple bruises that covered my body. I walked into my room and collapsed onto my bed, closing my eyes and just feeling. There was a dull ache pounding throughout my entire body and a hard headache was forming.

“I think you’re insane, Sayers.” Jared laughed coming out of some room down the hall. I hadn’t been paying enough attention to know exactly where he was. My head hurt too much to care. “You okay?” All humor was instantly flushed from his voice and replaced with worry.

I yawned. “I’m just tired.” I muttered as the headache really flared to life. I closed my eyes tightly and draped an arm over my forehead, the cool skin bringing me just a little relief.

I felt him sit next to me. “Your nose is bleeding again.” He muttered, wiping gently at my face, making me giggle.

“Thanks, Jare.” I smiled, slowly dragging my arm down my face until it rested across my chest.

“For what?” He sounded confused and I opened my eyes to look up at him.

“For everything.” I whispered and his fingers wrapped themselves gently around my cold ones, warming me up the tiniest bit.

“Salem, I l-“ He started to say something but his loud ringtone cut him off. He dropped his head and sighed before he picked up his phone, “Hello?” I sat up, completely entranced by this one-sided conversation. “What are you talking about?” His face was screwed up in confusion. “I-hang on.” He muttered, glancing at me. “I’ll be right back.” He whispered while covering his cell phone’s receiver. My eyes followed him as he left my room, shutting the door behind himself, and walked down the hall.

I could hear him pacing but was too hurt to care.

Everything ached and somewhere in the back of my mind I recognized this feeling. There was more evil attached to it. Or at least that’s what it felt like. I closed my eyes and fell backwards, bouncing slightly as my back made contact with the bed. I moaned and grabbed my head, curling myself into a small ball.

It just kept getting worse.

The pounding pounded harder and the ache intensified. I grumbled and groaned to myself, hugging my stomach with one arm and holding my head with the other. I’ve felt this before.

I heard the door open and a worried voice fluttered worried words to my ear. Warm arms wrapped around me, more flutters through my hair. Flutters in my stomach.

Burning in my stomach.

I’ve felt this before.

“Salem. Salem.” Over and over and over and over. “Salem, please.” The fluttering was quiet and I had to strain to listen. “Please, Salem. Please be okay. Salem. It’s alright. You’re gonna be fine. Salem.” I could feel nothing and everything all at once and it was too much. I couldn’t breathe and could feel my skin clamming up. Everything was blurred and I think I was crying. It was all too much.

Too much.

I was going to explode.

I’ve felt this before.

I tore away from the fluttering his arms and his voice left. I fell into the bathroom and tumbled towards my destination. The linoleum was hard and cold against my knees, even through my jeans, and the porcelain beneath my bare arms sent shivers up my spine.

That made me remember where I was and why.

Jared was close behind me and it would only be a second before I felt his fingers pressing smooth designs gently into my back. I knew this because I’ve felt this before.

It was going to happen again and again until I just gave up. I could feel it.

There he was. Right behind me. Comforting me.

I wanted to cry, because I knew how this would end. I wanted to cry, because he loved me and I loved him and it was just so heartbreakingly cruel. I wanted to cry, because I knew it would never end happy. I wanted to cry, because I knew how much he cared.

And I’m still asking myself, ‘Why?’