You're My Addiction

Matt and Jimmy were able to be bailed out the next morning with a small amount of money. Ellie had planned to stay up the whole night and she was going to go with everyone to the police station in the morning, but the only problem was she fell asleep on the couch somewhere around six in the morning. She was physically unable to keep her eyes open any longer.

She woke up the next morning with the sun streaming in through the large windows in the living room. The bright light made her eyes hurt, so she squinted as she tried to figure out where she was. It was always disorienting to wake up in a place other than your own bed. Ellie noticed someone had taken her shoes off and placed them on the floor by the couch. Someone had also covered her with a blanket.

“Good morning,” Brian said as he took a sip from a cup of coffee. He was sitting on the couch right by her head. Ellie looked at him for a moment, still trying to take everything in.

“Why am I sleeping on the couch, and what time is it?” she asked as she got up into a sitting position. She rubbed her eyes and let out a yawn.

“You fell asleep on the couch when we were talking to Val. She was trying to calm Zacky down still, and I guess you just dozed off. I could tell you weren’t going to make it the whole night,” he replied.

“Wait, what time is it then?” Ellie asked in a panic as she jumped off of the couch. Unfortunately, she noticed she was still wearing her scrubs. “We were supposed to go pick up Matt this morning!”

“It’s about ten in the morning. Val and Johnny left about two hours ago,” he said. “They should be back soon. They called not too long ago and said they just had to wait for everything to be processed, which is what’s taking so long. They already saw both of them, and they’re just waiting to leave now.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up? I wanted to go!” she said as she paced back and forth, running her hands through her messy hair. She sighed in frustration. “Didn’t you want to go, too?”

“I was planning on going, but we decided I should stay with Zacky. I don’t think he could have handled going, so he went to sleep around two hours ago,” Brian replied. “And you looked too exhausted to wake up. I think getting sleep is more important since you’re going to be seeing them in a little while anyway. You looked in pain while you forced yourself to stay up last night.”

“I guess you’re right,” Ellie admitted in defeat as she sat back down on the couch. She looked at Brian and took in his now bruised appearance. “How is your face?”

“I’m not too happy about how it looks, and it doesn’t feel too nice right now, but I’ll live,” he said with a shrug. Ellie just then notice how dirty she felt.

“I’m going to go and take a shower real quick because I always feel dirty after coming home from work, but first I’m going to check on your face again,” Ellie said as she turned towards him. “I think after that we should take Zack out somewhere to get his mind off of last night.”

“Okay,” Brian said in agreement as he turned the television on to watch the news. “What do you have in mind?”

“You’ll see,” she answered with a mischievous smile. She gently removed the bandage from his cheek to check on the cut underneath it. It was red and puffy, and she was sure it hurt. She gently ran her hands over his bruises again. Ellie notice he was watching her the whole time. Her hands stopped on the sides of his face and she looked into his eyes, getting lost for a moment. The moment grew a little awkward, and she cleared her throat as she stood up to make her way upstairs.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes, it shouldn’t take me long to get ready,” she said, trying to shake off the feelings of attraction he still gave her. “Your face looks alright, but you may want to put some ice on it while I’m in the shower. You can put a new bandage on the cut too, but after today you should leave it off so it can breathe.”

Brian shook his head in response, and Ellie knew he had experienced the same feelings that she had just a few moments before.

Ellie went into the bathroom and ran the hot water in the shower. It was one of those amazing showers that felt like you were washing all of your problems away down the drain. Plus, she just felt really dirty, so that also helped in enjoying the shower. Despite the recent events of last night, Ellie really was happier than she had been in a long time. For once, she truly felt like her heart was starting to mend back into one piece again.

As much as she would have loved to stand under the running water all day, she knew she had to shut it off so she could get ready. Zacky had helped her out by being there for her a few months ago, so it was her turn to lift his spirits.

After wrapping a towel around herself, Ellie made her way back to her room. She heard voices downstairs, so she assumed Brian had gotten Zacky to come out of his room. She closed her door and quickly got dressed into a plain t shirt and jeans. She threw her hair up and put a small amount of makeup on, and she was ready in less than fifteen minutes.

