Silverbell
Bitter Tears
Remus lay on the sofa in the living-room his forearm over his eyes. He didn't know what he'd been thinking. A letter had arrived for Bell today, a letter from her father. Normally Remus would have taken the letter and locked it away in his box, but today was different with Bell gone he had more free time, and more time to his thoughts, Sirius was on his mind most of the time as of late. Sighing he sat up and looked at the letter he'd been holding for the past half hour as he lay, thinking. The letter wasn't for him, he knew, but the letter was from Sirius. Remus took a quavering breath, he wondered how Sirius was. He knew he wouldn't be happy, Remus took a deep breath, he knew he probably wasn't in the best state of mind either, but was he healthy? Was he ill? Did he need anything?
Remus moved his hand to the upper right corner of the envelope. Sirius obviously still thought of Bell. He tore the corner. Did he still think of Remus? A loud sob one he'd been trying to suppress erupted from Remus's lips. “Oh God!” he sobbed as he began to weep. “I can't do it, I can't... I can't!” he cried. Briskly wiping away his tears he stood and marched to his bedroom. Grabbing a step-stool he put it buy his closet and stepping up took down the box marked “Uncle Remus's Things, Do Not Touch!” in big bold underlined letters. He'd taken to hiding everything in his closet since Bell had grown tall enough to reach his top drawer. He whispered the counter curse and opened the lid, he'd also jinxed it to emit a high pitched scream if ever opened with out said counter curse.
Taking the letter in hand he placed it in the box and re-lidded it. Climbing back onto the stool he stretched to place it back on the shelf. Suddenly there was a screech. “Damn it!” Remus shouted as he jumped dropping the box, it fell to the ground spilling out all of it's contents. Remus's head snapped to the window, Gloria, Bell's petite owl stood there looking at him with large innocent yellow eyes a letter that dwarfed her in her beak. Remus had told her to get a large strong owl, implored her not to look at the older owls the ones who were probably sick would get easily lost in a storm, but no she had to choose the smallest of the bunch. What really sold Bell was that Gloria had been marked down, the 'poor,' 'unwanted' creature was immediacy latched onto. Gloria was ancient and although Remus hating to think it did not seem long for this world, Bell however loved her greatly.
“Hello, Gloria!” Remus grumbled marching to the window, he was not in the mood to deal with the stupid bird and yanked the letter from it's beak. Gloria screeched at him angrily. Remus ignored her tossing the envelope onto his bed. He then turned his attention to the mess of scattered letters and photos on his floor.
Sighing heavily he began to pick up the discarded items and toss them back into the box haphazardly. His hand froze halfway as picked up a photo, it was himself reading, he laughed maybe being raised by a bookworm is why Bell was one too. Suddenly from out of frame a tall dark haired boy leaped onto his back with an inaudible roar! With a silent shout young Remus rolled away from his book and locked his arms around Sirius's upper body. Remus sobbed setting his back against the side of his bed. The two boys grappled with each other rolling in the grass until James, the photographer, called their names. Stopping mid-battle they looked up Remus craning his neck to see as he lay on his back, Sirius lying atop his grinned broadly. The boys both waved and then stopped moving.
Remus let out such a cry then, his heart though never fully mended was now wrenched in two. “Oh God, Sirius!” he cried. “Why, why did you do it? Why did you kill them?” Remus crumpled to the floor. “They loved you!” he bawled. “To James you were a brother! To Peter a friend and guardian!” he lamented. “Lily, Lily loved you, your lazy ass always forgetting you home work you would never have graduated if not for her! And I,” he exclaimed. “I l-l-” he couldn't bring himself to say it, if he said it, it made it true, made it all real.
“I hate you!” Remus screamed crumpling the picture as he clenched his fists. “I hate you Sirius, I hate you!” Standing Remus grabbed everything and threw it all into the box. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out his wand, he was going to burn them, all of them! Rage filled him as he stretched forth his hand. “Incend-” he started. “Incedi-” he tired again, he couldn't do it, couldn't say Incedio. Tears fell to the floor as he looked at the letters, 'Jelly Belly,' 'Bell,' 'Silverbell,' he couldn't do it, they weren't his, they were Bells. Sirius didn't think about Remus anymore, but he thought about her.
