Come On, Sweet Catastrophe

Ryan looked so hurt, glancing back and forth between Derek and I in disbelief. He shook his head slowly, watching me through pleading eyes. "Ruth..." He said softly, moving closer to me. "It's not true, is it?" He sounded so sad. So incredibly sad. My heart ached at the broken sound of his voice. He sent a hateful look in Derek's direction, then looked back at me. "Please tell me he's lying." 

My shoulders slumped under the weight of my guilt and I looked down, far too ashamed to look him in the eye. 

"Ruth," his voice was a little harsher--A little rougher this time and I found myself flinching back. "Don't fucking lie to me. Is he telling the truth?" He took a step toward me, and Derek reached out to keep him from stepping any closer. "Don't fucking touch me." He pushed Derek back, moving a step closer. Ryan kept his gaze on me the entire time. Even though I was looking down at my feet, I knew his eyes were on me. I could feel them burning holes in my skin. I swallowed my cowardice and all the shame I felt in my body, bringing myself to look into his eyes. I gave my head a small, curt nod, confirming what Derek had said. 

I watched as Ryan fell apart in front of me, his face contorting into so many emotions. He looked so shocked and so angry, but so sad and so hurt. I didn't know what to do with myself. I couldn't believe that I had the ability to make someone feel like that. So, I just stood there and watched as Derek put his hand on Ryan's shoulder, yanking him away from me, as if he feared Ryan would harm me if he got any closer. Ryan reacted so quickly, his body swinging around to face him as his fist collided with Derek's cheek. 

Derek staggered backward, but managed to keep his footing, his hand instinctively moving to hold the side of his face. He gritted his teeth, pushing Ryan back. "What the fuck, man?" 

Ryan shoved him back harder, his jaw clenched and an especially murderous look in his eyes. I had never seen Ryan so angry and I found myself worrying for Derek. However, I knew that Derek had a bad temper, so I worried that he would do some damage to Ryan too. 

Derek was the one to throw the next punch, right to Ryan's mouth. I could see the saliva and blood spray from his lips as his head whipped to the side. Derek's knuckle was now split, most likely from colliding with Ryan's teeth. I let out a loud whimper, watching the blood seep from Ryan's battered gums, coating his teeth in red. He took a swing at Derek before he could move to hit him again, getting him in the eye. Fists were flying now and both of them were looking bruised and bloodied. For so long, I stood there watching them helplessly, not knowing what to do. I was seemingly frozen in my spot with my legs shaking beneath me. It took everything in me to move and I ran to them. I ducked, avoiding any fists that came my way. I was screaming at the top of my lungs, pleading them to stop. I forced myself between them, shoving at Derek to step away from Ryan. He should know better. Not only was he older, but he wasn't the one that should be angry right now. Ryan was the one who was hurt here. He deserved to be angry. Derek only egged him on. 

"This isn't going to solve anything!" I cried, feeling Ryan against my back to get closer to Derek. He turned his head to the side, spitting out a mouthful of blood onto Derek's floor. Derek glared at him and took a step closer again, reaching over me to shove Ryan back. "Are you seriously going to do this while I'm between you two?" I spat at him and his glare softened slightly as he looked down at me. 

Slowly, I turned around to look at Ryan. Blood was pouring from his nose and onto his white, button-up shirt, but he didn't seem to care much. Slowly, he dragged his gaze up from the floor and into my eyes, letting me see all of the hurt and betrayal he was feeling right now. He shook his head at me and moved to the door, pulling it open and then slamming it behind him. I stared at the closed door for a second, glancing at Derek who was looking especially guilty. He opened his mouth to say something, but I turned away, quickly following Ryan out the door. 

The porch floor felt cold against my socked feet. I ignored the icy cold winds that were whipping past the bare skin of my legs, calling out for Ryan. He was almost at his car, cursing to himself and wiping away the blood from his nose with his sleeves. He hesitated for a moment, then turned back to look at me. He was torn between whether he should hear what I had to say or turn away. I couldn't blame him. I wouldn't listen to me if I was him. Eventually, he sighed, shaking his head. "What more do you want, Ruth?" 

I was taken aback by his harsh tone for a moment, not used to having it directed at me. I shook it off quickly, though, regaining my composure. "I'm sorry, Ryan." 

He snorted, shaking his head. "You're sorry?" I nodded my head timidly, chewing on the inside of my cheek. "Well, thanks. That makes me feel a whole lot better," he muttered sarcastically, pulling his keys from his pockets. "Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to go home and burn all the stuff you left there."

"Ryan, come on." I sighed, moving down the steps. "Can we please talk about this?" 

