Habitual Memories

One crummy night in Rodeo can get you a cheap beer at a dive bar or a needle slinking into your skin and a date with ecstacy. I think I'd rather choose the ladder. Drugs are a funny thing, well they aren't very funny at all. They're cruel, they're intoxicating, and mostly they're a way out. A way that I didn't nessasarily choose on my own, oh no, I had some help in that. You see I am not an wasted girl you'd find in an alley being groped by a man. I'm not a girl that you'd find out in the way side making quick passes with the local punks. I'm more of a girl locked up in her pen of a home, clinging to the needle gripped in my once soft hands. Needing just a little bit more to hold me over till the next day. A terrible longing that I never wanted. You can blame that on Tabby. Tabby was my friend. The closest thing I ever had to a friend. I'm by myself most of the day which is fine by me. Even though secretly I want one badly. Just anyone to hear me out. Just drown all my problems out on. But that would only be a miracle.

"Gloria!"

Kicking the door shut with my foot as I sat on the floor in my room, I could hear my mother's aproaching footsteps. With a quick push I put the little shoe box of drugs out of view. I looked up as the door opened.

"Gloria, honey your grandmother is coming over today and I have no tomatoes. Would you run down to the store and get me some?"

She looked down at me. Her weak over worked hands clasped on the knob awaiting my answer. Jesus christ, the cancer is really starting to take effect on her body.

"Sure mom."

I stood up grasping the money that was clamped in her hand. She looked me in the eyes. They twinkled slightly as she smiled.

"Be careful."

Nodding I put the five dollar bill in my jean pocket. My long black hair swayed as I made my way to the front door. I slipped on my boots before continued my journey to the store. The lone row of houses on Stuart Avenue ended, after just a streak of 7 being built on the left side of the road. The sidewalk stopped with the last house. It was empty and barron of any other little shacks put up on this side of town. Thebad side of course. There was one other kid my age living in one of the seven houses. His name was Eddy I think. He was always found around the little spots in town where the trouble would stir it's self up.
So, I walked down the road and it would take about 10 minutes to get anywhere. I didn't drive of course. I ended out leaving school one day in the 9th grade and never looked back. Probibly the reasoning being I got teased alot for my good natured vibe and my need to do what was right. People frowned at that. Even though they really shouldn't. What was wrong with looking to the bright side? Cause it sure is better than living in a pit of depression your whole life. Sure, right now i'm not quite as happy or positive as I once was but, that's what rutts are for right? Now, we don't need to discuss my problems. We'll just say I'm
not the best at taking bad news.

Seeing the glow of neon store lights as the sun faded out into the distance, I scuffed myself into the dingy little corner shop. Glancing over at the container filled with prepackaged tomatoes, grouped together in a plastic netted bag. Extending my arm, I plucked them carelessly and dropped them on the counter. The middle aged man running the store currently, told me the total and I gave him the bill. Getting my change I walked out not bothering with a bag to carry them in. The busted street lights flickered, giving an errie feeling. Not like that wasn't tipical. This town was a waste. And my over all energy was getting sucked out of my body. I felt drained from this atomosphere and I needed to get out. And quick too. But what was I to do? Couldn't leave my parents behind. They mean the world to me. They were the only thing I could depend on now a days.

Stepping up my porch steps I saw Eddy popped his head out the door on the next house down. That reminds me, self remember to ask Eddy for another dealer.