Frank's Last Words

My heart was fluttering as I watched him, he’d glanced away from me and began talking to someone, talking and laughing. The guy he was talking to had jet black hair and was smoking. I noticed that he offered a cigarette to Frank who immediately took one. I was slightly disappointed, as I hated smoking. Then I wondered what it had to do with me, I was just a girl who had turned up to his after show party, what did it have to do with me whether he smoked or not?

“That’s him, that’s Gerard.” Said Carly whispering into my ear.

“Which one?” I said.

“The guy standing next to Frank. He’s in the band that Frank’s joining, I told you about him Lily. Isn’t he gorgeous?” She said.

”Yeah, I suppose,” I said but not as gorgeous as Frank I thought to myself.

Zach came over and handed us a bottle of beer each, I didn’t drink beer, in fact I didn’t drink at all but I sipped at it slowly, pretending to enjoy it.

“Zach you know Lily doesn’t drink,” said Carly.

”Sorry but there’s nothing else,” said Zach looking very apologetic.

“Its OK, its not that bad really,” I said.

“He’s coming over,” I said. But I’d said it out loud, I thought I’d just thought it but I’d said it out loud. Damn.

“Who?” Said Zach trying to see who I was looking at.

“Frank, the guy you know, he’s…he’s coming this way.”

I could tell the way Zach looked at me that he knew immediately that I liked Frank. It must have been so obvious, the way I was looking at him, and I’d have to be careful. I wasn’t used to these feelings. I’d hardly been out with anyone, I spent most of my time dancing and I also knew that I had a show to do tomorrow, The Nutcracker so I couldn’t stay out too late.

“Hi,” said a voice. It was Frank and he was standing right beside me, talking to me.

“Hi,” I said.

”Frank, let me introduce you, this is Carly’s friend, Lily.”

He put his hand out to shake mine and I noticed the tattoos on his fingers. He had some letters on each finger and I wanted to look again and read them properly. What did they say?

“Hi Lily, did you enjoy the show?” He asked. His eyes were dark and deep and I felt my face blush but hopefully in the dim light nobody would notice.

“It was great, it was my first gig,” I said watching his reaction.

His eyebrows rose and he smiled widely.

“So, you lost your gig virginity to me,” he said and my face after that comment must have been bright red and I probably had my usual red patchy neck that I got when I got embarrassed. I hated blushing, it was the bane of my life, I just couldn’t help it and it made me feel so young and immature.

Carly laughed loudly beside me at Frank’s comment. She laughed too loudly I thought. Trying to impress as usual.

“It seems that way,” I said smiling at him.

“So…was it good for you?” He said. He knew he was embarrassing me and it was as though he got some kick out of it. Zach laughed loudly too but before I could answer the guy Carly liked was joining us.

“Hey, Gerard, you must meet Lily, this was her first ever gig tonight,” he said.

So fucking what? So fucking what that it was my first gig. Was I abnormal? I felt like I was being made a fool of and as soon as I’d finished my beer I was going to make my excuses and leave.

“And I’m pleased to say, I haven’t frightened her off and hopefully, she’ll come and see us play. You will, won’t you Lily, you’ll come and see MCR play?”

I wasn’t expecting this.

“Of course, of course I will.” I said taking a swig from the bottle of beer, and then winced slightly at the bitter after taste. I glanced at Frank and he winked at me. May be I wouldn’t leave so soon after all.

“Gerard have you met Carly before?” Said Frank.

I glanced at Carly and she wasn’t blushing. Of course she wasn’t, she was always in control, that was Carly.

“Don’t think I have as I’d have remembered,” said Gerard. “Hi.” He said then offered her a cigarette. She took one and I couldn’t believe it. I’d never known her to smoke. He offered one to me.

”I don’t smoke, thanks,” I said awkwardly.

“Its OK, I wish I didn’t,” he said. “One day I’m going to crack it. Its shit,” said Gerard.

“That’s right, it’s not cool, don’t start smoking Lily if you can help it.” Said Frank and he made me feel a whole lot better, he made me feel as though I was the right one for refusing a cigarette and I knew that Carly would hate that. She obviously thought she’d try and be cool and accept a cigarette.

“You’re not enjoying that beer are you?” said Frank looking at me.

“No, I don’t drink but Zach said there’s nothing else.”

“Come with me, I’ll find you something,” said Frank. “I think there’s loads of cans of drink somewhere.”

I followed him, he wasn’t very tall, I couldn’t guess at a height but I knew he was still taller than me as most people were. I'd always wished I could be taller. Ballerinas were meant to be tall, tall and with long legs and this was one of the reasons why I’d never make it as a dancer. I danced in shows but to appear on stage, to appear in theatres around the world I’d have to gain at least six more inches. I’d only found this out a couple of years ago, my dream shattered. I loved dancing and couldn’t imagine what I’d do with my life if I couldn’t do it.

He offered me a can of coke and I took it.

“Thanks.” I said. “So…are you looking forward to playing with your new band?” I asked, bravely.

“Yeah, they’re great guys, they’re just original and so talented. You will come won’t you?” He said.

“I’d love to, when’s your first gig?” I said pulling the tab on the coke.

“In two days. Tomorrow I have a day off which I’ll probably spend in bed. What are you doing tomorrow?”

“I’m…I’m in a show.” I said. I didn’t feel ready to tell him, Carly always took the piss out of my dancing. I’d often asked her to come and see my shows and she never had.

“Oh, so what are you going to do…in this show?” He said inhaling on his cigarette.

“I dance, I’m in a ballet called The Nutcracker,” I said.

“I’ve heard of it. Do you have to dance on those pointy toe things?” he said

“Yeah, I dance on those pointy toe things,” I said. “You can come if you like.” I said. What the fuck had I said that for? Why on earth would this hot guy with tattoos want to come and watch me dance? Stupid, stupid bitch, no wonder Carly takes the piss out of me.

“I think I’m busy but, may be,” he said. Of course he wouldn’t come, he was just being polite.

“Shall we go back to find everyone?” I said.

“No, I’m going to grab my stuff and get out of here. Come with me.” Said Frank, staring at me, he wasn’t smiling anymore, he was being deadly serious.

“Come with you?” I said, blushing again. I hated myself; I had no confidence apart from when I was on stage dancing. Why couldn’t I be confident and chatty like Carly? Everyone loved Carly.

”Yeah. Forget everyone else; I’m going to take a long slow walk home. I like walking when I’ve got the chance and walking at night, in the cool air…you can’t beat it. Come with me Lily, I’ll walk you home. Do you live far?”

“About half an hour’s walk away,” I said. He wanted to spend some time with me? He wanted me to walk with him, I should make my excuses, say I’m with Carly and that her and Zach would take me home but I wasn’t going to. I was going to finally do what I wanted to do; I was going to go with him.

Carly was surprised I was going and Zach barely spoke as I left. Who cared? For once in my life I was going to do what I wanted and that moment in time I wanted Frank to walk me home, I wanted to talk to him, to find out all about him.

And I did.

And that was the beginning of two wonderful months together.

The best two months of my life and now, one year later as I got out of my bath to tend to my husband, all I could think of was Frank; I wondered what he was doing right now. Was he with anyone? Was he happy?

I hoped he was happy, of course I hoped that.

But I wanted him to be happy with me but that was impossible, he’d dumped me and I knew at some point I’d have to come to terms with it but to come to terms with it I wanted a proper reason as to why he’d done it.

And to find out the reason, I’d have to see him again.