The Only Exception

When I was younger I saw my daddy cry, and curse at the wind.
He broke his own heart and I watched him try to reassemble it.

“No, Monica, not anymore!” I heard my father scream. I was seven years old and his voice sounded powerful enough to kill. “All we do is fight! And God knows you don’t love me.”

“That isn’t true Mark and you know it! You know I’ve always loved you!”

“You’ve always hated me Monica! You’ve always hated me because you couldn’t focus on your career; you had to raise our kids. You’ve always hated me.”

“I have never hated you for any of that. I hated that you cheated on me. I hated that you lied, but I never hated you!” she shouted, tears streaming down her face like rain drops. I wanted to reach out to her, wipe one away and watch it glisten on my finger—a reminder of what was being shattered. A reminder that it was something that had once shone so bright.

“Yes you have, and if you say you haven’t, you know it’s a Goddamned lie!” I watched from my hiding spot in the closet. The door was cracked open and I had a clear view of them and the puke colored linoleum floors that desperately needed to be redone. “You hate me and I hate you and this isn’t working out.”

“So what are you gonna do?” she yelled. “You’re just gonna go pack your damn bags and leave? What about Rebecca and Avery and Jonathan and Edison? What about your kids? What about your family here? Or is your family with Andrea more important?” I was fifteen before I had realized what she meant. I was fifteen when I wished I had never heard that conversation; fifteen when I could remember their fight ending with the sound of my father’s fist hitting my mother’s jaw. He turned on his heel and rushed to the door taking only his baseball cap, sneakers and car keys. She would be left with a bruise as dark as the midnight sky.

“Mommy,” I sobbed, but I knew no sound was going to come out. I knew for a fact that Jonathan, who had been sitting next to me, couldn’t speak either. We could only sit and watch our mother curl up on the kitchen floor and cry, mumbling that she would never forget him; never forget how she ‘loved’ him.

And my mama swore she would never let herself forget.
_______________________________________________________________________

“Becca, are you going to your father’s for Easter?” I turned sharply to glare at my mother.

“Why the hell would I go see him? I want nothing to do with him. Not after what he did to you.” She sighed and went back to folding the towels. I dropped my car keys on the table and decided I’d help her fold the laundry before I went to meet up with the guys.

“Are you going to prom with anyone?” she asked excitedly; quickly changing the subject. I scoffed loudly and threw the folded towel into the corner of the couch.

“No,” I said with a laugh. “No, I will not be attending prom alone, much less with a date.” She sighed loudly again and picked up another bath towel to fold.

“Why not, sweetheart? You’re young, you’re beautiful, you’re well-liked, and you’re kind. Why not go even if you just go with Kennedy as just friends.” I felt my heartbeat quicken and my stomach drop. “Why not just bring it up casually?”

“I’m sure he’ll have a date Ma. I mean first of all he’s in a band so every girl in school and their mother is after him. And second of all, on top of being in a band he’s incredibly attractive. I’m almost certain that he’d rather find some girl to go to prom with as more than ‘just friends.’” I bit my lip noticing my voice had jumped about a half an octave. “I mean prom isn’t just for friends to celebrate finishing high school any more. It’s for the big Prom Promise.”

“The what?” she asked quite confused. I stifled a laugh and wondered how the woman had managed to send three children off to prom unaware of the ‘prom promise.’

“Y’know. The big promise. If you haven’t already, you swipe your V-card on prom night. And if you already have then prom is just one giant orgy.” She laughed. She LAUGHED! I had expected her to look appalled, astounded, something. She was humored. She was entertained.

“That isn’t anything new sweetheart. How do you think we ended up with Edison?” I finished folding the towel I’d had in my hand, dropped it on the couch, picked up my car keys and rushed to the door. “By the way, you don’t hide the fact that you’re in love with Kennedy too well.” I shook my head and jumped off of the stoop, ran across the grass and jumped into my old, beaten up car.

And that was the day I promised I would never sing of love if it does not exist.

