Come On, Sweet Catastrophe

I thought this was going to be a long day for me. Derek never had been very good at making up his mind--Especially not when it had come to these sorts of things. He'd deliberate for hours and hours, only to come to the conclusion that he had to let someone else decide. I assumed that this would be no different.

His eyes lit up the moment he heard the first dog bark, and in mere seconds, all the puppies were clawing at their cages, begging for Derek's attention. All but one, however. He stayed unreasonably quiet for a puppy, sitting so still that it was almost as if he were a statue. Derek made his way toward his stall, lowering down onto his knees and watching the dog through the chain-link barrier. His dark eyes followed Derek as he moved, and he tilted to the head to the side, looking almost inquisitive.

"He was abused." The man by the door piped up, and we both turned to look at him. "He would have died if we hadn't found him in time. His former owners used to do terrible things to him whenever he made any sort of sound. That's why he's so quiet."

I watched as Derek's eyes widened slightly, and the corners of his lips turned downward in a frown. He looked to the puppy once more, pressing his palm against the cage. "Hey buddy." He said softly, and the dog merely blinked back. His tail twitched, and Derek grinned, turning to me with hopeful eyes. "Can I have him?"

I laughed, rolling my eyes. "Derek, you can have whichever dog you would like. He's going to be yours, after all."

"He's going to be ours." He corrected, raising his brows at me. "We're taking care of him together."

Ours. You know, I really liked the way it sounded when he said it. It meant that it was something that him and I shared. Something that we would care for together. Real couples shared almost everything they own and do almost everything together, and though Derek and I aren't a real couple, it really made it feel that way.

I lowered down onto my knees beside Derek, sending him a small smile before looking at the puppy through the cage. Just looking at it, I could never understand what would possess a person to ever abuse something so small. He was a fraction of the size of all the other puppies, for he was only going to grow to be a little dog. I would be afraid to be even the littlest bit rough with him, for he looked so frail that he could fall to pieces if I wasn't gentle.

"I like him." Derek murmured, and I looked over at him. He was staring at the dog intently with sad eyes, his palm still pressed against the chain-link door.

"Me too." I whispered back, and Derek grinned widely.

He rose up from the ground, brushing the dust from the knees of his jeans. "We'll take him." He said to the man at the door, who took his ring of keys from back pocket and made his way toward us. I stood as well, eying him as he slipped the key into the keyhole and unlocked the door with a simple flick of his wrist. He opened the door and motioned for Derek to step inside, which he did eagerly. He bent down once more, holding his hand out for the dog to sniff. At first, he flinched when Derek's finger tips touched his snout, but then relaxed as he rubbed soothing circles into his short fur. Derek scooped him up into his arms, hugging the puppy to his chest before we said our thank yous and made our way to the car. We stopped at a Pet Smart in the plaza down the road from Derek's house and purchased a bunch of toys and some food for our puppy, throwing possible names for him on the entire ride home.

"This is your new home." He mumbled to the dog, setting him down on the tiled floor as he shut the door behind him. The nameless puppy didn't wander away, like any other curious puppy would have. He sat down on the very spot where Derek had set him, looking back and forth between the two of us. Derek grinned at me quickly, turning to the bags of the floor and searching through them until he found the bone-shaped cookies for dogs. "Do you want a treat?" The puppy's tail twitched again, but it didn't move nearly as vigorously as any other puppy's would. Derek laughed loudly, placing the treat on the floor in front of the dog and watching him devour it in one bite. "He's so precious."

I rolled my eyes, chuckling as I made my way into the kitchen. I grabbed my bag from the counter and walked over the the island, spreading my books out along the surface. I sat down on one of the stools, resting the side of my face in my hand as I stared down on my text book. I smiled as I heard Derek laughing and shuffling around, trying to get the puppy to make some sort of noise. He sounded happy. Derek always had a way of making everyone else in the room happy when he was.

I then turned my attention to my books, filling nearly the next two hours by cramming as much information into my mind as humanly possible. By then, I had made a study sheet for three different units in my text book and was about to get started on the fourth. I intended to spend the rest of the day summarizing the text book to make studying for my finals so much simpler. However, Derek had other plans.

He entered the kitchen with a pout on his lips, and when I asked what was wrong, he answered, "the puppy's asleep," rather meekly. I chuckled, watching him as he made his way toward the refrigerator before turning back to my work. He was silent for about five minutes more, wandering around the kitchen and looking through every single cupboard. Then finally, he let out a quiet whine. "Ruth, I'm bored."

"Wake up the puppy." I murmured absently, flipping through the chapter.

"But he looks so peaceful." He huffed. "Come outside with me."

"No, I'm busy." I said.

"I don't care." He shot back, making his way around the island to stand beside me. He pulled the pen from my grasp, throwing it across the room before taking both my hands in his. He pulled me up to my feet, nearly dragging me out of the kitchen and into the backyard.

