Strange Terrain

"Why did I let you talk me into this?"

After much protesting and forced packing on Casadee's part, I found myself unwillingly joining her expedition across state lines and to some ratty hole-in-the-wall venue to see her boyfriend's band perform. Currently, I was seated in the front seat of Casadee's car as we drove through the unfamiliar streets of Phoenix, Arizona, looking for the club that Avenged Sevenfold was performing in tonight. I held the map in my hands, looking for the correct streets that would lead the way to the club as Red Hot Chili Peppers played quietly over the radio, filling the periods of silence we often found ourselves in after a six hour car ride.

A few days had passed since my disastrous first date with Naoki and since then, I've remained more introverted than normal. I did my best to dodge the questions about the date by changing the subject or excusing myself with some kind of prior, fictitious engagement until people seemed to get the hint and stopped asking me the questions. Casadee tried to talk to me about it, having heard Naoki's side of the story, but I couldn't bring myself to think about it without feeling a tremendous amount of guilt and pain weighing down on my chest. I had caused harm to my friend and now that we'd crossed "that" line in our friendship, there was no going back to the way things used to be. As much as I wanted to call him and ask him if he was okay, I knew that would do more harm than good so I forced myself into distractions, such as more scholarship applications and English papers.

Brian and I also seemed to be rather distant these days, which I didn't mind since I couldn't seem to control my emotions or thoughts around him the way I could before. He was rather busy himself, between the constant band practice at Matt's house and holing himself up in his father's "studio" downstairs. Sometimes at night, I could faintly hear the familiar sounds of an acoustic guitar through the walls but instead of listening in, I would turn on my music and drown it out. I hated that things have seemed to shift in my life, often wishing I could go back to a time where things used to be simpler. I longed for the days where I wasn't acquainted with Brian and my friendship with Naoki seemed to be intact. Too much has happened within the last few months to remain as they once were.

"You let me talk you into this cuz you love me," Casadee replied to my question, glancing briefly at me with a small smile before returning her eyes to the unfamiliar Phoenix streets. "Besides, after everything that's happened, I wanted to do something awesome for your birthday and decided a road trip would be the perfect thing to get your mind off of school, your living situation, and Naoki," she explained further.

Leaning back against the seat, I couldn't help but sigh quietly to myself at Casadee's reasons for dragging me across state lines for my birthday. I'd always preferred my own company on my birthday rather than actually going out to celebrate it. Birthdays always tended to remind me of how my mother would sneak into my room in the mornings with a small sundae, claiming that birthdays should always include ice cream, not just cake. She would let me get into bed with her as we ate the ice cream together, watching early morning cartoons. Before Malcolm would come home, she would let me help her make my cake and decorate it the way I wanted, since it was mine. Birthdays were special to me because it used to just be me and my mom for most of the day. Since her death, I hadn't really felt the need to celebrate. It had just become another day in my life rather than the special day it used to be.

"Where the hell is this place?!" Casadee said, beating on her steering wheel in frustration at a red light.

"We need to take the next left," I told her. "According to this," I gestured to the map in my lap. "it should be three blocks up from the next left."

"Jeez, I'm gonna kill Zacky for giving me such shit directions," she said, crumpling the handwritten paper than was strewn across her lap. "I swear Alex, if you weren't able to navigate a map, I would be fucked right now."

Shaking my head at her, I just offered a small smile, "Glad I could be of assistance."

We continued down the street, Casadee carefully following my directions until she pulled into a large parking lot outside of a small black building that looked as if it had seen better days. The neon sign reading "Spectrum" was turned off, fading into the background over the entrance to the club. Bright neon flyers seemed to be stuck to the outside of the building in no particular order, looking rather cluttered though decorative. The parking lot was about half full, with people milling around near cars or outside on the raised patio with cigarettes. Most of the patrons that seemed to be hanging around seemed to be in all black, different metal band logos adorned on their t-shirts. Just looking around at everyone else, I felt a little out of place, wearing black skinny jeans and a loose-fitting, red and white striped scoop neck t-shirt that reminded me a lot of Where's Waldo?.

Casadee got out of the car, waving for me to follow her through the windshield. I slipped out of the car, standing next to it awkwardly while Casadee looked through her big black bag, which rested on the hood of the car. Casadee even looked more like the other people than I did, wearing her ripped up skinny black pants and a black and grey plaid corset top that laced up in the front. Sometimes I was quite floored with how pretty she seemed to look, even when she dressed in a manner that made her still seem tough to others. I started to feel like it was going to be impossible looking like I belonged at her side tonight with my geeky appearance though there was nowhere for me to go. I was stuck in a whole different state while Malcolm thought I was spending the night at Casadee's house.

"Here Alex," Casadee said, holding out a card for me. "Jimmy got a deal on some fake IDs so I had him make you one."

Looking down at the card I took from her, I noticed that the picture was of me from when I went out with Naoki, though I don't know how it managed to look like an actual ID picture. Reading over the information, my name was Sarah Davidson and I was twenty two years old from Pasadena, California. I looked back up at Casadee in disbelief as she lit a cigarette that was dangling from her lips. She seemed to notice my expression, flashing a satisfied smirk on her face as she took a drag from her cigarette.

"Cas, there's no way anyone's going to believe I'm twenty two. Just look at me!" I said, gesturing to myself to emphasize my point.

"Hun, they won't care. Look, I'll do all the talking, you know, providing a distraction and they'll just glance it over and let you in, no problem," she explained as if there would be little effort involved.

"But I'm not even gonna drink!" I told her, trying to hand it back to her.

