Frank's Last Words

The Past

There was a gap in the curtains where they didn’t quite close properly and the sun was filtering through. This was what woke her. She didn’t have a clue what time it was but she didn’t care, all she cared was that she was where she wanted to be. She felt content, more content than she’d ever known.

He was snuggled up behind her, close up and as she looked down she could see his arm slung across her stomach, his fingers, Halloween fingers resting on her belly. His skin was darker than hers, quite a lot darker and she hadn’t realised how pale she was until now.

Suddenly she had the urge to pee so as carefully as she could she lifted his arm up off her and wriggled out of the bed but before she left she just had to turn back and look at him once. He was beautiful asleep.

He was awake when she came into the room and she felt bashful because she was totally naked, standing in front of him. Bashful because she thought he’d still be asleep and hadn’t expected those eyes to be staring when she came into the room. She couldn’t work out why she’d be embarrassed because he’d seen everything, had touched everything, kissed almost everything last night.

He flung back the bed sheet and she got in.

“Ooh, you’re feet are cold,” he said as he drew her towards him. She sat up and kissed his neck, right where his scorpion tattoo was, and he still smelt slightly of his cologne from the day before.

“Thanks for staying with me,” said Frank.

“Its OK, I wanted to.” Said Lily looking into his eyes then she reached up and touched his lip ring. “Did this hurt when you got it done?” She asked.

“A little,” he said smiling widely, the smile she loved to see. “Don’t tell me…you’ve always wanted one too but…it wouldn’t look right with a leotard.”

She smiled at him, “I have to go soon but…before I do,” she said leaning into him, pressing her breasts against his chest, hearing him grown slightly as she moved her hand down his body. “I just want to…”

Then she didn’t finish, just placed her mouth over his and crawled on top of him.

**

After this they became a couple. She saw him nearly all the time and they slipped into a routine of him meeting her after work and walking her home then she’d meet up with him, either at his house where sometimes they’d share a huge family meal then go on to his gig if they were playing if not, she’d meet him at the venue. She always stood in the same spot, on his side of the stage, watching and listening to them all, but mesmerized by him and the way he played.

She loved him, she knew it. She was in love with this rocker boy with his tattoos, his contagious laugh and smile but they hadn’t said anything about the ‘L’ word yet.

About three times a week they slept together at his house. His parents were so good about it, they left them to it and sometimes they weren’t even there as they often stayed with his grandparents. His small blue bedroom was like their own little private world and she loved those nights where they’d talk themselves to sleep, and tell each other their secrets and their aspirations for the future.

One particularly morning as she was getting dressed in his room before leaving to go to the dance studio she watched him, lying back on his bed, hands behind her head just watching her.

“Lily, come here.” He said in a quiet voice.

“Not now Frank, I’m going to be late.” She said rolling her eyes at him.

“It won’t take a second, I…want to say something to you.”

“OK but don’t mess about, you know Madame Zola is a stickler for timekeeping.”

“I know,” he said as he grabbed hold of her and just held her to him. She leant on his chest and breathed in deeply, loving the scent of his skin, even after making love to her twice and sleeping for the night. Even then she still loved the scent of him.

His fingers were tracing patterns all the way up her back and she giggled.

“I love you.” He said, this muffled sound as he was talking into her hair.

She abruptly sat up.

“I love you.” He said again and his eyes were so obviously full of love she wanted to cry.

“I…love you too,” she said then rested her head onto him again. So he loved her back and she felt so content at this revelation. She couldn’t wait to tell her mother. “But, I really need to get going,” she said reluctantly getting up and going over to the pile of clothes that were strewn on his chair, her face flushed from what they’d just spoken about. She’d never felt happier.

But then Frank spoke, breaking the moment.

“So…when do I get to go to your house and meet your mother? When do I get to sleep in your bed?” He said.

She turned away, reaching in her bag for the usual red apple that she ate for breakfast. She always carried a red apple with her.

“Soon,” she said taking a bite. “Mom’s been so busy lately, she’s a little antisocial when she writes. I’ll take you home soon. Promise.”

“I hope so,” said Frank who was getting a little tired of this situation. But something deep inside of him knew the real reason why she didn’t want him there.

“I have to go Frank, I’m running late and its all your fault,” said Lily changing the subject and heading over to him and quickly pecked him on the cheek.

“Hey, you taste of apple.” He said pulling her down and holding her tight, not letting her get away.

“Frank, don’t, I’m going to be so late. I have a class starting in twenty minutes and it takes me twenty five minutes to get there.”

“Sorry,” said Frank, a little put out. What was her problem? She needed to live a little.

“Its OK. See you outside the school, yeah?” Said Lily getting up once again from his bed.

“Yeah I suppose. Usual time?” Said Frank looking up at her with his chocolate eyes.

