Don't Change The Way You Think Of Me

I groan, shifting my body into a more comfortable position on my bed, feeling sick as hell.

The week before, Brian had managed to get his hands on some amazing shit. He came to us at the beginning of lunch, claiming we had to try it immediately. So we sat outside of school, Jimmy, Zacky, Brian and I passing around a bong for most of the time until it ran out. And I'd be damned if I said it wasn't strong and it wasn't the most amazing feeling I had ever had in my life. Sadly, however, the low after the high was just as bad, which is where I am right now.

I pull the covers over my head, too lazy to shut the curtains to the window directly over my bed, the sunlight streaming through practically killing my eyes.

My mind drifts off somewhere, and I find myself thinking about what happened in the bathroom the day I first got high with the guys. I don't remember anything, going into the bathroom and seeing Johnny there. I don't recollect what I did next after I found him there. All I remember is sobering up a bit and finding my hand shoved down his pants, and an almost satisfied look on his face.

I'll never forget that look. It's there in the back of my mind every fucking day. I feel sick, and disgusting that I ever touched him. In the boy's bathroom at school of all places. It's the same feeling I first felt when the drug's effects were wearing off on me.

And the fact that I was the one causing him the pleasure... I hate myself for it.

Suddenly, I can faintly hear the front door being pounded on. I moan out unhappily. Fuck, who is that? I can't even get up...

"Matt Sanders! I swear to God, if you don't open this damn door right now, I'll fucking bust your ass in!"

I cover my face with my hands, recognizing Val's voice, praying that she actually doesn't get in the house. She seems really pissed. And I don't know about what, because I haven't done anything. I've stayed away from her, and that stupid cretin, Seward. Unless... he better not have fucking told her. I swear to God, I'll hurt him so fucking bad if he did.

Not long after, the pounding on the door stops, and I sigh in relief, thanking God she's gone.

"You fucking fucked my best friend, you asshole!"

I jump clear out of my bed, screaming.

My head starts to pound even harder, and I turn to squint at Val.

"How the fuck did you get in my house?" I croak.

"You told me where your parents hid the spare key, idiot." Val crosses her arms over her chest, the angriest look I've ever seen on her face.

"Val, I'm sick. What'd you want?"

"Oh, you're sick? Yeah in the head!" she murmurs angrily "Too fucking bad, you big baby. I'm going to fucking kick your ass to next week if you don't tell me what you did to Johnny the other week," She hisses.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about," I pull the covers over my head again, only to have Val rip them right off again.

"Don't you dare try and hide from me, Sanders," she spits venomously.

"Oh, don't worry princess, there's nothing that scary to hide from, trust me," I spit back.

"What'd you do to Johnny?" She repeats again.

"I didn't do fucking anything."

"Oh really? Like fucking him at his cousin's party? Or touching him at school? You never did any of those things. I think I believe Johnny more than you."

"What? I never even touched him at the party!"

"You're such a fucking liar!" Val screeches.

"And how the fuck do you know about the bathroom incident?"

"Because Johnny told me, you thick-headed, arrogant bastard! He never lies! Unlike you!"

Ouch, that hurts.

"Fuck off, Val! I can't believe I ever thought about wanting to get back with you! You're just like all the other girls!"

Val actually looks hurt and taken back by my rant, but comes back anyway. "That's fine," she says, her voice dipping dangerously low. "Because we all know you like Jonathan Seward better. Your actions prove it."

And she leaves me. Full of rage and with a pounding headache.

How fucking dare she accuse me of handling Johnny Seward at the party. I wouldn't go near that bitch with a ten inch pole at the time. And she fucking knew about the bathroom incident. Which means he did tell her.

I shove the covers off my body, getting up rather painfully.

I'm going to find him. And then I'm going to kill him.