"Oh come on, I want to at least buy you one birthday drink," she said, pushing my hand back towards me. "It'll be alright. Just follow my lead," she winked, slinging her bag over her shoulder as she sauntered away from the car, locking the doors with the remote on her keys.

I ran a hand through my hair, suddenly feeling completely panic-ridden with this new plan of hers. Taking a deep breath, I quickly trailed behind her, pushing my glasses further up my nose. Glancing back at the ID, I realized that I wasn't wearing my glasses in the picture, making me wonder if I should take them off when I tried to get into the club.

Groaning at my own internal debate, I hardly noticed that I had already reached the patio that led up to the front entrance of the club. Casadee was already chatting with a burly man holding a clipboard, touching his extremely toned bicep. She noticed me approaching and smiled as if everything were fine and we weren't a couple of underage teenagers trying to get into the club with fake IDs. I approached cautiously, offering a small smile that probably looked awkward given the duress I felt as Casadee linked her arm with mine.

"So this is Sarah Davidson. The both of us should be on the guest list for tonight with Avenged Sevenfold," Casadee explained, flashing her ID. "What time do you think they'll be on tonight?"

"They're the second band up so they'll probably be going on around eight or so," the bouncer replied as I held my ID out to him, carefully watching as he looked it over.

He stopped, looking back up at me with a blank expression as I felt my skin warm in anxiety. I swallowed hard, finding it difficult with my mouth being so dry as his eyes seemed to bore right into mine through the thick lenses of my glasses. Casadee seemed to sense my nervousness since I started fidgeting next to her, her grip on my arm tightening a bit in what seemed to be a warning.

"We're busted," I thought to myself, looking at Casadee with concern.

"Sarah! Lizzy! You two finally made it!" Jimmy's voice called out to us from behind the bouncer, startling him a bit. Jimmy stepped around the guy and seized each of us into a bear hug, causing me to laugh a little at his high energy. "Did you two just get here?"

"Yeah. Traffic was a nightmare and then Zacky's directions were completely awful. I swear, if Sarah wasn't with me, I would have probably found myself in Texas or something," Casadee laughed

"Well, its lucky Sarah was there with you then," Jimmy said, offering me a small wink as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "So, you two ready to come in? I'll buy the first round."

"Sure thing," Casadee nodded, smashing her cigarette into the top of the trash can with the other discarded butts.

"Alright. Have a good time tonight and if you leave the porch at any time, you won't be allowed back inside," the bouncer explained as he placed highlighter yellow wristbands on each of left hands.

"Thanks," Casadee smiled, walking into the dark club.

"Come on Sarah," Jimmy said with amusement, steering me into the darkened club.

I just flashed a grateful smile towards the bouncer and walked into the extremely dark room, glad that I decided to keep my glasses on after all. Loud, fast music poured from the speaker system overhead as I looked over the dimly lit room, noticing that the stage was on the far end of the room with overhead lights highlighting the unattended instruments resting near amplifiers. There were few tables scattered around the edges, leaving a large hole in the middle directly center stage. There were quite a few people scattered around the club in conversation, most of the congregated in front of the large bar that Jimmy led me to. I could feel some people watching us as we walked in, making me feel slightly uncomfortable as I took a seat on an available stool.

"Thanks for coming outside Jimmy. I was starting to think we were toast for a second," Casadee said appreciatively, patting his arm.

"No problem. I heard you out there on the way to the bar and decided to see what was going on," he smiled. He looked down at me, chuckling a bit as he ruffled my already messy hair, "you ok Alex? You seemed a little nervous back there."

"I'm fine," I said dismissively, shrugging my shoulders a bit. "I didn't think I was gonna get in since I don't look like a twenty two year old."

"Well you're in now so we might as well celebrate with a drink," he said, leaning across the bar to summon the bartender. "Oh, happy birthday by the way," he smiled, offering me a half hug.

"Thanks Jimmy," I replied, reciprocating his actions.

"So where is my no-good, directionally challenged boyfriend this evening?" Casadee asked, looking around the room for any signs of Zacky.

"The rest of the guys are out back with the rest of our stuff. We were unloading everything so we're ready when it's our turn to get up on stage," Jimmy replied as the bartender approached.

"What can I get you guys?" the tall, heavily tattooed man asked with a smirk, focusing most of his attention to Casadee.

"Gin and Tonic please," Casadee said.

"I just want a Jack and Coke," Jimmy said, looking down at me. "What about you Alex?"

"Oh, I'm ok. Thank you though," I said, shaking my head politely.

"Come on Alex! Just have one with us. I swear it's the only one that I'll ask you to drink for the rest of the night! Have a birthday drink with your best friend!" Casadee pleaded.

Sighing, I looked back to the bartender and told him, "May I have a Vodka and Cranberry Juice please?"

"You got it," he responded with a wink as he started to make our drinks.

"Yes! I promise Alex, I won't make you drink anymore after this," Casadee said with a smile.

Shaking my head at her, I decided to accept the drink and planned on only having a little before finding a place to leave it. I didn't want to drink alcohol tonight, especially when I thought back to the morning after my night of downing too much alcohol. The memory of vomiting up the bile the next morning just churned my stomach, forcing me to take a deep breath just to get rid of the nauseated feeling.

Jimmy slapped some money on the bar when the bartender returned with our drinks, quickly handing him back his change. Jimmy left a few dollars on the bar, probably for a tip, as he took his glass in hand, holding it out to us. I noticed that Casadee was doing the same thing, meaning that they wanted to toast to something so I quickly copied their actions, unsure of what they were doing.

"Ok, to Alex. I know things have sucked for you this year but hopefully it'll all turn around now. Happy birthday," Casadee smiled.

