You're My Addiction

“So what do you guys think? Are you up to it? I think it will be a really good experience for all of you to have. I’ll give you some time to discuss it with each other if you need to.”

Matt looked around at all of his band members, and he knew just by their look they all agreed. “If you could just give us five minutes or so, I think we will be ready to make a decision. I just want to make sure we all can agree on the same thing. This is a really big commitment, so it wouldn’t be fair to anyone who wasn’t on board one hundred percent.”

“I understand. I’ll be back in a little bit so you can give me the final word. It really means a lot to us that you’re considering our offer, though. After everything that happened, we thought it was all over, but if you accept this, you will be saving us. We’ll definitely owe you, that’s for sure.”

The man left the room and Matt sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. He looked each of his band members in the eyes and he already knew what their final decision was going to be. It was just in their nature to help someone in need a favor because if they were in that situation, they would want someone to do the same for them.

“Six months is a really long time, Matt,” Brian said as he shook his head. He didn’t look happy about this, but Matt knew he would do it.

“Yeah, and we’re supposed to leave just a few days after you get married,” Jimmy said. “I mean, I’m all for going on tour, but being away for six months right after you get married might be just a little too much.”

One of the big upcoming rock festivals was supposed to kick off in a little over three weeks. Unfortunately one of the headlining bands had backed out for unknown reasons. The fate of the tour was then held in jeopardy since one of their main acts was no longer going to be there. Unless another band could take its place, the chances of the tour getting canceled all together was pretty great. The manager of the tour decided to contact Avenged Sevenfold and see if they would be able to take the place of the band that backed out. They weren’t obligated to say yes, but they knew it would make them look good if they did. Normally they wouldn’t have a problem with filling in for a few shows, but the tour lasted a whole six months.

“We haven’t been tour on months, and we were supposed to set something up a long time ago. I think we all have been a little too comfortable with being at home,” Matt said. “I know that it’s just right after I get married, but I think this is something we need to do. It would be one last big tour before we get back into the studio to do some recording.”

“But what is Val going to think?” Jimmy asked again.

“Val has been with us since the beginning. If anyone besides us understands how important something like this is, she will. Besides, I was thinking of asking her to tag along. I mean, she doesn’t have to be stuck with us on a tour bus for six months, but chances are she may like to come along for a good part of it,” Matt said. “It will be just like old times.”

“Well, I think it sounds like Matt has made up his mind, and no one is going to come up with any reason for him not to go,” Zacky said. “So, I guess that means I’m up for the tour. We can push through six months. We’ve gone through a lot worse. And just think, after this we get to be home for a really long time since we’re going to start recording again.”

Zacky looked over at Johnny since he hadn’t put his thoughts in to the discussion yet. “You know I support whatever decision everyone agrees on together. I don’t have anything that I really have to stay home for, so I am definitely up for the tour if that’s what we decide,” he answered.

Matt looked over at Brian for his decision. Sometimes he thought that Brian always looked the most worn out at the end of a tour, so he wasn’t sure what his ultimate decision was going to be. “You know I’m always up for playing the guitar,” Brian said. He surprised Matt with the faint traces of a smile on his face. “And to party just a little bit.”

The guys laughed and Brian laughed along with them. The truth was, when Brian first heard the offer of the tour, he started to look forward to it a little bit. Lately the emotional tension and strain between him and Ellie was starting to take its toll. He had convinced himself this wasn’t considered running away from his problems, but deep down he knew that’s exactly what it was. Which meant he was a hypocrite.

With four people for the decision and one person still undecided, everyone turned their heads to look at Jimmy. He seemed he was the most against touring since he kept giving Matt reasons why he shouldn’t go. His attitude did make sense though since he had been the only one who was married for awhile now. In just a few weeks though, this would all change when Matt and Val exchanged vows.

Jimmy sighed and looked down at the table as he contemplated the decision he was about to make. He had known what he was going to say all along since they all had made a certain agreement when they were younger. They had always agreed to stick together do to do whatever it took to achieve their dreams of being a rock star. “I’m in,” he said finally.

