You're My Addiction

Ellie sat on the floor of her hotel room as she wrapped individual strands of hair around her curling iron. Zacky was lying on his back on her bed, watching her upside down. He let out huffs of annoyance about every thirty seconds.

“I can’t believe he went through all the trouble to rush us to get ready, and now he’s the one who is holding us up,” Zacky said. Val and Matt had been ‘busy’ for awhile now and they were just starting to get ready to go out. Because she had more time than expected, Ellie decided to curl her hair. She tried to convince herself that she wasn’t trying to do it to impress Brian.

“They’ve been apart for a whole month! Give them some time,” Ellie replied with a laugh as she turned back to the mirror. She was slowly filling up the room with hair spray. “I’m sure if you had someone you were separated from for so long, that would be the first thing you want to do, too. And besides, you don’t have to wait for them, I’m sure everyone else is ready and Matt and Val will just meet up with all of us later.”

“Um, the only problem now is you decided you weren’t ready yet, either. I thought you were done, but then you started to curl your hair or whatever,” he said. He got up off of the bed and walked around the room impatiently, picking up everything in sight and looking at it.

“You don’t have to wait for me, either,” Ellie said. “I’m a big girl and I’m sure I can get there by myself. It is in the same building and all.” She couldn’t help but love Zacky more and more each day. She forgot how much energy he had for everything. He was still like a little kid in a way, but he was still serious when important things came around, or when Ellie needed him.

Just then, everyone else burst into the room, and Ellie turned her head to look at them. “Wow, this amount of hairspray in the air must be toxic,” Jimmy said as he waved his hand in front of himself like he was trying to clear the smell from his surrounding area.

“We were just stopping by to say we were going to go downstairs,” Brian said. “We weren’t sure if you were ready to go yet or not.”

“Zacky, you should go with them,” Ellie urged. She wanted him to leave since he was being so impatient. “I’m still getting ready so I’ll wait for my brother and Val. They should be ready to go soon, too.”

“Alright, we’ll see you later,” Jimmy said as the four of them walked back out of the door, leaving her by herself. Before they all had found out Matt and Val had been distracted while they were getting ready, Ellie had been finished doing her hair and makeup. Once she found out she had more time, however, she had decided to step her game up. She knew the kinds of girls that went to clubs, and she knew they would be all over someone who looked famous, especially if they actually were famous.

It took her only about twenty more minutes to get ready. She was wearing a black dress. Black dresses were ordinary and unoriginal, but they were always flattering, especially if they were on the short side. Ellie was always rather talented at putting her own makeup on, so that was no problem. She knew she fit the part for the night, but she couldn’t help but feel awkward in her look. Mostly everyone, except Brian, wasn’t used to viewing her in any other way than ‘Matt’s little sister’. She had matured in college though, and she had gone out just as much as everyone else, so this wasn’t new to her anymore. Her most favorite part of her outfits were always her shoes, though. She always preferred to wear simpler clothing so she could wear a crazy pair of shoes. Tonight she was wearing a pair of blood red stilettos. Her look was never cheap though, as she always made sure she looked classy. Looking slutty was not her thing.

She went to her brother’s room to see if they were ready to go, but no one answered. She figured they already left or they were still rather busy, so she decided to go down by herself. She took the elevator down to the bottom floor. Since it was late at night, she noticed the difference in the crowd. There were less people in the casino, and there were definitely less older people out. She crossed the floor, walking in the general area of the nightclub. It didn’t take her long to figure out where it was, though, as she was able to hear it before she was able to see it.

She had to show her ID at the door, and as she walked in, it was like nothing she had ever seen before. It was packed and it was dark. It felt like there was a wave of sexual tension that hit her as she walked deeper in the room, as if it was coming off of all the dancing bodies in the middle of the club. There was a dim purple light cast over everything, and the smell of liquor and cigarettes hung heavy in the air. The music was loud and pulsating, and Ellie could feel the music all throughout her body. It was amazing how much a setting could alter just how you feel about yourself. It made her want Brian all over again, and it scared her.

She found them right away. They were sitting in a VIP booth across the room right in her line of vision. They looked like they owned the place, and they looked exactly like they belonged in this environment. They were passing around alcohol, and Zacky and Jimmy were scanning the crowd for girls. She looked over at Brian and was surprised to find that he was staring right back at her. They locked eyes for awhile until Brian gave her a sly smile. She let out a deep breath and walked over to them, knowing that the only ending to this night was going to be a bad one.