"Happy birthday Alex," Jimmy said, putting his arm back around my shoulders.

"Thanks guys," I replied, clinking my glass together with theirs as we all took a drink.

Barely sipping my drink, I placed it back onto the bar, twirling the straw around. Jimmy excused himself; heading towards the back exit while Casadee scooted closer to me, laughing about the way the bartender seemed to be checking her out. It wasn't long before the first band started to play, causing some of the people standing near the bar to move closer to the stage. Casadee and I, however, stayed put as she finished her drink rather quickly and ordered another one. I had a feeling that she was planning on losing some control tonight so I reached into her bag and pulled the car keys from it, clipping them to one of the belt loops of my pants for safe keeping.

The first band played about five songs before they finished their set, dismantling their equipment and removing themselves from the stage. I noticed the guys walking in from the back door, carrying their own equipment to the stage to set up. Casadee ordered herself her third Gin and Tonic before leading me away from the bar and towards an empty table closer to the stage. I noticed that the club seemed to fill up with more people standing around near the stage. I was just glad that we were at one of the shows out of state since I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle myself with around people from school while Casadee was too intoxicated to help me deal with them.

Ten minutes later, the house lights were dimmed and there were loud cheers from the crowd as the guys took the stage. Matt spoke to the crowd, introducing the band right before launching into "The Art of Subconscious Illusion". Watching them on the stage, I realized that they looked at home in front of an audience, smiling at their oozing confidence. Jimmy pounded away on his drums, making it look effortless though the sound was completely complex. Zacky was standing off to the side with Johnny, who was filling in for Justin, as the both of them plucked away on their instruments, contributing backing vocals when necessary. Matt stood in the front of the stage, the mic chord wrapped around his hand as he held it overhead, ferociously growling along to the music.

Looking to the right side, I realized that throughout their performance, my eyes seemed to be glued to Brian as he allowed his fingers to quickly glide up and down the fret boards of his guitar with ease. Watching him play, I couldn't help but feel a sense of awe over how comfortable he seemed to be on stage, trying and failing to imagine him doing anything else with his life other than music. When it came to the guitar, nothing was better suited for Brian Haner in terms of his future.

Their set was limited, since they had very little written, and quickly ended. They ended their set with "Second Heartbeat", a new song that Matt dedicated to me for my birthday and causing me to blush. I was just glad that they couldn't see into the darkened crowd to see my blushing face. The last thing I needed was for them to keep mentioning it throughout the night. Once they finished, I escorted Casadee back up to the bar, watching as she ordered herself another drink. I was convinced that I was going to have to drive us back tonight with the way she kept drinking.

"Cas, are you sure you should be drinking this much?" I asked curiously, watching as she finished half her glass with little effort.

"Yeah, it's fine! Don't worry Alex. I'll be good to go later," she waved dismissively. "Hey, wait right here and watch my drink. I need to pee," she said quickly.

Before I had the chance to protest, she took off in the direction of the bathroom, wobbling a bit as she walked. Sighing heavily to myself, I decided to just sit up at the bar and wait for her. I kept my hand wrapped around Casadee's cold glass as I looked around the club for anyone I recognized. Sitting alone at the bar was starting to get to me, since I didn't frequent bars often. I wasn't sure what to expect but the uncertainty of it all made me rather uncomfortable. I spotted Casadee walking out of the bathroom, holding a cigarette as she held up her index finger, mouthing "one minute" to me before disappearing out the entrance of the club. Sighing at her intoxicated recklessness, I leaned against the bar, hoping Jimmy would come back.

"Hey there cutie," I heard from my left, startling me a bit.

I looked up and noticed a tall guy dressed in all black standing next to me with a beer in hand. He was quite good looking with dark brown hair and nice sunkissed skin though he did seem to hold an air of arrogance in his demeanor. At first, I thought he was talking to someone else but when I glanced around me, I realized that there was no one else seated nearby. I could feel his brown eyes scanning my body, making me fidget a little under his inspective gaze.

"What's a nice little thing like you doing all on her own?" he asked, leaning in closer to me.

I shifted away from him, lowering my gaze to my hands, which were wrapped around Casadee's drink. I wasn't sure what to say to him to get him away from me. I was always awkward with such confrontations, which is probably why I had such a hard time fitting in at school. All I could think about was how I wished I was at home rather than alone in a bar in Phoenix.

"Oh come on cutie. Don't ignore me," he said, reaching up and tucking some of my hair behind my ear. "I won't bite… unless you want me to," he said with a smirk.

"She's not interested dude."

I felt myself relax at the familiar voice of my savior, feeling slightly comforted by his hands on my shoulders as he moved directly behind me. The other guy seemed to get the message and quickly backed off, walking away from us as I sighed in relief. Looking up, I was met with a rather concerned look as he watched the retreating figure of the other man disappear across the bar.

"Thanks Matt," I smiled.

Matt broke his stare from the other guy and looked at me with an amused smile, "No problem Alex. I didn't like the way he was looking at you."

"You're not the only one," I replied, looking back down to my hands.

"I was sent over here to get you. Casadee's out back with the rest of us," Matt said.

"Oh, alright," I nodded, abandoning the drink and standing.

Matt led me through the back door with him towards the back ally. It had gotten really dark out there, making it difficult for me to see where we were going until we rounded the corner where I saw most of the guys sitting around in the back of Matt's truck, drinking beers. Jimmy, and Johnny were seated on the side of the truck with Casadee and Zacky sitting across from them, Casadee leaning against Zacky for support. Brian wasn't around, though I wasn't sure where he could've gone.