“Yep, 5pm. Don’t be late.” She said, and then was gone.

So what if I am late thought Frank who was getting sick of picking Lily up at the usual time, walking her back to her house and not even being allowed in for a drink.

Zach was right after all.

That Night

“So Frank didn’t collect you from the dance school this evening after all,” said her mother.

“No, his mother needed him to do something for her and its going to take most of the evening.”

“OK.” Said her mother watching her daughter’s face. She’d hardly seen her these past few weeks, she was busy with Frank and she was pleased for her. Her face lit up when she spoke about him, but Caroline hoped to have met Frank by now and wondered why her daughter had never brought him home.

“Lily, you know Frank can come here any time don’t you?” She said, washing up some dishes at the sink.

“Yes, I was going to ask you if, may be tomorrow. Could Frank come for dinner? Nothing fancy, don’t go to too much trouble.” She said looking at her with expectant eyes.

“Of course he can, he’s welcome here any time Lily, I’m surprised I’ve not met him by now.” Said her mother.

“I know, I just…didn’t get round to it.” She said but she was finally ready to show him everything she had, she was sure he’d realise that it wasn’t her at all, all this. She loved Frank so much, so much that she’d live in a tent as long as she could be with him. She hoped he’d understand.

That night she realised she hadn’t spoken to him for most of the day so decided to call up. The phone clicked over to voicemail so she decided to leave a message for him.

“Hey you, hope you’re OK and your mom hasn’t overworked you. Call me; I need to say a sweet goodnight to you. Still love you.”

But he didn’t call at all but then she wasn’t worried about it. He loved her after all so she knew that he was probably just busy and it had got too late to call knowing that she had work the next day.

On waking she checked her messages.

Nothing.

Frowning she knew she had to get ready for the dance school and as he often slept in she didn’t want to call up and disturb him so decided she’d just text him a message.

HOPE YOU’RE OK. LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING YOU, I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO TELL YOU. LOVE YOU. L XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She pressed send then carried on to work knowing that she had a busy day ahead settling in some new students.

**

She could see him outside but he wasn’t by the doors where he usually stood, he was standing out by the school gates. He was pacing up and down, his hoody up and hands in his pockets, his jeans low and she could see the Sponge Bob boxers that she’d bought him.

He always lifted her heart when she saw him and just made her smile immediately. She just wanted to hold him close, tell him that he was invited to hers for dinner that evening, he could come back with her now, meet her mother and she just couldn’t wait, she’d left it too long.

But as she approached he didn’t look pleased to see her. He looked worried, concerned about something and she hoped that his family weren’t ill. What was wrong with him?

“Hi. You OK? I was getting worried about you Frank, we haven’t spoken since yesterday morning,” she said. “What’s wrong?” He hadn’t come to her like usual, hadn’t held on to her and pulled her in for a hug.

Something was definitely wrong. Her stomach sank.

“I need to talk to you Lily.” He said, not looking at her.

Please look at me, why can’t you look at me? Thought Lily a feeling of dread rising up like bile in her body.

“What is it Frank?” She said but she was a little apprehensive to hear what was wrong with him. He loved her didn’t he? Everything was fine wasn’t it?

“Lets walk, then I’ll explain.” He said. He didn’t want to do it but had to. He didn’t want to be made to look like a fool. He had to do this.

“Lily, I…I’ve had a great time, but…”

”A great time doing what?” Asked Lily. She was shrieking slightly, the way her voice was coming out didn’t quite sound like her own. She had to calm down here or she’d make a fool of herself. Deep breath she thought.

“Us. I’ve had a great time but, I…I think we’re over Lily.” He said. He still hadn’t looked up and she grabbed his arm to try and get him to look at her but all he seemed interested in was his feet.

“You’re not serious but…you said yesterday that…. What have I done Frank? Can’t we talk about this properly?” She said.

“Oh Lily,” he said and he looked at her, directly in her eyes and she knew he still loved her. He had to. You don’t tell someone you love them for the first time only two days prior to ending it. It just didn’t happen.

“It’s not going to work.” He said. “I’ve thought and thought about this over the past couple of days. I’m going away on tour and you have your dancing.” He was making excuses now.

“So what? We can make this work, I know we can.” She said but she sounded as though she was pleading and she didn’t want to sound like that.

“Lily. Listen to me; I don’t want to say anymore about it. We had a good time while it lasted. Its over don’t you understand. It’s not going to work. I have to go.” He said. “Sorry.” Then he walked away. You’d better turn back, turn back just once and look at me. Don’t just leave me here without turning back to look. Just…don’t.

Well he did look back. He looked back at Lily, a sad look on his face and a little bit of her thought then that he couldn’t really mean it. How could he? After all they’d had these past weeks. It was so good and perfect. But Lily was stubborn, she was convinced he’d contact her, say sorry, say that he didn’t mean it, say that he loved her after all and didn’t mean what he’d said.

