You're My Addiction

She watched all five of them closely, doing what was essentially their job, their career, their dream. She had known these boys since they were little, but there was something so different about them when they were on stage performing. Although Ellie and her brother never shared the same exact taste in music, she couldn’t help but be amazed by their performance. They had an energy she had never seen anywhere else before, and she felt as if they were putting on a performance backed by their hearts and souls rather than just playing music. They captivated their screaming audience and Ellie was impressed to say the least. She smiled a few times as various items of clothing were thrown of the stage. She saw her brother catch a shoe and a hat, while Brian and Zacky found themselves dodging bras and underwear the whole time.

She remembered all those years ago when Brian said making music was what Matt wanted to do more than anything else. He would risk everything just to make his dream come true, and here he was doing exactly what he wanted in life. Ellie thought maybe she hadn’t given him enough credit when they were younger. She instantly noticed all of the hard work he poured into his music. Maybe she just never saw the times he was working back when their parents were threatening to kick him out of the house. Ellie was immensely proud of her brother though, and he entertained the crowd like a true rock star could. She knew even if he was playing for an audience of just five, he would still put his everything into it.

She had watched her brother at first, but the truth was that Ellie was not able to keep her eyes off of Brian the whole time. He was concentrating on his playing, but he was still giving the fans a performance at the same time. She remembered the little boy that showed her his first guitar all those years ago, and she couldn’t believe this man was the same exact person. When Brian had his guitar solo and the light shown only on him, Ellie couldn’t help but think he looked like some kind of god up on stage. She also couldn’t help that she was incredibly attracted to him the entire time. At times, she wished she was his guitar, and she laughed at the silliness of the thought. At least if she was a guitar, she never would have had a heart to break in the first place.

Her feelings of attraction made her ache inside as she wished she could be with him all over again. It hurt her beyond belief to know that he never had loved her that that he never would love her. Throughout the performance, he glanced over at her a few times and gave a small smile as they locked eyes. The look made her hurt so much that she just wanted to run on stage in the middle of everything just to touch him.

When their concert ended, Ellie had never felt so proud of anyone, even herself. They were incredibly talented, and they deserved all of the success they had received. She gave all of the boys giant hugs as they came off stage, leaving behind a crowd that was chanting for more. She didn’t care how sweaty they were. Brian came off of the stage last and stood in front of Ellie. Neither of them spoke for what seemed like minutes as they studied each other.

Neither of them could deny the fact that they were terribly attracted to each other still. It was in that moment that both of them realized it. Brian still wanted her just as much as he had four years ago, if not more. She was more beautiful than before as her features had gracefully matured in her time away. Ellie still wanted Brian in every way, just like she always had. She had become even more attracted to him after the concert, if that was even possible. Ellie had a bad feeling that something bad was going to happen that night after the look of longing he gave her. She was either going to end up making a mistake with him again, or she was going to be overwhelmed by her feelings for him that had been so strong and suppressed for so long. She wondered if it was really so terrible to make a mistake, as she wanted to more than anything else. The rational part of her conscience told her it was not in her personality to make foolish mistakes.

Ellie still said nothing, but she closed the distance between the both of them to give him a hug. It was different than the hugs she gave the other four guys, as she could feel her entire being radiating in it. It was the closest she had been to him in four years, and she unexpectedly felt everything coming back to the surface again. She struggled to push the emotions away from the surface for her sake and his, and she was thankfully successful.

“I told you if you tried hard enough you would make it,” she said as Brian encircled his arms around her as well. “And you did. You were really amazing out there tonight.”

She knew her actions and words were just digging her deeper and deeper into the hole she had been trying to climb out of for all these years.

“Thanks,” he replied. “I glad you finally got to watch us after all of these years.” Brian looked into her eyes, and for a second he saw the sadness that had been there since she came back to California clear away.

He looked so different under all of the makeup and clothes, but Ellie knew that under the rock star exterior was still the boy with big hopes and dreams that she had fallen in love with when she was sixteen. Brian almost reached up to tuck a loose strand of her hair behind her hair, but he was interrupted.

“Come on, let’s get back to the rooms!” Matt shouted over all of the noise as he began to make his way out of backstage. “It’s already eleven, and if we don’t hurry we’re never going to get out to celebrate tonight.”

Brian sighed and they separated from their embrace. “He’s right,” Brian said as they started to follow after everyone else. “I still have to take a shower and everything. I don’t think you could understand how gross I always feel after a concert. The lights on stage always make it about twenty degrees hotter than anywhere else in the room. You are coming out with us tonight, right?”