"I found her at the bar with some creepy guy hitting on her," Matt announced, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"What guy?" Johnny asked. "I'll kick his ass!"

"You won't kick anyone's ass Johnny. You're too short," Jimmy laughed.

"I'm so sorry Alex. Zacky distracted me while I was outside and I forgot I had left you in the bar," Casadee said, getting up and walking over to me, kneeling down and seizing me into a tight hug.

"Its fine Cas," I replied quietly, patting her arms with reassurance.

"Let's make it up to you!" she cheered, moving away from me. "Birthday cake!"

"Cas, we don't have any cake," Zacky said, looking at her as if she were insane.

"Why not? We need to get some then! It's time to celebrate!" she said, waving her arms in the air.

"She's really drunk, isn't she?" I asked.

"I'm not drunk! I'm perfectly fine!" Casadee protested, sitting back on her legs.

"Casadee, you know you're drunk," Matt laughed.

"We anticipated this though," Zacky smiled, "which is why we've decided to stay the night in Phoenix."

"Stay?" I asked in disbelief. "Where?"

"Zacky got some motel rooms for the night," Jimmy smiled, holding up a key.

"Once we track down Brian, we're going to head over there," Matt said.

"Where'd he go anyway?" Casadee asked.

"Maybe he's back in the bar?" Johnny said, shrugging a bit as he finished his beer.

"I'll go find him," Jimmy said, standing up in the bed of the truck and downing the rest of his beer. He jumped down from the truck and stumbled a bit towards the back door, calling and waving behind him to the rest of us, "I'll be back!"

Jimmy disappeared into the club while the rest of us just sat around in the back of Matt's truck, everyone else drinking beer while I just leaned against the side of the truck, not really happy with this new plan of staying the night in Phoenix. I only agreed to this road trip thinking that we would be driving back through the night back to Huntington but now to find out that I was supposed to sleep in a motel overnight made me feel uneasy. All I really wanted to do now was drive home and sleep in my own bed but unfortunately, Casadee's continual intake of alcohol through the evening made that desire completely impossible to fill.

"You guys were really good tonight by the way," I said, catching Matt's attention.

"Thanks. Did you like your little birthday shout-out?" he grinned.

"You didn't have to do that," I smiled, "but thank you."

"It's the least we could do since you came all the way out here to see our band perform," he said.

"Yeah, besides, we left our gifts back in the hotel so it's not like we can do the gift exchange now," Zacky added.

"Wait until you see my gift! It'll make you fall in love with me," Johnny smiled, leaning in close to me.

"You guys really didn't have to get me anything. I don't want to be that much of a bother," I told them, chewing on my lower lip a bit as I backed away from Johnny.

"Alex, you're not a bother," Matt said, rubbing my shoulder reassuringly.

"Fucking shit Rev! You're so wasted," I heard Brian say as he approached, steadying Jimmy as they walked toward us. "How'd he get this drunk so fast?"

"He's been drinking steadily since we got here," Zacky said with a shrug. "I guess it's all finally hitting him at once."

"Alex! It's your birthday!" Jimmy cheered, throwing his arms up into the air. He stumbled forward, nearly falling over in front of me until I stuck my arms out for him to grab onto. Once he was steadied, he wrapped his arms around the backs of my thighs and lifted me up, causing me to let out an astonished squeak. "Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!" he started to sing, spinning me around in circles.

"Jimmy, put her down!" Matt admonished.

"No way! I like holding Alex! She's warm," he said, squeezing me tighter around my legs.

"Jimmy, please put me down. I feel like I'm going to fall," I pleaded, firmly grasping his shoulders for some kind of balance.

He loosened his grip on me, allowing me to slowly slither down the front of his body. I felt a little uncomfortable with being pressed against the front of his body, looking up at him with confusion. Jimmy just lazily smiled, his once vibrant eyes now glazed over in a drunken gaze as he brought his face closer to mine. I could feel the breath hitching in my throat, wondering what he was planning to do. I don't think I could handle another person kissing me after what happened last time with Naoki, especially when that person was as drunk as Jimmy was.

Suddenly, I felt arms snaking around my waist from behind as they pulled me away from Jimmy. Jimmy was frowning at the person behind me, swaying a bit in place. Looking up at the person holding me, I was happy to see Matt standing behind me, smiling softly down at me. This was the second time that Matt had come to my aid when unwanted attention came my way, making me feel rather grateful that he was looking out for me.

"Dude, you took away my cuddle buddy!" Jimmy whined, pointing at Matt. "You suck."

"I don't think Alex wanted to be your cuddle buddy Jim," Matt laughed.

Glancing off to the side, I could see Brian standing near the truck where Johnny was sitting, his eyes completely transfixed on Matt. He looked irritated though I wasn't sure why. I thought maybe it had to do with Jimmy's drunken behavior but I couldn't really understand it. I knew that Jimmy didn't mean any harm since he was already drunk and unaware of what he was doing but I couldn't see how that would make Brian so angry. Matt had helped me get out of an awkward situation. Why would that cause Brian to be angry?

Disregarding Brian's irate stare, I saw that Casadee and Zacky were busy making out, forcing me to look away from their PDA. Sighing to myself, I realized that I probably wouldn't want to share a room with the overly-affectionate couple since I doubted they planned on doing much sleeping. This left me with sharing a room with the rest of the guys, which was slightly worrying.

"So, we should probably head over there before Zacky and Casadee get too carried away," Matt said, releasing his arms from my waist and heading towards his truck. "Bri, help Jimmy into the back."

