Come On, Sweet Catastrophe

"I don't like him." Derek muttered.

I froze in the doorway, looking up from my feet. I squinted through the darkness, but I couldn't see where his voice was coming from. Then the hall light flickered on, revealing Derek perched on the bottom step. I blushed, ducking my head as I shut the door behind me. I looked up at him from under my eyelashes, chewing on the inside of my cheek. "Why don't you like him?" I asked softly, frowning at him. I'll admit, it kind of hurt that Derek didn't like him. It almost felt like he was insulting me. This was a guy that I had chosen myself, you know? Someone that I thought was really great, and Derek didn't like him. 

"Because, Ruth! What kind of guy is he if he has you sneaking back home at five o'clock in the fucking morning?" He scolded, rising to his feet. "What were you guys doing, huh? Why are you home so late?" 

"Tha-that's none of your, uhm, your business!" I could feel myself blushing. I tried to keep my voice strong, I really did, but I couldn't control my stuttering or the way it quavered. I was stunned. Truly stunned by Derek's behaviour. Where did he get off talking to me like this?

He laughed this... Snide, condescending sort of laugh. A laugh with no humor at all. "Am I supposed to respect this guy, Ruth? What's his name, Randy? How many dates have you guys even been on and you've already gone home with him? Wow." 

I could feel my anger burning in my chest. It was that feeling that made you want to lash out and say things you know you'd regret later, but at the same time, I was overcome by this... Sadness. I could feel a lump swelling in my throat. Not letting myself cry right now was actually physically causing me pain. It hurt. It was like I swallowed and entire apple and my throat was trying to stretch around it. I could feel my brow furrowing and my lips quivering--I'm sure I looked completely pathetic. I was still in yesterday's clothes and my hair was in complete disarray. My make-up had been smudged by Ryan's pillows. And I was just standing there in front of a fuming Derek, not saying anything. Not defending myself or apologizing. Just standing there, staring at my boots and trying not to cry. 

"You shouldn't go out with him anymore, Ruth." He stated, crossing his arms over his chest. "I really don't like him."

And then that anger, the burning in my chest, intensified. It came to the forefront of all the other emotions I was feeling right now. My entire body felt hot and my hands were clenching by my sides. 

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" I hissed, cocking my head to the side. Derek's glare faltered and he seemed slightly taken aback by my outburst, but tried to regain his stern composure quickly. "You can't tell me what to do, Derek. Last time I checked, you're not my father. You're hardly even my fucking friend!" 

"Oh, I'm hardly your friend?" He glowered, moving closer to me. "Really, Ruth? Then why the fuck are you even here? In my house, huh?"

I stared at him for a moment. I even contemplated hitting him, I was so mad. He was so much closer now. Just a step away. I could reach. I wouldn't even have to extend my arm very much to give him a good, hard slap across his sorry face. We were both glaring at each other. It was becoming somewhat of a staring contest. 

"Fine." I whispered, barely loud enough for even me to hear it. "I'll leave." 

"Awesome." Derek scoffed, motioning to the door. 

I turned away from him slowly, placing my hand on the doorknob. I breathed out a quiet sigh. I opened the door and slid onto the porch quickly. I made sure to slam the door a little too loud, to irritate Derek further, of course. As I stalked down the path and driveway to my car, my pace slowed progressively. I could feel my anger dissipating with every single step. When I reached for the door handle to the driver's side, I had to feel around for it because my vision was blurred by tears. I was crying. I was barely fifteen steps from the house and I was holding in these big, heaving sobs that felt so thick in my throat. I was trying to swallow them down, keep them inside as I slid into the car. I needed to calm down. 

But I couldn't. It hurt too much to keep them in. My head pressed against the steering wheel as my body racked with these sobs. I was coughing and wheezing and choking as I sat there. I could see the sun start to peak up above the horizon by the time I had calmed down to sniffling and quiet whimpering. I was trying to will myself to put the key in the ignition, but I just couldn't. 

There was a quiet knocking on my window. I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound. When I looked put, Derek was standing there wearing an especially sullen expression. I turned away from him quickly, wiping under my eyes. When I turned back, I opened the window, but said nothing. 

He looked cold, standing there in just his ratty old t-shirt and gym shorts. He was hugging himself tightly, trying to hold in any warmth in his body. I wished I didn't, but I felt bad for him. I was tempted to get out of the car and hug him, but I could hold myself back from at least that much. 

I just stared at him, chewing on the inside of my cheeks. My skin felt tight on my face from all the dried tears and I knew that my eyes were red and puffy. I didn't care, though. I just stared, waiting for him to speak. 

It took a while, but he finally did. "Please don't leave, Ruth." He whispered to me. "I'm so sorry, I really am. Please come back inside."

He didn't try justifying the things he said. I'm not sure if he just chose not to or if there was nothing that would really justify it, but he just left his apology at that. And I, of course, obediently followed him back into the house. I didn't say a single word, but I followed him into the living room and sat with him on the couch. I stared at the screen as he surfed all the channels until he found a movie he wanted to watch. Some stupid comedy that was airing on the movie network. It was really tense at first. Neither of us were speaking or making any noise at all. We kept our eyes locked on the tv screen, not even daring to take a quick look out of the corners of our eyes. 

Slowly, though, as the movie progressed, I found myself smiling and when I looked out of the corner of my eye, Derek was too. And then we were laughing. He laughed first. It was a quiet chuckle, which he tried to cover up with a cough. I knew it was a laugh, though. He probably knew I knew too. 

"Are we really not friends?" He turned to me after the movie was over. His brow was furrowed and he looked to be chewing on his bottom lip. 

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair tiredly. "Look, I didn't mean that. I was just mad and it sort of... Came out."

Derek nodded his head, but still looked thoughtful. He looked down at his lap for a moment and I watched the way his mouth spread into a wolfish grin. He looked up at me and his smile was contagious. "You know, that's what I thought. At first I was really hurt, but then I was like, 'what? We're totally friends'."