My Clumsy Tongue Will Make it Right

You could crush me,
Please don't crush me,
'Cause baby, I'm a dreamer for sure.
And I won't let you down.
I swear this time I mean it.

I took a small step out towards the dark night. Walks in the middle of night were always something I loved doing. Mostly when I felt like I wanted to escape something. I walked along the cement sidewalk and went deep into thought. Something I shouldn't do. I heard the faint sound of soft wind blowing as I tried to avoid thinking about him. I hated this. Why couldn't I just get over it? Over us? This was so frustrating. This was right, we're not meant to be together. I couldn't stand his "accidental" hook-ups and not being near each other. He was always away. I only saw him every other 3 months then, it was killing me. It had to be done. But then why do I feel even more sad than before? I paced around the dimly lit streetlight and started to slowly make my way back home.

"Em! Where did you run off to? It's 12:30 in the morning!" Jamie said. I looked to my friend that I was currently staying with and sighed.

"You of all people should know that I like late night walks." I stated with a smile. She chuckled and gestured me to come back into her house.

"I don't know why but I think I can't get used to the Arizona air again. I feel like going back to Florida." I said after we walked into her bedroom. She shot me a small glare.

"You said you would stay for the show tonight! I don't want to go alone!" she exclaimed. I placed two of my fingers over her lips silencing her whines. I sighed for the millionth time today and nodded.

"I'll go. But that's it. I really don't feel like listening to music." I said. Because he sings. Because music was better than me. He picked music over me. I scoffed.

"Well I don't know about you but I'm gonna go ahead and sleep." Jamie yawned. I nodded in agreement and quickly slipped into the covers lying on the ground.

"Goodnight Jamie."

"Goodnight Emily."

***

"Shit!" I yelped as I felt my finger touch the hot iron once again.

"How many times are you going to burn your fingers from that curling iron?" Jamie laughed. I chuckled along with her and finished the rest of my hair. We were getting ready for the show. Before, I was dreading it but by each passing hour I was getting more pumped. I walked into the bathroom and did all my make up and quickly jumped into my dress. I walked out into Jamie's room mid-zip and laughed when her hand went out of place and eyeliner smeared across her face.

"Not funny." she whined and went back to the mirror with removing pads. When she finally finished it was about 30 minutes before the show that was a 10 minute drive away. So we made our way to her car and drove slowly out of the driveway. The comfortable silence settled in as I saw a sign showing we were near the venue.

"So..." Jamie said with a worried expression on her face. I turned to her with a confused expression waiting for her to say something.

"Uhh...Did I mention that this c-certain ba-band was co-headlining?" she stuttered.

"What certain band?" I asked.

She coughed a couple of times before replying.

"The Maine?" she squeaked. My face outwardly changed, very much.

"Jamie! What the hell?!" I roared while slapping her shoulder. This girl was crazy. She pulled into the small parking lot and she grabbed my hands.

"Emily, I promise that I won't let anything happen to you. There are a bunch of thousands of other girls that will probably crowded around him. Even at the meet and greet...." she muttered.

"What?!" I screeched, pushing her away from me once again.

"Emily, please. This is your last night here. I want to spend your last day with you. Your my best friend, please?" she whined and wore her best puppy dog face. She's just... too.... persuasive. I sighed.

"Fine. But I see him even 5 feet near me I will make sure that the rest of your life is torturous." I continued with a huff. We jumped out of her flashy white car and made our way through the tight groups of squealing fans.

"Isn't John so hot!" I heard a girl squeal. I rolled my eyes and kept following Jamie through the crowds of people. We finally made our way towards the front of the stage near the microphones. We heard a bunch of shuffling going around, and in a matter of seconds the lights were slightly dimmed and the guys came out onto the stage.

"Hey we're The Maine!" John yelled out into the crowd. His words were followed by screams from fan girls. He chuckled into the microphone.

"Well we'll start today off with 'Girls do what they want', here it is." he said then pulled the mike out from the stand. The guys started playing and John started singing into his microphone. Listening to him sing was hard, just looking at him was hard enough. They kept continuing onto the next songs. Jamie was jumping along with the other fans. I didn't want to be classified as a party pooper but I wasn't in the mood to be jumping around in fake happiness. I looked on the stage seeing Pat jamming it out on his drums while Jared was completely consumed with his guitar. Garrett and Kennedy were both making silly faces at the crowd. John was only laughing along as his eyes scanned the crowd. I swear his eyes had locked onto mine, but only for a second when he turned the other way like he didn't see me. That's a good thing. But, throughout the concert it seemed like his eyes would somehow keep staring at me then moving off to another direction. He possibly couldn't spot me out of these hundreds of people. Could he?

After it seemed like hours the whole concert ended and Jamie and I waited for the crowd to clear up so we could get to the meet and greet room. Jamie headed off to the bathroom and left me pacing around the venue. When she came back out with a satisfied smile on her face we made our way to the room. We got through the hallway and stopped at the door that state 'The Maine: Meet N' Greet'. I took a deep breath and Jamie rubbed my back soothingly. She pushed the door open and she took the fist step into the room. I hid behind her and looked over her shoulder to see The Maine's boys all staring at our direction. I hid myself behind Jamie again and felt my heart beating so hard that I felt it would explode. I heard footsteps coming our way and felt Jamie push her hand forward and shake hands with whoever came to her first.