Brian mumbled something to himself as he walked towards Jimmy, helping him into the truck. I just stood there awkwardly, unsure of what was going on until Matt called me to the passenger's seat of his truck, leaving the rest of them out in the back. I glanced in Matt's rearview mirror, noticing everyone sitting on the floor of the bed of the truck, still drinking beers they got out of a small red cooler next to Johnny. Jimmy was happily singing "99 Bottles of Beer On the Wall" with Johnny joining in, though they weren't in sync. Zacky and Casadee were still joined at the lips, causing me to shake my head at their behavior.

Matt pulled out of the parking lot of the club, driving towards the light at the intersection while I looked at Brian through the mirror. He was sitting with his legs outstretched in front of him, cradling a beer in his hands. He was slumped back a bit, resting the back of his head on the edge of the truck with his eyes closed. I couldn't help but stare at him, wondering what he was thinking about in this moment. There was always something about Brian that kept me fascinated. I was pretty sure it had to do with the fact that I couldn't tell what he was thinking or feeling most of the time.

Though he managed to intimidate me most of the time, I couldn't help but feel drawn to him.

Matt made a U-turn at the light and pulled into the motel parking lot across the street from the club. Once he was parked, Jimmy hopped out of the back, howling with laughter as he fell over onto his side. Brian just shook his head at Jimmy's drunken clumsiness, also hopping out of the back of the truck and opening the door for everyone else.

"Fucking dumbass," Johnny laughed, holding his sides in pain. "You can hardly walk!"

"Shut up short shit," Jimmy replied, pushing himself off the ground slowly. "Oh no! I've killed my beer!" he cried, looking at the broken bottle that was beside him.

"Don't worry Jim. We'll get you another beer," Matt said, patting his back comfortingly.

"Hey lovebirds! We're at the motel already!" Brian yelled, forcing Casadee and Zacky to stop kissing. "Take that shit into your room."

Casadee glared at him as Zacky helped her out of the truck. They hurried into the direction of one of the doors, Zacky pinning Casadee against it as he kissed her neck. She was giggling while he fumbled with the key to the door, finally getting it into the lock and opening the door. He rushed them inside, slamming the door behind them and leaving the rest of us in the parking lot to shake our heads at their hastiness.

"Let's take this party to the room!" Johnny called, waving his beer in the air.

Matt opened the door next to Casadee and Zacky's room, flipping on the light switch as he walked in. We all followed behind him, Johnny flopping down on one of the beds. Jimmy jumped right on top of him, making Johnny spill some of his beer onto the carpet. Matt had gone back outside to join Brian for a cigarette, leaving me in the room with two drunken boys.

"Jimmy! Get your fat ass off me!" Johnny cried, trying to shove the taller man off him.

"Fat ass? My ass isn't fat, is it?" he asked seriously, trying to look at his butt over his shoulder. "Alex, my ass isn't fat, is it?" he asked me.

"Um, I don't think it could be. You're too skinny," I replied sheepishly, taking a seat on the other bed.

"See! Alex says my ass isn't fat so quit your complaining!" Jimmy laughed, rolling off of Johnny. "Cuddle buddy!" he yelled.

Before I had time to react, I could feel myself being tackled onto the bed as Jimmy lay on top of me, his arm draped over my chest while his leg was wrapped over my hips. The initial collision had sort of knocked the wind out of me, causing me to groan a little in pain from the impact. My arms were pinned down by my sides, making it impossible to push him off of me since he was quite heavy. I could feel his hot breath against the side of my neck as he rested his chin on my right shoulder, making me feel a little uncomfortable at his close proximity.

"Um, Jimmy?" I questioned warily, trying to crane my neck to see him properly.

"Alex, did you know that you're awesome to cuddle? So warm and comfy… I bet Bri's gonna be so jealous of me now…" Jimmy said, his voice trailing off a bit as he spoke.

"Uh, thanks?" I said unsurely.

Jimmy said nothing more.

After a moment of silence, I could hear light snores coming from him and realized that he had passed out, still holding me close to him. I tried my best to lean up so I could see Johnny, noticing that he was also sound asleep with his beer bottle clutched in his hand as the contents slowly spilled out onto the floor. I just let out a sigh as I relaxed against the mattress beneath me, wondering how much longer I would be trapped here. As much as I liked Jimmy, I felt really uncomfortable being pinned against him while he slept, especially when I started to feel his lips press against my neck.

"What the hell happened here?" Matt laughed.

Matt and Brian were standing at the edge of the bed, looking down at me while Jimmy shifted a bit in his sleep, mumbling nonsense to himself. Matt looked quite amused by the display, trying to hold back some laughter behind his grin while Brian looked annoyed. He seemed to be glaring at Jimmy, aggravation evident in his dark brown eyes as they scanned the lanky man's figure that was halfway on top of me.

"He said I was my cuddle buddy and then tackled me before I could move. Then he passed out on me," I explained. "Johnny was passed out too so I couldn't really ask him for help."

"Jimmy's really an affectionate drunk," Matt laughed, shaking his head.

"I've noticed," I smiled back, glancing back down at Jimmy as he continued sleeping.

"Well, I'm sure you don't want to cuddle him all night since I know he drools a bit in his sleep so we'll help you up," Matt said. "Hey Brian, help Johnny up."

Brian wordlessly followed Matt's command while Matt carefully moved Jimmy's limbs off my body. He rolled Jimmy away from me a bit, allowing me to get up from the bed beside him in some relief. Brian came over, holding a half-conscious Johnny in his arms before laying him into the spot I had just vacated. Matt rolled Jimmy towards Johnny, causing Jimmy to wrap his arms and legs around Johnny. Johnny mumbled about the warmth, also cuddling closer to Jimmy as the two continued to sleep peacefully. I couldn't help but laugh a little at the scene, thinking they looked rather cute all cuddled up together.