When she arrived, they all greeted her with loud cheers, showing her they had wasted no time at all in drinking. She took the only spot available, which was, of course, right next to Brian. It was small for five people, so her whole right leg was pressed up against his left one. She glanced around at everyone else to try and distract herself from the way that his touch was driving her crazy.

It seemed that Zacky was handling all of the alcohol, as he was immediately began pouring shots for all of them. He pushed one into her hand sloppily and then said, “Ellie, I know you never did this stuff, but I’m assuming you changed. You better take this shot with us. We’re going to take it to celebrate you coming back to us!”

Ellie laughed at his slurred words. She had a strong suspicion they had been drinking before they even came to the club. She noticed that Brian was still looking at her, and that his eyes were a little hazy, telling her he had already been drinking a lot, too. They all lifted up their glasses in a toast, and then Ellie took hers straight without a chaser. They cheered for her as she put the glass back on the table in front of them.

“Don’t worry, Zacky,” she replied. Her face was already starting to feel warm. She hadn’t been drinking in a long time, so she knew her tolerance would be lower than usual. She didn’t know if the warmth in her face was because of the vodka or if it was because Brian was so close to her. His presence was intoxicating, it almost was like he was a drug she was addicted to.

With her hand still on the shot glass, Ellie looked up only to see Matt looking at her disapprovingly. The only thing she could think to do was smile at him. She couldn’t tell if it was because of what she was wearing or the fact that he had just watched her drink alcohol like a pro, but she knew he was not happy at all.

“It’s about time!” Zacky yelled over all of the noise. He stood up so they could seat and started to walk away from the table. “You took too long to get here, and now I’m ready to go dance!”

Ellie stood up from the table as well and started to walk away. “Where are you going?” she heard Matt ask over her shoulder. Nope, he did not sound happy at all. It looked like he couldn’t accept the fact that his baby sister was growing up. Brian was lucky her brother didn’t see the way he was looking at her before; otherwise he might not have had any eyes left.

“I’m going to get myself a drink at the bar,” she said as she walked away. What she did next she knew would seal her fate, but she didn’t care because she did it anyway. Ellie looked over her shoulder and smiled at Brian before she disappeared into to crowd, pushing her way through to the bar. She may have had her heart broken long ago, and she may not have seriously been involved with anyone since then, but that didn’t mean she didn’t know how to flirt.

As she got to the bar, she leaned forward on it, waiting for the bartender to come over. She waited for just two minutes, and sure enough she felt someone come up behind her. She knew instantly that it was Brian. He placed his hands on the bar on either side of her, trapping her so close to him. She knew he was drunk already, and she could smell alcohol and cigarettes on his breath as he started whispering close to her ear.

“Did you know your face is bright red already?” He asked. “You didn’t tell me that you were going to be such a lightweight.”

Ellie turned around so she was facing him, and in this position it seemed there was so much less space in between the both of them. She laughed and said, “It’s not only the alcohol. If you haven’t noticed, it’s rather hot in here.”

The bartender came up behind them and Brian ordered two shots for each of them, and Ellie ordered the martini she had planned on getting all along. “If you’re such a pro at this, let’s see how well you handle these,” Brian said with a smile as he pushed her two shots towards her. She knew it would be a bad idea, but she wasn’t going to let him win this. It was always a good idea to remember that too much alcohol and too many emotions mixed together never ended up good, but it seemed like Ellie was going to ignore everything that wasn’t going to get her in trouble tonight.

“I think you’re trying to get me drunk,” she said as she brought her face closer to his, almost like she was going to kiss him. As he smiled at her, she quickly took both of the shots, holding back everything but a small grimace on her face from the burn. “I think you forgot I went to college.”

She grabbed her drink off of the bar and made her way back into the crowd, leaving him hanging for the second time that night already. Ellie smiled as she heard Brian laughing. That amount of alcohol in such a short period of time was starting to catch up with her very quickly. She already felt tipsy as she searched for Zacky. Her reason for leaving Brian at the bar was she knew that he would come find her. He came to her at the bar, so she knew he had his sights set on her for the night. He always had the upper hand over her desire, but tonight she wanted to be able to control his.

Once she found Zacky, she danced with him for awhile, and she was actually having fun. She paced herself with her drink and only took a small sip once in awhile as she felt everything slowly taking effect. However, in a matter of twenty minutes, she knew that she was drunk.

