You're My Addiction

“Hello, Chris,” Ellie answered. She knew his call was going to come sooner or later. She had to admit, though. His call couldn’t have come at a worse time.

“Hey, Ellie,” Chris replied. She could tell from his voice that he was excited to speak to her. His voice was comforting to her in some kind of way. It might have been because he would always be the safer choice if she had to pick between him and Brian. “It’s really good to hear your voice.”

“Sara told me that you were coming to California,” Ellie said. She refused to acknowledge the last thing he said. “What are the chances that your work sent you so close to where I moved? Or where I moved back to, I guess. Anyway, it’s been so long since I’ve talked to you. How have you been?”

“I’ve been good, but busy with the new job and all. You must know how that feels though since I assume you’re pretty new wherever you’re working,” he said. Chris had been a business major in college so he had to work hard to get promotions and raises. Ellie was sure his father had helped him get a job, though. His father was pretty wealthy and Chris’s last name probably helped him beat out other college graduates that were applying for the same job. “And, yeah, we haven’t talked in awhile. By the time I had found out you were moving across the country, you were gone.”

“It was something that was so sudden,” Ellie said. She felt a little bad because she should have said goodbye to him before leaving. “And then because I had to prepare to move I was extra busy the last few days of the semester. I had to pack up all of my stuff to have it shipped while trying to pass all of my finals. It was a rough time, but then again, finals week was always rough every semester, no matter what was or wasn’t going on. I had to come back though. I realized I was isolating myself from my family too much.”

“You never even told me you had a brother,” Chris said flatly. She assumed Sara had told him who had asked her to move back home. Yes, Ellie had never told him about Matt or anything about that part of her life. She hadn’t left Matt out on purpose, but she never brought him up in the time they were together. And the other reasons why she never mentioned any of the other guys was self-explanatory. She was trying to see if Chris could help her get over Brian, and in order to do that she couldn’t tell Chris that she was still in love with another man.

“I know,” she replied quietly. She felt bad because never telling him everything about her past made her feel like she had been a bad girlfriend. “I didn’t do it on purpose, but I just never really thought about bringing him up. By the time I had met you, I really hadn’t talked to him in almost three years.”

“No, I understand,” Chris said apologetically. He probably realized he was making her feel guilty. “I know you never liked talking about California much. I’m just glad that you’re happy back in your home state. Sara told me the other day before she left to go back home that you were really settling into your new life and that you seemed pretty happy, so I was glad.”

Sara had left a few days ago, and Ellie had been a little sad to see her go. Back in college, Ellie had seen her almost every day for four years, and seeing her again made Ellie realize just how much she had missed her in the time they had been apart.

“Thank you,” Ellie said. “I hear you’re settling in fine, too. Sara told me that you landed a job in a big company. Your dad must be proud of you.”

She had met Chris’s father once before. He was a pretty intimidating man. “Yeah, he is, but he has really high expectations that I have to live up to,” he said. What he said reminded Ellie of just how different he was from Brian. Chris lived in a world made up of rules he had to live by and follow, while Brian made his own rules. “Listen, though. I was really calling because I was kind of hoping to see you while I was here. I’m going to be pretty busy with work related things while I’m here, but I was thinking that I could take you out somewhere one night when I’m free. And, it just so happens that I’m free tomorrow night.”

Ellie went over her work schedule for the week in her head. She wasn’t going to say no to seeing him because it would have been rude. On the other hand, she wasn’t exactly thrilled to go on something that was date-like with him. She knew first hand that former lovers almost never could work as being just friends. She realized she was free the night he was suggesting, and she actually liked that date the best. She was going with the idea that she would like to get it over with sooner rather than later.

“Well, I guess it just so happens that you are a lucky man,” Ellie said. “Tomorrow night is one of the few nights this week where I’m not working a graveyard shift at the hospital. What did you have in mind?”

“I’m a lucky man, am I?” Chris asked with a hint of humor in his voice. “Well, I thought there would be more options if I brought you into the city, but as for what we’re doing exactly, I thought I would leave that up to you.”

“Well, you know that I never really like to pick. You always found all the exciting things for us to do in college, so I think I would like to be surprised tomorrow night. There is one request I have though: make sure whatever we’re going to do is exciting.”

“I was kind of hoping you would say that because I’ve been asking around here to find out where all the good places to go are,” he replied. “So, I guess I kind of had something in mind already, anyway.”

“Can I maybe have a little hint then?” Ellie asked. “I always like to know how I should dress before going somewhere.”

“How do you feel about salsa?”

Ellie smiled a little bit at his hint. It was definitely not something that Brian would suggest doing with her. She had been apprehensive at first, but now she was a little excited to go out with Chris. There was just something about Latin music that she always loved.

“Salsa sounds good,” she replied.

Brian sat down at the counter in the kitchen and watched as Zacky made the biggest, yet grossest, sandwich he had ever seen. They had just got back from showing the tour manager their set line up, and it was starting to get to be a little late. Last night was the first time he had talked to Ellie since they had kissed weeks ago, and he was trying to find her so he could continue their conversation. For some reason, he felt like if they had those conversations, it helped manage their desire for each other. He was just guessing this though, and he was lying to himself. Brian wanted Ellie more now than he had ever wanted any other girl in his life.

Zacky took a bite out of his sandwich that filled his whole mouth while Brian looked on in disgust. “What?” Zacky asked with a full mouth.

“Dude, that’s fucking disgusting,” Brian said through his laughter. “How do you enjoy a sandwich when you pile so many different kinds of shit on it? I’m having a hard time watching you eat that thing.”

“Don’t judge me,” Zacky said as he took another bite. Clearly he didn’t care what Brian thought about his eating habits. “I think you’re just jealous of my superior sandwich making skills. And I’m just really hungry, so I don’t care what you think.”

