You're My Addiction

Ellie sat on her bed, looking at her luggage standing in the corner of the room. This had been one of the worst weeks of her life, which was saying a lot, and she was ready to go out of her mind. She hadn’t been sleeping very well and she wasn’t able to focus her mind on one task for very long. She was an emotional wreck, more so than she had been in awhile, and she hated it.

Everyone, including Val, had left to go on tour seven days ago. They weren’t coming home for another six months, and the house was going to be very empty until then. She had cried a lot when she had to say good bye to Zacky and Matt. She didn’t want them to leave because she wanted to spend as much time as possible with them. They didn’t want her to leave, either, but they supported her decision.

Brian hadn’t been there when she said goodbye. Half of her was wishing he had been there, but the other half was glad he stayed away. She wanted to see him one last time, hoping it would give her closure somehow. She wanted to justify leaving after he finally told her how he felt because almost every part of her had been telling her she made the wrong choice.

Ellie now had part of her heart back, but it ached greater than ever. It hurt because it knew it was going to be forced to love Chris.

She couldn’t concentrate on anything all week, and that was because it seemed the only thing her mind wanted to focus on was Brian. Every time she thought of him, she cried because it was almost like she was mourning over a great loss. The thought of spending the rest of her life without him was too unbearable.

So, in order to keep her mind off of him as much as possible, Ellie had devoted all her energy into packing. She had put all of her stuff into large brown boxes, packed away neatly and carefully. She focused on doing everything perfectly because then there was less room for her mind to focus on him. By the time she had almost packed her life fully away into just a few boxes, the reality of her decision really hit her.

Last night, she had a full emotional breakdown. Because she had been ignoring her thoughts, they had built up under the surface and exploded like a volcano, making her physically incapable of doing anything but crying. When she woke up this morning, her body aching from crying herself to sleep, Ellie knew what she had to do.

Early, she had dropped off Ginger at her parents’ house, and any moment now, a cab was going to be there to pick her up. She was going to the airport to get the earliest flight out of California. Ellie couldn’t sit in this house any longer because her sanity couldn’t take it anymore.

So now, Ellie stared at her two pieces of generic black luggage, hoping what she was about to venture into was going to turn out for the best. She forced herself off of the bed and went into the bathroom. On her way there, she faintly heard the sound of music coming from outside and found herself being jealous of whatever neighbor was having a picnic. She wished she could switch places with whoever it was.

Ellie flipped on the light switch in the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked pretty awful, but she had tried her best to fix that. She had dark circles and eyes that looked like road maps. Not to mention the awful frown that seemed to fix itself permanently onto her face after Brian had left. She sighed and then walked away, not really giving a damn who saw what she looked like. She wasn’t out to impress anyone in the airport, and she wanted time to wallow in her own misery without caring what other people thought about her.

She knew it was getting close to the time the cab was supposed to come, so she decided to take her luggage down to the door and check all of the windows to make sure they were locked. When Ellie placed her suitcases next to the front door, she noticed it oddly sounded like the loud music was coming from her front lawn, but she brushed it off, only thinking that the song she heard was one she always had loved. It was her favorite song, in fact.

Ellie went back upstairs and checked all of the windows, leaving her room for last. She pushed aside her curtains and pulled up the blinds. She noticed it was a nice day out, and she took one last moment to take in her surroundings here in California. She loved the neighborhood they lived in, and she loved this house more than anything. She loved sitting on the porch with Zacky at night, talking about anything but what was important, and she loved eating all the terrible meals Matt attempted to cook for them.

Her eyes scanned the green grass on the front lawn, and she froze in her spot as she saw exactly where the music she heard was coming from. Ellie never moved quite so fast in her life as she tore down the stairs and wrenched the front door open. Her heart pounded in her chest as she stood on the porch, frozen. For Ellie at that moment, everything in the world stopped in its tracks.

Right there, on the front lawn, Brian stood, holding one of his old acoustic guitars. He was in the middle of playing something, and Ellie was horrified to notice he was singing as well. He had a smile on his face as he looked at her, and her alone.

Dreams last so long, even after you’re gone…

Everything in Ellie’s world fell into place at that moment as she realized he had come back for her. She had done everything in her power to push him away, but somehow, he still came back to her.

I know you love me and soon you will see…

Ellie woke up out of her daze, and she slowly made her way down the steps of the porch and onto the grass. She hadn’t put any shoes on in her rush to get outside, and the grass was itchy against her bare feet, but she didn’t care. She was crying now, but it was so much different than when she had been crying yesterday. They were tears of joy: something she had never experienced before.

You were meant for me, and I was meant for you.

Ellie watched as Brian stopped singing and placed his guitar on the ground. Instead, he picked up a dozen roses that he a bought for her, apparently. “What are you doing here?” Ellie asked, noticing her voice seemed dream-like. She was suddenly afraid that this was all a dream and nothing that was happening was actually real. “You’re supposed to be on tour.”

“I know,” Brian replied. “But I just couldn’t let you go.”

“You planned this?” Ellie asked as she took a step closer. “The song and everything? And what about the band? Don’t you have to play at shows almost every day?”

“I know that song is your favorite,” he answered. He didn’t say anything else as his eyes scanned over the luggage standing in the doorway.

“How did you remember that?” They were being cautious with each other, thinking that with just one wrong word, this whole illusion would shatter.