As I drove to Pat’s house—where everyone was meeting—I couldn’t help but think about what my mother said. I couldn’t love Kennedy. I didn’t love Kennedy. Love wasn’t real. Love didn’t last. Love was just an illusion. There were a few screwy hormones and emotions and there was sex, but there wasn’t love. Love just simply couldn’t exist. Love wasn’t real.

Well, maybe I know somewhere deep in my heart that love doesn’t last.

“Yo, I’m here,” I called walking into Pat’s house. I didn’t bother to knock because the door was open and his parents weren’t home—not that they would’ve cared.

“Hey,” Pat, Garrett, John and Jared chorused from the couch. I dropped my keys in the basket on the counter and walked into the next room to plop down on the couch with them.

“Where’s Kennedy?” I asked stretching my legs across both Garrett and John’s laps. Pat smirked, John stifled a laugh and threw his head back in amusement, Jared rolled his eyes and Garrett actually let a loud laugh slip from his throat. “What?” I sighed loudly leaning back against the arm of the couch.

“He’s not here yet,” Pat answered amusement obvious in his tone. “You don’t hide it well,” he laughed.

“I don’t hide what well?” I asked confused.

“That you love Kennedy,” Garrett and John answered at once. I sighed and smacked my forehead with the palm of my hand.

“Why does everyone think I’m in love with Kennedy?”

“Because you are. Duh.” Jared chimed in. I rolled my eyes and kicked John when he laughed.

“I’m not. Love isn’t real. I don’t believe in love—you all know that.” Garrett chuckled and I opened my eyes to glare at him. “You all know it’s true. I’m not into all that mushy love crap like the rest of y’all.” I smirked looking at Garrett’s wrist. “That tattoo will last but love won’t. That’s the only reason you two got it. If the tattoo is permanent then so is the relationship, right?” He pinched me and I yelped. “What?” I moaned.

“Just because you have this cynical, fatalist, anti-love outlook on life doesn’t mean anyone else has to share your views. You want to say you don’t love Kennedy and you’ll never fall in love and that love is fake and doesn’t last then be my guest, but don’t judge anyone else’s relationships.” I sighed loudly.

“Y’know tattoo’s can be lasered off for a reason. Some asshole tattooed some woman’s name on his arm only to learn that it was a little more difficult to hide than a wedding ring and discovered that laser’s would remove it.”

“What the fuck?” Jared yelled. “The two of you are bickering over something completely ridiculous and senseless. You want to believe in love, fine go ahead with the three little hearts on your wrist. You don’t want to believe in love, go ahead but don’t bash the stupid little tat.”

“Fine,” I conceded. I started playing with my hair and glanced behind me at the muted television set. “Why’s it on mute?” I asked quickly. “Why are you guys just sitting here and not playing video games or something?”

“Why won’t you admit that you’re in love with Kennedy?” I groaned and threw a pillow at Garrett.

“Because…” he cut me off.

“Because you’re not in love with him,” he mocked with a scoff. “That’s a lie and you know it. And lying will get you sent straight to hell, my friend.” I groaned again and sat up quickly.

“Let’s get a few things straight, okay?” he nodded humored. “Number one, I am not and never have been in love with anyone, including but not limited to Kennedy Brock. Number two…” I heard Jared snicker.

“She said number two,” he muttered laughing to himself. I picked up the pillow that I was now holding and I threw it across the room at him. “Sorry.”

“Number two, there is no heaven and there is no hell. There is no God and if he does exist then he knows that I am in no way in love with Kennedy. Number three, lying would definitely not be the sin that would get me sent to hell. I in no way follow the ten commandments, I haven’t been to church in seven years and fear that if I enter I might find out the hard way that hey, guess what God is real by getting struck by lightning, and must I even mention what else I’ve done?” The guys all laughed and John smirked knowingly.

“See, Becca, as convincing as that may have been, that was a total Catch Twenty-Two.” I stared confused looking back and forth from John to Jared. “By saying that lying isn’t the sin that will get you sent to hell you’re implying that you’re lying and that you really are in love with Kennedy.” The guys all laughed and Jared and Garrett high-fived him.

“I don’t love Kennedy but it’s not like I have never lied. I am definitely not a saint. And do you know how many times I’ve lied to my mom? She thinks I’m a virgin.” Garrett laughed loudly and I thought John and Jared were going to choke on air. Pat sat there wearing an innocent grin. “Shut up Garrett, I’m not a whore.”