"They're gonna be in for a shock when they wake up tomorrow," Matt laughed. He pulled out another set of keys from his pocket and held them out to me. "Since things are pretty cramped in here, you can have the room next door."

"Oh, well, thanks," I smiled gratefully, taking the keys from his hand. "Are you sure?"

He chuckled, shaking his head a bit, "Seriously Alex, its fine. It's still your birthday so the least I can do now is offer you a room without the two loud, snoring idiots in it."

I turned my head slightly, looking at Brian, who still seemed a little upset. His brown eyes seemed to soften a bit when they finally caught mine, making me wonder what was bothering him. Realizing that I shouldn't concern myself with his problems, I looked away, biting the inside of my cheek a bit as I shifted uncomfortably in front of the two guys who were still awake.

"No Mommy, I don't need the graham crackers… just the marshmallows…" Jimmy mumbled to himself, nuzzling his head on Johnny's chest.

"Mmm, that's nice Pam. You're skin is just so soft…" Johnny mumbled in response, turning his head towards Jimmy.

"Uh," Matt said, trying to stifle back his laughter, "this is gonna be an awkward night."

"I don't think I want to know what they're dreaming about," Brian said, shaking his head a bit.

"Hey, why don't you take Alex to the room and show her some stuff she can change into for bed? You said you had some of her stuff in your bag right?" Matt asked, causing Brian to glare at him.

I just stood there, shocked with the information that Brian had some of my stuff packed away in his bag. I guess he knew that I was tagging along with Casadee for this trip but that wouldn't explain why he would have some of my stuff with him. Did he know that we were staying the night in Phoenix? If he had, he could have told me, but not only would that have ruined Casadee's surprise this morning, it would also force him to speak more than the four words we seemed to share before retreating away from one another.

"Come on Alex," Brian grumbled, snatching the keys out of my hands.

He stalked out of the room, leaving the door open behind him. I looked over at Matt, who was just grinning like he knew something I didn't and sighed. I wasn't sure I wanted to deal with Brian if he was in one of his irritated moods, since he tended to be harsher than necessary but knew that I wouldn't have a choice. Instead of dwelling on what could happen, I just walked forward and gave Matt a small hug, thanking him for the room once again, and walked in the direction that Brian had gone a moment before, shutting Matt's door behind me.

The door to the room next door was slightly ajar, the light from the bedside tables flooding out of the room. I gently pushed the door open and noticed that the room was very similar to the one next door with two beds, an old television set, a few chairs, and a very large dresser where the a tea kettle and glasses were located. Brian was standing near the foot of one of the beds, rifling through a large black bag and pulling out different articles of clothing that looked familiar.

"I wound up with some of your clothes when I pulled stuff from the dryer," he explained, holding out a pair of shorts and an old Depeche Mode shirt I managed to steal from Malcolm a while back. "Feel free to change. I'm going back to the other room."

"Oh, ok," I nodded, accepting the clothing from him. "Goodnight then."

"Goodnight," he replied, grabbing his bag and heading straight for the door.

Deciding that I didn't want to be in my clothes anymore, I headed straight towards the bathroom and flicked on the light, watching the fluorescent lights flicker a bit. I quickly stripped out of my jeans and shirt, pulling on the shorts and shirt, before folding my already worn clothing. I walked out of the bathroom, placing the pile of clothing on the night table and pulled back the covers to one of the beds to settle in for the night.

The door slowly opened once again, causing me a small fright at the noise that cut through the silence as Brian wordlessly walked back into the room. He flung his bag on the bed that I hadn't taken and trudged over to the bathroom, causing me to jump a bit when he slammed the door shut behind him. I stared at the door for a moment, wondering why he decided to come back to the room.

Flopping down on the bed, I silently took a deep breath and shut my eyes. My heart had sped up at the thought of being stuck in a room with him for a night. I knew that we had shared a room before but I was out of my mind on ecstasy at the time and my feelings for him weren't as murky as they were now. I couldn't tell whether my heart pounding wildly against my ribs was due to excitement or anxiety. I hated that my past feelings for him might be coming back after I had decided to give up that ghost long ago. Why did he stir up all these feelings in me when we both knew that he wasn't interested? Why did he have to be my first kiss?

"Ahem."

My eyes flew open at the sound of him clearing his throat, forcing me to lean up a bit to look at him. Brian was standing near the other bed, changed into a pair of basketball shorts and a white wife beater, stuffing some things into his bag. I couldn't help but let my eyes wander over the exposed well-defined muscles on his arms and shoulders, finding it really difficult to look away. When I finally did look away from his body and back to his wonderful brown eyes, I realized he was looking at me with a curious gaze, which instantly made me feel a little self-conscious. The whole situation was weird for me. Things were already awkward between us and now I was in a room with him for the night in a different state.

This was not what I was envisioning for my birthday.

"Uh, the other door was locked and I think Matt's already asleep," he said, explaining his presence in the room once again.

"Oh," was all I could manage to say, nodding a bit.

"So," he said, trying to fill the awkward silence between us as I nervously twirled a strand of my hair around my finger, "how was your birthday?"

"Not really what I expected," I replied honestly, keeping my eyes away from him. "I didn't know that I would be spending the night here or need a fake ID to get into the club."

"I wondered about that," he mused to himself. "Jimmy said that he got you one."

"Yeah, apparently my name's Sarah Davidson and I'm twenty two. I don't know how anyone could look at me and say I look of age," I laughed.

"That wasn't his gift to you, was it?" he asked.