She went back downstairs and found Zacky sitting on the couch next to Brian with his arms crossed, scowling. He didn’t look happy about anything, so Ellie was hoping she could put him in better spirits by the end of the day.

Ellie wanted to be home when Val got back with Matt and Jimmy, but she knew this was more important. Plus, Matt and Val would probably want sometime alone when they got back. Not to mention they were probably going to be way too tired to answer any questions.

“Okay, so I know you two will never guess where I want to go today,” Ellie said as she stood in front of the two of them.

“What if I don’t want to go anywhere?” Zacky answered back as he refused to look at her. She couldn’t understand why the fight last night put him in such a mood.

“Stop being so cranky, Zacky,” Ellie said. He had always called her out on her moods when they were younger, so it was her turn to return the favor. “You’re coming with us because if you sit in your room all day you’re just going to mope around for no reason. What happened last night is over, so you can’t keep dwelling over it.”

“Fine. What are we doing?” Zacky asked shortly because he knew Ellie wasn’t going to let him stay home. He was wearing his favorite pair of aviators, which was his silent way of saying he didn’t feel like being social. It just made Ellie want to laugh, though.

“Well, I don’t think you’re going to believe me when I say this, so try not to laugh,” she said. Suddenly, she felt a little bit nervous about telling them her plans. “I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, so please take this seriously. I want to get a tattoo, and I’d like you two to take me since the both of you are pretty much experts.”

Brian leaned forward on the couch in interest, and her comment made Zacky remove his sunglasses. “I’m not going with you,” Zacky said bluntly. “I’m not going to get killed by your brother just because I supported you getting a tattoo.”

“I don’t think Matt would be mad about this. He has plenty of his own. Plus, I’m twenty three, and I control my own body, so I don’t think he can really say anything about this,” Ellie said stubbornly. “And you’re coming with us whether you like it or not.”

“I’m a little surprised you want one,” Brian admitted with a smile. “But I’ll go with you. I don’t mind what your brother thinks. Besides, I love it when chicks get tattoos, especially if they can get one without crying.”

Zacky gave Brian a look of utter loathing at his comment about loving girls with tattoos. Ellie was sure he was thinking about their previous relationship at that moment, and she was glad Brian was too interested in her at the moment to turn and look at Zacky’s face.

“Alright, I’ll go,” Zacky said. Ellie knew he changed his mind only because of Brian. “But Matt is going to know that I didn’t support this decision in anyway.”

“Do you know what you’re getting?” Brian asked. She noticed he was pretty excited about this. She wasn’t surprised though. Ellie remembered he had been so happy the day he got his first one.

“Yeah, I thought about it for a long time before deciding. Do you know how dandelions get after they are yellow? I want to get a tattoo of one when they’re like that, and I want to have the seeds coming off of it and flying off into the wind. I think after all the changes that I went through in the past year it is a good representation of everything. I think it shows that no matter how many things are changing, or how many things seem to be going wrong, you can always wish and hope for things to look up.”

Ellie truly believed this tattoo would be one more step in furthering the healing of her heart. Brian thought the idea was creative. Zacky knew the tattoo had to do with Brian, and it instantly made him feel bad for being short with her.

“I’ll hold your hand if you need me to,” Zacky mumbled as he got up and made his way outside. Ellie smiled because that comment meant he was starting to break through his moodiness already.

Less than an hour and a half later, Ellie was sitting on the chair with the stencil already on her lower back, waiting for everything to begin. When they got to the tattoo parlor, there was no one there, so they didn’t have to wait. She took this as a sign that she was meant to get it done today. She hadn’t been nervous since they left the house, but now her stomach felt like it was doing back flips. The artist was nice, so he wasn’t intimidating. He was covered in tattoos as well, but that didn’t bother her since she lived in a house with three tattoo covered guys.

He was just about to start, and Ellie closed her eyes in anticipation. “Do you want me to hold your hand?” Zacky asked. He had cheered up enormously since they arrived, and he even helped her make sure the draw up was the size she wanted.

Ellie shook her head yes and bit her lip as she waited for everything to begin. When the needle first touched her skin, it was a feeling that was hard to describe. After awhile she got used to the feeling, but she knew she was squeezing Zacky’s hand a little more than what would be considered normal.

