The Wasted Days.

The road spread out in front of him, growing ever more narrow as he started following dark backroads. He glanced into the rearview mirror for a second, an explosion of almost translucent color meeting his eyes. His car was full of balloons.

Hundreds.

A blue one caught his eye. He smiled at the word scribbled across it.

‘Beautiful.’

He quickly pulled the car into the cold-looking open field. It felt like home to him, it always would.

Warmth flooded through out his body as he took small step after small step into the field. It was winter, but Jared’s mind was stuck on the summer day Salem had brought him here two years ago. The tall grass had swayed that day, as they shot out of the earth golden. There had been big, puffy clouds then, unlike today where they sky was an open and unfeeling blue. He remembered pointing out the objects in the clouds, as if they were innocent and young again. They’d laughed and joked and neither of them had known the wreckage that was waiting for them.

He remembered that day because it was the day he realized his mistake. Somehow, he always knew that Lexa wasn’t the one he wanted.

He loved Salem.

His breath came out in short bursts, clouding in front of his face, as he took another painful step into the once grassy haven. Tears started to silently pour from his eyes, creating small streams down the curves of his face.

He tilted his head back, thinking that it would somehow relieve him of this overwhelming pain that consumed him. It had been weeks since he really left the house, the funeral had almost been too much. The fresh air welcomed itself into his lungs as he tried to take deep breaths.

“What have I become, Salem?” he laughed quietly to himself, glancing around almost as if he was afraid someone would hear. It was foolish, but he almost felt like she was standing there beside him, fingers almost grazing his as she swung her arms carelessly. She wasn’t there, though.

She wouldn’t ever be there.

Jared tried to swallow the lump in his throat as he backtracked, turning quickly into his car. He gave the reflection of himself a sad smile as he let the plethora of color out into the crisp, blue sky. As they fluttered past he recognized some of the words on them.

The meaning behind them all blocked his throat.

There was no speaking.

There was no breathing for him.

Some were simple words, some were the little motions he would never forget and some were the simple things that he would remember her by, but they were all important.

They were all meaningful.

Funny. Smart. Beautiful. Colorful. Broken. Creative. Selfless. Clumsy. Introverted. Gentle. The way she wrinkled her nose. The way her eyes would sparkle. Her small smile. Her dreamy stare. The way she would bite her lip when she tries not to smile. The way she danced. Her soft voice. Chocolate chip cookie dough. The color green. Antique cameras. Peanut butter. Riley. Creeper...

Jared collapsed, his knees making dents into the soft dirt. It would snow soon, he could feel it in his bones as the sky started to darken. He wouldn’t move, though, not until the last piece of Salem left him and faded on the horizon.

Slowly he shifted himself so that he was sitting with his back against the old, broken down car. It didn’t matter that when he got up his jeans would be soaked through and his heart would be entirely in pieces. The last bright balloon disappeared as he stood again, wiping his eyes quickly.

It wasn’t supposed to hurt like this.

As he went to close the back door, a bit of white against the ceiling caught his attention. He’d thought all the balloons had escaped, but he realized he was wrong as he climbed into the backseat of his car and plucked the white balloon out into the open.

His scrunched up scrawl read: ‘I love you.’ and Jared’s body began to shake as a series of uncontrollable sobs overtook him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he whispered over and over again, until he was able to uncurl his fingers from the plain white ribbon.

It lifted itself into the air as he walked quickly to the driver’s side door and let himself into the piece-of-shit car that he’d had for forever. He started it easily and drove back out of the field quickly, hardly glancing in the rearview mirror as a small white balloon floated into the atmosphere.