"I'm not sure. Everyone got so drunk so I guess we're doing gifts another time, though I told Matt that nobody had to get me anything. I'm ok without gifts," I said, finally looking up to see his face.

"Well I hope you'll accept one tonight," he said, causing me to look at him quizzically. "Though I do need you to come over here so I can give it to you," he said, patting the spot next to him on the bed.

Wordlessly, I got up and walked over to him, sitting on the edge of his bed with some distance between us. I wasn't sure what he was planning but I felt extremely nervous sitting with him. He didn't seem to be irritated like he was earlier and though our conversation was slightly awkward, he was acting rather nice. He was acting like nothing had happened between us, which hurt a bit, but since I was alone in my feelings; I had to push past the weirdness. If he could act like a nice guy, I could at least pretend that he didn't stir up a mixture of emotions that left me feeling confused most of the time.

"So I need you to trust me a little bit," he said, revealing one of Suzy's scarves from behind his back. He seemed to notice my look of unease as he fiddled with the scarf, quickly adding, "I'm just don't want you to look yet."

"Ok," I nodded slowly.

Brian scooted closer to me and gently removed my glasses from my face, causing everything in the room to go blurry. What little vision I had left was gone when he covered my eyes with the dark scarf, trying not to tie it too tightly around my head. I nervously chewed on my lower lip, unable to see anything as I felt the bed shift beside me. I turned a little so I was facing Brian; at least I thought I was facing him. I felt him place something over my ears, reaching up to feel them and accidently brushing my fingers against his hand. That brief contact caused my heart to start beating wildly once again as I quickly pulled them away. I could hear his muffled chuckling, which just added a bit to the embarrassment I felt.

"They're just headphones," he told me. "I want you to listen to this and try not to laugh."

"Alright," I replied, nodding a bit.

Soon, my ears were filled with the familiar opening chords to The Cure's "Lullaby" though this version was played on an acoustic guitar. There weren't any other instruments to accompany the guitar, which I found a little surprising since the song was layered with different noises that made it rather unique. Without the other instruments, I could focus on the wonderful melody of the guitar, which caused me to smile a bit.

"On candy stripe legs the Spiderman comes
Softly through the shadow of the evening sun…"

I let out a small gasp of surprise when I heard Brain's hushed voice singing along to the song. I wasn't aware that he sang, trying to remember if I saw him with a microphone on the stage tonight; but hearing him sing one of my favorite songs, I couldn't help but relish in the quality of his voice. I was impressed that he managed to sing the song in the same style as Robert Smith with the quiet whispering that blended into the guitar. It was a totally different style to the song while managing to pay homage to the original.

When the song ended, I reached up to take the headphones off but felt a pair of hands over the top of mine that stopped me. I bit my lower lip, feeling the heat from the contact flashing against the back of my hands as I tried my best not to blush. I wasn't sure why he was preventing me from taking off the headphones until I realized that the CD had flipped over to another track.

The moment the guitar began, I knew exactly what it was. Slowly, my hands dropped from Brian's grasp as the familiar opening lines of "Luna" were sung.

"What moonsongs
Do you sing your babies?
What sunshine do you bring?
Who belongs
Who decides who's crazy
Who rights wrongs where others cling?

I'll sing for you
If you want me to

I'll give to you
And it's a chance I'll have to take
And it's a chance I'll have to break…"

Memories of my childhood started to flood back to me as I listened to Brian's version of her favorite Smashing Pumpkins song. Often, "Luna" was the song that my mother would put on when she wanted me to go to sleep. She would sit by my bed, stroking my hair as she sang along to the words over and over again until I fell asleep. It was my favorite Smashing Pumpkins song just for the memories of her voice over the top of Billy Corgan's. It was one of those songs I couldn't listen to without thinking of her and how much I ached to hear her sing it to me one more time.

"I go along
Just because I'm lazy
I go along to be with you
And those moonsongs
That you sing your babies
Will be the songs to see you through…"

Letting out a shaky breath, I realized that I had started crying a little at the thought of her. I wiped the fallen tears that had slipped through the scarf with the back of my hand, trying to focus more on Brian's version of the song. His deep voice added something different than Billy Corgan's airy one, making me smile a bit. Like the previous song, he managed to strip something that was layered with interesting sounds and make it absolutely beautiful. Hearing how simple the melodies were, I was sure I was starting to prefer this version over the original.

"I'll hear your song
If you want me to
I'll sing along
And it's a chance I'll have to take
And it's a chance I'll have to break

I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you…"

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my rapid heartbeat at the sounds of his lovely baritone voice repeating the words I had always longed to hear over and over again. I remembered back to when I used to know my feelings for him and couldn't stop the yearning I felt for him to say these words to me and actually mean them. I knew that they were just lyrics that were part of the song but I allowed myself the tiny indulgence of pretending that he was really saying these words to me instead of singing along to someone else's lyrics.

My thoughts were ceased by a pair of lips gently pressing against my own, causing my body to freeze in complete disbelief. For a split second, I thought that I had allowed my imagination to run away with me that I had fabricated this scenario in my head until I felt his hands slowly removing the headphones from my ears, ceasing the heavenly music before the song actually finished playing.

Without even thinking, I felt my own lips move gingerly against his. The same shot of electricity I felt during our first kiss shot through my body, causing me to emit a quiet sigh of pleasure. Reaching my hands out in front of me, I felt the material of his tank top beneath my fingers, slowly pushing my hands up his broad shoulders until my arms were lightly wrapped around his neck. I could feel myself slowly falling back onto the mattress as I pulled Brian with me, feeling his body gently position itself directly on top of me. He deepened the kiss, lightly brushing his tongue against my lower lip. I could taste the beer on his tongue from earlier in the evening, not really minding the taste. I responded by copying his actions, earning a slight moan from him as he brushed his tongue against mine.

