Don't Give up on Me

"So I guess this is it then," I said after placing my bag into Brendon's car. I turned to look at him now, standing next to me. He smiled widely at me, and I found a smile plastered onto my own face.

Then I turned to face my aunt and uncle, my little cousins standing next to them. The smallest one, Hanna, was already crying. It was sad to leave them, since I've been living with them ever since they took custody of me and my brother after the accident. I flinched internally when I thought about it. Then I quickly blocked out the pang of pain that went through my chest.

Aunt Caitlin was the first in the line that they stood in, though I don't think they've realized it. She stood silently, tears welled up in her green eyes. It made me want to cry too. Her brown hair glistened in the early afternoon sun. I went up to her and hugged her tightly while a tear formed in the corner of my left eye. She was only taller than me by a few inches.

It was sad to leave Caitlin. She felt like a mom to me, and for ten out of seventeen years that's what she was. My mom. She even looked like me, but she and my real mom looked very much alike. It was painful to deal with that at first, but it's been ten years since the accident, so it's not as hard to deal with now, but I still flinched when I thought about it.

"Take care of yourself, sweetie," she whispered into my ear. Her voice cracked, and she started to cry, which made me want to cry even harder. But I couldn't, not yet.

"I will, Caitlin," I whispered back, not daring to raise my voice an octave. I still had three more people to say goodbye to. When Caitlin finally let go, I went over to uncle David. His hair was also brown but with gray hairs mixed in, and his belly slightly stuck out of his blue polo. His eyes were squinty, but whenever he smiled his hazel eyes lit up. And even though he was my uncle by marriage, I loved him like a dad. He treated me like one of his daughters. He smiled at me, and pulled me into a really tight hug and ruffled my hair.

"Good luck, kiddo. If you need anything, anything at all, you just call us. Don't forget that." He said, although what I think he wanted to say was, "I really don't want you to move, Tatiana. I'm going to miss you too much," but maybe I'm wrong.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine. Really, if there is anything I need, you will be the first to know, Dave" I replied, and he smiled dejectedly. It made me want to burst out into tears. But instead I turned to Sadie, my oldest younger cousin.

She furrowed her eyebrows, anger and sorrow mixed together in her expression. Her dark brown hair moved with the breeze and she put her bangs to the side. It was an old habit of hers. With watery green eyes she said, "well, I guess this is really it then. You're leaving me," she said and pouted her pink lips. I sighed.

"I'm not leaving you, Sadie. I'll come back whenever you want me to. I only live two hours away," I replied to try to comfort her, but even I knew that it was a weak argument. Sadie just rolled her eyes. Then she sighed, and looked up at me.

"I'll miss you, big sister."

"Me too," I whispered, and pulled her into a tight hug. I hated to leave Sadie now, at fifteen when she needed me most. Who else would give her advice about boys? Definitely not Shia, who's only nine and especially not Hanna, who thinks that boys have cooties. After all, she's only three years old.

Then I turned to them. Shia was crying and so was Hanna. Then I couldn't take it anymore, and I burst out into tears at the sight of my baby cousins sad to see me go. I would miss waking up to them singing in my room, snooping around in my closet and trying on my clothes. It's funny how I used to find that annoying, but now it's just too cute. It would be a story I would tell to someone later.

"Tati, pwease don't go! Pw-pwease don't go Tati!" Hanna cried. Her hair was a mess of tangled curly brown hair. I picked her up and carried her.

"Hanna, I will come and visit you I promise, but I have to leave, or my brother will be very sad." I said. But Hanna is only three. She doesn't understand.

When my brother turned eighteen, he decided to move out of the house, because he could. And when he did, he wanted me to live with him. But my aunt and uncle thought otherwise; they thought that Brendon wouldn't be able to take care of me. And I don't blame them either. Brendon doesn't really play by the rules. He is too focused on girls and partying. He's never done well in school either, but at least he's in community college now, then later he will go to a regular college since his grades were so low in high school. They were all D's and C's. F's were familiar too. The only way he was able to buy a house is by our parent's inheritance. But that's not important.

After a year of fighting for custody of me in court, he has finally got it. I'm seventeen, so until I am eighteen, he is my legal guardian. And that's how I've ended up holding a crying Hanna in my arms, trying to comfort her. But the moving truck was already on its way to my new house with my new bedroom set in it. So I gave Hanna to Dave, and he tried to comfort her as I got into Brendon's black car. But when I reached the door, I looked over at the big tan house next to me, and my beloved family in front of it. I could see my bedroom window from where I stood. It was on the third floor, in the left corner of the house. I could see my old bed from down here. Posters used to stay up on the walls, but I took them down, to decorate my new room and now I could see the bare green walls. I sighed one last time, and got into the car.

I waved at my family through the tinted windows of the mustang, but as soon as Brendon drove off, I put on my seat belt and stayed still in my seat. Brendon tried to talk to me about a few things, but I just nodded my head. He understood that I was terrified of cars, which is why I didn't have one. So he blasted music while I closed my eyes. I tried to think about something, anything, that would get my mind off of the car ride.

But I couldn’t sleep, because the last time I slept in a car I had nightmares. Well they were more like flashbacks.

I frowned and opened my eyes, and when I did, Brendon shut the car off. "We're here," he said, and pulled the keys out of the car.