“I remembered it for the same reason you still remember my favorite color is purple,” he answered simply. “Listen, Ellie, I’m not going to tie you down to stay here, but there are so many reasons why you shouldn’t go. I mean, I don’t even like that guy, for one-“

“Brian,” Ellie said, trying to stop him.

“And I don’t think I could be happy without you here. Your family is here, and Zacky,” Brian pleaded, his voice crackling. “If you’re not going to stay because of me, at least consider staying for them.”

“Brian, listen to me,” Ellie attempted again. All he did was shake his head and continue to speak, ignoring what she was saying.

“No, just let me talk for a minute,” he said. Brian wanted to say everything he had failed to last week, when his mind didn’t seem to be working right. “I think it’s not practical to move all the way across the country to be with someone you don’t even like. It’s colder there, and I never even liked Pennsylvania anyway. It’s one of my least favorite states, aside from Iowa. We would only be able to see you on holidays if you even come out here, or when we’re nearby on tour. You’ve got more people who care about you here than there, and you’re going to crush your brother if you move again. And, also-“

“Brian!” Ellie yelled, not wanting to hear what he had to say anymore. “As much as I would love to hear all one thousand reasons why Pennsylvania sucks, I think it would be a waste since I’m not even going there.”

“What, is he making you move to Maine so you’re even farther away?” he asked with just a touch of bitterness.

“No, I mean I’m not going anywhere, I’m staying here,” Ellie answered with a small smile. Brian looked happy at first, but then she noticed skepticism crossing his face.

“If you’re not leaving, then why do you have all that luggage by the front door?” he asked. Ellie turned around to look at it, and she honestly had forgotten she even put it there.

“My bags are packed because I was about to go to the airport,” Ellie said. “I was going to take the earliest flight to see you. I wanted to tell you that I was stupid to ever think I could be happy choosing Chris. I knew where I should have chosen to be all along, I just never wanted to admit it.”

“Oh,” Brian said quietly, realizing he had just said some really stupid things for no reason.

“So then that brings us to my question,” Ellie said with a raised eyebrow. “Why did you come here to see me?”

“Matt told me to try one more time,” Brian answered. Ellie was shocked at his answer, though. When they had all left for tour, Brian and Matt still weren’t speaking to each other. “He told me I was about to lose out on the greatest thing that could ever happen to me, and if I didn’t go to California right away, he was going to kick my ass again. Then, he gave me a hug and told me he had already canceled tonight’s show so I could come here to you.”

“I guess we have his approval, then,” Ellie said with a smile. “Although, I’m hoping he moves out after he gets back so he never has to see us in that situation again.”

“What made you change your mind?”

“I told you already,” she said, walking closer to him so there was almost no space in between them now. “I realized I was being stupid. I was miserable for four years in college because I had run away from you, and if I went away again, it would just be the same thing, except I would be unhappy for the rest of my life. I realized you have to take risks sometimes because if you always play it safe, you’ll never get what you want in life.”

“So, you’re really staying for good then?” Brian asked, almost like he thought she was playing some kind of sick joke on him. “And I’m going to be away for six months. Can you deal with me being away for that long?”

“Yes I’m really staying for good,” she replied, linking his arms around his neck. “And I waited six years for you; I don’t think six more months will really be any different. One week already went by, so it’s actually less than six months now, anyway. There are a couple conditions for this, though.”

“And what would they be?” Brian asked as he snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her in close to him. He brought his lips so close to hers that they were just barely touching.

“That we start this from the beginning,” she said, smiling. “When you come back, we start with a clean slate.”

“Done,” Brian said with a smile. He tried to distract her by kissing her, but she turned her face away and laughed.

“Promise me you’ll always be there for me, and that you won’t break my heart again,” Ellie said, a little more serious this time. “That no matter how much we have to be apart while you’re on tour or anything else, that I can trust you to be surrounded by lots of pretty, slutty girls. Remember, I have a brother that will kick your ass.”

“I promise,” he said with a smile, trying to kiss her again. “Besides, I know Matt’s fist hurts a lot.”

“Good, and one last thing,” Ellie said, laughing at Brian’s frustrated sigh. “Promise me that you will under no circumstances try to be the lead singer instead of the guitarist. Your singing skills aren’t quite as good as your ability to play the guitar.”

“I don’t have any plans to take Matt’s spot any time soon,” Brian replied laughing.

“Now that that’s taken care of,” Ellie said with a smirk. “How much time do you have left until you have to get back to the band?”

“Enough time to do many things,” Brian whispered into her ear.

“What do you have in mind?”

“A whole list of things, and not one of them something your brother would approve of,” Brian said mischievously. He kissed her finally and she laughed as they slowly took steps backwards towards the house.

“Okay, just promise me we won’t bring Matt up again for the rest of today,” Ellie said with a worried look on her face.

“Trust me, the last thing I want to think of is him right now,” Brian laughed as he picked Ellie up and carried her into the house, the roses falling on to the lawn, forgotten about. She guessed she was moving too slow for him. “The memory of waking up with him hovering over me is still burned into my brain!”

Ellie brought her face up to kiss Brian once again so he would stop talking about Matt.

She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, knowing she wasn’t ever going to love anyone else as much as him. It was one of the best moments of her life then, with the new feeling of having that empty hole in her chest filled once again.

As Brian kicked the front door closed with his foot, Ellie knew she wasn’t ever going to let go of him, and she would never run away from California after this. She was going to start listening to her heart more now, because when it came to happiness, her heart always seemed to know what was best.