Come On, Sweet Catastrophe

I sat on the curb outside Ryan's apartment complex with my head in my hands. It was cold and I had left my jacket, but I couldn't bare to go back inside. I didn't have my car because he had picked me up from my house, so I considered walking. It's a pretty long walk, but I didn't have change for the bus and, really, anything was better than just sitting here. I felt so heavy, though. Too heavy to stand. 

Ryan and I just had our first fight. I can't even tell you what it was about. I know a comment about Derek had sparked it, but not why it had got the way it did. We didn't say anything especially mean to each other. Neither of us got physical with the other. All in all, the fight wasn't too bad, but it was bad for us. We hadn't fought before. Maybe that was why it felt so serious--Because it was so new. Regardless, it still left me feeling helpless, wondering if we had just ruined a good thing. I still didn't know Ryan enough to know how he reacted in these situations. For all I know, he could have a really low tolerance for relationship drama. Maybe this was enough for him to break it off with me--I don't know. 

I was stuck here, though. Hurt and embarrassment and sadness and anger were weighing down on me, heavy on my shoulders. I wanted to cry. My throat ached with big, heaving sobs that were trying to push their way out. My eyes were burning with the salt water pooling at my bottom lashes. At this moment, all I wanted was to lie down in my bed. To fall asleep until all this shit went away. 

Sometimes, it felt like I couldn't win with Ryan. He was so... Stubborn. I cared for him so much--I'd even say I was on the verge of loving him, but he was just so fucking stubborn. with some things, there was no way I could convince him that he had nothing to worry about. Derek, mainly. I don't know why he felt so threatened by him. I didn't realize Derek had ever given him anything to worry about. I mean, he acted a bit strange when they met, but only in an over-protective-fatherly-figure-looking-out-for-me-kinda way. At most, Ryan should feel slightly intimidated, but I was detecting jealousy. I don't know what we had ever given him to feel jealous of, though. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of showing him that I was committed to him. I don't know what else I could do. 

The cold air was nipping at my skin, making me all too aware of the fact that I was only wearing a thin T-shirt.   Walking home didn't feel like an option anymore. I mean, it was possible, but as a last resort. I remembered the phone that was in my pocket, way too late than I probably should have. With cold, slightly numb fingers, I fished it out and unlocked the screen. I scrolled through my contacts, until I found the name I was looking for. The call was quick, consisting mostly of me giving an address and directions to get here. Then I waited. 

I couldn't call my mom. I loved her, but she had a way of making me feel worse in these situations. Not only would my father kill Ryan after seeing me like this, but he'd bring my mom with him in the car. No thanks. I would call my brother, but he wasn't old enough to drive with an adult, which would be one or both of my parents. I felt weird calling any of my friends in this situation. I haven't been the most loyal friend over the years, I guess. I wasn't there to help them during their relationship problems, so it felt wrong asking that of them. 

That left one person. It would only make things worse than they already were, but he seemed like my only option. He was one of the few people who didn't praise the ground Ryan walked on and right now, I needed to be held by someone who hated him as much as I did right now. 

I breathed a sigh of relief as Derek's car pulled up in front of me. He got out and walked around the front of the car to stand next to me with his hands in his pockets. I looked up at him and he smiled weakly, reaching a hand out toward me. I stared at it for a moment before I took it and he extended his other hand for me, pulling me to my feet without much help from me at all. He pulled me against him, wrapping one arm around me. I tried not to let it show, how upset I actually was, but Derek just seemed to know. I've never seen him act so... Tenderly. Not since Sadie and Paige died. He tucked my hair behind my ear, moving the stray strands away from my face so he could look into my eyes. 

"I'll take you home and then we can talk about it, if you want." He said softly, slowly. I nodded and he smiled again. "It'll be okay, Ruth. Don't be sad." 

Have you noticed how hard it was to not do something when people told you not to do it. It was like, my inner rebellious teenager came out and forced me to do the very thing I was told not to. Naturally, I did get very sad. Once we were in his car and moving down the highway, it was like the floodgates had opened and all of a sudden, all these tears were pouring down my face. I couldn't control it. I wasn't one of those pretty criers--You know those girls in movies who looked just as pretty crying as they did when they weren't? Their faces never scrunched up and their voices remained stable. One tear would roll down their cheek, leaving a single, straight streak of moisture on their rosy skin. That was all, but not for me. My face, my neck, even my chest was wet with my seemingly endless waves of tears. I was wheezing and whining and sobbing and choking--I couldn't even form a coherent sentence. I must have looked insane. I wanted to know why Derek was able to remain so calm. If I stuck in a car with someone so hysterical, I'd be freaking out. I'd probably start crying myself. 