“Oh no, I’m just laughing at the fact that we all know who you’ve slept with. Do the initials K.B. ring a bell?” I sighed loudly.

“It’s not like he was the only one. Johnny,” I smirked, “Ken wasn’t the only one, was he?”

“Really John?” Pat asked loudly. “Really?”

“We were drunk,” I defended. “It was a stupid decision. Gotta love that Russian Vodka.” They all shook their heads as the door swung open. “End of conversation,” I announced.

“Honey I’m home,” he called jokingly as he entered the room. We all mumbled our ‘hello’s’ and he looked for a place to sit. He started pouting and I sighed and stood up. “Thanks,” he mumbled. He sat down like any normal person would and I sat down on his lap, spreading myself across Garrett and John again.

“So we leave right after graduation, right?” Garrett asked. He looked over at Kennedy and then down at me and smirked.

“What’s with the smirking?” Kennedy asked as a look of confusion crossed his features. “It’s kinda creepy.”

“It’s nothing. It’s Garrett. He’s creepy. He’s just being a freak.” He nodded and let a small laugh pass his lips. “And just be happy Pat hasn’t snapped yet,” I whispered with a giggle.

“So, what’s everyone doing tonight?” Pat said after coughing very loud and fake to direct attention away from the quiet conversation Kennedy and I had been having.

“I’m going with Becca to her grandmother’s birthday party, so I’m out on whatever you guys do,” Kennedy stated. Garrett glanced at me and smirked. I bent my one leg that was stretched out across John’s lap so that my foot was resting on Garrett’s leg. I pulled out my cell phone and quickly texted him. His eyes opened widely.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “You weren’t serious, were you?” I nodded quickly as he reread the text—‘You ever want to have children? K thanks, cut it out now!’

“What time do I have to be at your house?” Kennedy asked quietly. I shrugged and stretched my leg back out. Did I mention my shoes happened to have a slight heel?

“Fiveish? Maybe four thirty. My mom would know. She invited you.” I sighed and leaned my head back so it was hanging off of the couch. “Fuck!” I yelled. “Is that really the time? It’s really four already?”

“Yeah. I mean it’s seven in New York, but yes, here it’s four o’clock.”

“Post Meridian?” They all laughed and nodded their heads. “Shit!” I jumped off of Kennedy and pulled him up off of the couch. “C’mon Brock. We gotta scram.” He wasn’t budging so I yanked harder on his wrists. “Come on Kennedy. Don’t make this difficult. I have to shower and get ready and so do you.” He stood with a sigh and waved goodbye to the guys.

“Adios,” they all chorused. I turned around and blew them all kisses and then skipped to the front door.

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“The blue or the white?” I asked groaning loudly. I held two skirts up in front of Kennedy and he pointed to the blue. “Pantyhose or no pantyhose?”

“That depends,” he responded with a chuckle. “Am I getting lucky tonight or not?” I threw a shoe at his head and he laughed.

“Pantyhose it is,” I laughed.

“So I’m not?” I sighed and laughed louder tucking my white tank top under the blue ruffled skirt.

“Wait and see.” I grabbed my gold ballet flats and slid them on my feet and put a matching gold head band in my hair. I pulled a gold necklace on over my head and a blue and gold ring onto my finger. “How do I look?”

“Stunning,” he smirked. I smiled and pushed him down playfully. “Now? Really? But you just got ready.” I laughed loudly—my deep, mature laugh, the one I reserved for times when I was to be an ‘adult.’ I climbed off and told him to get up.

“You still need to get dressed.”

“I’d rather get undressed.” I smiled and threw a sneaker at him. This time he caught it. “Alright, alright, I’ll go change.”

“Good boy,” I smiled patting him on the head. He stuck his tongue out and imitated a panting dog. “Now go get changed. We have to leave in twenty minutes. And remember dark blue shirt, light blue tie and no skinny jeans this year. At least wear khakis. Please. Suit pants would be preferred—they earn brownie points.” He nodded and walked out of my room, out of my house and down five houses to where he lived. “If he isn’t back here in fifteen minutes, I swear…” I muttered to myself.