"What is there to talk about, Ruth?" He yelled, his usually warm, friendly face set into a scowl. "Our whole relationship, I've told you how much I didn't like all the time you spent here and you told me you were only friends with him. You lied to me, Ruth!" He exclaimed, letting out a humorless laugh. "And I believed it! All that shit you said about how you needed to be there for him because he had nobody else after his wife died--I believed you! Fuck, Ruth. You really fooled me."

"I wasn't lying about that stuff," I whimpered, looking down guiltily. "He really doesn't have anybody else."

"You had me, though, and you still fucked him?" I didn't look up at him or answer, wringing my hands nervously in front of me. "Come on, Ruth. You wanted to talk. So talk!" 

"I'm sorry!" I cried desperately. "I am so fucking sorry I did this to you, Ryan." 

"Why did you do it?" His voice was soft now and his glare had softened considerably too. "Do you love him?" 

I looked straight at him, through the salt water that burned my eyes. "Yes." My teeth clamped down on my bottom lip as I watched the way the hurt flashed in his eyes. 

He nodded his head, looking down at the ground. "Did you love me at all?" 

"I did." I told him honestly. "I still do." 

"Just not as much as you love him." He stated sadly. 

I frowned. "I'm sorry." 

"It's not okay, Ruth, but what can I do?" He shrugged his shoulders, finally looking me in the eye. "Maybe one day I'll be able to forgive you." 

I nodded my head, wrapping my arms around myself. "You're going to find someone better than me, Ryan." I told him. "Someone who loves you the way you deserve." 

"That's not helping." He chuckled, sliding his hands into his pockets. 

"I know." I said, shrugging my shoulders. "You will, though." 

He nodded, staring at me for a moment more. "Goodbye, Ruth." 

I raised my hand, sending him a small wave. He turned away from me and got into his car. I watched as he pulled out of the driveway, keeping my eyes on the rode for a long time, even after he was out of sight. Eventually, I collected myself, walking back into Derek's house. He was waiting for me on the bottom step, looking rather pathetic with a bag of frozen peas pressed to his eye. 

I chuckled despite everything I was feeling, shaking my head at him. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a soft cloth, wetting it with warm water. I walked back to where he was sitting, lowering down onto my knees in front of him. "You're and idiot, you know?" I told him, dabbing the blood from his nose and split lips. 

"How?" He sounded offended, moving his face away from me. 

"When she let me fuck her a couple weeks ago," I said, mocking his voice. "Seriously, Derek?" 

He slumped back against the step, scowling. "He was calling me jealous and obsessive and stuff!"

"How old are you? Fifteen? Holy shit." I scolded, pulling his face back toward my as the blood started dribbling down his chin. "That was definitely not how I wanted him to find out." 

"Was he ever going to find out, if you had it your way?" He looked up at me with raised brows and I glared at him, dabbing his chin roughly with the cloth. He winced and move away, letting out a sigh. "I'm sorry, Ruth." 

I shrugged my shoulders, not caring to answer as I cleaned the blood away from his cuts to see how deep they were. Luckily, none of them appeared deep enough for stitches and his nose didn't seem to be broken. He was just going to be bloody mess for a while. He probably wouldn't even be able to smile without one of the cuts on his lip reopening. 

"Ruth," he whined, pulling my hands down away from his face. I twisted my wrists out of his grasp, going back to cleaning despite his complaints. "Ruth, please? I'm sorry," he pleaded, reaching up to touch my face. "Say something?" 

"What do you want me to say?" I mumbled, standing up to get a new cloth now that this was was saturated in his blood. 

He stood up too, following behind me into the kitchen. He leaned against the island as I went through his medicine cabinet, taking out any first aid items that seemed useful. I wet another cloth with warm water before I turned back to him, eying the purple bruise that was already forming under his eye. 

"Say that you forgive me," he said softly, frowning at the ground. I couldn't help but think that he might be playing it up with the pouting to make me forgive him faster. My suspicions did nothing to stop my cold attitude from melting at the sight of him looking so upset, though, and I found myself smiling lightly at him. 

I pushed his hair back, kissing the corner of his mouth that was clean of blood. "I forgive you," I sighed lightly, watching the way his lips pulled into a grin. He grimaced at the feeling of his wounds being stretched, his grin disappearing quickly. 

"Can we go back to bed now?" He breathed, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer. He rested his forehead on my shoulder and I reached up, running my fingers through his hair. 

"Sure. Let me just bandage you up first." I smiled, pulling his head up and grabbing the pack of bandage strips from behind me. 

I couldn't help but smile as I finished cleaning up his face and followed him back to his bed. This was probably the worst way for Ryan to find out about Derek and I, but I couldn't help but feel relieved that he finally did know. I felt bad about lying to him and the hurt look on his face broke my heart, but I was able to push those bad feelings aside. For the first time in a long time, I felt okay. I felt like I was where I was supposed to be.