Carefully placing the box back in the top of his closet he wiped his face, closing the door he braced his back against it, terrified, his eyes squeezed shut. Opening his eyes he looked at his bed, at the letter. No, he couldn't, he couldn't do it, not that, Bell still needed him. Taking a shaky breath he lowered his wand he almost hadn't realized he had been pressing against his own leg, the most forbidden curse playing on his lips. No, Bell needed him...
Remus moved his hand to the upper right corner of the envelope. Sirius obviously still thought of Bell. He tore the corner. Did he still think of Remus? A loud sob one he'd been trying to suppress erupted from Remus's lips. “Oh God!” he sobbed as he began to weep. “I can't do it, I can't... I can't!” he cried. Briskly wiping away his tears he stood and marched to his bedroom. Grabbing a step-stool he put it buy his closet and stepping up took down the box marked “Uncle Remus's Things, Do Not Touch!” in big bold underlined letters. He'd taken to hiding everything in his closet since Bell had grown tall enough to reach his top drawer. He whispered the counter curse and opened the lid, he'd also jinxed it to emit a high pitched scream if ever opened with out said counter curse.
Taking the letter in hand he placed it in the box and re-lidded it. Climbing back onto the stool he stretched to place it back on the shelf. Suddenly there was a screech. “Damn it!” Remus shouted as he jumped dropping the box, it fell to the ground spilling out all of it's contents. Remus's head snapped to the window, Gloria, Bell's petite owl stood there looking at him with large innocent yellow eyes a letter that dwarfed her in her beak. Remus had told her to get a large strong owl, implored her not to look at the older owls the ones who were probably sick would get easily lost in a storm, but no she had to choose the smallest of the bunch. What really sold Bell was that Gloria had been marked down, the 'poor,' 'unwanted' creature was immediacy latched onto. Gloria was ancient and although Remus hating to think it did not seem long for this world, Bell however loved her greatly.
“Hello, Gloria!” Remus grumbled marching to the window, he was not in the mood to deal with the stupid bird and yanked the letter from it's beak. Gloria screeched at him angrily. Remus ignored her tossing the envelope onto his bed. He then turned his attention to the mess of scattered letters and photos on his floor.
Sighing heavily he began to pick up the discarded items and toss them back into the box haphazardly. His hand froze halfway as picked up a photo, it was himself reading, he laughed maybe being raised by a bookworm is why Bell was one too. Suddenly from out of frame a tall dark haired boy leaped onto his back with an inaudible roar! With a silent shout young Remus rolled away from his book and locked his arms around Sirius's upper body. Remus sobbed setting his back against the side of his bed. The two boys grappled with each other rolling in the grass until James, the photographer, called their names. Stopping mid-battle they looked up Remus craning his neck to see as he lay on his back, Sirius lying atop his grinned broadly. The boys both waved and then stopped moving.
Remus let out such a cry then, his heart though never fully mended was now wrenched in two. “Oh God, Sirius!” he cried. “Why, why did you do it? Why did you kill them?” Remus crumpled to the floor. “They loved you!” he bawled. “To James you were a brother! To Peter a friend and guardian!” he lamented. “Lily, Lily loved you, your lazy ass always forgetting you home work you would never have graduated if not for her! And I,” he exclaimed. “I l-l-” he couldn't bring himself to say it, if he said it, it made it true, made it all real.
“I hate you!” Remus screamed crumpling the picture as he clenched his fists. “I hate you Sirius, I hate you!” Standing Remus grabbed everything and threw it all into the box. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out his wand, he was going to burn them, all of them! Rage filled him as he stretched forth his hand. “Incend-” he started. “Incedi-” he tired again, he couldn't do it, couldn't say Incedio. Tears fell to the floor as he looked at the letters, 'Jelly Belly,' 'Bell,' 'Silverbell,' he couldn't do it, they weren't his, they were Bells. Sirius didn't think about Remus anymore, but he thought about her.
Carefully placing the box back in the top of his closet he wiped his face, closing the door he braced his back against it, terrified, his eyes squeezed shut. Opening his eyes he looked at his bed, at the letter. No, he couldn't, he couldn't do it, not that, Bell still needed him. Taking a shaky breath he lowered his wand he almost hadn't realized he had been pressing against his own leg, the most forbidden curse playing on his lips. No, Bell needed him...