“You love him,” John laughed walking into my room.

“How the fuck did you get in here?” I laughed. “Who let you in?”

“Not denying it this time huh?”

“I don’t love Kennedy.”

“Yes you do,” he smirked. “By the way that’s who let me in.” I rolled my eyes.

“Why are you here?” He sat down on my bed and I started folding the messy pile of clothes that covered my pillows.

“Do I need a reason?” I gave him a look and he laughed. “Fine,” he smirked, “I came here to give you these,” he laughed pulling a box of condoms out of his sweatshirt pocket. “We all know what’s bound to happen between you and Kennedy tonight and we’re not ready for a mini mix of the two of you. It would destroy stuff and it would be evil and I shudder just thinking about it.” I stared at him as he gestured for me to take the box. “You can thank me anytime.”

“Why do you think I’m going to have sex with Kennedy tonight? And what makes you think that I don’t use another form of birth control. Because, y’know, you should think about it being as you were too drunk to use one that night and there isn’t a mini O’Callaghan. Now that thought makes me shudder.” He blushed a little and left the box on my bed.

“Okay first of all, if I was too drunk to use a condom, you think I remember not using one? And second you’re not going to have sex with Kennedy; you’re going to make love to him.” I stuck my index finger down my throat and imitated gagging.

“Not going to happen John Oh. And why are you guys so much more mushy than me?” I asked with a shiver.

“Because we didn’t go through all the same shit you did. But you still love Kennedy, so it’s okay.” I rolled my eyes and heard my front door open.

“You know what? It was nice seeing you John, but I think it’s time for you to go. Go home or back to Pat’s or go bug Garrett or Jared.” I shooed him out of the room and grabbed my bag off of my bed.

“You’re not taking them?”

“No,” I shouted. “Now go. Find some other girl to annoy. Good bye John Cornelius O’Callaghan.”

“The fifth,” he added quickly as I shoved him out the door. I closed the door, put on a smile and turned to smile at Kennedy.

"And if you keep bugging me you'll never be able to produce the sixth," I trilled happily.

"That's a bluff," I heard him yell through the door. I rolled my eyes, keeping my focus on Kennedy.

“Hello stranger,” I smiled. “Ready to go?” He nodded and held his keys out in front of me. “Who’s driving?”

“I will,” he stated grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the door.

“When are you guys just gonna kiss already?” I heard John mumble from the other side of the door. “Just do it.” I laughed and gestured for Kennedy to move closer so I could whisper in his ear.

“You know right now to him it’ll look like we’re kissing.” He laughed and moved away.

“Come on, let’s go out the back so John doesn’t harass us.” I laughed, nodded and followed him to the sliding glass doors that led from my living room to the patio in the backyard.

And we’ve got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face.

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“Rebecca Nicole I thought you’d never get here,” my mother greeted with a sigh. “It’s so nice to see you Kennedy. What took you so long to get here?” she asked in a way that made it sound like she was implying that something had happened.

“John,” we replied in unison.

“John?” she questioned in disbelief.

“John O’Callaghan.”

“Your friend John is the reason you guys are twenty minutes late?”

“Yes. John Cornelius O’Callaghan.” I heard Kennedy mumble ‘the fifth’ under his breath. “And there was some traffic.”

“But John? How did John make you guys late?”

“Oh,” Kennedy laughed, “it’s a long story.” She looked at him waiting for him to continue. “It involved him implying that something was going on with us, gifting us with a box of condoms…”

“Two. Two boxes of condoms,” I whispered. Kennedy turned to look at me. “He gave me a box while you were out.”

“Okay, so two boxes of condoms, and he cornered us on our way to the car and insisted on giving us the sex talk.” He finished with his voice higher than it had been when he started, because his mouth was curving into a smile that was his and only his.

“Is that necessary? Is there something going on between the two of you? Do I need to give you guys the talk?” My eyes bulged out of my head and I shook my head ‘no.’

“It was just John being John,” I laughed trying to play it all off as a joke. My mother began to walk away slowly, eyeing us skeptically.