For days she thought this, for days she dwelled on the fact. Those days turned into weeks and then she realised he wasn’t going to budge on this. He hadn’t contacted her and there was no way that she would contact him.

It was over.

That’s what he’d said.

It was over because he said it wouldn’t work and for the life of her she wanted to find out why.

But she picked herself up a little; saw more of Carly and Zach until Carly left to go to the job she got offered in New York.

But she’d be OK, she had to be.

She would just liked to have known why he’d done it.

The Present

She hadn’t looked back anymore after he’d tapped her on the shoulder and said “Lily…is that you?”

She’d only nodded at him, immediately aware of how good he looked. His hair was longer, darker and it suited him. He had on a smart suit, shirt and tie. She’d never seen him dressed like that before but before she’d turned away from him to concentrate on the movie she noticed his scorpion tattoo just peeping out above his shirt collar, the place on his neck that she’d kissed so often.

MCR were ushered out first and she wondered if she’d get the chance to see him. They were huge at the moment and she smiled as she watched some of their ‘heavies’ standing close to them, making sure that no one was going to get to them. She doubted she’d be allowed near him now.

“What did you think?” Her mother said to her as they stood up.

“The movie was great, they did an amazing job on it, except they didn’t include my favourite part, you know the bit with the kid vampire. How come?”

“They couldn’t include everything,” she said. “Come on, I could do with a drink now. Everyone is taking it well.” She said turning to her daughter. Lily noticed how bright her mother’s eyes were. She was happy for her. She watched John take her hand and lead her away.

”Taking what well?” Lily said following close behind her mother, trying to keep up with them.

”The fact that C S Wilson is a woman, the fact that C S Wilson is me.” She said turning to her daughter.

Then they heard a voice.

“I’ve always known it was you, you know that,” they heard and they both knew who it was.

It was Tre Cool and he was standing right next to her mother. Just staring at her.

Lily couldn’t help but notice her mother’s hand drop away from John’s.

**

Lily and John had left her mother chatting to Tre and headed over to get a drink.

“Who was that guy Lily, I don’t know him.” Said John taking a glass of champagne from a tray that a waitress was holding out to him. Lily took a glass of orange juice.

“Um…I think it was someone that she knew. A long time ago.” She replied. “His name’s Frank but I don’t know him, I’ve just heard her speak of him.”

“Oh. Right.” Said John and she watched his gaze fall upon her mothers and she felt sorry for him because she’d seen the way she’d looked at Tre and she doubted that her mother would ever look at John like that.

**

She couldn’t see her mother anywhere and she didn’t know who to talk to. Everyone else seemed to be mingling and laughing together in their own little crowds and she wondered what had happened to the MCR guys. She stood for a while after drinking another orange juice then decided to go to the ladies room. Just something to do really rather than stand around looking a complete overdressed idiot.

That’s when she saw him, he was standing outside, biting his thumbnail looking so gorgeous she just stood still for a moment and then she realised something.

She still loved him.

This guy who called her Snow White in their own personal time, who’d told her all his secrets, the one with so much energy and who had this memorable smile that she missed. Yes him, she still loved him but he didn’t want her and she just had to try and overcome it. Well, she was married after all.

She decided she couldn’t speak to him, he lived in a different world from her and speaking to him wouldn’t help. She’d have to get on with it, forget they’d ever been together and just accept that he didn’t want her. That was the reason he dumped her and she was stupid hanging on to these feelings for him. He just didn’t want her.

She turned to walk away but it was too late. He’d seen her.

“Lily! Hey, wait up.” He said. She looked upwards towards the ceiling. This wasn’t going to make it any easier.

He touched her shoulder causing that electricity bolt to jolt through her again. Why did he have to touch her? Why did he touch her like that? He didn’t have to.

“Hi,” she said turning and looking into those familiar eyes. She’d missed seeing those too.

“How have you been?” He said.

“I’ve been…good. The school is going well, we’re so busy and… I loved the theme tune to Bloodsuckers, its fantastic. It’s going to be a hit for you.” She said. She could smell the familiarity of him, his usual scent and it was sending her stomach haywire.

“Thanks, Gerard wrote it, Bloodsuckers being his all time favourite book, it just flowed out of him. Listen Lily, have you heard from Zach at all? He seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth. I’ve not heard from him since…just after, you know…we left for that tour. Is he OK?”

She had to tell him then but didn’t really want to. There was no reason not to but for some little reason she felt like she was betraying Frank, stupid as it was.

“Zach’s fine. I saw him just this morning,” Lily replied turning away.

“Good, good, so you still see him regularly?” He asked.

“Yes I see him regularly. We’re married.”