After awhile, Ellie noticed that a girl kept looking at Zacky, clearly indicating that she was interested. Ellie leaned back to tell him so he would be able to hear her. It was even louder and more crowded on the dance floor than anywhere else. Ellie was starting to get really overheated and she was sweating.

“I don’t want to leave you here by yourself. Someone might take advantage of you,” Zacky replied, half jokingly have serious. Ellie would have been fine by herself, though. She was always able to handle party situations well because she was cautious around people she didn’t know. As for being alone, Ellie wasn’t worried about that either since she saw a handful of guys look at her the way that girl was looking at Zacky.

“Don’t worry about me,” she said. “That girl seems to like you, so you should go dance with her.”

They broke away from each other, and he gave her one last look to make sure she would be fine by herself. “Don’t worry, Zacky, I’ll take over for you.”

Ellie looked over her shoulder and saw Brian standing there. She smiled, as she knew he would come to her eventually. He came up behind her, and her back was pressed up against every inch of the front of his body. It took her all of her effort not to ask him to go right back to her room right at that moment. There was still chemistry between them, and she knew they both were conscious of that fact now. He gripped her hips with his hands, and she melted at the familiarity of him. Of course, this dancing was much different than what had been happening between her and Zacky, which had only been friendly.

Their bodies moved in time with the music, and it seemed like everything was happening in slow motion. They weren’t doing anything inappropriate, but from the way she felt, it almost seemed like they were. Her arms went up to circle around the back of their neck as he gripped her hips tighter.

After what seemed like forever, Ellie turned around so she was facing him once more. Their faces were less than an inch apart now, and they were just teasing each other. They were seeing who would break first and make the first move. The alcohol was still making her head swim, as this wasn’t ideally how she would have liked to rekindle their physical relationship. The alcohol was clearly effecting Brian’s actions as well, as his hands roamed a lot more than they would have if he was sober.

And, of course, it was Brian who broke first. He moved in, and the fraction of an inch between them felt like a mile. Ellie’s heart pounded violently in her chest as they were so close to kissing…

“Hey, Matt wanted us all to come and have a drink with him, since everyone left when they finally got here,” Zacky said, tapping Brian on the shoulder. He and Ellie jumped away from each other as fast as possible. It was clear what they were about to do, and Zacky had almost witnessed it. If he had caught on to what was about to happen, though, he never said anything as they made their way back to the table. Ellie was disappointed, and her heart was still beating in anticipation, as it had failed to get what she wanted. Brian inconspicuously held her hand as they sat back down. She smiled to herself when she caught a glimpse of the frustration on his face.

They all ordered new drinks and sat there for awhile, talking about random things. Brian and Johnny had finished their beers first and quickly disappeared to get new drinks. She knew Brian had finished his so fast because they had been interrupted on the dance floor. He had been antsy as they sat there, bouncing his leg up and down. Ellie joined a conversation with Zacky and Val as Matt continued to talk to Jimmy.

She lost track of time for a little bit, but she soon realized that the two had not made it back from the bar yet. She wondered what was taking so long, as the club was growing a little less crowded at the night went on. From their seat, they had a pretty good view of everything, so Ellie scanned the room. It didn’t take her too long to find him, as she always had been able to pick him out of a crowd easily.

Unfortunately, he was not alone, and Ellie felt her heart climb up into her throat. Of course she never should have let herself feel this way. Brian was still having fun with his life, so it didn’t matter to him that he went from chasing one girl to another in a minimal amount of time. Ellie shouldn’t have been surprised, but she was, and it made her angry at herself. Being drunk and seeing something that would normally make her upset didn’t help, either.

It was like one of those horrible events where you wanted to look away more than anything, but your eyes just didn’t seem to want to move. She kept watching until her sight grew blurry from the tears that were beginning to build up in her eyes and until she couldn’t bear the pain that was building up in her throat any longer. Ellie knew she had to get out of there and into her room before anyone saw her. Unfortunately, she didn’t realize it was always obvious that something is wrong when a person unexpectedly storms out of a room.

“Ellie, what’s wrong?” Val called out from behind her. She ignored it and kept on moving. She had very little time before her breakdown would start. She hadn’t had one in almost three years, so she didn’t know what to expect. Zacky, however, wasn’t as drunk as everyone had originally thought. He quickly pieced together what he thought may have caused Ellie to get upset, so he stormed after her.

He watched Ellie get onto the elevator, and the doors shut before he could stop them. He knew waiting for another elevator would take too much time, so he quickly ran to the stairs. Six flights of stairs doesn’t sound so bad at first, but it definitely takes a lot of effort to make it up them. Zacky ignored his strained breathing as he raced his way to their floor. If he didn’t get there in time, he knew Ellie would lock herself in her room and she wouldn’t let anyone in.

