The Wasted Days.

I watched the small hands on the clock click along as the seconds turned into minutes and then hours. I didn’t want to move from where I was, curled up in my bed, but I could tell that the movie that I was supposed to be watching would be over soon and that Jared would soon be coming back.

He’d left in a hurry this morning, mumbling something about having to talk to someone.

I hoped that it would be Alexa.

Whenever I talked about her he would freeze up and glare at his feet, leaving me to wonder whether he was mad at her yet or himself for doing what he did to her. Maybe he was even upset with me for bringing her up. 

That I didn’t doubt.

Music started pounding through my aching head and I could hear the door downstairs opening up and then slamming shut. I sighed, glancing up at the credits, before heaving myself to my feet and meeting him at the stairs.

“You should sleep.” He murmured, concern radiating from his every pore.

“I don’t want to sleep anymore.” I whined and I knew I was being irrational and childish. “It’s not going to change anything.” I muttered.

He glared at me for a second before letting his gaze soften as, I guessed, he realized I was right. “You never know.” He whispered, taking my hand into his and pulling me down the stairs after him, dodging the gigantic Riley. “By the way, I was meaning to ask this...” He trailed off, fidgeting softly. “I mean, when the doctor... when he told you about the, uh, the...”

“Cancer.” His head snapped up to face me and I motioned for him to carry on.

“Yeah, that.” He sighed, running his free hand through his soft hair. “Did he say how long?”

I narrowed my eyes in confusion. “How long what?”

He sighed and looked up at me before trying again with a pained glow in his bright blue eyes. “How long until... you know...” He made a few obscure hand motion before I understood what he meant.

“You mean, until I die?” I asked. I cringed at how harsh that sounded. “Sorry.” I whispered, looking up at him and taking in the pained look on his face. I closed my eyes and let out a big breath.

Why did I have to do that?

“Yeah, that.” His words were choppy, as if he were holding his breath.

“Uh, he said about a week.” I muttered, reaching to rub the back of my neck. “But it’s been... what?”

“About a week.” His voice was strained and I couldn’t look up into his face, knowing what I’d see.

I’d see the man that I was in love with completely broken. Devastated.

And the worst part was that I knew it was all my fault. “I’m sorry.”

“But, hey, that’s almost good news.” He said quietly, pulling me down to sit next to him on the couch.

“Oh, yeah?” I asked, leaning into him as he flicked on the TV. “How?”

“It means that you’re doing better than they thought you would.” He smiled slightly at me with watery eyes. I had to look away, back at the TV, and I tried to think of anything else to talk about.

“We do this too often.” I decided, staring a hole through the show he’d flicked it to. I had a feeling it was some cartoon, though.

“What?” He asked, looking back at me.

“Just sit here and do nothing.” I mumbled, adjusting the way my head was laying until my neck was bent slightly around his shoulder.

“What’s so bad about that?” He asked before smiling mischievously down at me. Suddenly I was on my side laying on top of Jared. He laughed slightly. “Plus, we aren’t sitting anymore.”

“Creep.” I muttered, but rolled slightly anyway so that my back was against his chest. His arms snaked their way around my waist and I could feel him breathing into my hair. I knew his eyes were trained on the stupid show he’d been watching so I knew that he wouldn’t notice the blush spreading across my cheeks.

He did this so often, just randomly hugged me to himself, but I doubted I would ever get used to the feeling. I doubted the butterflies would ever leave.

I felt him sigh from behind me and I smiled.

There was no excuse.