The rest of them cheered and patted Jimmy on the back. The truth was, although they were all a little skeptical about going away at first, the spirit of traveling across the country again on a new tour was sweeping through all of their veins. After all, since all of them had been just little boys, they had dreamed about playing in front of thousands of people. It was what they were meant to do. Besides, who else could say they got to go to work every day with their best friends in the world doing the best job in the world.

It seemed as if their cheers gave away their decision because the man they were talking to before popped his head back in through the door with an apprehensive smile on his face. He was guessing their yelling meant they had decided to go on tour, but he was just hoping he wasn’t guessing wrong.

“So, I’m assuming you all came to a conclusion?” the man asked tentatively as he stepped fully into the room. The look of sheer helplessness on his face would have changed their minds if they hadn’t already decided yes. He looked like he was betting his whole future on their band. “Remember there’s no pressure.”

“Don’t worry about it, our decision was unanimous,” Matt said as he walked over to shake the man’s hand. “We’re honored you asked us to take this spot on the tour, so we decided it would be in the band’s best interests to do this.”

Pure relief washed over the man’s face and he almost looked like he wanted to kiss Matt. “Oh, thank you so much! You don’t know how much this means to all of us; you’re doing us a huge favor and we’re forever in your debt. They told me to try asking you first because they said all of you were really great guys, and they were certainly right.”

“Well you can tell whoever ‘they’ are thank you for us,” Matt said. “Really, this just seems like a great opportunity and a great tour to end on before we do time in the studio again. We haven’t been on a tour like this in awhile and I think it will be a good experience for all of us to have again. These big festivals remind us of our past and where we came from. I’ll still remember playing on the smallest stage on Warped tour for the first time with only a handful of kids watching us. Plus, once we’re on the road, we really do love touring most of the time.”

“Yes, well we can’t thank you enough,” the man said. “I wish I could sit down with you and discuss the details now, but it’s just been so busy here the past few days with our one band backing out and everything. The craziness should die down in a few days, and I’ll be able to call you to straighten out all of the minor things. I have to get back to work, but I hope to see all five of you again very soon!”

The man left the room and the five of them were left sitting by themselves, free to leave whenever they wanted now. The only problem was the easy part was making the decision to go on tour. Now, they had to tell everyone back home they would be gone for six months, and they were going to have to deal with all of their reactions.

They had been on the road for way too long, and they were getting paid barely enough money to even scrape by. They were living in such close quarters, which meant they were all getting on each other’s last nerve. Everything was just wearing on everyone in general, and, unfortunately, at times they were beginning to wonder if it was even worth it any more.

Brian was lying on the back seat of their beat up van trying to take a quick nap before their next show. He was beyond exhausted, and if he didn’t get some decent sleep soon he was scared he was going to be sick from sleep deprivation. This was the first time he had the whole seat to himself in weeks, which would have worked wonderfully. The only problem was that Zacky and Jimmy had been arguing non-stop for the past thirty minutes. They were starting to get so fed up with each other that they didn’t know what exactly they were mad at each other for when they started arguing. Brian knew because he had been in a similar fight with Matt just yesterday.

Brian wished he could just get rest in some peace and quiet and the fact that he couldn’t just annoyed him beyond belief. Accepting the fact that he was not going to be able to sleep, he got out of the van and slammed the door harder than he should have behind him. He went around to the other side, where Zacky and Jimmy were still yelling at each other.

“Shut the fuck up!” Brian yelled as he stomped past the both of them. The look on their faces was comical as they were shocked at Brian’s outburst. They looked at each other, shrugged, and then went to go drink a beer together.

Brian continued his way through the parking lot they were in and around the giant maze of tour buses other bands had. They varied from the expensive ones of popular and successful bands to ones similar to his own. It was the mark of the money deprived up and coming artists.

He found a large tree to sit under to shade him from the unbearable sun and sighed as he leaned his back against the trunk. Lately, he found the best way to cool his temper was to get away from the others. If he sat by himself for a few minutes he usually felt calm, relaxed, and ready to be around people again.

