Trust.

Sunday was pure hell. I’ve been up for an hour and I already hated it. Mother and Mr. Carton were downstairs laughing loudly and obnoxiously in the kitchen. I growled, because obviously I did not trust the guy.

Something in my gut told me that he was going to turn out just like all the rest. Of course, my gut always told me that. Every time I met someone knew I felt as if one day soon they’ll stab me in the back.

Why did he have to come over anyways? It’s Sunday. Mom knows that I’m here on Sundays and that I will not and do not want to see the shit that they do nor hear it.

Scowling, I throw a pillow over my head, trying my best to block out their noise, but I failed horribly. After ten minutes I got up and finally showed myself downstairs. The two of them fell silent when they saw me, probably looking angry and absolutely horrible. After all my weekend has been full of confusion and…other things.

Once again I pushed back the dream and focused on what was happening now. Mr. Carton smiled at me, but it was obvious that he was a bit frightened to see me. “Hi Rory, did we wake you?”

“Yes,” I lied. Actually most of the time my mother and her friends never woke me. I’m a pretty hard sleeper, but I wanted him to feel bad, it made me feel better.

“Oh it’s ok Robert,” mom laughed, patting his shoulder. “It’s noon he needed to wake up anyway.”

Maybe if I wasn’t glaring daggers at him he would have believed her, but he simply forced a laugh and looked back at the lunch that they were making. Slowly, I stalked over to them and gave my mother a hug, which she returned.

“Sit down sweet heart, you look like you’re hungry,” she instructed me and I did as I was told, keeping my eyes on “Robert” the entire time. He wasn’t going to touch my mom while I was around.

Mom acted as if nothing was wrong, smiling, laughing, and cooking the three of us lunch. Mr. Carton awkwardly stood there, talking to my mother, but continuing to glance at me from the corner of his eye.

“Here you two go!” Mom slid a plate of sloppy joes in front of us. “Eat up.”

Mr. Carton smiled and leaned in for a kiss, but I quickly asked, “Mom can you get me a drink?”

“Sure,” she moved before his lips made contact. I grinned and once mom had moved towards the fridge I leaned up and showed him my fork.

“See this?” I asked, wiggling it in front of his face. “I will shove this through your right nut if you try that again.”

“Rory, what did I tell you about threatening?”

“What did I tell you? It’s not a threat, but a promise.”

Mr. Carton frowned and mother came back then to give me my drink. The three of us ate our lunch, mom and Mr. Carton talking away while trying to get me to speak as well. They were failing horribly.

I honestly was not in the mood. My mind couldn’t get off last night. I couldn’t believe I kissed him…I fucking kissed him. What the hell is my problem? I could have done something smart like I normally do. I should have just got up and ignored all the feelings that were swimming through my veins at that given moment.

I can’t believe I had that dream either. That stupid fucking dream just made things twenty times worse! Couldn’t I be normal and have a wet dream about a girl? Hell, it could have been Resa or April for all I care, but Allister? It’s another guy it is only making things worse.

Fuck.

I didn’t mean to growl, but it came out low and deep in my throat. Mom caught onto it and looked at me, concerned, she asked, “Rory, is something the matter? You’ve seemed down all morning.”

“I’m fine,” I lied, trying to throw her a smile, but I failed horribly. She frowned, obviously knowing that something really was wrong with me and was about to ask, but I got up quickly. “I’m not hungry anymore. Thanks mum.”

“Rory hun-”

Her sentence never finished as I quickly returned to my room, shutting it behind me and going to my bed where I lied down and groaned. Really? How stupid can I get?

First, I saved Allister. Second, I saved him again. Third, I accepted his offer to sit with his friends, to hang out with his friends, to practically be his friend. Fourth, I go against everything I know and kiss him, a boy. Fifth, I’m stupid enough to…

To…develop…a crush on Allister.

Sure, I’ll admit it. I have a crush, a big crush, on Mr. Blondie, but I can’t help it. I mean fucking damn it, he’s too nice, too sweet, too caring, too kind, and too fucking friendly. It’s like he’s a magnetic to all those who need to find something worth living for, you know what I mean?

It’s just too hard not to fall for him, to become his friends. It makes me feel like complete shit to say that I cannot trust him, but I just can’t. My mind is screaming no, no, no, but my heart is screaming yes, yes, yes.

Knock, knock, knock.

“Not now mom.”

The door creaked open and I sat up, ready to ask her politely to leave, but when I saw Mr. Carton standing there with a slightly concerned look…I snapped, “Get the fuck out of my room! Who the hell said you could come in here!”

“I just came to talk,” he answered calmly, as if I wasn’t shooting daggers at him with my eyes. That ass better not take as step closer…damn it he took it.

I shot up and went over, ready to push him out of my room, but what he had to say next stopped me. “I know you don’t like me Rory. I know that your dad cheated and it was a shock for you, but…I just need you to believe that I’m not bad as him. Just trust me.”

There it was again, that word, that filthy, annoying, fucking useless word. Trust.

“I don’t trust anyone,” I spat. “Trust doesn’t exist. No one can trust anyone, because in the end they’ll stab you in the fucking back. I thought a brilliant teacher like yourself would know that.”

Mr. Carton sighed and stepped closer so he was practically in my face. He placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it like a father would do to their son. The gesture shot a strange feeling through out my being, it felt almost like…relief…

“I don’t know what’s wrong, but I want you to know that…you can talk to me about it. I may not be part of this family, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a friend.”