“How are you hanging in there?” Brian asked with a smirk. He knew it hurt, and he knew she was trying not to show it.

“I’m doing alright,” she answered. “It’s not like I can back out now anyway. I wouldn’t want to have a half finished tattoo.”

Brian knew she would stick it out to the end because she always did. Plus, he knew she could handle this. She was always tougher than most girls were. She was biting her lip the way she always did when she was concentrating. Once in awhile her face would crinkle in pain when the needle went over a more sensitive spot.

Brian and Zacky talked to the tattoo artist the whole time, while Ellie kept her eyes closed. It only took about an hour and fifteen minutes to complete, but it seemed a lot longer while she was underneath the needle.

When she was done, she was handed a mirror so she could look at the tattoo for herself. The dandelion was bending in the breeze while the seeds that were carried off in the wind curved around her side. She smiled as she knew she had made the right decision in getting the tattoo. She felt it represented an important part of her life that had changed her forever. Now that she had this reminder, it helped her realize she could leave that period of time in the past and move on to whatever was waiting for next.

“El, it looks amazing,” Zacky said as he took a closer look. It was a little puffy, and they wouldn’t be able to tell what it would truly look like for a week or so. “Do you like it?”

“I love it,” she whispered

Ellie stumbled back into her dorm room. She glanced at the clock on her desk and tried to make out the blurry numbers in her alcohol filled mind. It was one in the morning. That meant it was around ten back in California.

Her break up with Chris had hit her harder than she thought it would. She missed him, but she knew it would never work out between the two of them. It was the first time another man had made her feel shitty since Brian, and after a week, she didn’t think she could handle the sadness from two different relationships. The only solution she could think of to fix it was to go to a bar and get drunk.

When she was sitting there, by herself in the bar, the idea to call Brian and tell him what was on her mind had popped into her head. It was the only reason she had left to go home. Well, that, and the fact that the bartender had cut the crying mess that was herself off from ordering any more alcohol.

She rummaged around in her desk draw until she found the box she was looking for. Inside, there were a few things she had wanted to keep, like ticket stubs to movies or cards from birthdays. There was a picture of her brother from his senior year of high school, and also a picture of her and Sara in their freshman year of college. She took them out of the box and placed them on her desk. Underneath the pictures was a carefully folded piece of purple paper.

Ellie took it out and looked at it a few moments before unfolding it. In black pen, Brian’s phone number stared back at her. She had deleted his number out of her phone almost four years ago, but she kept it on this piece of paper just in case. Ellie made sure it wasn’t in her phone for occasions such as this one, but obviously this hadn’t been an effective plan. Even though her brain was screaming this was a bad idea, it seemed the numbers were daring her to call him. They were saying she didn’t have the courage to do something like that. She took her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed the numbers, showing the world that she wasn’t a coward. The cursor at the end of the last number blinked as her thumb hovered over the send button.

She quickly pushed it and put the phone to her ear before her nerves caused her to back out, and a rush of adrenaline coursed through her body. Ellie bit her nail as she listened to each ringtone, her stomach turning each time. She knew this was such a bad idea, and each time the phone rang, it gave her more time to hang up, but she kept listening against her better judgment.

Right before the voice mail was about to pick up was when he finally answered. She had tried to forget him all of this time, but he was now right on the other line. His voice sounded exactly the same, and everything she remembered about him came flooding back. He thought of his smell and his touch, and the longing she had for him was so strong she almost cried.

“Hello?” Brian answered. There was a lot of noise in the background, and she could tell he was at a bar. She had forced herself to come this far, but she couldn’t bring herself to open her mouth and say anything. She shouldn’t have called him at all. It was a terrible idea.

“Hello? Ellie is that you?” When he said her name, she quickly hung up. How could she have been so stupid? He probably never had deleted her number, and it had shown up on caller ID when she had called.

In a mixture of the alcohol, missing Brian, and sadness over her breakup with Chris, Ellie couldn’t help but cry. At first, the silent, body wrenching sobs came. Just as they started turning into real tears, Sara came bursting through the door. She was smiling, but with one look at Ellie, her expression turned into concern.

“Ellie, what’s wrong, honey?” Sara asked as she wrapped her arms around Ellie.

“I’m never going to be happy, am I?” Ellie cried.