Protect Me From What I Want

Another one of my sessions with Dr Reed was due a few days after my chat with Batman and Gordon. It was another early morning session and considering that I hadn’t gotten that much sleep last night once again, it took me a while to trudge my way to her office with the guards keeping a close eye on me.

My days consisted of an exercise hour outside, depending on what day it was, and then any free time I had I’d speak to Ivy. When lunch time came around Jonathan continuously tormented me while Ivy defended me none stop and always succeeded in bringing him down. Sometimes I’d speak to Dr Reed, Batman or Gordon throughout the day, but only on occasions. Then finally, my nights in the cell was spent staring out of my window eagerly awaiting the bat signal to light up. It never did. Recently, I’d only been getting three hours sleep a night due to the fact that I didn’t want to sleep. I regretted it in the morning however, as I always woke up cranky and groggy looking. It couldn’t be healthy for me, but I didn’t want to miss out on the chance to see the bat signal light up.

I only told Ivy about waiting for the bat signal. She constantly tried to show me that it wasn’t a good idea. She told me that if The Joker was wreaking havoc in Gotham, I’d certainly know about it. Nevertheless, I’d still keep a close watch every night. I knew Ivy was worried for me, after hearing about my incident with Gordon and Batman. I think back now and realise that I may have overreacted and blew it out of proportion; but at the same time I can understand why I had done it. No one likes to be falsely accused and no one likes to be told that someone you love dearly may be dead.

“Good morning, Harley,” Brooke sang with a cheerful smile on her face. The smile was wiped off her face when she brought her up to my appearance. Though, I thought my current state wasn’t going too well, the look on her face was enough to say that it was worse than I’d thought it was. “Harley, are you okay? You don’t look too good.”

“Thanks,” I said sarcastically.

“I don’t mean to offend, but your stature is a lot less than the norm. Have you been sleeping well lately? Is something troubling you? How many hours sleep have you been getting?”

“I’m fine,” I lied blatantly.

“That’s not what I heard. I heard that you punched a guard and then tried attacking Batman. Then you had to be tasered to calm you down. Now that’s a little out of the ordinary for you. Something must have troubled you to make you do that. Can you tell me what happened, Harley? I thought we were making good progress in these sessions. You were doing so well and now you’ve done something like this. Arkham was even suggesting let you out early.”

“So I’ve been told. But I don’t want to leave. I don’t feel secure enough. Maybe in a few months. It’s not my fault for what happened with me and Batman. If you were me, you’d understand. They were telling me that The Joker might be dead because there’s been no sign of him since Gotham’s downfall. It made me upset, I asked them to leave and they refused and it forced me to lash out slightly. If they would have left like I asked, it would never have happened. They brought it on themselves.”

“That’s no reason to punch and Arkham guard in the face, Harley,” Brooke stated sternly, attempting to reason with me.

“Maybe I regret that part. But the point is, ever since I was told that The Joker may not be alive, I haven’t been sleeping well. Hence my rough mood and appearance.”

“Don’t worry too much about it. But I’m not going to lie and assure you that he’s still alive. I’ll make sure that some sleeping pills are assigned to you.”

“No, it’s not that I can’t sleep. I don’t want to sleep.”

“Why?” She asked looking confused and concerned.

In reply, I merely shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t want to tell her about my nights sitting on the window sill. She sighed heavily and wrote down a few notes on her notepad slowly and lifted her head back up to look at me. She propped up her head on her fist and stared at me as if she was trying to figure me out.

Leaving the sleeping subject alone for now, she moved off to another topic. “So, is there any good news you have to tell me? It seems like we’re only focusing on the negativity in your life.”

“I did what you told me to do. I made a friend, who seems to be the only sociable person in this ward. Pamela Isley aka Poison Ivy; do you know her?”

“Ah, the plant lover. Nice girl. Can’t understand the obsession with plants though. Never had much of a green thumb. Anyone else or is that it?”

“I don’t really consider him much of a friend, but I do talk to Jonathan Crane. I only ever speak to him during lunch and exercise periods, but whenever I do speak to him he always seems content on aiming to annoy me. He teases and torments me all the time.”

“Sounds like a case of puppy love to me,” Brooke snickered jokingly.

“Pfft. That’s high school talk. It’s not like that. I think he has something seriously against me. I don’t know what I’ve done to him, but now he won’t stop irritating me. Besides, I’ve seen the way he acts towards Pamela and he seems a little overly friendly to her. I mean who wouldn’t. She’s totally gorgeous and it’s clear to see why every guy would like her.” I felt like a school girl, gossiping about who had a crush on who.

Brooke placed the notepad and pen firmly on the desk in front of her and leaned back in her chair. “I think that’s enough for one day, Harley. Our next session will be in two days from now, but don’t be afraid to come and see me if something’s troubling you. I don’t want this lack of sleep to get in the way of the current progress made.”

“Okay,” I said simply and left the office. I was once again being lead towards the recreation room. As I entered I began searching for Ivy. She was sitting with one leg crossed over the other on the sofa as she glanced over her nails. I made my way over to her, without her noticing me.

Once I had sat down, her head snapped towards me. “Oh, hey! How are you Harls?”

“I could be better,” I replied with a sigh.

“Still not sleeping I guess? You really don’t look too good. You need to sleep, you know. It’s not healthy for you to be staying awake for this long.”

“I can’t help it,” I started. I rubbed my eyes wearily and then looked over at Ivy with a worried expression. “Do you think he’s dead, Ivy?” I asked.

“I don’t think he is. Assuming he’s dead is one of the most stupid assumptions I’ve ever heard. I’m pretty sure his body would have been found by now, if he was. I think the cops are just wishfully thinking that he’s dead so there’s one less problem for them to take care of. You on the other hand are wishfully thinking that he’s still alive...you freak,” she whispered jokingly, attempting to brighten up the situation.

“Fat ass,” I retorted.

“My ass is perfectly fine, thank you very much. Speaking of which, maybe you should eat more. You’re wasting away.” As if on cue, a guard entered the recreation room signalling that it was time for patients to go to the dinner hall. I stood up with a sigh, preparing myself for another encounter with Jonathan, being relentlessly tormenting.

Once I and Ivy had entered the dinner hall Jonathan was already sat at the table waiting for us. We both made or way over to the table and sat down across from him.

“Good afternoon,” Jonathan started with a smile. “You’re looking very pretty today, Pamela,” he complimented her making her smile. Then he turned to look at me. “And you not so much. What happened?”

I rolled my eyes at how frequent this insult was becoming today. Everyone I had talked to had pointed out how rough I looked. “She’s not sleeping too well,” Ivy answered for me before taking a bite of her salad.

“Oh, I heard about that incident with Arkham guard. Is it something to do with that?”

I nodded meekly. “I was told that The Joker might be dead.”

“I see. And that’s...bad?”

“Jonathan!” Ivy exclaimed glaring evilly at him. “Don’t be so inconsiderate! Why are you always such a jerk towards Harley?”

I decided to ignore both of them bickering with each other. Being fatigued helped me fade away from everything that was happening. Everything seemed like a blur and the noises sounded just like the monotonous dial tone at the end of a phone call. Maybe I’m actually sleeping with my eyes open. That’s what it felt like.