The Secret He'll Never Know

I sat in the car trying to erase the memories of that night. The music was rock which is why I haven't listened to that genre since. It was full of drunk guys hitting on slutty drunk girls; the reason I don't drink or wear slutty clothes anymore. I was raped as the party continued downstairs; the reason I've had panic attacks at the parties I went to.

Everything that has reminded me of that night has been expelled out of my life. That is why I now love my new home. It's the complete opposite of Georgia. And my new neighbor/friend is the complete opposite of what I imagine my rapist is.

Friday

It's been six days since we've gotten here and one day since I've last hung out with Alex. He said that he was busy today and couldn't hang out, but that we could talk tonight.

I layed on my bed just thinking about random things. It was then when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID, it was Jack.

"What's up bestfriend?" I smiled.

"Nothing. What are you doing right now?" Jack asked.

"Just laying on my bed thinking."

"Good. Get ready we're hanging out tonight. And you're gonna meet mine and Alex's friends, Zack and Rian!" He said happily.

"Okee dokee, Jack Attack. Just tell me when."

"Alex and I will pick you up around eight, Kay?"

"Got it. Sees ya later Jack," I said hanging up. I got a dressy, slightly low cut, shirt, skinny jeans, and undergarments out for my shower. I got my shower letting the water warm me up. I washed quickly and got out. I put my hair up in a towel and tossed my clothes on. I then sat in front of my mirror and applied a dash of gold eyeshadow to help bring out the color of my eyes a little bit, mascara, and eye liner. I then proceeded to brush and blowdry my hair. I looked in the mirror; I looked pretty good, if I do say so myself.

I went downstairs and watched tv as I waited for Jack and Alex to get there. I heard a car honk and I yelled at my mom in the kitchen, "Bye mom! I'm going to hang out with Jack and Alex!"

"Make sure you have your key honey I start my new job tonight and your father had to go out of town for business!" She yelled back.

I grabbed my key and shoved it in my pocket along with my cell phone. I felt my converses squeak lightly as I walked towards Jack's car.

"Hey Jack!" I said giving him a hug as I got in the passenger seat. "Where's Alex? I thought you said he was gonna be with you?"

"He decided to meet us there instead," He said pulling away from the curb.

"Okee dokee," I said sitting back.

"You look good tonight Seleste," Jack commented.

"Thanks ya, Jack Attack." I said smiling.
He talked the rest of the distance when it struck me that I had no clue where we're going. "Hey Jack? Where are we going?"

"Oh I forgot to tell you we're going to Rian's house for a party," He said turning down a street. I could here the rock music from here, cars lined the street, and more and more red cups littered the road as we got closer.

My world slowed down. My heart beat faster and my palms got sweaty. Jack looked at me oblivious to the terror raging inside me. He pulled into the drive way and walked into the house with me following slowly.

"This is Rian," Jack said with his arm around the neck of a guy with buzzed brown hair. "And that's Zack," He said pointing to a guy with short brown hair.

I mustered up all the enthusiasm I could, "Hi! I'm Seleste!" I waved. I must be a good actor, because none of them noticed how fake that was.

"Hey guyssss," I heard a familair voice slur behind me as they put an arm around my shoulder.

I turned around to see a drunk Alex. The sight of him drunk brought me back to 'the night.' I quickly said an "excuse me" and ran out of the house and down the street until I couldn't hear the music, until I couldn't smell the beer rolling off of Alex, until I fell on grass unable to catch my breath.

I knew I was having a panic attack, but I couldn't calm myself. I then heard footsteps slapping on the sidewalk. I screamed in terror thinking it was my rapist coming for me. I didn't know I was crying until a breathless sob escaped my lips.

"Seleste!" I heard him yell grabbing my arms. I screamed again my tears blurring my vision so I couldn't see his face.

"Please no. Not again, please," I begged.

"Seleste it's me. It's Jack," I heard him say. I wiped the tears from my eyes momentarily and sure enough it was Jack.

"Jack," I sighed falling into his chest and crying heavily.

"Shhh, Seleste it's okay. You're safe." Jack said rubbing the back of my head.
"Come on let's take you home." He said pulling back towards the party.

"Jack, no I can't go back there or go home." I pleaded looking into his blue eyes desperately.

"Okay. You stay here and I'll go get my car and you can stay at my house tonight," He said before running to get his car. As soon as he left I curled up in a little ball letting a few more tears fall. Soon enough Jack's car pulled up to the curb and he got out and put me in the passenger seat.

We rode in silence to his house. When we got there Jack lent me some of his clothes for the night. He left me in his room so I could change in peace. When I was done I layed on his bed on the covers.

I then heard the door open so I rolled over to see who it was. No surprise there; it was Jack. He came and sat on the bed. He then asked the question I was dreading. "Seleste what happened?"

"I freaked out that's all," I lied knowing he wouldn't believe it.

"That's bullshit and you know it," He said seriously.

I sighed heavily, trying to postpone as long as possible. "It was three years ago. Me and my friends at the time had decided to crash a senior party as freshman. To make ourselves look older we wore stilletos, extremely low cut shirts, and mini skirts. We had put on a lot of make up to help. I didn't wanna drink so I had lemonade. I put it down so I could go dance. When I got back it had tasted funny. I found out later that someone had went around and spiked peoples drinks with roofies and then the whole bowl with a whole bottle of vodka. I kept drinking and drinking despite the burning feeling in my throat. Later a senior came over and hit on me. I was so happy that he noticed me that I didn't stop him. Then he started kissing me." I laughed a dry, humorless laugh. "My first kiss. He led me upstairs and we continued to make out. He started to take my shirt off and I said no. He said ok and went back to kissing me. He tried again and I said stop. He grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head." I started sobbing uncontrolably. "He said to shut up and enjoy it you little tease. He took off all my clothes and raped me. I said no over and over! But he wouldn't stop!" I said pounding on the bed sobbing harder.

Jack grabbed my arms and pulled me into another hug trying to comfort me. "He wouldn't stop Jack. I said no and he wouldn't stop. And worst of all I was to drunk to remember his face. I remember everything, but his face."

"Seleste it's gonna be ok. You're safe. Whoever that douchebag is, he can't get you here." He shushed me.

"That's just it Jack; he can't get me but the memories can. I haven't listened to rock music, drank alcohol, or gone to a party since that night. And everything about the party reminded me of it. I broke down when I saw Alex drunk because I imagined him and you being the exact opposite of my rapist. I just couldn't handle it, Jack! I couldn't." I sobbed probably ruining his shirt.

"Seleste Alex and I are nothing like him. We will never hurt you. We like to drink, but we would never ever rape someone. Especially someone like you," He said pulling me back and looking into my eyes. "Okay?"

It was so weird seeing a serious Jack that I just nodded. I yawned and layed down. Jack was making his way to the door. "I'll just leave you to sleep."

"No Jack. P-please don't leave me alone?" I begged pathetically. He sighed quietly turning the light off and closing the door. He came and layed under the covers with me wrapping his arm around my waist. "Jack can you not tell Alex or the others about this?"

"No problem," He breathed into my hair.

I yawned again and rolled over to lay my head on his chest. "Thanks, Jack Attack." I said falling asleep.