He tore the door to the sixth floor open and ran in the direction of her room. He caught a glimpse of her back, and was relieved, but she started running for her room when she heard Zacky behind her.

“Ellie! Ellie, wait!” Zacky called out between breaths. She reached her room and began to shut the door, but he was able to shove his foot in the opening before it closed completely. He forced his way into the room and watched as Ellie collapsed onto the bed, gasping for breaths as she began to sob. He stood there for a few seconds, watching her dissolve into a heartbroken mess before Val showed up at the door as well. He let her in and he shut the door. He took a seat in the chair next to the bed while Val sat on the bed next to Ellie, soothingly rubbing her back until she calmed down. They both stayed silent and watched her because they had no other clue what to do.

It seemed like Ellie was going to cry forever, but after thirty minutes, she calmed down and was only sniffling. Zacky knew that all of the drinks she consumed had contributed to the breakdown, but he also knew it had to do with something that was much bigger. He knew that since Ellie had returned, something had been different. Something happened, other than college, that had made her leave California, and it had been eating away at her since then. She needed to talk to someone about it, and Zacky planned to listen.

“Ellie, what happened?” Zacky asked calmly. She didn’t say anything, but he could see her shaking her head, indicating she didn’t want to talk about anything. “Ellie, there’s something that you’ve been keeping to yourself for a long time, and it’s been tearing you apart inside. I’m your best friend, I can tell when something is wrong, and it doesn’t help to keep everything inside. Sometimes you need to talk about things before they can become better again.”

She stayed silent, and this time Val made an attempt to make her speak. “We’re here for you, and we want to listen. If you tell us what’s wrong, we can help you fix it.”

Ellie just shook her head again as more silent tears streamed down her face. He caught a glimpse of her, and he noticed that she looked terrible. Her mascara and eyeliner were running down her face, but that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was the look of utter heart break and pain. He had never seen someone who looked so broken before. Zacky realized that Ellie wasn’t just crying because of something that happened tonight. She was crying because the emotions she had tried to bury finally came up to the surface tonight. She had been fighting a battle to keep them hidden for so long. The battle had started once she moved back, and it was at this moment that she had finally lost it.

He didn’t know if what he was about to say would make everything better or worse, but it was his last hope. “Ellie, does this have to do with Brian?”

She was silent for a long time after his words, but it was because she was thinking. She knew Zacky had seen them on the dance floor, and he may even have been suspicious of them before that. She knew she couldn’t hide it any longer. She had to tell someone everything that happened; otherwise she would never be able to heal inside. As if Val knew she was about to speak, she squeezed Ellie’s shoulder in silent reassurance.

“Did you see him before I left?” she asked. Her voice was shaky, but she cleared her throat and went on. It was going to be difficult to tell them everything. It was going to be one of the hardest things she ever had to do, to relive the worst part of her life, but she knew she had to do it. “He was kissing a girl, and that’s not really what made me upset.”

She paused again as she tried to gather the strength to go on. Val and Zacky waited patiently for her to speak again, and she was grateful they didn’t try to push her. She started crying again, but she pushed her way through the tears. “I just couldn’t stand in that room while that was going on, because when I got back to California, I realized that I still loved him.”

“How long have you been in love with Brian?” Val asked. She and Zacky had an idea of what was going on for awhile, but they never thought it was anything that ran this deep.

“Since I was sixteen, so for about seven years, I guess,” Ellie replied. She looked down at her hands and Zacky moved to sit on the other side of her. He put his arm around her shoulder to give her enough strength to continue. “We were together for about a year, but no one knew. It was never an official relationship, but it came close enough to one. I fell in love with him before it started and he still didn’t love me after it ended.”

“Is that the reason you left California so suddenly?” Zacky asked.

“No, I knew from the start that he would never love me. It was my fault that I allowed myself to get in too deep, but I knew what I was doing. At that time I thought it was better to have some of him rather than none of him. No, it was something else that made me leave.”

“What was it, Ellie? You can’t keep it to yourself anymore, you have to tell someone.” Ellie could hear the concern in Zacky’s voice, and she knew she had to tell them everything. She felt a little weight had already lifted off her shoulders from what she had just shared.

“I know I have to,” she replied. Ellie took a deep breath before she began. “I can’t start at the end, though, I have to tell you everything from the beginning…”