“Of course,” Ellie replied. They had planned to go out to a club that night to celebrate the ending of the tour and everything else in general. They were free for awhile before they had to get back to work again, so they were going to start off their break right. Because Ellie and Brian were so far behind everyone else, they rode up to the floor in their hotel in a separate elevator.

Ellie liked how everything had been so convenient so far. Avenged Sevenfold was staying, playing, and partying all in the same place, which was so easy because transportation was not needed at all. The elevator stopped on the sixth floor, and they both got out together. Their rooms were on separate sides of the floor so they stopped and looked at each other before moving any further.

Ellie studied him once again, and turned her head to the side inquisitively as she could tell he wanted to speak. He put a hand to the back of his neck, almost as if he was a little nervous, and he looked up at her at stared into her soul with those chocolate brown eyes. The look stirred her desire more than watching him on stage had.

“Am I going to get to meet Drunk Ellie tonight?” he asked with a sly smile. Although it was subtle, she could read right through to the innuendo that was hidden beneath his words. She knew what his intentions were for the night, and suddenly she didn’t want to try to climb out of her hole anymore. She wanted to fall right back down to the bottom, right where Brian would be waiting. Her next words sealed her fate.

“You know, I think she just might be at the same place as us tonight.”

There was a knock on the door and Brian knew who it was before he even opened it. It was a Friday night, and for once he was home. His parents were gone for the weekend, but he wasn’t planning to have a party or anything. He liked to go to them, not host them. He walked to the front door, but he paused for a second with his hand on the door knob. He knew it was her, it had to be.

He opened the door, and on the other side Ellie was standing there, looking back at him. He was a little surprised she had come at first, since it was the night of her prom, but he wasn’t complaining. She hadn’t asked him to go with her, and they viewed it as a silent understanding. She knew he wouldn’t want to go, and she wasn’t offended by it. After all, he was too old to be allowed in anyway. A different boy from her high school had asked her to go, so he became her date instead. She assured Brian it was nothing, that they were going as friends, but he couldn’t help but be a little jealous anyway. He had quickly brushed the feelings aside, because, after almost a year of their odd ‘relationship’, they still weren’t officially together. They had nothing holding them down to each other, but Brian hated that another guy could still touch Ellie the way he did.

Ellie stood there in the doorway and he couldn’t help but remain speechless for a few moments. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, standing there in her dress, nervously looking down at her feet. Sure, he had been with girls who were so gorgeous it made you want to go out of your mind, but this was different than how Ellie was. She was the kind of beautiful girl that you could only hope to find in a lifetime, and once you found it, you were never supposed to let it go.

Her dress was a deep red ball gown that made her chestnut colored hair stand out even more than usual. It was an elaborate gown, and for a second it made Brian wish he had gone with her to her prom. He had thought she had looked really pretty when Zacky took her to their prom, but she really outdid herself for her own.

“You look amazing,” he finally said as he stepped aside to let her into the house. He noticed that she blushed a little bit as she walked past him and stopped in the middle of the living room. She looked at him awkwardly, and he could tell that something was bothering her.

“Is something wrong?” he asked as he sat down on a couch. He motioned for her to sit down too, but she just shook her head and kept standing in the same spot.

“No, nothing’s wrong,” Ellie replied. “I just didn’t want to go home yet, and as I was sitting there at prom I was doing a lot of thinking, since I wasn’t really having that much fun.” Brian felt a little more relieved at her words, as it meant she didn’t really feel anything for her date. It was starting to bother him that he felt so jealous and he couldn’t figure out why. No other girl had made him feel that way before.

“What were you thinking about?” She moved from the center of the room so the front of her dress was touching his knees. She still didn’t move to sit down, though.

“I was thinking about how I would have rather spent the night with you instead of spent all this money to get dressed up and to make forced conversation with someone I don’t even like that much. The whole time I couldn’t stop thinking about you, so I knew I had to come over here to see you.” She paused for a minute as she thought. She looked a little bit nervous as she bit her lip before speaking again. “I was also thinking a lot about us and how I-“

Ellie paused again, but Brian focused his full attention on her as she struggled to say what was going through her mind. He could tell she was nervous, and he wanted to assure Ellie that she never should hesitate to tell him anything.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before speaking, working up her courage again. “I was thinking that I was ready to be with you now. I know it’s been frustrating for you because I kept making you wait, but that’s because I just needed some time. I think it’s been long enough now, though, and I think that I am ready.”

