Trust.

Have you ever felt like complete and utter shit? I don’t mean just bad, I mean have you ever felt like you just didn’t deserve to be breathing, to be living this life because of something completely stupid that you have done?

If not, than you and I have nothing in common because at this exact moment I felt my heart tearing my insides to shreds because of how extremely pissed off it was at me for being so idiotic. Why? Why am I so fucking stupid? Why did I do it? I’m so…damn it, Rory!

I bet you’re all wondering what the hell I’m talking about? Let me just answer with one word; Allister.

From my locker I could see him standing down the hall way. He was standing there, hair in his face, and shoulders slumped in defeat. Moments earlier his eyes were on me and I could see they were blood shot from the tears that I had a feeling he was shedding.

I felt like I was the one who caused it. I wasn’t for sure because he seemed fine the night I left, but you never know.

I bit into my bottom lip, the blood swirling into my mouth. I felt that lump again in my throat, only this time it wasn’t from nerves or fear, but guilt.

It’s really odd…because only about two months ago I never felt anything like this. I never felt guilty, sorry, or stupid for acting the way I did. I never…liked someone or even thought about liking them, but Allister…he really has done strange things to me…

Sighing, I slammed my locker shut, completely pissed. I should go apologize, but I just can’t. I can’t! If…if we’re friends or anything more for that matter I just know that he’ll…that he’ll hurt me, but it’s Allister he wouldn’t hurt a fly!

I shook those thoughts from my mind and quickly went to first period. Mr. Carton sat at his desk and when he saw me enter the room he smiled kindly at me but frowned when he saw the look on my face. It felt…kind of nice to hear him ask, “Rory, are you ok?”

It was almost like hearing a father and it felt…kind of, no it felt great to feel that, to feel like I actually had a father again although Mr. Carton was no where near my dad. But you get what I mean right? Damn it, I know I’m being so confusing, but I’m so confused so can you blame me?

“Fine,” I answered, stomping up to my normal seat. There I sat, picking at my lip rings. I became still at the sound of the bell and I waited quit impatiently for Allister who appeared not long after the warning bell.

When our eyes met I nearly stabbed myself in the eyeball with my pen right than and there. The way he looked at me, the way the water formed in his eyes really could make anyone feel like shit.

I looked away fast and for the rest of the period Allister and I avoided each other. And when the bell rang we both bolted in opposite directions and I thought that maybe this day was going to be a very long quiet day, but things never seem to go as I believe they will.

“What the hell did you do?” Resa hollered after managing to corner me in the hallway. She scowled angrily, both hands on her hips, and a glare set on me.

I shot a glare at her and invaded her personal space as I growled, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“You know damn well what!” She didn’t seem phased at all by my low growl or glare. This girl was kind of…frightening when pissed off. “You better tell me what the fuck you did to Allister. He’s been balling his eyes out all weekend and I know you did it because you were the last one with him and you’ve been avoiding each other all day. Now so help me you better tell me what went on or I will rip your dick off and feed it to my young!”

And right now I had no doubt that she would. This girl is scary, no wonder Allister keeps her around. She’d be nice to have around when needed to scare off creepers or anyone for that matter.

That is something be thought about later though. Right now, I have to answer Resa before she rips open my chest and eats my heart for lunch.

I grumbled angrily and crossed my arms across my chest. I leaned back against the row of lockers and looked away from Resa as I answered, “It’s none of your business.”

“If you aren’t going to tell me about it than you better at least apologize and fix things with Allister. I am not going to see him hurt for the rest of this week because of you. He’s a sweet boy, too sweet and he lets people walk all over him, but I will not let that happen without punishment, you got me?” She shoved my shoulder, hard, as if warning me that she can get physical if needed, but I didn’t plan on getting in a fight with a girl. I don’t believe it’s right to punch girls.

“Fine. I’ll talk to him,” I caved and it was slightly strange to see her angered face suddenly brighten.

“Good!” She cheered, smiling, but anger could still be seen swimming within her eyes. “I’ll go get him!”

“I didn’t say now.”

“I didn’t say that you had any say in it. Now, stay here or you’ll regret it pretty boy.”

I growled, but said nothing as Resa skipped off to fetch Allister.

My palms began to sweat. My lip became my new chew toy. My hands body was shaking and my heart beating erratically within my chest.

What am I supposed to say? Sorry? Will that be good enough? Will that even fix anything?

Should I tell him the truth? Should I tell him why I acted the way I did? I don’t know…but I need to find out and fast, because I can hear them down the hall.

I ran my fingers through my hair, debating on what I should do. My mind was leaning one way until I saw Allister round the corner with tears rolling down his cheeks. He wiped them away and when he saw me, he froze.

Resa grabbed his arm and led him over to me and smiled. “Don’t worry Allister, Rory is going to fix everything. Right?”

The last word she growled at me. I flicked her off and did what I’ve always wanted to, grabbed Allister’s hand. The feel of his soft skin against my own made my stomach catch fire. I intertwined our fingers, loving the way they fit perfectly and tugged the boy away from Resa and out of the school.

If we’re going to talk, we’re not talking here.