You're My Addiction

Ellie came walking out of the room Val was currently waiting in. She had a big smile on her face because Val looked so beautiful in her wedding dress, and she couldn’t be happier with the choice her brother made for his wife.

Val told her how she couldn’t wait until Ellie was her sister-in-law, which would be in a little under twenty minutes. Of course, Val had told her this before she had asked Ellie for a favor. Although Ellie wasn’t too happy about going through with what was asked of her, she wasn’t going to say no, and she wasn’t going to let it ruin her day.

She looked into the crowded church and smiled as she saw many of her relatives, chatting excitedly as they waited for the ceremony to begin. Matt was standing at the altar already, chatting with their father. Ellie could tell Matt was nervous because he kept tapping his foot and chewing his lip. For the occasion, Matt had taken out his piercings, along with the rest of the guys.

Zacky came up next to her and peeked into the church as well. Ellie looked at him and laughed because he looked so different without piercings covering his face, and neat, slicked back hair.

“Wow, you clean up nice, Mr. Baker,” Ellie said with a laugh. “I almost couldn’t recognize you.”

“Ha. Ha. That’s really funny, Ellie,” Zacky said, contorting his face to mock hers. “And I could say the same for you. I almost didn’t recognize you without your Scooby-Doo scrubs.”

“Hey!” Ellie cried with a laugh. She had to admit, though, that she did love the dresses Val had picked out. They didn’t make anyone look awkward or messy, like some bridesmaid’s gowns did. They were simple, yet elegant, with a strapless neck line and material that came just to the floor. They were the pale yellow Matt and Val had finally agreed on months ago, and Ellie couldn’t help but think how well the color was going to go with the location of the reception.

They had booked a place that opened right up onto the beach. It had an indoor space, and an outdoor space which had a breathtaking view of the ocean, so they were safe with their decision no matter what the weather brought on their wedding day. Fortunately, they had the most beautiful weather with clear blue skies, and a temperature that was not too hot and not too cold.

Ellie self-consciously ran a hand over her hair to make sure nothing was out of place. All of the bridesmaids had their hair done the same, as well, with a simple French twist and a yellow lily pinned in place for color.

Even though Matt and Val had stressed out a lot in planning this day, Ellie knew it was worth it because everything looked perfect.

“I heard about the line up,” Zacky said, instantly changing their playful conversation into an uncomfortable one. “Are you sure you’re okay with it? You know Val said you can change your mind at anytime if you want to. And just between you and me, I’d rather walk with you down the aisle anyway. The girl I’m supposed to walk with has been eyeing me up since Val introduced us, and I am not interested at all. I knew this cleaned up look was going to be something all the ladies couldn’t handle. I can tell Val that I’m uncomfortable with the arrangement, and then it won’t look like you’re trying to back out.”

“Zacky, I’m going to be fine. I can’t avoid him forever,” Ellie said with a sigh. “And I’m sure you’ll be fine, too.”

Val had changed the order everyone was supposed to walk down the aisle at the last minute. Michelle was her maid of honor, and Jimmy was the best man, so they were walking together no matter what. Everyone else was then arranged into height order to make everything look good, so that meant after Jimmy walked, the order would be Brian, Zacky, then Johnny.

As short as Ellie was, the other two bridesmaids seemed to be shorter, unfortunately. This meant Ellie had to walk down the aisle with Brian. Val told her she understood if Ellie didn’t want to, but she decided she was going to suck it up.

The day they had spent in their house after coming back was awkward beyond belief, as Ellie hadn’t talked to Brian since everything happened, and Matt still refused to talk to him. Ellie had told her brother he needed to patch things up with his friend, especially on his wedding day, but Matt had his mind set on being stubborn.

“I still can’t believe that happened,” Zacky said, trying not to laugh. “I know it’s not supposed to be funny, but I kind of wish I couldn’t have saw Matt try to strangle him. I’ve kind of wanted to strangle Brian a little bit myself after all he did to you.”

“No one is going to be strangling anyone,” Ellie said, still looking at the crowd so she didn’t have to look at Zacky. Everyone knew what happened that night between Brian and her, and it was embarrassing. “And now that everyone knows everything, I think it’s time to put it all in the past.”

“And you’re telling me you weren’t even a little bit drunk when this happened?” Zacky teased. Even though he felt bad about everything, he wasn’t letting her live down the stupidity of her actions. “And it only happened once, too.”

Ellie said something under her breath, but he couldn’t make out her words clearly. “What? I couldn’t hear you!”

“It happened only once, and then we fell asleep. End of story.”

“I once tried dieting,” Zacky said, and Ellie rolled her eyes. “Now, that meant I couldn’t eat as many cookies as I once loved. I was doing so well for three months, but then one day your stupid brother bought a package of stupid Chips Ahoy. That package of cookies stared at me for two days until I couldn’t take it anymore. I opened it, and ate one hoping it would make me feel better, but you know what happened then? I hate the whole damn package because you can never eat just one. Do you catch what I’m saying?”