"Come on, Derek. Finals are soon. I need to start studying." I whined, though I inwardly grinned at the feeling of my fingers laced with his.

"You can start tomorrow." He shrugged, stopping in the middle of the yard and lowering onto the grass. He motion for me to sit beside him, and I reluctantly did so, allowing him to pull me down to lay beside him. We then fell silent, starting up at the clouds. I no longer felt the need to complain, and Derek didn't seem to have anything to say. Our sides were touching, and one of our hands were still connected loosely. I'm sure he noticed this, due to the way his brows were slightly furrowed. I noticed it too, but then again, how could I not?

For a while, we stayed like that, content without using words to communicate our thoughts. I couldn't get my mind off of the fact that he was sitting so close, and I could smell the masculine scent of his after-shave. I wondered what he was thinking too, and if maybe he could be thinking the same thing as me. I mean, if he didn't like me even a little bit, would he still be holding my hand? Would he still be sitting so close? Would he even be here at all?

No, he wouldn't, because Derek wasn't that type of guy. He didn't like to lead girls on to believe that they were something to him when they really weren't. He didn't hold hands and cuddle with girls he doesn't like just to get the affection that he's so desperately needed the last couple years. So, maybe this meant something. Maybe he did like me.

"I like the name Jack." Derek said, turning his body to face mine.

I turned my head to look at him, and raised a single brow. "For who?"

"The dog, dumb ass." He scoffed.

"Oh." I nodded, feeling my cheeks heat up slightly because of my stupidity. "I like Jack too."

"Then it's settled." He smiled widely at me, clapping his hands together. "His name is Jack."

I smiled weakly at him, now noting how close he was to me since his body had been turned. I could feel his breath very faintly on my lips, and I could feel the warmth radiating off of his chest on mine. I had never been this close to him before. I never thought the feeling of his breath would feel so good on my skin. It made me feel things that his touch didn't. Much more intimate feelings that I didn't even realize I had. I felt complete satisfaction, for i was laying this close to the man i had been in love with for years, and he was so close I could kiss him if i wanted to.

And God, I so wanted to.

I watched as his tongue slipped out from between his lips, wetting the tender, pink flesh of his lower lip. They twitched, and I was almost positive that he could feel my breath too, because his breathing had labored slightly. His teeth pulled at his bottom lip, and blinked at me, his eyes darting downwards to my lips. I took this as my chance--My open invitation. I leaned my head in slowly, watching his eyes very carefully as our noses brushed. It was at that moment that I realized that he was moving in too, his shy fingertips touching my waist softly through the material of my tank top. I watched as his eyes fluttered shut before mine did too, and I could feel my lips grazing the slightly chapped, moist and soft skin of his own. And then, just as quickly as it had happened, it had ended. Derek looked almost hysterical, shooting up from the ground.

"Derek?" I furrowed my brow, watching as he pulled at his hair in frustration.

"I can't do this. I can't, I just can't." He shook his head from side to side, pacing the length of the patio back and forth. He looked like a lunatic. Like my Aunt Janice after she had lost her mind nearly five years ago. He mumbled things under his breath, pacing around the backyard.

"Why not?" I cried helplessly, feeling tears well up along my lower lash line. I stood up from the grass, crossing my bare arms over my chest. Derek just glanced at me quickly, before looking back down.

"Because, Ruth." He said, shaking his head.

"Oh yes, because." I repeated dryly, glaring at him. "That's really a legitimate answer."

He stopped in his tracks, looking up at me. "Ruth, you know why."

"No, Derek. I really don't." I spat, making my way into the house. I could hear him following behind me like the pathetic, lost puppy he is. "It's been three years, Derek. Three fucking years, and nothing's getting better with you. You're a mess."

"What? Ruth, why-why are you--Ruth, what are you talking about?" His voice was soft, and I didn't look up at his face because I didn't want to see the hurt in his eyes. I busied myself in shoving my books into my bag as quickly as possible and making my way to the front door. "Where are you going? Ruth! Where are you going?"

"I'm going home." I snapped, reaching for the door handle.

"When will you be back?" He murmured feebly, and his voice was so quiet that I was surprised I could hear him.

But I had, and I stopped in the doorway. I turned to him slightly, grabbing my keys from the bowl by the door. "I don't think I will be."

And then I left him there. I got into my car and drove all the way home, somehow managing to hold back the tears until I was safely hidden beneath the blankets of my bed. I regretted what I had said to Derek, and the way that I left him there. I didn't mean to hurt him the way I had, but I was so angry. So sick and tired of this entire situation. I have been taking care of him for the past three years--Treating him as if he was a child incapable of taking care of himself. And in a way, he was that child, but he had to change that. He had to grow up. He had to move on, and he had to do it on his own.