"And this is?" I heard Kennedy's voice say. Jamie grabbed my arm and pulled me out to her side. A mix of emotions came across Kennedy's face. Regret, happiness, sadness, fear, amusement, and ended with confusion and a pinch of pity.

"Hey Kenny." I whispered while suddenly becoming interested with my necklace. I felt warm arms wrapping around me and at first I tensed up but soon hugged the old friend back.

"I missed you," he muttered to me. I squeezed tighter when I heard the shuffling of feet coming to our direction.

"Guys, look who's back." Kennedy stated and twirled me around. Their jaws dropped open and each one of them came towards me to engulf me into big bear hugs. I stayed a second longer in Jared's arms. I always loved his hugs the best. I heard coughing come from a direction. I looked towards the corner and saw John leaning against the wall with a some what worried smile on his lips. He walked over to me and my heart beat increased by 10 miles per hour. He stopped in front of me and all movement was frozen. The guys and Jamie stared to see what would happen. Before another awkward moment would happen I stuck my hand out towards him. He carefully took my and his and shook it firmly. We both let go as quickly as we made contact. This was awkward. He immediately went over to other fans who were begging for him to record their voice mails for them. I let out a sigh of relief, I thought that it would end in a bad way.

Garrett and Pat were dragged off by other fans and it left Jamie and I with Jared and Kennedy. Jared and Kennedy were always the more gentler ones. We made light conversation while Kennedy kept whining about how I didn't hang out with him and the guys anymore.

"I'm sorry... I just thought it would be sort of awkward." I said playing with my fingers.

"C'mon, because of John?" Kennedy asked. Jared slapped his arm, when Kennedy reach up to massage the spot he was hit and Jared sent him a glare that shut him up. I smiled to make it seem I was okay. It didn't work when a tear escaped my eye. I quickly wiped it away and adding a laugh to make it seem like nothing. Jamie tried to avoid more awkward situations by starting up a new conversation about the merch prices. I only muttered to them that I was going to use the bathroom and stalked off. I walked off to the side of the room that had the restrooms and was stopped by Garrett.

"I missed you," he said again and lifting me up in his arms. I hugged back and closed my eyes wanting to escape reality. When I was dropped back to the ground he smiled at me once again and ruffled my hair. Out of the corner of my eye I saw John looking our way with some sort of frown on his face.

"You know, are you and John ever going to work things out?" Garrett asked. I sighed, feeling worse than before.

"I don't think I really want to talk to him." I groaned.

"Why not?" he asked, I was getting annoyed.

"Do you think I would want to talk to the guy who left me for his band after I specifically expressed how in love I was with him?" I scream-whispered feeling frustrated. Garrett's expression changed and I felt guilty.

"Sorry, that was a bit too much." I said with a frown.

"It's okay, don't sweat it." Garrett said then gave my shoulder one last squeeze and went off to another fan who was calling his name.

I moaned and put my hand to my forehead and fell back into a nearby couch. Screw the restroom, I'm perfectly comfortable here. I heard the guys laughing, most especially John's voice ringing. That voice that used to whisper sweet nothings to me at night. But the voice that also rejected me and left me crying by myself. I pushed myself off the couch and walked over to Jamie. I felt John's eye digging into my back.

"I wanna leave." I whispered to her and I tugged on her shirt. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Jamie, I thought I could handle it, his voice, his face, his everything. But I can't do it, I think I'm going to break down." I said to her. Jamie nodded and rubbed my shoulder soothingly and she said something to Jared before leading me out of the building. When we got out to the parking lot she slapped her hand to her forehead.

"Shit, I left my keys with Pat, he was playing around with my chain." she squeaked and tapped my arm reassuringly and ran back off to the building. A few minutes passed and my breathing became normal again, and I wasn't fidgeting at all. This was all nerve wracking. I just couldn't handle being near the person who crushed my heart. I heard the gravel crunching and I looked up and saw the one that made my knees go weak.

"Hey Em." John said. He walked closer but slowly as if I were fragile and he didn't want to break me. It's too late, he already did. I bit my lip and took a step back when he moved a bit closer.

"Hi John." I squeaked. He reached out with his hand to touch me on the arm. But I moved away before he could. He face held rejection.

"Can we talk?" he asked and fumbled with the hem of his shirt.
Silence followed, when he started to speak, I interrupted him before a tangible word came out of his mouth.

"John, I'm leaving to Florida tomorrow. I don't think I can handle Arizona anymore." I quickly said. I don't know why I told him. He cringed, and seemed hurt?

"Why?" he asked with worry written on his face.

"Too many memories." I said. I messed around with my bracelets and tapped my foot nervously.

"I missed you." he said and I let a tear slip out.

With perfect timing, Jamie came back at that moment and I quickly turned around to her car leaving a very confused Jamie looking from me to John. I wouldn't let myself get sucked back to him again.