He Dances Inside Of Me

Nick’s POV

*Next day*

Nick arrived at school and looked for his friends. Yesterday he had caught himself thinking of Tyson a lot more times than he should. He was thinking of talking with Mike about this, but he wasn’t sure. He wanted to know what it was himself first, before telling Mike. But since he didn’t know what it was and had no clue how to find it out, maybe talking to Mike would clear his mind. But when he told Mike, he had to tell it to Chris too. Urhg, this was confusing. He didn’t know what he felt and neither what he wanted.

“Hi Nick, what are you thinking about?” There was Mike, and like always he immediately picked up Nick’s mood.

“Nothing… Just, things” Nick muttered back. No he won’t tell Mike by now, maybe later.

“Okay, tell me if you want to,” Mike said smiling, he’s such a good friend. Then Chris came walking towards them.

“Whoohie! Look who’s fallen out of his bed!” Mike exclaimed running to a clearly dead-tired Chris.

“Oh, just shut the fuck up,” he mumbled. Mike grinned a evil grin and grabbed Chris head while rubbing it with the knuckles of his spear hand.

“Let me go! Please, Mike! LET ME GO! I bet you! PLEASE!” Chris acted over-dramatically. Nick laughed at his friends. Some people gave them weird looks, but they didn’t care. Mike and Chris continued their “fight” until the bell rang and we went to our lessons.

*Time elapse: Break*

Nick hadn’t seen Tyson today in real life, but he was in like all of his day-dreams, which he had often in class. He was worried: maybe Tyson was angry on him for yesterday, or he found out the joke. He missed seeing Tyson, talking to him, laughing with him, looking in his gorgeous bleu eye’s… Wait, this was really scary, it was like he had a crush on Tyson. But that couldn’t be true. He was straight. And how could he even knew it was a crush? He had never had one before.

When he entered the cafeteria with Mike and Chris his eyes searched for Tyson desperately to see him again. Yes, really scary.

And there he sat. With some girl by his side, feeding each other and giggling. Tyson pecked the girl on her cheek and she pecked his lips. Nick just stood there and stared. Suddenly he had the urge to push the girl so he could sit there, feeding Tyson. They would laugh and giggle. They would hug each other. They would kiss each other. They would… He turned around en rushed to the bathroom. He got in a stall and closed the door. Then he broke down crying. FUCK! He was freaking jealous! FUCK! He had a crush on Tyson! FUCK! That means… He was gay! FUCK! And Tyson… wasn’t. FUCK! Tyson had a girlfriend or soon-girlfriend. FUCK! And now he was such a pansy for crying on a toilet because of a boy. FUCK MY LIFE!

After a while he calmed down and got out of the stall. He looked in the mirror to see his bloodshot, puffy eyes staring at himself. God, even if Tyson hadn’t had a girlfriend he wouldn’t fall on him. Even when he would be gay! Tyson was gorgeous and he wasn’t. He noticed while looking at his reflection that he was gross. He had stupid eye’s in a dull brown color with some green in it, making it look like vomit. He had a girly jaw and no facial hair. He wasn’t muscled but kinda fat and short. No chance Tyson would like him. No chance anyone would like him. He sighed and splashed some water in his face.

Nick had hardly left the bathroom when the bell rang. He hadn’t had lunch, but maybe it was better seeing that he was fat. He walked over to his class, for once happy that his friends weren’t there. He put on his iPod and sat down in the back of the classroom. How such a little thing could make him feel so bad. He didn’t try to get his attention to the less, he knew he couldn’t. He just got lost in the music, trying to forget the real world.

*time elapse: After school*

Nor Mike, nor Chris, nor Tyson had asked Nick for his mood. Chris and Tyson hadn’t even noticed, seeing that one could only think about computer games and sleeping, and the other had only eye’s for his, yes officially, girlfriend. Mike had given Nick a look which said “wanna talk about it?”, Nick simply shook his head and Mike had given him a much needed hug. Now he was at home laying lifelessly down on his bed. His parents were both working, so he could turn up his music really loud. And he did. He was sure that someone miles away could hear it, but he didn’t give a fuck. He just did the biggest discovery of his life. He was fucking gay. And he had a crush on a boy who was straight.

When the song learning to fall by boys like girls was playing he started to cry uncontrollable. He barely knew Tyson! Just for 3 days. But he was head over heels for him. Oh god, he had the right to cry like a moron! He just found out he was gay, he had a crush on Tyson, he was disgusting, Tyson had a girlfriend, Tyson didn’t have a crush on him,… He couldn’t stand it anymore.

When the song Rooftops by Lostprophets started playing Nick’s eye’s were dry. It was like he had no tears left.

“Standing on the rooftops, everybody scream your heart out!”

Nick closed his eyes,

Got up from bed,

Stood in the middle of his room,

And screamed his heart out.