“Yeah, it isn’t like it would’ve been your first time,” Kennedy muttered. I turned toward him sharply and hit him with my bag. My eyes were wide and I glanced over to make sure
my mom wasn’t looking.

“Why? Why would you do that?” I asked annoyed. “She doesn’t know!” He formed an ‘o’ with his mouth and apologized quickly.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry. So how much of a lie was it?” he laughed. “How many guys have you been with?” I turned around to face him and scratched the back of my head. He had a stupid smirk plastered to his face.

“Four?” I questioned unsure. “I think four.” He laughed and walked in front of me. “Well how many girls have you been with?”

“One,” he replied quickly turning so we were facing one another again. “Just one.”

“But wait, how? Only one? But, no, I wasn’t…was I?” He nodded and looked at me. I gasped a little and hugged him. “That’s so sweet?” I said but it came out as more of a question.

“Thanks,” he said sarcastically. “Now, come on, let’s go find the Birthday Girl.” I nodded and followed behind him, taking his hand as we made our way through the crowd my family formed.

“Oh my, my. Rebecca,” my grandmother cooed. I smiled at her and leaned into hug her.

“Happy Birthday Grams,” I smiled.

“Happy Birthday,” Kennedy smiled hugging her as well.

“Oh Kennedy it’s so nice to see you, dear,” she smiled. “It’s so nice to see a couple so young and so in love. You two are absolutely precious. I can’t wait for great-grandkids,” she winked. “Well, I can for a few years anyway.” I smiled and pulled on Kennedy’s arm.

“Gram, I’ll be back in a few minutes, I’m just going to go get a drink, alright?” She nodded and I dragged Kennedy away with me.

“Becks,” my cousin Mia smiled. “Oh God, it’s so good to see you. And Kenny, you two are still together? Priceless. You guys are perfect.” I faked a smile and dug my nails into Kennedy’s palm.

“Uhm, we’ll catch up later Mia, alright?” She nodded and I walked away.

“Ow,” Kennedy said looking down at the four half moons I’d made on his palm.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “Please, please, get me drunk. Get me really, really drunk,” I sighed.

“Not tonight Becca. Not again.” I sighed grabbing a glass of champagne off of a tray as the waiter walked past. “Rebecca, please?” I nodded and put the glass of champagne down. “Come on, let’s go outside for a few minutes. I wanna talk.” I grabbed his hand and we walked outside into the garden outside of the catering hall.

“So what’s up?” I asked him squeezing his hand for reassurance. “What’d you want to talk about?”

“It’s about us,” he said taking a shaky breath before saying anything else. “About what we are,” he continued.

“What do you mean?” I asked with a smile. “Kennedy you’re the best friend I have.”

“I think I might be falling in love with you.” I took a step away from him and I’m sure I looked like I had just seen a ghost. “See, I shouldn’t have said it.”

“Damn straight you shouldn’t have said it,” I squealed. “Love isn’t real Kenny. You don’t love me. You aren’t falling in love with me.”

And I’ve always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance.

“No, Becca, I am. Even if you don’t believe in love, I do. And I’m pretty sure I’m falling for you. Like in the cheesy way that Garrett loves Rachel. Like the I’d-tattoo-hearts-on-my-wrist for you love.” I took another step back.

“Kennedy, I really, really have no idea what I’m supposed to say to you right now.” I took a deep breath as he moved closer to me.

“Tell me that you feel it too. Tell me that when you’re near me you get the feeling of butterflies and you feel so nervous and happy that you feel like your stomach is on fire.” I
shook my head ‘no’ as he reached out to cup my cheek.

“It’s called acid reflux, Kenny. It has a name and it isn’t love.” I felt myself getting choked up. The emotions were overwhelming and I felt like throwing up in the flower bed next to me.

“No. It’s different Becca. Just tell me you feel it too. Tell me you love me too. I can see it in your eyes.”

“No!” I yelled. “Love doesn’t exist! Love isn’t real! I can’t love you if love isn’t real!” I was breaking him and I knew it. I could see it in his hazel eyes.

