Tear it up.

I open my eyes to see Audrey walking to the bathroom in her pink boy shorts and my black wifebeater ,I choose not to say anything and roll back over.Trying to go back to sleep is impossible with Audrey in your room.

"What the fuck are you doing?"I ask her with my eyes still close.

"Oh my gosh,you scared me.I thought you were sleeping."She tells me

"I was,but you fucking woke me up."I say rolling over to face her

"Sorry."She said grabbing a pair of her jeans out of my dresser drawer.

"Where you going?"

"Home."She tells me pulling on her jeans.

"Why the fuck are you up so early?"I ask making my way to the bathroom

"It's after twelve baby,that isn't early."

I go to the bathroom and brush my teeth and take a along ass piss;I walk out to see Audrey standing in just jeans and a bra putting her hair up in a pony tail.She is very beautiful,I always can admit that.To pretty to be messing with someone like me.When I talk about her to others I only talk good of her.She is a really good person with a big heart.A heart I take advantage of.I'm just that kind of guy I guess.

"I'm tired of all your shit in my room."I tell her as I pick up her t-shirt.

"I'm wearing that."She tells me grabbing it from my hand

"You can't stay over tonight."

"Okay."She says grabbing her purse.

I think she gave up on asking why cause there is never an answer just a 'Cause you can't.' but she knows its more of a 'I don't want you to,only when I'm drunk and wanna have sex.' I guess it's wrong that I use her, but she lets me so it's her own stupidity.Do I care about her,yeah,I guess but do I love her,no.I'm never there for her, but she is always there for me,crazy right?I honestly don't even know what the fuck goes on in her life.She works for Prada;works with the models and shit nothing to interesting.I was more involved in her life when we were younger, but as we got older and started are own careers we or should I say myself chose to just not be involved in all her drama.It's not like she has alot of it, but I honestly don't have time to listen to all her problems.Audrey suffers from very bad panic attack,when we were younger I would always help her through them, but now and days I don't even give two shits about it,it's old fucking news.I just started realizing how fucked up the bitches life really was or still is I should say.When she was four-teen her Dad committed suicide and her Mom Joy ended up remarrying not even a year later to a guy with a kid two years older then Audrey.Her step-dad Brian treats her as if she was and will never be good enough for him.He is a big businessman who owns a few companies around the world;he is fucking rich off his ass.His son,Ben is his golden child,but really he is just more of a fuck up then Audrey.He is a professional BMXer.All he does is drink,smoke,and gets thrown in jail for starting shit.Him and Audrey don't have a great relation,mainly because he treated Audrey like shit all through her teen years and Brian nor Joy did shit about it..Audrey and Ben went to the same high school and he had all the popular kids he hung out with fuck with her and made her high school years hell.Now every girl that ever treated her like shit would be envies of her today.She has her whole life well planned out and she is doing well for herself on her own.Sometimes I feel bad that I'm not there for her, but then I think why should I, we aren't together.I don't have time for a relationship right at this point in my life and I know she isn't going to up and find a different guy.If she does I would either A.Move on,find a different girl to have the same relationship as Audrey and I had or B.Be fucking pissed and jealous. I hope for option A.

-------------------------------------------

"So how was your night?"My best friend Carry asked me

"Good."I said smiling at her

"Sure.Did you stay over douchey Jay's house who only cares about himself?"She asked me knowing the answer.

"Yeah,and he isn't a douche."I protected him

"Alright,If you say so."

"I do."

"Why do you waste your time on him?I honestly hate just seeing his face,he makes me sick."

"I don't and you love seeing Jordon's face but hate Jay who is Jordon's best friend."

"Cause Jordon is a cutie and sweet as hell and Jay is a fuckin ass that you waste your fucking time on.He honestly only cares about him and his friends."

"Whatever."I tell her throwing a pillow at her

"You care so much about him and he cares so less of you.Get the fuck over him.Cut him out your fucking life, he is worthless."My friend tells me for the hundredth time.

My friend spits the truth at me and I deny it.I care alot about him, but he doesn't show he cares about me at all.Are Jay and I together,technically no;We are just friends as he tells people.Do I wish we were together,yes,alot.He only wants me when he is drunk or wants sex.He only tells me he cares about me when he is drunker then usually.Should I just move on with my life and keep Jay as just a friend as he says and cut off all ties that don't relate to friends with him,I wish I could, but I will never try.I wouldn't be able to.I've known him for basically half my life.He has been there for me through all the shit I been through but now and days he isn't.I always have been there for him through thick and thin.I'm the only one who bails him out of jail,who makes sure he gets home okay when he is shit faced,I'm there for him at anytime of the day, all he has to do is call and I'll be there and he knows that.He has a hold over me and he also knows that.I know I am pathetic, but I care alot about him.When he goes out on tour,I miss him everyday that he is gone.I count the days till he is back home.I worry when he is gone.I worry if he is going be okay or is he gonna do something he will regret.I worry for him.I guess my life is all about him even if his life is nothing about me.I guess I can't change how he feels.