Brian closed his eyes and thought of the conditions they had to endure while out on the road. They were starting to become unbearable, which was why his patience was so much shorter than when they started out. When they first left Huntington Beach, the spirit of going on the road was so strong that nothing could put them in a bad mood, but lately that had all changed.

He hadn’t taken a real shower in a few days now. Sometimes when they stopped at a rest stop, they would take advantage of the bathroom, but that didn’t compare to a real shower. That was bad enough, but add on top of that days with temperatures close to one hundred degrees and a bright sun, and Brian was starting to feel downright nasty. The air in their van had just broken a few days ago, so now they no longer had any escape from the heat.

Aside from the heat and the unhygienic conditions, none of them had slept in a real bed for almost two months now. Six of them, Val included, had to sleep in the van together every night since they couldn’t afford a hotel room. The van was starting to smell pretty bad and six people in a van really cut down on a person’s personal space.

As much as he loved making music, Brian couldn’t wait to get home again. Working so hard and getting almost nothing in return was terrible. He just hoped that their success would pick up sooner or later, because he didn’t know how much longer he could go on doing this.

He opened his eyes again and reached into the right pocket of his shorts. He had given up on the torn and patched jeans weeks ago. It was just too fucking hot to look like a rock star. Brian’s hand touched the folded picture he was looking for, and he pulled it out so he could look at it. He had found it right before they had left on tour under a whole pile of crap in one of his drawers. He had decided to bring it along for good luck.

The edges were folded and creased from being stored in a pocket instead of a picture frame, but the faces on it still looked as good as ever. It was a picture of Ellie and him right before she had disappeared and he had gone on tour. It taken on Matt’s birthday, right before everything bad had happened. She had the brightest smile ever on her face, just like she always did around him. He silently wondered if she had been pregnant at this time, but they didn’t even know it yet.

Brian smiled a little bit at the memory of her. He looked at this picture every time his spirits got too low, which was pretty often lately. He remembered the ambitious Ellie who was always shooting for the stars. The Ellie who always told him he could achieve his dream if he tried hard enough. Brian tried to imagine what she would say to him if she was here right now and her voice always sounded as clear as a bell in his head.

“The road to the top isn’t easy,” she would have said. “If things like being famous and rich take only a little bit of effort, then everyone would have a lot of money. You can’t succeed by waiting for things to happen. You have to make them happen.”

She had always believed in him, no matter how much he slacked off or how lazy he was at times. When she went off to college to achieve her dreams, it made him realize he had to get his ass in gear to achieve his own.

Brian looked at her face again and wondered for a moment what she was doing at the same exact moment he was wondering if his dream was really worth it or not. She was probably working as hard as ever, or in class or something, with not even one thought of giving up on what she wanted to do in life. Whenever he felt like giving up, Brian always did this because it always made him realize that giving up was not an option.

He heard footsteps coming up behind him, so he quickly shoved the picture back into his pocket. He turned around to look over his shoulder and saw Matt walking towards him. He was wearing sunglasses, a bandanna, and he was sweating his ass off. Matt took a seat next to Brian and they sat in silence for a few moments.

“Are you alright, man?” Matt asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine now,” Brian replied with a sigh, “It’s just that everything really starts to wear on you. I hate myself for doing this, but sometimes I even start to think if it’s even worth it anymore.”

“Me, too,” Matt agreed. His response shocked Brian a little bit because out of everyone in the band, Matt wanted this the most. “You start this out thinking that everyone is going to love you the moment they hear you, but the truth is that it takes so much more time than that. It takes years, and that means you have to keep pushing through it without giving up. The truth fucking hurts.”

Brian laughed a little bit. “Yes it does,” he said.

Brian had known that little fact for much longer than Matt had. It hurt when they all realized that making it big was going to take a whole lot more effort than they realized, and it hurt when Brian realized he had felt many more feelings for Ellie than he had originally planned on. The only problem was he had already let her go when he finally figured out what he was feeling.

Oh yes, the truth hurt like a bitch.