“Yes, vividly,” Ellie said, still trying not to look at him. “I’m not lying to you, we only had sex once that night.”

“I’d believe you more if you told me the number was two,” Zacky said with a laugh as Ellie shook her head, denying anything. “How about three times? Or maybe-“

“Fine, you win!” Ellie whispered loudly. “Four times! We did it four times!”

Zacky broke out into laughter, and it was so loud that people in the church turned around to look at him. Just then, all of the groomsmen and bridesmaids walked out, getting ready for the music to begin playing.

“Ha! I knew it!” Zacky cried out, and Ellie frantically tried to get him to shut up before anyone heard what they were talking about.

“You knew what?” Brian asked as he came over. Everyone was starting to line up in order, and Ellie could spot in the far corner of the church that the quartet of violins was getting ready to play music.

“Nothing,” Ellie said as she walked over to stand behind Michelle and Jimmy. “Zacky’s just being an asshole.”

The music rang out and soared towards the high ceilings, signaling that everything was about to start. Michelle and Jimmy took the first steps, and Brian made sure they were a good distance away before he said anything.

“Are we going to talk about what happened the other night?” Brian whispered through the side of his mouth as they started to walk down the aisle together. They were arm in arm, but Ellie tried to keep herself as far away from him as possible so they didn’t have to touch so much.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Ellie replied, as she smiled at everyone. She didn’t want to be talking to him while they were being started at by all of her family and all of his friends.

“You’ve been avoiding me again ever since we came back,” he said, putting on appearances just like she was.

“Like I said, there’s nothing to discuss with you,” she hissed as quietly as possible. “And if there was, I don’t think that conversation would be very appropriate to have as I walk down the aisle of my brother’s wedding.”

“Fine,” he snapped back, trying to keep his voice as low as possible. “But you’re not running away from this. We are going to have this conversation, so you better be prepared at the reception.”

Ellie wanted to get away from him more than anything. She didn’t want to talk to him at the reception, and she didn’t want to have her arm in his anymore. Luckily, they had just reached the end of the aisle. She ripped her arm out of his grasp a little too roughly to go unnoticed, and she saw Matt give Brian a particularly icy glare as he took his spot beside Jimmy.

Ellie kept her eyes focused on what was going on so she wasn’t tempted to look at Brian. She could feel his eyes on her, burning a hole through her soul. She wanted to tell him to stop staring at her, and she wanted to gouge his eyes out with her fingers.

The last two made it down the aisle, and as they took their spots, the striking chords of the bridal march rang clear through the air. Everyone stood up and focused their attention on the door to the church as Val and her father took their first steps towards Matt.

Even Brian was watching them now, as she felt him drag his gaze off of her and onto the bride. Ellie let out a deep breath, and collected the pieces of her strength that had shattered during her conversation with Brian.

She had to be cold and distant to him, no matter how much she wanted to run up to him and beg him to be hers. Her feelings of desire were so powerful that she knew she had to be strong to resist them. If she didn’t she knew she would cave in a heartbeat.

Ellie felt a sad smile cross her face as she saw the pure joy and happiness that was on both Matt and Val’s face. They were about to get their happy ending, the future they had been searching for all of their lives. She was happy for them, but it made her sad more than anything because she didn’t know if she was ever going to get that fairy tale ending to her tragic love story.

Years ago, she had imagined everything ending this way for her. She was supposed to be the smiling bride, making her way up to the man she loved, and Brian was supposed to be where Matt was standing, waiting for her. He was supposed to be staring at her with that unwavering, loving gaze as she devoted herself to him.

Now, more than ever, Ellie thought that dream ending was never going to come true. She was never going to be the bride, and Brian was never going to be the groom. He had never cared about her in the way she had hoped he would.

That was why she knew the decision she had finally landed on last night had to be the right one. But, she thought, if it was supposed to be the right decision, why did it make her feel so terrible and so wrong? Why did it make her feel like she was about to make the biggest mistake of her life?

Ellie sat at the table, looking sullenly at the centerpiece. She had tried to have fun during the reception, but that proved to be impossible at this point. She had danced with Zacky, her brother, and countless others, but she still couldn’t get the thought of Brian off of her mind. He wanted to talk to her, and she wasn’t going to be able to avoid him when that time came around.

There was an orangey glow cast upon everyone as the sun was starting to set. A little bit ago, they had turned on thousands of Christmas lights that surrounded the whole area, and Ellie was sure as soon as it got dark out, it was going to be even more beautiful here.

Of course, in their tradition, a few of the boys’ friends were passed out already, not even making it to the cutting of the cake. Surprisingly, most people were on their best behavior, though.