“What are you so damn afraid of Becca? You’ll have sex with me. You’ll have sex with John. You’ll have sex with just about any guy that waltzes into your life and is willing to have sex with no strings attached. What is so scary about love?” I gulped and choked as the tears started streaming down my cheeks.

“No, Monica, not anymore! All we do is fight! And God knows you don’t love me.”
“That isn’t true Mark and you know it! You know I’ve always loved you!”
“You’ve always hated me Monica! You’ve always hated me because you couldn’t focus on your career; you had to raise our kids. You’ve always hated me.”

I could feel it playing back in my head. I could hear his screaming and swearing. I could hear her yelling that she loved him. I could hear her yelling that she didn’t hate him when I knew she did. “I can’t love you Kennedy.”

“Why not?” He was holding my cheek with one hand and one of my hands with the other. “Why can’t you love me?”

“Because we’ll end up just like them!” I cried. “We’ll end up hating each other and fighting and divorced because love never lasts.”

“It can. If you try it can last Becca. If we want it to, it can.” I shook my head ‘no’ and pushed him away.

“Can you just take me home?” I asked through the tears and running eye makeup. “Can you please just take me home?” He nodded reluctantly and put his arm behind my back, my head finding its way to his shoulder as my hand moved upward to brush away some of the tears.

And up until now, I had sworn to myself that I was content with loneliness.

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The forty-five minute car ride home was silent, save for my sniffling and hiccupping and sobbing every few minutes. Kennedy reached across the console to hold my hand. He used his thumb to trace a heart into my palm for the entire ride home.

“So,” he began as he put the car in park in front of my house. He removed the key from the ignition and sighed.

“So.” We both sat back in our seats continuing to hold hands, not even bothering to remove our seat belts.

“What does this mean?” he asked softly. “What does this mean for us?” I shrugged and remained quiet. “Becca,” he sighed.

“I can’t be with you Kennedy. I just can’t.”

“You can’t be with me or you won’t? You can’t be with me or you can’t say the words?” he asked softly.

“I-I’ve never said them. I haven’t said them since I was seven. I’ll never say them again.”

“Never say never Becca. Never ever say never.” I sighed and looked out the window.

“Goodbye Kennedy,” I sighed unbuckling my seat belt. “I’m sorry. We can learn to make it alone. I have. And I’m sorry. You’re one of the good guys Kennedy, but I can’t,” I sobbed. He nodded, kissed my cheek and watched our hands slip apart as I climbed out of the car. I looked back as I approached my door, forcing a weak smile.

When I’d stepped inside my house I slid down against the door and let the tears pour from my eyes. Why was I so afraid? Why couldn’t I love Kennedy? What the hell was stopping me? I was sobbing so hard that I was shaking. I pulled myself up off of the floor and up the spiral staircase toward the second floor. I reached my door and stumbled into my room, fresh tears leaving a trail on my floor. I turned on the lamp and closed my curtains and buried my face in my pillow. Kennedy had stayed over two nights ago and it still smelled like him. Kenny had spent the night two nights ago and we’d stayed up all night talking about nothing. We cuddled and wehad sex made love. That night was perfect. The next morning had been even better. I smiled thinking of it but then realized that now it was just a memory. I curled into a ball and cried myself to sleep for the first time in ten years.

Because none of it was ever worth the risk.

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I woke in the morning to the bright Arizona sun and I groaned, slowly remembering last night. I checked my phone for any missed calls or any new texts and there weren’t any. Kenny hadn’t even made an effort to try again. This time I think I might have said it back.

I stumbled haphazardly into my bathroom and shed my clothes from last night, laughing grimly as I removed the pantyhose.

“Pantyhose or no pantyhose?”
“That depends,” he responded with a chuckle. “Am I getting lucky tonight or not?” I threw a shoe at his head and he laughed.

I’ve got a tight grip on reality.

I looked quickly into the mirror before climbing into the shower. My blue eyes were red and puffy and my features screamed of turmoil and loneliness. My hair was matted and there were black lines of mascara running down my cheeks and disappearing at my jaw line. I frowned and stepped into the steaming hot water hoping to wash it all away. I scrubbed my hair like I’d never washed it before and I scrubbed my body until my skin was red and raw. I climbed out and wrapped myself in a towel, not even bothering to wipe off the mirror. I just didn’t want to see myself. I brushed my teeth and brushed out my hair. Then I just stood there, staring into the cold ceramic basin of the sink.