Brian just shook his head at his friend. He glanced over at the clock, and things just didn’t add up. He knew Ellie wasn’t working tonight, she had told him she had the whole day off. He knew one person who would know where she was, though.

“Zack, where’s Ellie? I’ve been wanting to ask her something since we got home, and I can’t find her anywhere,” he said. The look that passed over Zacky’s face told Brian that he knew something was hidden behind the question.

“She’s out with a friend from college,” Zacky answered. “I’m sure she’s going to be home soon. You know she’s a responsible girl, and she doesn’t need another dad.”

“I know she’s responsible asshole,” Brian replied. “I was just wondering, that’s all. But, since we’re on the subject, since when does Ellie go out, anyway. Since she’s been here she goes to work and then comes home. And she comes places with us sometimes, but that’s after we have to beg her to come.”

“She goes out since her friends from across the country come to visit her,” Zacky said in defense of Ellie.

“Is this the blonde one who talks too much?” Brian asked. Something told him it was definitely not her. “I thought she left California a couple of days ago.”

“Nope, it’s not her,” Zacky said. He knew what Brian was trying to get at now, and he was going to make it hard to get information. He was very good at playing stupid when he wanted to. “She left with some guy right before we left. You were still upstairs when he came to pick her up. I believe his name was Chris.”

“Really?” Brian asked with genuine shock. A guy coming across the span of a whole country to visit a girl seemed to hold more intentions than just friendship. “That’s interesting.”

As much as Zacky wanted to keep going along with this, he couldn’t. He had been meaning to confront Brian ever since Ellie told him everything that happened four years ago, and he couldn’t wait any longer. Something inside of him just snapped.

“Cut the shit, Brian,” Zacky said harshly, his half eaten sandwich completely forgotten on the kitchen counter. “You can’t be jealous over someone you screwed over, and mind you, the word screwed is an understatement. You lost the right to be jealous of the guys Ellie talks to almost five years ago. Oh, wait, my mistake, technically you never really had the right to be jealous anyway because you were never officially together.”

“Wow, where is all of this coming from, Zack?” Brian asked defensively. He couldn’t have known about what happened between him and Ellie. Unless…

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Zacky snapped. “She told me everything that happened, everything you did to her, months ago. How could you do that to her? I know we technically we weren’t boyfriend material to most girls back then, but how could you treat Ellie that way, too? She’s different than all of them, and we were supposed to protect her from the guys like us. Plus, did you ever think of what Matt would do to you if he ever found out? Fuck, Brian, you knocked up his-“

“Do you have a death wish for me? Of course I know that! Matt wouldn't give a second thought about strangling me if he found out,” Brian hissed through his teeth as he listened to Matt moving around upstairs. “He’s only separated from us by a thin piece of sheetrock, and you’re talking loud enough to tell the whole state what happened! I can’t believe she told you everything, anyway.”

“It’s not like she wanted to, douchebag,” Zacky said. “I practically had to pry it out of her, which was not easy by the way. And then I had to listen to her tell me the twenty seven different ways you played with her emotions.”

“I’m not proud of what I did, Zack, you have to know that,” Brian pleaded. It was bad enough he hadn’t realized just how terrible he was to Ellie until she came back to California. Now, it was even worse since Zacky just confirmed all of those thoughts. “I was only twenty back then, and I was this asshole kid who thought he was the coolest thing to ever walk on the planet. You know that because that’s how we all were. I told myself I wasn’t taking advantage of her until I had convinced myself I was right.”

“You had all those other girls that threw themselves at you every single day, yet you had to pick the one girl who didn’t ask to be taken advantage of,” Zacky spat. He hadn’t realized how mad Brian’s actions had actually made him until now. Since he started ripping Brian a new one, the words were coming faster and faster. They were like an avalanche. “She would have done anything for you, man, and you know what the worst part is? After every fucked up thing you did to her, she still would take a bullet for you.”

“I know,” Brian said quietly as he hung his head in shame. No one had ever put him in his place like this before, not even his own father.

They sat in silence for a few moments with all the words they had just exchanged hanging in the air between them, making it so thick it was difficult to breathe. As quickly as Zacky’s rant had come, it had left him again as he looked at his best friend. He realized that what had happened had left Brian broken in some way, too. He sighed and then was about to speak, but Brian beat him to it.

“I know I was a terrible person for that, and I regret it. Ever since she came back, I judge myself for what I did every day,” Brian said. Zacky listened intently because he knew Brian was about to tell him something he had never told anyone else before. “I tried to push her away so many times, but it was just so hard. She was making me feel things I had never felt before. She scared the shit out of me because those feelings hit me so hard, and I didn’t know what to do with them. When everything happened in the end, when she told me she was pregnant, at that moment I realized that was the way to push her away, and I did it before I could back out. I realize now that was the worst possible thing I could ever have done.”

Brian paused for a moment, trying to find the best way to phrase what he was about to say next. “I didn’t really know what I was feeling until she was gone, and by then it was too late to get her back.”

“Are you trying to tell me that you-“ Brian knew what Zacky was trying ask, and he gave him a look that answered everything.

Ellie had told Zacky all of her deepest, darkest secrets months ago in Las Vegas, and now with that look, Brian had told him everything he had kept hidden inside of him for almost five years.

“You have to talk to her,” Zacky said. “I know I got a little carried away with yelling and everything just a minute ago, but you’re still my best friend, and you have to trust me. You have to tell Ellie. You owe it to her.”

“I want to,” Brian said. “Oh, God, you have to idea how much I want to, or how much I’ve tried to since she walked back into our lives again. There’s only one problem, though. I gave up the right to tell her that when I walked out on her.”