Brian stood up without saying a word, and he kissed her with his hands on her hips, pulling her closer to him. As their faces parted, he sighed. Her eyes were still closed and he could tell that she was nervous because she was shaking a little bit. He had only pulled far enough away so that their foreheads were still touching.

“You think that you are ready, or do you know that you are ready?” He asked her. Brian knew how sensitive this was for her, and he didn’t want to do anything that she was going to regret later on. Ellie opened her eyes and looked into his, and he knew his answer just from that one look.

“I know that I am ready,” she replied. She said it with confidence, but just seconds later he could tell she became nervous again as she looked away from him. “It’s just that it would be-“

“It’s your first time,” he finished for her. Ellie shook her head yes and she looked like she was embarrassed. He had guessed that she was a virgin long ago, so he didn’t know whether she was embarrassed because he had figured it out or if she just felt like she was too inexperienced. “It’s okay, and I know that you’re nervous, but you shouldn’t be. I know what I’m doing.”

Ellie knew his last statement was meant to make her feel better, but it just made her feel worse. It just made it more obvious that she had so much less experience than he did. He kissed her again, hoping it would make her feel better. As he deepened the kiss, he could feel her body push into his, the way it always did. Ellie was always a little nervous at first, but once she stopped thinking about everything and let her instincts take over, she always relaxed into him.

They slowly made their way to his room, like their usual routine. He had lost a shirt already, and he was starting to get annoyed by her dress. It was pretty and all, but it was way too big of an obstacle for what he wanted to do.

Brian pulled away from her again so he could turn her around. He almost let out a cry of frustration when he saw the whole back of her dress was laced up, and he thought about how difficult it was going to be to figure out how to undo it in the dark. He kissed her bare shoulder as he started to get to work.

“You had to choose to do this when you’re wearing the most complicated thing ever, didn’t you?” He said jokingly. Ellie smiled lazily, as her eyes were only half opened. With every touch of his fingers against her bare skin, she felt like she was going to die. She felt like she was more sensitive to every sensation than she was before. “You drive me crazier than any other girl I’ve known, Ellie.”

He thought he had loosened the back of her dress enough, so he pulled the back apart allowing it to be loose enough for her to take off now. She turned back around so she was facing him, and she kissed him, taking control this time. Brian smiled as she did the work. He liked when she was the aggressive one since it was so unlike her. She very rarely was this way, and it made him even more sure of her decision.

He picked her up by the backs of her thighs and they found themselves on his bed, Ellie’s dress was somewhere in the middle of the room. Although this time their hookup had been initiated by her instead of it just happening, like usual, this time everything felt right and it didn’t feel forced. Brian knew that once he took her farther this time, she wouldn’t ask him to stop.

His hands were rough with calluses from playing the guitar, but she was used to the feel of hands now, and she couldn’t imagine anyone else’s touch. She shivered as it felt like his hands were everywhere, and she felt him cautiously brush over the scar on the right side of her abdomen: a reminder of her visit to the hospital for her appendix about three months ago. It stayed like this for awhile, as Brian wanted to calm her nerves as much as possible before they went any further.

He was going to treat her as gently as possible because it was what she deserved. He felt as if he held the most precious, fragile thing on earth, and he wanted to be careful not to break it. Brian placed his hands on either side of her head, lifting the weight of his body off of hers. He looked her directly in the eyes, and that was when he felt something he had never experienced before.

With all of the other girls, they changed every day so he didn’t care much how they felt, but with Ellie it was different. He realized that he cared for Ellie more than any other girl, and that he had feelings that actually ran pretty deep for her. He pushed every thought of having feelings of love for her to the back of his mind. He knew he didn’t actually love her, but there was a part of him that was close to it, and the thought scared him to death.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” he asked her once again, and her gaze told him that she was. Ellie bit her lip and closed her eyes as she held onto him tighter than she ever had before. Brian could feel her fingers grip into his shoulder blades and he knew Ellie was the girl that was different than all the rest. All of the other girls knew exactly what they were doing when it came to sex, and Ellie knew nothing. It didn’t matter to him though, because at that moment Brian knew he wanted her more than any other girl on the planet.

It was at that time that Ellie let her guard down completely, and it was at that moment that everything would change in her life forever. Brian now held her heart and she knew she would never be able to take it back. That was the happiest night in her life, and it was the last time she would know what true happiness was for a long time. If only she knew that the real reason their relationship was destroyed was just starting. If only she knew, she never would have gone over to his house that night, the night when she gave all of herself to him.