Just Another Reason I Could Never Forget You.

Maria and Kara's arrival was under half an hour away. Maria had called Jack only a few minutes before I left to say they were nearing the hour mark and couldn't call him again after, due to a change in drivers. Needless to say, I was terrified. I'd set up merch early in the day in the hopes of avoiding the boys for the rest of the night and, in turn, Kara and Maria.
So far, that plan had failed.
Alex had come leaping off his tour bus as I'd been making my way back to my boys and dragged me off into New York to avoid Jack and Rian while they prepared frantically for their girlfriend's arrival. This had been half an hour ago, and I was currently sat in Subway eating whatever sandwich Alex had thrown in front of me and shifting nervously every time I looked at the clock.
"You know, the girls want to meet you. Jack told them about the other night and they've decided that it would be good to have another girl in the group," he chuckled, though the discomfort in his words was apparent.
"I - um - I don't think that'd be a good idea, Alex," I told him, hoping he would just assume it was due to the other night and not think too much into it.
"Oh, go on, just meet them. It'll be fine just the once. They're just tired of being vastly outnumbered," he pressed. I shook my head.
"I can't, Alex; I just can't," I told him. I was tempted to walk back alone, but I knew walking twenty-five minutes down Broadway alone would be something I didn't want to do. Well, twenty-five minutes walking alone anywhere was something I didn't want to do right now. "Can we just head back? I'm not feeling too well, and I know I'll just end up being an even bigger bitch to you if I don't go lie down for a bit."
"I can tell there's something wrong with you," he frowned. I shook my head, standing up. "Come on, tell me. There's nothing you can't trust me with, Jasey." I stared at him blankly for a moment. Hearing my name come from his mouth as though it was normal made my heart race. There was something there, in his voice, that told me everything inside him for me was intact and so far nothing had even come close to breaking it.
"I'm not your Jasey Rae, Alex," I stated, walking out of the building and starting on my way back to the venue.
'He called me Jasey.'
I pressed send on John's name and sighed. It wasn't a huge deal, really. Everyone in All Time Low could see just how much I looked like Jasey, and I knew that was the only reason he had bothered with me; because I was me. The thoughts fried my head, but it made sense. He liked hanging around with me for the sheer fact I looked like his old love, even though he had no idea I really was her.
"He knows?!" John questioned the moment I picked up the phone to him, already nearing the end of Broadway with Alex nowhere in sight.
"No, John, he doesn't. He just thinks I look a hell of a lot like her. I don't know why I bother being friends with him. I should have known better than to get mixed up in this," I sighed, turning onto 8th Avenue.
"Everyone would know better than to get mixed up in this, but you're mixed up now. He likes you, Hols, he likes you a lot. He likes you so much it's 'causing Jack to whinge at everyone he sees," John told me. "And not just because of who you look like."
"He can't! Me and him can't happen again, for God sake!"
"It can, you just don't want to admit it. You still love him, Holly; everyone around can see you like him, can't you just let him know that?"
"I don't like him. It's not going to happen. End of," I growled. He sighed once again.
"You're going to have to admit it one day. But, whatever, I have sound check, I'll talk to you when I'm done." And with that, he hung up. I was almost outside the venue now, after a half hour walk from Subway. I knew that there were some closer, but Alex and I had decided to go to Central Park - a trip we didn't get around to in the end.
The sun was beating down heavily for so late in the year and the air was filled with car fumes, but it didn't bother me. It almost felt like I was in one of many smoke-filled rooms in the middle of Cockeysville, back when everything was simple.
Maybe John was right - maybe I did still love him. But I couldn't go back to him. I was still Jasey Rae, and my pride still told me that I couldn't do that to myself. The new side of me begged to differ. The new side told me to run back to him like everything was brand new and finally feel as happy as I was back then once more. The only argument to that the old side of me could muster was lying to him - I couldn't be his new girl if I was his old one, too.
I was torn from my thoughts roughly as I finally made it to the outside of the Roseland Ballroom. I walked straight into a girl outside a cab, who was fumbling with a hold all that appeared too heavy for her. I caught a glimpse of long, wavy black hair before she was obscured in my own brown hair and we both fell backwards onto the pavement.
"Oh, my God. I'm so sorry!" The girl squeaked, the both of us getting up from the floor. I stood up quickly, brushing down my front and back to rid myself of the obvious dirt that would have accumulated during my time on the floor.
"It's no problem. It's my fault, I wasn't looking," I laughed. "Sorry." I heard a sharp intake of breath from the girl and looked up slowly, raising an eyebrow.
"Jasey-fucking-Rae."
Oh. Shit.