Come On, Sweet Catastrophe
-sixteen.
I ended up skipping my classes the next day. I didn't study at all last night and I couldn't seem to pull myself out of bed early enough to get some studying in before classes started. So, instead, I caught up on some sleep and spent the day with my nose buried in my textbooks.
Everyone seemed to disappear for the day. That's how it felt, at least. Ryan left me alone to study and I don't even remember seeing Derek today. My mother hadn't called or texted today, which she usually did frequently throughout the day. Jack wasn't even coming in and whining for me to feed him. The house was quiet, eerily so, but I appreciated it, for I had learned majority of the material, plus a few extra things.
It was nearly dinner time when Derek strolled into the kitchen. "How goes studying?" He asked, pulling open the fridge.
"Good!" I scribbled down the rest of the sentence before I put my pen down, looking up at him. "What have you been up to?"
He shrugged, his eyes scanning the near-empty shelves. I made a mental note to go food shopping tonight or tomorrow morning. "Not much, really. Just sitting around. I'm hungry, though."
I glanced at the clock and groaned, standing quickly. "I lost track of time, sorry! I'll make dinner now."
He turned to me, smiling an amused sort of smile. "No, keep studying. I'll make dinner."
I furrowed my brow, looking at him oddly. This was slightly out of character for Derek. I don't think I've ever eaten a meal Derek had cooked. Not even when Paige and Sadie were alive. He just didn't cook.
It was also kind of unsettling, because lately, I was barely doing anything at all and he was still paying me as often as he remembered. It was starting to feel like he was paying for my company, and that just didn't feel right. However, despite how bad I felt about it, I needed this money and I didn't have the time to pick up another job. So, this was my only option and I needed to start keeping up with my duties.
"But it's my job..." I trailed off. My argument seemed rather weak. Especially when he laughed, motioning for me to sit back down.
"Sit." He said sternly, glaring playfully. "I'm just making pasta."
I reluctantly did as I was told, immersing myself in my studying once more. Even after a steaming plate of spaghetti was placed beside me, I still kept my eyes on my notes. I ate my dinner, one bite at a time between blurbs of information. This method of eating definitely stretched out the process, but I was never a very good multitasker. My pasta was cold by the time I had finished. That last bite was a bit difficult to swallow. Some people have no problem eating cold food, but I was certainly not one of them.
I pushed the plate away from me, my gaze still on my notes, scanning the lines to make sure that I had everything I needed on paper. I think I had filled my head to the prim with information and I knew that if I continued, I'd forget everything by tomorrow.
I stretched my arms up above my head, hearing my spine crack in several different places. My back was stiff and my legs were aching from sitting for so long. I let out a long, obnoxiously loud sigh shaking out the stiffness in my arms. I heard a chuckle and looked up at Derek, who was sat facing me at the island.
"Are you done studying now?" He asked, amusement evident on his face.
"Yeah..." I trailed off, eying my notes again. I wanted so badly to be done, but I knew that if I got up now, I'd feel guilty for the rest of the night. "Actually, no. I'm just going to go over my notes one more time."
He raised his brow, but said nothing. He simply smiled, gesturing to my books. I looked down for a moment, at the jumble of tiny words I had scribbled down on the paper. I took in a deep breath before I started going through my notes again. I changed anything I hadn't copied correctly and made sure I learned all the things I didn't know. I was so focused on what I was doing, but I couldn't quite get over the fact that I could feel Derek's eyes on me. I would glance up at him quickly and he would just smile, but not look away. I didn't understand why he was staring at me. There was nothing less interesting than watching someone studying, but he looked perfectly content. There was something in his stare, though. I couldn't place what it was, but it made my cheeks burn.
When I looked up at him a bit later and he was still watching me, I furrowed my brow. "What?" I asked him curiously.
"Nothing." He shook his head, his lips spread in a small smile. "You're just cute when you concentrate."
"Oh, me? No... Really?" I stuttered, smiling bashfully. I could feel the red in my cheeks burning brighter, much more noticeably to him.
"Yeah." He chuckled, finally standing from the island bar stool. He took his dishes and mine to the sink, turning away and leaving me to think while he cleaned up.
On one end, I couldn't get over what he had just said. It made my heart swell in my chest, so much so that I was afraid that it would grow too large for my ribcage. Compliments from Derek were rare, mostly because he preferred to tease me, but I still received then once in a while. He never ever complimented my looks, though. Only on the meals I cooked him, or when he read through a piece of my writing--Things like that.
But on the other side, he wasn't calling me beautiful or anything like that. He called me cute. Cute doesn't always mean attractive. Babies and kittens and tiny bottles of shampoo are cute, but that doesn't mean you want to kiss them. Not so deep down, I wanted Derek to want to kiss me.
So, as sweet as his compliment was, it brought more confusion than flattery. I wasn't able to focus on my work anymore. Only on him. I thought about all the things that his words could mean and about how he was getting better--What that could possibly mean for him and I in the future. That is, if we even had a future. I had this aching feeling that this was it for us; that we would never be more than friends. I mean, when I was with Ryan, that realization was much easier to get over, but with Ryan not here and Derek standing only a few feet away, it felt different. It hurt a lot more.
