Our Heat Is Gone

“I went home once a few weeks later after I realized I wanted to move there. I just needed to get my stuff back in Arizona and tell my mom.” I continued with my story of my journey to Dan.

“How’d she take it?” Dan asked.

“She-she got a little upset. She wanted to take me back to Weybridge. I told her I met Cameron and by then we were going on a couple of dates. I couldn’t really tell how she felt about that, but she insisted I go back home no matter what.”

“It obviously didn’t work.” Dan mumbled to himself.

“It almost did.” I replied his little comment.

His head perched up and asked: “What happened?”

“I told Cameron I wasn’t coming back and that I was going back home to England. He tried everything he could to pursuaed me to stay, but none of that worked. Until he flew out to Arizona and found me; with him being there right in front of me made it hard to leave then. My mom met him and he stayed with us for a few days. Then my mom got to know him and I guess she realized I moved on here and that I found a new home. I was truly happy for the first time in months and couldn’t take that away from me.”

“Did you ever think about what if? Like what if you two didn’t make it?”

“I did. I did almost everyday. I was scared that I was making a mistake by letting Cameron get close to me, but I’ve let that go because he’s the best I have right now. He’s helped me through so much in the past year.”

“I see.” He said and then sighed. Silence took over us for a few seconds. “Well, if you’re happy as you claim to be, then I have nothing against you. All I want is for you to feel like you belong somewhere even if it’s in Virginia and that you’re loved by someone you truly love also.”

“I am in love, Dan. I didn’t think that was ever possible again.”

“So, you’re completely over Josh?” He asked curiously.

I bit my tongue on the inside after he asked me that. Why? Why now? It’s only been a year. I’ve known Josh for almost 4-5 years. I can love him, but not in the same way. Although, either way it’d be pointless, right?

“Even if I did still love him, but not that I do in that way right now, it wouldn’t matter.”

“How so?”

“He’s the one that would hate me the most.”

“Once again, Lexi. Josh can’t hate you.”

“I don’t care what you say. I know he does and I can just feel it in me.”

“Whatever.” He said rolling his eyes. “So are you going to meet up with Chris?”

“I don’t know. Will he re-act the same way Matt did?” I asked shrugging as well.

“I doubt it. Chris will probably be excited. Matt is just…moody. You need to give him some time to cool down.”

“I’m just afraid of running into you know…”

“He’s busy doing all the press stuff with Max. So, don’t worry about that for now. Let’s head over to the tent and find Chris.” He suggested standing up and offering his hand to me. I hesitantly took it after contemplating if I really should go out and catch up with Chris.

When we walked out of the bus and made it to the tent, I spotted the shoulder length brunette’s back turned to me. He was intently talking to Matt. I wasn’t that surprised to see him around here, but I was getting nervous. Matt was intimidating me right now and I was afraid he would yell at me. I was weak. I noticed Matt’s hand raise up and then point directly at me, making me stop in my tracks. Then it resulted in Chris turning around to face me from a few feet away. Dan looked back and realized that Matt told Chris himself about my presence.

Dan walked closer to me and whispered in my ear: “It’s gonna be okay. Chris wouldn’t be mad. I know it.” I only nodded believing him and we took a few more steps to the two of them.

“Lexi?” Chris spoke up.

“Hey, Chris.” I said quietly and waved.

“You’re really here? I didn't know if Matt was just making it all up. I was telling him you couldn't be here since you live in Arizona”

“Yeah, and no I am here.”

“Matt told me everything about you dropping out.”

“Did he?” I said sneaking a glance at Matt from behind Chris. Matt just scowled at me and shook his head in disgust with me. I have to admit, that hurt me. He used to be one of my good friends and the one I thought that wouldn’t hate me the most, now he literally does. I would’ve expected hate from the rest of the guys, but not Matt. He forgave me for any stupid thing I did to him in the past, but this wasn’t going to slip by him so easily.

Chris might’ve seen the way I re-acted after looking at Matt behind him. “To get this over with, I don’t hate you, Lexi.” He said quietly so that Matt wouldn’t hear him.

“Really? Why not?” I asked clearly shocked.

“I understand you’ve found a new home. I always knew there are more things for you out here than there were back at home. You needed to come here and find those opportunities for you. Even if that isn’t with Josh by your side.”

“I’m so glad you understand.”

“Remind me to give you a big hug when we’re not around grumpy gills.” He said quietly once more. I smiled and nodded. Matt must‘ve noticed and realized that Chris wasn‘t pissed off at me as he was.

"Un-fucking-believeable." Matt said enough for us to hear him then walked away hastily.

Chris and I watched as Matt ran off, but only to be followed by Dan leaving us alone. Then unexpectedly Chris embraced me with a tight hug that I needed.

“So, what is this I hear about you and this boy?” Chris asked using his normal voice now after letting me go from his hug.

“His name is Cameron." I said smiling and blushing a bit mentioning him. "He’s the singer of one of the bands playing.”

“Really? You still go for the singers, huh?” He joked and I could tell from that that he was truly happy for me and I was thankful for that.

“It’s just a coincidence, Chew.” I said using his nickname and when I saw him bust out a big smile, everything felt like it was back to normal with him. Dan was right. I had nothing to worry about. Chris didn’t hate me and Max was right that Dan wouldn’t either. I didn’t know if I should find Josh, but one thing was for sure. I wanted to get back on Matt’s good side. I missed him and I needed to talk to him more than ever.

It was the end of the first week of Warped tour and every night felt like a party. It was a lazy day in the beginning, but when the sun went away all the bands would get together, the drinks would come out, and lighters lit up the night. I wasn’t much of a smoker or a drinker, but I hung out a lot Cameron and the guys enough in the past that it grew on me a bit. David smoked quite often and I would occasionally take one. I drank, but I was never crazy about it. I held it down pretty well.

“Lex! Toss me your lighter?” David yelled from a few feet away. I tossed the lighter as best as I could over random band members and luckily David caught it. He signaled a thanks with his hand held up and I just nodded.

Eric was out somewhere roaming around, I could never keep up with him since he was always all over the place talking to people. Social butterfly. Cameron and I usually just stayed somewhere secluded nearby. He was an outgoing guy like I said before. He did things unexpectedly a lot, but he had those times where he would just back off from the scene and stay grounded even at a party.

“This is boring.” Cameron said.

“Let’s make it fun then.” I suggested then I quickly realized what I had just said and I saw a smirk form on his lips. I rolled my eyes and hit his arm playfully. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant let’s go get some drinks.” He smiled and nodded. “But I mean, maybe it could mean the other thing if you’re lucky.” I said like it was no big deal in reality it was driving us mad.

"You mean if you're lucky?" He said looking at me.

"No." I said and leaned in to kiss him sweetly. He began kissing back slowly and soon I slipped my tongue in his mouth while my hand placed itself on the back of his neck to deepen the kiss. I felt him moan into the kiss and it made me smile. I detatched my lips from his and kissed along his jaw line and cheek up to his ear to lightly nibble on it. I felt him grab my hips and his fingers tightly gripped into them to pull our lower halves closer to each other. "If you're lucky." I whispered in his ear then got out of his grasp. He shook his head and tried to calm down. I grabbed his hand and we made our way to a cooler.

Soon after that, Cameron and I had consumed enough drinks to turn the party that bored us to a crazy one. It was starting to look up and the tension between Cameron and I built up, but neither of us were ready to leave yet. I don’t know why because something in me sensed that I needed to leave, but my mind wasn’t listening.