As his kisses grew more fervent, so many different thoughts and emotions swirled around in mind. I couldn't seem to focus on one long enough to understand what was really going on here. While my mind was trying to think things through logically, my body seemed to only want more of him in any way I could get him. My skin was on fire just feeling his body close to my own, which was something I hadn't really felt before. Just feeing him this close to me felt right, making me realize my feelings for him still lingered. Of all the things that could have happened tonight, I really didn't expect to be making out with Brian Haner in a motel room.

I could feel him pulling away a bit though his body remained hovering over mine. I hadn't even realized that I was still blindfolded until I felt his fingers slowly remove the scarf from my face, flooding my blurry vision with and the clear image of his handsome face inches away from mine. His brown eyes seemed to be swimming in thought as we both remained silently staring at one another, trying to catch our breath. I felt rather nervous beneath him, especially since he seemed to be just as confused as I was about what had happened moments ago.

The minutes felt like hours as we remained perfectly still, silently locked in a confused gaze. Our breathing had slowed and I could no longer feel my heart pounding against my chest, which made me feel a little more at ease. The chaos in my mind seemed to die down a bit, allowing me to properly think about what had just happened. Brian had kissed me while I was listening to his birthday gift to me and things escalated from there. My feelings for him hadn't died down and that was slightly worrisome since I had no idea what this situation had meant to him. Having these feelings meant that I could get hurt, which is what had happened the last time I admitted them to him months ago. I wasn't sure I wanted to risk feeling that pain once again.

"Lexi," his voice came out in a husky whisper, capturing my full attention. He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing with whatever it was that he was going to say. "I'm not really sure what to say right now."

"Me either," I admitted honestly, my voice also whispering. "Um, thank you for the gift and for the kiss?" I said unsurely.

His face softened a bit, chuckling at my appreciation, "You're thanking me for kissing you?"

"It was nice," I said, shrugging a bit.

"That's gotta be a first for me," he mumbled to himself.

"Well, I'm not really sure what else I could say," I told him, feeling my cheeks flush in embarrassment.

Things grew silent between us again as I felt him lightly run his fingers through my hair, the back of his calloused hand tenderly brushing against my cheek. Taking a deep breath, I shut my eyes, allowing myself to revel in the pleasure of his skin against mine. I knew that his eyes were still locked on my face but I figured that since he would soon realize this was all a mistake and push me away, I should take in every bit of this moment so I could treasure the memory.

"Jimmy was right," he said quietly, his breath tickling my skin.

My eyes flew open at his statement, staring at him with wonder as I struggled to decipher the meaning behind those three words. The expression on his face seemed serene, which was something that confused me further since it wasn't an expression I had seen before from him. Most the time, he was either expressionless or irritated. There were a few rare instances where he would have a genuine smile on his face but those occurrences didn't seem to happen around me all that much. I hated that I felt so confused by Brian because I wasn't ever sure of what he was thinking about.

"What are you talking about?" I apprehensively questioned, feeling my nerves getting the best of me.

"I think I have feelings for you," he said.

My eyes widened, stunned by his admission for feelings for me. Part of me thought that I had been so wrapped up in my imagination earlier that I misheard him, thinking that I had only imagined him saying that to me. My mouth opened and closed a bit, trying to reply or ask a question though no words managed to escape. I couldn't even formulate a proper response in my mind to such an admission. This whole situation seemed too good to be true. I couldn't believe that he would really admit such a thing to me when he made it perfectly clear about a month ago that he wanted nothing to do with me.

"I-you-um, wh-what?" I said finally, sputtering parts of my words like an idiot.

"I'm saying I have feelings for you Lexi," he said, smiling softly at me. "I know I've been an asshole to you and caused you some misery but I like you. It's hard not to like someone as nice as you, even though I tried really hard to hate you," he explained.

"I don't understand," I admitted aloud, feeling as if my mind was going to explode at all this information.

He laughed a bit, rolling off to my left side, leaning up on his elbow. My body felt cold the moment he moved off of me, yearning for him to be close to me again. I couldn't help but chew vigorously on my bottom lip, trying to process all these emotions that seemed to roll over me in waves. I was ecstatic that my long time crush had finally admitted something that I only dreamed about and completely terrified about what this admission meant for us now. Our relationship was already complicated enough and now, things had been raised to a new level of weird.

Brian leaned up so he was sitting on the bed, grabbing my shoulders and pulling so I was sitting as well. He turned and laid back on the bed, allowing his hand to run down my left arm until his fingers were wrapped around my frail wrist. He pulled a little, signaling me towards him, which I wordlessly complied with since my body seemed to be on autopilot. He pulled me onto his left side, wrapping his arm around me and pushing me down so my head was resting on his chest. I could hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat lulling my exhausted mind into a peaceful state. I hadn't realized how tired I actually was until a small yawn escaped my lips, sleep trying to force my eyes closed.

"It's been a long day and I know you're really confused about everything so let's just forget about it for now. We can pick this conversation up in the morning," he said, gently running his fingers up and down my upper arm.

"Mmhmm," I mumbled quietly, settling into him comfortably.

The combination of his rhythmic breathing and the heat radiating from his body seemed to envelop my overactive mind into a neutral state. I allowed my body to relax against him, draping one arm over his muscular torso as my eyes shut. He continued to gently stroke my arm, quietly humming the Smashing Pumpkins song I never got to hear the end of. I could feel myself smiling a bit as I drifted further into blissful unconsciousness, praying that this evening hadn't been just a dream.