Everyone seemed to disappear for the day. That's how it felt, at least. Ryan left me alone to study and I don't even remember seeing Derek today. My mother hadn't called or texted today, which she usually did frequently throughout the day. Jack wasn't even coming in and whining for me to feed him. The house was quiet, eerily so, but I appreciated it, for I had learned majority of the material, plus a few extra things.
It was nearly dinner time when Derek strolled into the kitchen. "How goes studying?" He asked, pulling open the fridge.
"Good!" I scribbled down the rest of the sentence before I put my pen down, looking up at him. "What have you been up to?"
He shrugged, his eyes scanning the near-empty shelves. I made a mental note to go food shopping tonight or tomorrow morning. "Not much, really. Just sitting around. I'm hungry, though."
I glanced at the clock and groaned, standing quickly. "I lost track of time, sorry! I'll make dinner now."
He turned to me, smiling an amused sort of smile. "No, keep studying. I'll make dinner."
I furrowed my brow, looking at him oddly. This was slightly out of character for Derek. I don't think I've ever eaten a meal Derek had cooked. Not even when Paige and Sadie were alive. He just didn't cook.
It was also kind of unsettling, because lately, I was barely doing anything at all and he was still paying me as often as he remembered. It was starting to feel like he was paying for my company, and that just didn't feel right. However, despite how bad I felt about it, I needed this money and I didn't have the time to pick up another job. So, this was my only option and I needed to start keeping up with my duties.
"But it's my job..." I trailed off. My argument seemed rather weak. Especially when he laughed, motioning for me to sit back down.
"Sit." He said sternly, glaring playfully. "I'm just making pasta."
I reluctantly did as I was told, immersing myself in my studying once more. Even after a steaming plate of spaghetti was placed beside me, I still kept my eyes on my notes. I ate my dinner, one bite at a time between blurbs of information. This method of eating definitely stretched out the process, but I was never a very good multitasker. My pasta was cold by the time I had finished. That last bite was a bit difficult to swallow. Some people have no problem eating cold food, but I was certainly not one of them.
I pushed the plate away from me, my gaze still on my notes, scanning the lines to make sure that I had everything I needed on paper. I think I had filled my head to the prim with information and I knew that if I continued, I'd forget everything by tomorrow.
I stretched my arms up above my head, hearing my spine crack in several different places. My back was stiff and my legs were aching from sitting for so long. I let out a long, obnoxiously loud sigh shaking out the stiffness in my arms. I heard a chuckle and looked up at Derek, who was sat facing me at the island.
"Are you done studying now?" He asked, amusement evident on his face.
"Yeah..." I trailed off, eying my notes again. I wanted so badly to be done, but I knew that if I got up now, I'd feel guilty for the rest of the night. "Actually, no. I'm just going to go over my notes one more time."
He raised his brow, but said nothing. He simply smiled, gesturing to my books. I looked down for a moment, at the jumble of tiny words I had scribbled down on the paper. I took in a deep breath before I started going through my notes again. I changed anything I hadn't copied correctly and made sure I learned all the things I didn't know. I was so focused on what I was doing, but I couldn't quite get over the fact that I could feel Derek's eyes on me. I would glance up at him quickly and he would just smile, but not look away. I didn't understand why he was staring at me. There was nothing less interesting than watching someone studying, but he looked perfectly content. There was something in his stare, though. I couldn't place what it was, but it made my cheeks burn.
When I looked up at him a bit later and he was still watching me, I furrowed my brow. "What?" I asked him curiously.
"Nothing." He shook his head, his lips spread in a small smile. "You're just cute when you concentrate."
"Oh, me? No... Really?" I stuttered, smiling bashfully. I could feel the red in my cheeks burning brighter, much more noticeably to him.
"Yeah." He chuckled, finally standing from the island bar stool. He took his dishes and mine to the sink, turning away and leaving me to think while he cleaned up.
On one end, I couldn't get over what he had just said. It made my heart swell in my chest, so much so that I was afraid that it would grow too large for my ribcage. Compliments from Derek were rare, mostly because he preferred to tease me, but I still received then once in a while. He never ever complimented my looks, though. Only on the meals I cooked him, or when he read through a piece of my writing--Things like that.
But on the other side, he wasn't calling me beautiful or anything like that. He called me cute. Cute doesn't always mean attractive. Babies and kittens and tiny bottles of shampoo are cute, but that doesn't mean you want to kiss them. Not so deep down, I wanted Derek to want to kiss me.
So, as sweet as his compliment was, it brought more confusion than flattery. I wasn't able to focus on my work anymore. Only on him. I thought about all the things that his words could mean and about how he was getting better--What that could possibly mean for him and I in the future. That is, if we even had a future. I had this aching feeling that this was it for us; that we would never be more than friends. I mean, when I was with Ryan, that realization was much easier to get over, but with Ryan not here and Derek standing only a few feet away, it felt different. It hurt a lot more.
♠ ♠ ♠
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