When I walked back into my room I checked my phone again, hoping that he’d called, or texted, or something. When there was nothing I sighed. I called him but it went right to voicemail. “Hey it’s Kennedy, I can’t answer my phone right now. So leave a message and I’ll try to get back to you.” I sighed and tried to speak.

“I miss you,” was all that came out. I hung up and pulled a pair of sweatpants out of my dresser and rooted around for an old t-shirt.

But I can’t let go of what’s in front of me here.

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It had been two weeks since my grandmother’s party and Kennedy and I hadn’t spoken. It was prom night and they were leaving for a tour in a week; they were leaving for a tour in seven minuscule days. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to tell him face to face what I had texted him last night. ‘You are the only exception,’ I had written. He was the only one who I could love. He was the only one who could make a heartless bitch like me believe in something as trivial and fake as love.

I watched from my bedroom window as a limo pulled up in front of Kennedy’s house for everyone to pile into and head off to prom in. I sighed and turned away and back to the chick flick I was watching and the container of butter pecan ice cream I was eating. I didn’t want to go to prom, but I didn’t want him to go without me either. I just kind of wanted to go back to being six again, before everything had happened with my parents and way before the problems with Kennedy began.

The movie was almost over when there was a knock on the door. I groaned and climbed off of the couch, wandering around the coffee table, across the throw rug, and around a little piece of wall that created a mini alcove. When I answered, no one was there. Instead I saw a boy walking away and there was a corsage left on my door step. I sighed, picking up the decorative flower arrangement and placing it on the coffee table. It was getting late so I decided instead of watching another crappy movie and taking one more step toward obesity I would go to bed. The only problem was that I couldn’t sleep and I hadn’t been able to since that night.

It was probably close to midnight when two arms snaked around my waist. At first I jumped, but then I looked down at his hands and noticed the calluses from playing guitar. A small smile spread across my features but the tears fell at the same time. “I love you,” I whispered to him. “I have all along, and I’m sorry I could never say it. I’m just afraid.”

“I am too. I love you too,” he whispered into my hair. “I love you too.”

“You’re the only person who has ever made me believe that love could be real. And maybe it won’t last, but we still have to take a chance. I’d rather try and fail than never try at all.”

“We won’t fail. We’ll figure it out. I promise.” I nodded and curled into his warm embrace.

“I love you Kennedy.” I sighed and inhaled his scent. I smiled as it filled my nostrils and sent the butterflies soaring through my stomach.

I know you’re leaving in the morning when you wake up.
Leave me with some kind of proof it’s not a dream.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“I’ve gotta go,” he sighed, kissing the skin right behind my ear. I sighed and moved closer to him. It was the day they were leaving for tour. We had graduated about seventeen hours ago; we had become free about seventeen hours ago, and he was leaving for tour.

“Just five more minutes?” I asked sadly. I pushed my tears away and let him wrap his arms tightly and securely around my waist. I felt his shaggy hair brush against my neck as he nodded, placing and letting his lips linger on my jaw.

“Five more minutes,” he whispered. I shivered as his breath hit my skin again. I wanted to feel like I did when I was with him all the time. But he was leaving again. It was five a.m. on a Monday and he was leaving.

I let my eyes flutter closed as he buried his face in the crook of my neck. I squeezed my eyes shut so that I would fall asleep before he left. “You are the only exception, and I love you,” I whispered as I drifted off.

“I love you too,” he whispered softly. I fell asleep and when I woke up he was gone, save for the note on my nightstand and a t-shirt he left underneath the note because he knew I loved it. He was gone when I woke up, and I felt cold and a little bit broken. I felt pale and a little bit weak and sick, but for once it was okay, because I had him. When he came home he would be all mine. When Kennedy came home I would have him all to myself and things would be good.

You are the only exception.
And I’m on my way to believing,
Oh, I’m on my way to believing.