Help Me.

Light poured in through the windows, blinding me momentarily. My eyes fluttered open slowly, allowing them to adjust to the new lighting.

At first, things were a blur. Everything was spinning until a head of red appeared. Bright green eyes, pale skin, and sweet lips that formed a grin appeared above me.

Suddenly, everything was in focus, but my eyes stayed trained on him. He smiled sweetly, showing off a row of white teeth, and a soft giggle escaped his plump lips that looked so inviting.

“Maxie, what are you doing? Stop this, get up already,” Deni ordered, the feel of his warm fingers against my hand sendt jolts up my spine.

I went to move, but I couldn’t. The blankets around me tightened, keeping me still in bed. The smile on Deni’s face fell and his eyebrows furrowed as he asked, “What are you doing? Get up.”

I opened my mouth, trying to speak, but I felt something, something blocking my path. No words passed my lips and although I tried desperately to do so it didn’t work. I was still and the look of disappointment on Deni’s face tore my heart apart.

“Maxie, please, I love you. Stop it, get up.”

But I couldn’t. I wanted to say it. I couldn’t get up. Something was stopping me, but what was it?

Deni sighed and moved in, his lips ghosting across my own. The warmth that I felt made my heart beat erratically in my chest and I wanted to kiss back, so bad, but…I couldn’t.

“It’s the same dream…almost every night.”

“Why do you think you get this dream?” Brody asked, my therapist of three weeks.

Yes, three weeks I’ve been here, in this…place. I didn’t want to call it hell because there were some good moments, but it wasn’t the best place either.

There were people here, people like me. It made me feel somewhat welcomed, but there were others who looked at me with hatred, others who scared me, frightened me, made me feel like I shouldn’t be here, but I tried my best to ignore them.

After all, Brody has informed me that I’ll be here until he and the others feel I am capable to leave. Right now, I’m sure we both know I am not ready to leave.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “Maybe, because I miss him…maybe because I’m a freak…”

Brody frowned. I’ve learned that he doesn’t like it when I put myself down. I rolled my eyes more to myself than him when I heard him speak, “Please don’t say that Max. You are not a freak. You’re just going through a hard time, a lot of people do.”

“Yeah…right.” I didn’t believe him. If so many people went through this, why did I feel like the only one?

Our time ended and I got up to leave. Brody had one last thing to say to me before I left though.

“I want you to think about that dream Max. It might tell you something.”

Like what? That I didn’t have that beautiful boy anymore? That there was obviously something wrong with me?

I nodded anyways and exited the room. The halls were pretty empty. It was a nice day out and people were allowed outside. Of course the roaming was limited and we were watched at all time, but still…

I walked out the back doors and inhaled the fresh air. Inside smelled stale and boring, if something can smell boring. I looked around the yard for a familiar face. When I found him, Stanley, I walked to his side.

He was here for the same reason as me.

“How was therapy?” Stanley asked, sitting under a tree, his back pressed against the trunk. Sadly, he wouldn’t be here much longer since he’s already been here for about six months and it was obvious that he was making great progress.

I enjoyed having Stanley around. Since we suffered from the same thing he was able to help me. But at the same time he couldn’t because we both started this addiction for different reasons.

“Same as usual. Boring and pretty pointless,” I answered truthfully. I never understood therapy. It seemed that he asked the same questions and we got no where, or at least I did. Maybe because he’s a therapist he gets more from this?

“It seems so at first man, but trust me when I say you’ll get it later on.” He reached out and gripped my shoulder, massaging it for a moment before snapping his fingers. “My stomach is demanding food lets get our fat asses up and get some.”

“Your fat ass. My ass is fine,” I chuckled, getting myself a slight glare, one that I didn’t return.

Like I said, I couldn’t say I hated this place, but I didn’t love it either. The food wasn’t so great. My room mate was kind of weird, but so was I so I can’t judge and I didn’t feel like a teenager, but I needed this…

Deni would have wanted me to do this, to become myself again.