Ellie sighed again as she swirled her fork around in her empty plate. She wanted, more than anything, to go home and be by herself. She was mad at herself for feeling that way, though, because she should have been enjoying everything.

The noise died down a little bit as a slower song started to play. Ellie recognized it as ‘Wild Horses’ by the Rolling Stones. She scanned the dance floor, and she saw Matt and Val dancing together. He was whispering something to her, and she was smiling, like she had been all day. Everyone always said your wedding day was the happiest of your life, and so far Val was proving that saying right.

A shadow was cast over where Ellie was sitting, and she looked up to see Brian standing over her. He was smiling at her, even though she had treated him so harshly before. She hadn’t wanted to act that way towards him, but it was the only way she could break herself off from him.

“Would you like to dance with me?” Brian asked as he held his hand out to her. She knew that in dancing with him, she would also have to have the talk he wanted, but she was going to have to do it sooner or later. She was going to have to tell him eventually.

She knocked back what was left in her champagne glass, and then she placed her hand in his own. His hands were so warm, and it made her will want to break. She felt her sadness growing as she realized this was going to be so much harder than she originally thought.

They walked over to the edge of all of the dancing people, almost to where the sand on the beach started. Brian wrapped his arms around her waist, and Ellie put hers around his neck. She searched his eyes, waiting for him to talk first. She wanted him to say what he was thinking.

Instead, he just smiled at her, and kept silent. Ellie wanted to get this over with, and the silence was killing her. She couldn’t wait for him to speak first, so she did instead.

“Brian I-“

“No,” he replied quietly. “Don’t say anything yet.”

Brian pulled her closer into him, and she instantly caved, resting her cheek on his shoulder. Ellie found herself melting into him, and she closed her eyes as everything felt so right and so wonderful. She gripped onto him tighter, never wanting to forget this one moment when everything was as perfect as it was ever going to get.

This is where she had wanted to be all along, right here in his arms. It felt so right to be there, and she couldn’t believe she was going to take herself away from this.

Whenever she was in Brian’s arms, it always felt like everything in the world just fell into the right place. It always felt better than anything that could be described, and the feeling never diminished no matter how much time had passed.

Ellie had grown up with time, but her feelings had always stayed the same. Her fear of giving into them was still there, too, which was why this couldn’t be where she belonged.

She felt a tear trace itself down her cheek and onto his jacket, and she felt her willpower dissolving with each second she stayed with him. They rocked slowly back and forth with each other, and Ellie wished everything could have worked out between them. She wished could be with him.

Ellie brought her hands down to his arms because she knew if she didn’t do this now, she wasn’t going to be able to do it ever. The longer Brian held her, the harder he was making this for her. She thought there was no other choice, so she had to tell him. It was now or never.

She pushed herself away from him, all of the people in the background barely existing to her at this point. Her heart was screaming out to her not to do this. Her heart was always going to stay in his hands, no matter where she tried to runaway to.

She looked up at him through her tear filled eyes, and she took a deep breath, ready to do the inevitable. He looked back at her, and he knew what was about to come. The look that crossed over Brian’s face almost made her change her mind again.

“Brian,” Ellie said as she shook her head, trying to dig up every ounce of courage she had.

“Ellie, don’t-“

“Chris asked me to move back to Pennsylvania with him,” she said slowly, uncertainly, the words lingering right in front of her lips. She had just told him that much, but with the tone in which she said it, Brian already knew what her decision was. She started talking again, but Brian was no longer listening. If he didn’t come up with the right thing to say, he was going to lose her again, and this time it was going to be forever. Ellie was saying something about how it was the best decision for the both of them, but he wasn’t going to accept her excuses.

“Don’t do it,” he said quietly as he looked into her eyes. He was trying to say everything he felt for her, everything he had always felt, with just that one look. Ellie looked away though because she couldn’t bear to look at him anymore. Instead, she focused her eyes elsewhere.

“What?” she asked, dumbfounded.

“You heard me,” he repeated, his voice a little stronger this time. “Don’t do it. Don’t move back with him. I don’t want you to because I want you to stay here. With me.”

Brian had never told her what he felt for her, and this was the closest he had ever come to that. She looked him in the eyes again, but she started to shake her head at what he said. Ellie tried to break away from him, but he held her back.

“No,” she said, trying to hold back tears. “Don’t do this to me! Why are you telling me this now?”

She tried one last time to pull herself from him, and she succeeded this time. “Ellie!” he called out to her, scared beyond belief that it was going to be the last time he ever saw her. She stopped and looked back at him one last time, the sadness in her face so great, and he realized that she didn’t want to leave. He realized that she was running away because if she stayed standing there with him, she was going to change her mind.

With that last glance, Ellie disappeared into the crowd as she ran away from the reception and everyone that was there. She ran away, leaving Brian to watch her retreating back as the sun set over the ocean, painting everything brilliant shades of orange, pink, and purple.