I had calmed down a bit when we reached the house. He helped me put of the car and let me lean on him as we made our way to the house. He seemed conflicted once we were inside, looking between the kitchen and the living room. I think he assumed I wanted food. Every girl on tv ate their feelings when they were upset, but all I wanted was to sit. I wanted to be warm. 

I kicked off my shoes carelessly, walking into the living room and collapsing on the couch. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Derek stand there for moment before disappearing into the kitchen. He was in there for several minutes and I heard cupboards opening and glasses clinking, but I didn't care enough to go see what he was doing. 

He returned a bit later, wearing a weak smile and holding two steaming mugs. "I made tea." He said softly, as if he was afraid a louder tone would upset me. "It's chai. Your favourite."

I stared at it for a long moment, slowly allowing myself to smile. Not only had he remembered it was my favourite, but he had gone out recently to replace it because I had finished it off a week or two ago. I looked up at him as I accepted the mug and he looked a bit triumphant, as if he was proud that he brought the smile to my face. He slowly lowered down beside me, close enough for our sides to be touching. I inhaled deeply and, even over the strong, spicy aroma of the tea, I could smell Derek. He smelled clean and masculine, as if he had only showered a few hours ago. 

I curled into his side and he stiffened, surprised by the sudden contact. He relaxed shortly after, though. As if he was afraid I'd be offended by the way he flinched. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, hugging me tightly there. 

"Do you want me to kill him?" I looked up at him and he raised his brows expectantly, waiting for an answer. 

I chuckled softly, under my breath. "No, killing him is a bit extreme. I wouldn't mind seeing him get punched, though." 

"I can do that. I can punch him." He nodded, smiling crookedly at me. "I'm pretty tough and strong, though. I can't guarantee that my punch won't kill him." 

I rolled my eyes at him playfully, resting my head against his chest. "I bet." 

"You sound sarcastic." He muttered. "Your sarcasm isn't appreciated right now." 

"Sorry." I snickered, sipping my tea. 

Eventually, I told him what happened. I chose to leave out how the mention of his name was what triggered the whole ordeal, but I told him everything else that was said. He remained quiet for a while after, letting it all sink in. He looked so deep in thought, staring down at his hands with a furrowed brow. 

"He didn't... Hit you... Did he?" he seemed really hesitant to ask that, really nervous to see my reaction. I knew he was just worried about me, so I didn't let myself be angry or annoyed or bothered in any way by the question. 

"No." I said quickly, shaking my head vigorously. "He wouldn't do that."

He looked relieved. "Good." He nodded, licking his lips. "If there's one thing I can't fucking stand, it's a man hitting a woman." 

I smiled up at him. "There's nothing to worry about with me." I assured him, tightening my hands around my mud, the ceramic hot against my skin. 

"I think I'll always worry about you, Ruth." He admitted, chuckling lightly. "I'm not used to you... Dating. I don't like seeing you hurt."

My heart swelled and I could feel a new wave of tears threatening to spill. I knew that Derek cared about me. I mean, if he didn't, I wouldn't be here right now. Hearing him say how much he cared just reminded me of that. He didn't say things like this often. They were like compliments. It was rare to hear, but you knew he meant it when he said them. 

The doorbell went. I looked up at Derek and he furrowed his brow, just as confused as I was. He never had visitors. 

He stood, telling me to stay where I was. At first, I stayed seated, but I was far too curious. I stood too and followed behind him, watching as he slowly opened the front door. He looked shocked by the sight of a disheveled Ryan standing there, gnawing on his lip with his hands stuffed in his pockets. 

"Uhh..." Derek furrowed his brow, looking back and forth between us. 

"How did you know I was here?" I murmured, wrapping my arms around myself. 

"I just guessed." He shrugged, looking quickly between Derek and I. "Could we talk." 

I glanced at Derek, who was looking at me with raised brows. I simply nodded, giving him a reassuring smile. 

"Outside?" I asked Ryan and he nodded, then I followed him out onto the driveway. I heard Derek shut the door behind me, but I knew he was still watching through the window. He was watching while Ryan and I worked out our problems and said our apologies. I still had my arms wrapped around myself, shielding my body from the cold. Ryan seemed to sense that, pulling me against him and wrapping his arms around me. I stared up at him, into his different, but still incredibly beautiful blue eyes. And then he kissed me lovingly and everything felt okay again. 

Everything except for the fact that Derek had just seen the whole thing. That definitely didn't feel okay. It just left me feeling uneasy.