"You don't have to tell me twice," I replied, and quickly got out of the car, taking my bag and box of important items with me. Brendon parked in the driveway, and as I got out of the house I took a glance at the new home. The place was as huge as I remembered it when I visited before. It was a two story house, with a courtyard entrance, and there was a fountain in the middle of the courtyard. I didn't know that Brendon was so elegant. Which, thinking about it, he was probably drunk when he bought this house. I wouldn't put it past him.

The house was peach colored, and two big trees stood at the side of the house. One tree on each side. As I went up the stairs to the mahogany door, two tall potted bushes in a swirl pattern were on each side of the stair way. And right near the door were two lion statues on each side.

The door was opened, and I stepped inside. I was truly amazed. It Made me wonder how the hell Brendon can afford a gorgeous house like this, which he can easily ruin with all his parties.

I took a glance at the inside seeing the movers inside the main entrance of the house. They were going up the stairs, bringing boxes, my new bed set, and other stuff, into my new room. A big glass chandelier hung from the ceiling, and below it stood a round table with a big glass vase. "Wow, how classy Bren-don!" I shouted out, putting emphasis on the d part of his name. Where was he anyway?

"I know right! I had help though, I hired an interior designer," he replied. I looked up at the balcony, and there he was. Dressed in a black v-neck, gray skinnies with a studded belt, and black Keds. There were two stairs on each side of the entrance, which led to the second floor of the house. I took the left stair, and put my box on the floor as I stood next to him. I leaned against the black railing like he did.

"You hired and interior designer? Were you on drugs?" I joked. He rolled his eyes at me as I laughed. He wouldn't do drugs. At least I really hoped not.

"Well, no. I wasn't even drunk. Honestly! But I just wanted the house to look nice, so you would feel welcomed. So um, welcome."

"Aw! You love me! I love you too, big brother," I shouted, and attempted to hug him. It worked for two seconds until he started pushing me away.

"Yeah, yeah. Get off me!" I laughed and picked up my box again. My bag was still on my shoulder.

He ran down the stairs, and shouted, "Well I'm off! Be back in an hour or so! And don't talk to strangers!"

"Where are you going!" I shouted, but he had already slammed the door shut. Ugh. At least the movers were gone. They probably had already put everything in my room. I just had to organize it.

I went down the hallways, looking for my room. The house was still a little confusing to me. But I found my room at last, and I stepped inside. All my stuff from the moving truck were already inside, waiting for me.

My room had a balcony, which had a view of the pool and some other houses. "Peeerfect!" I sung, and dropped my bag and box on the rug floor. I settled into an un-crowded corner and looked into my box of my most valuable items.

I rummaged randomly through the box and found amazing things from back home. There was the picture album with the picture of Hanna and me. I taught her how to pucker up her lips and do the peace sign. I smiled, she looked adorable.

I kept looking for things, and found the scrapbook that me and Sadie made together the day before I left. So I wouldn't forget them, she had said. I also found a Taylor Lautner poster that Sadie most likely put in here. I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Ah, well. He's cute," I giggled, and got up to find tape. Luckily there was tape in the box, probably Sadie again. Then I looked around the room, and decided to put the poster on the wall next to my closet. "There. Now when Sadie comes over she won't complain."

I went back to my box, leaning over and feeling inside. My hand touched something soft and furry, and I yanked hard, trying to pull it out.

It was a teddy bear. But not just any teddy bear. This one was old. It had beady black eyes and matted tan fur. A piece of it's ear was ripped off, and it looked like it's been playing in muddy water, even though it's been washed countless numbers of times.

This bear terrified me. As soon as I saw it, my hands held out full length in front of me, it felt as if all the air around me was suddenly gone. I wasn't expecting to see it. I had left it at home, specifically to avoid things like what was happening now. "Sadie," I said now, barely able to speak. Then I involuntarily thought about my parents, and I shouldn't have gone there.

"And this present is for you Tati!" Mommy exclaimed, and handed me a big box wrapped in red Santa Claus paper. I smiled widely, and politely said thank you. Then I ripped open the present from Santa, and found that he gave me the teddy bear I had wanted!

"Mommy it's the teddy bear I wanted!" I exclaimed. I was overwhelmed with joy.

"Yes, sweetie. Santa brought it to you because you've been a very good girl this year." daddy stated. I looked up at him from the floor. He smiled, and his face seemed to shine with joy.

I got up, teddy bear in hand, and sat on my daddy's lap. I watched Brendon play with his new trains, and mommy was cleaning up the mess of Santa Claus paper. I could have played with my other toys, but my favorite was teddy.

"Daddy," I said.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, my Tatiana…"

I didn’t know how, but somehow I was in the corner of the room again, my legs up against my chest, with my arms wrapped around them. I couldn't see the room clearly, tears were welled up in my eyes. All I had to do was blink…

The teddy bear was on the other side of the room as I wept. I couldn't stand to see it. I used to keep it hidden in my room, so it caught me off guard seeing it again. The picture of my dad was inside my head now, him telling me he loved me.

I cried harder now, even when I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Then Brendon was in my room, holding me, telling me everything would be okay. "B-but Br-bre-endon, I-I," I started to stutter, but Brendon shushed me.

"Just don't think about it Tati, just don't think about it," he murmured over and over again as he rocked us back and forth, back and forth. I dug my face into his chest, feeling better. At least I still had my brother. And he would protect me. He is all that I have.