Our Heat Is Gone

Once I had showered, applied my make-up picked out a short and decent dress, the door bell rang. I looked over my shoulder to the clock on the nightstand and realized it was only 7:30 PM. Josh was early or something because he never arrived before or exactly on the dot of the time he planned, but he never stood me up either.

I quickly grabbed the pair of shoes I picked for this outfit and ran down the stairs carefully. When I reached the front door and opened it, it didn't reveal to me Josh, but it was my cousin Dan. I guess it makes sense. I told you Josh never arrived early.

"Dan." I said out of breath since I had ran down the stairs. I moved to the side to let him in.

"Lexi." He replied walking in and I shut the door behind him.

"What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to see if you wanted to go see a new movie tonight, but I can see you're busy." He explained and noticed what I was wearing.

"Um, yeah. I am. Josh is taking me out tonight."

"Really?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"I don't know. I just thought he would react differently."

I didn't answer to Dan's comment. Instead I just looked at the shoes that were in my hands. As soon as I heard Dan speak up, I knew he finally realized that I didn't tell Josh yet.

"You haven't told him have you?" He asked.

I shook my head 'no' and looked up at him, ready for him to give me the advice I so desperately needed at this moment. Because I knew that Josh would in fact react differently and not in a good way at all. Here I was about to go on a date with my boyfriend of almost four years and I'd be leaving him before it was officially four years.

"Alexia, Josh needs to know. I think you've kept it away from him for too long now."

"He's going to hate me, Dan."

"No."

"Yes, yes he will!"

"You're not going to be gone forever anyway, Lexi. Josh and I go on tour for months all the time."

"That's not the point though." He didn't get it and I didn't expect him to. Sure Dan, Josh, and the rest of the guys went on tour a lot, but that's nothing compared to going back to the United States. I don't even think I would be coming back, but Dan didn't know that.

"I think Josh will understand though, Lexi. Your family needs you back in Arizona. Grandma needs you. Josh should know that you really love her and right now you really need to be with her before it's too late."

Dan was right. Josh knew how much my grandma meant to me. As Dan and I were speaking our grandma was on her death bed and could leave us at any moment. She was all the way in Arizona in the states.

I haven't been back to the states in so long. I moved here with my mom after my dad and her had filed for a divorce. It was a nasty divorce. My mom changed my last name back to her's. I didn't object to it. I wasn't too fond of my dad either. My mom and I moved to Surrey near Dan's family since my mom was Dan's mom's sister. So, I didn't have that English accent or anything. I do however to everyone else here have an "American" accent.

Arizona wasn't considered my home to me anymore. I didn't exactly have much waiting for me back there. I have not spoken to many of the friends I left behind there. This was my home now, here with the guys, here with Dan, and here with Josh.

I finally nodded and responded to Dan. "Okay, I'll-I'll tell him tonight." Dan gave me a sympathetic smile and pulled me into his arms for a reassuring hug.

"Alright, go finish up getting ready for your date." He said letting me go.

"Thanks, Dan."

"No problem. I'm your cousin. Although, we really should go see that new movie before you leave."

I chuckled at that last statement and nodded then ran back up stairs to check on my appearance once more.

-xxx-

It was about ten minutes passed eight when Josh finally arrived. He dressed how he regularly did. He never dressed up even at nice restaurants. It was okay with me. He was comfortable so it didn't bug me not even if people started staring. He wore black jeans, a white button-up collared shirt with a black tie, a black jacket, and of course black shoes.

"Is everything okay?" Josh asked from across the table.

We were already seated at our table in the middle of the room and our orders already in front of us.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm okay. What about you?" I asked back. He seemed to be just as nervous as I was. His nervousness only made me even more nervous to be honest.

"Yeah, I'm okay too." He smiled up at me. I smiled back and then began eating my food.

During our dinner we talked about everything and I kept it all cool as if nothing was going to be wrong. Whatever that seemed to have been bothering and making Josh nervous earlier had disappeared. The waiter had come back to take our empty plates away and as he left Josh and I caught each others eyes. Then I felt something change between us.

"Lexi."

"Yes?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"You can tell me anything, Josh."

"I know, but okay. I'm just going to spit this all out." He took a deep breath in and out then started: "When Dan first took you to one of our shows and introduced us to each other, I wished at that moment that you would be mine. Sure, I didn't really know you, but I wanted to and you let me. Then when I had the guts to ask you to out and to be my girlfriend, your yes meant the world to me. Everything was going wrong for me, until we got together. You walking into my life five years ago fixed my life. I don't think there is any other person that I can see myself with and I don't even want to try to imagine it. I couldn't wait for our four years next week. So," He paused for a moment then got up from his chair and down on one knee.

Oh, shit. I thought to myself and my jaw dropping slightly. He wasn't. He can't. I bit my lip as I awaited for the words I was waiting to hear for so long, but at this moment I only dreaded it.

"I'm hoping your next 'yes' will complete me. Alexia, will you marry me?" He lastly said and opened a black velvet box with a ring.

Oh, but he did. He popped the question. As much as I truly wanted to say yes, pick him up, and kiss him. I couldn't, not when I was leaving on the day that was suppose to make us official of four years. I never saw myself turning down Josh. I said yes to him to anything. It wasn't that he had me wrapped around his finger. I willingly said yes. He never put me in bad situations anyway, but this was completely different.

I looked around the room for a moment and noticed everyone leaning over to hear what I was going to say. It only added much more suspense and made me guilty. I was going to give him my answer right here in front of everyone. He was so certain that I was going to say yes. I swallowed hard and looked back into Josh's eyes. His smile made me want to breakdown. I opened my mouth and gave him my answer.

"No." It came out sort of quietly because I couldn't say it. I had to muster up all that courage in me to say no to him and it wasn't even that audible.

His smile fell and a mix of hurt, shock, and a little of humiliation was written all over his face. I felt exactly like he did though. I was shocked at myself for saying no. I was hurt that I turned his proposal down. I was humiliated by humiliating us in front of everyone.

"What?" He asked blinking a couple of times trying to not believe in my answer.

"No. I-I can't marry you, Josh."

He stayed silent for a moment trying to soak up in what just happened in front of everyone. He closed the small black velvet box, put it back in his pocket, and got up to sit back at in his seat across from me.

Everyone in the restaurant was shaking their heads or saying something in pity of Josh then went on about their businesses. I dared look back at him and he didn't take his eyes off of me. He was glaring at me and it was intimidating. The waiter came back and unsure of which of us to ask, asked: "Would you two like dessert?"

"No, no we don't. Can you just give us the check please?" Josh responded to the waiter, but his eyes were still digging into me.