Broken Hearted

I tossed my car keys harshly across the house the moment I stepped through the front door before slamming the door as harshly and loudly as I could.

I was angry; I was past that point where I was feeling sorry for myself. I was infuriated with myself and with Shaun.

I was angry with myself for listening to everybody and believing everything would work out, that Shaun and I would get together; I was upset that I let my guard down and let myself listen to them without even putting up a fight. I knew perfectly well something along these lines would happen, that I’d end up hurt in the end, and I don’t know why I didn’t listen to myself and decided to take a shot in the dark.

I was just so frustrated with myself. I really had no idea why I let the walls I had set up for myself come crashing down just for Shaun, I knew perfectly well it was going to be a bad idea and that he was going to hurt me in the end. It was inevitable in my opinion.

I needed to skate, I needed to take my mind off everything, but my main objective came to a stand still and shifted over to destruction and chaos when I walked by my wall full of photos.

The first one that caught my eye was the one of me stuffing cake in Shaun’s face.

My hands curled into a fist before I punched the picture hanging on my wall, causing glass shards to fall onto the floor along with the picture.

I took every picture I had of Shaun and me off the wall and threw them harshly against the living room wall, listening to the glass shatter and hit the floor as if it were some kind of symbol of how I felt and how betrayed and hurt I was.

I walked over to where all the damage laid, the paint on my wall was chipped immensely and there were a few dents and holes from where the corner of each picture frame had hit with such force. There was glass absolutely everywhere, even in places where it seemed impossible that the glass could’ve even appeared there.

I kneeled down on the ground, collecting the pictures that lay on the floor covered in glass, not caring that I was causing my knees to bleed slightly.

I collected each picture, making sure to brush off the glass before flipping through each one slowly.

I smiled as I flipped through each and every one, and all I could think of was what went wrong.

Of course I already knew that answer, it all went wrong when I told him I loved him but refused to be with him because I was scared, in fact, it probably really went wrong when I agreed to go on a date with him back in Chicago. I think that’s when it really started to go down hill and our relationship turned into something complicated and a lot more hurtful than it had originally intended to be.

I felt myself getting angry all over again. He had promised me he’d wait, he had promised me he would always be there and that he loved me, and only me, and he lied. He fucking lied to me. I should’ve known right from the beginning that we were never going to happen, the moment he said he had moved on and started dating Ashley should’ve been a huge warning sign for me.

I stared intently at the picture of Shaun kissing my cheek as he hugged me.

I remembered exactly when that had happened. It was a few years ago, and before Shaun was dating Ashley. We had been skating earlier, as the guys that couldn’t skate made fun of us and kept telling us we were showing off.

I was trying to land a simple kickflip after grinding the rail and I just kicked off completely wrong and fell flat on my face, and of course Shaun had some sort of witty remark and he made fun of me.

”Loser, this is your sport and you can’t even land a kickflip. You fail dude.” Shaun joked.

I stuck out my bottom lip, pouting after I had gotten back up and collected my board.

“Look what you did to her Shaun.” Scotty scolded from the top of the vert ramp, “You hurt her feelings; you douche.” Scotty joked, trying to pretend he was slightly serious.

“I’m sorry.” Shaun replied, rolling his eyes as he skated up to me.

“Nope, give her a better apology.” Scotty urged.

“What are you, my mother?” Shaun joked.

“No, just hug her.” Scotty instructed and Shaun did as he was told and hugged me tightly, “Now say you’re sorry.” Scotty continued.

“Sorry.” Shaun mumbled.

“It’s all good.” I laughed.

“Now kiss your girlfriend on the cheek.” Scotty finished.

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Shaun replied almost instantly at the same time that I said I wasn’t his girlfriend.

“Yes, and that is what is pissing us all off, now kiss her cheek.” Scotty smiled.

I heard Shaun sigh and roll his eyes before he kissed my cheek and a flash went off.

I gritted my teeth together in anger before I ripped the photo in half. I ripped each and every photo in half before grabbing each ripped up picture and took them outside.

I made my way to the side of the house where we kept our barbeque and our lighters and matches before grabbing a lighter and making my way to the porch and sat down on the steps.

I separated the teared up photos from the halves with just me and just Shaun and I lit up each picture with Shaun starring at me in the face.

I watched as the flame consumed the photo, taking away all the color before it singed the corners and it began to dissolve into black ash in my hand.

“I hate you, I fucking hate you, you fucking ass hole. I can’t believe I fucking love someone like you. You’re a fucking liar; you’re full of yourself. I hate you, I fucking hate you.” I mumbled to myself over and over again, each and every time more aggravated as I lit every photo afire.

“Are you ok?” A familiar voice asked me as he sat down next to me.

“No, Mason, no I’m not.” I mumbled as he took the photos and lighter away from me.

“What happened, ‘cause I know it’s about Shaun, what did he do this time?”

“He loves her Mason, he fucking loves her.” I replied angrily.

“What?” Mason asked, in shock and disbelief.

“He fucking loves Ashley! He fucking loves her. He is in love with Ashley.”