Change My Ways

I should have known, I really should have seen this coming. Teeth grinding together, my eyes trickled down to the suitcases by the trunk of the car. Walking over to them, I was quickly given a light shove toward the passengers’ side door by the boy who had picked me up, who also happened to be the same boy I ‘confessed my love for’ over the phone.

“I got this, Jessica”, he gave me a small smile and grabbed the first suitcase easily picking it off of the ground and lowering it into the trunk of the shimmering BMW he was driving. Pulling the other one into the trunk, my lips parted an a small sigh escaped them. “See-“, his words fell into the air as my body moved over to the passenger’s side of the car and got in. Shutting the door before he could finish, I put my seatbelt on, shut my eyes, and leaned my head against the window, letting the cool glass put a smile on my face.

The drivers’ door opened and shut. The car turned off and started moving, and as all of these movements went on, Michael had not uttered a single word to me, and although it was my fault, I didn’t mind the silence. After everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours, silence was the only thing I really wanted, no matter what the other being in the car thought of it.

After a few minutes the radio came to life. Instead of the low hum of music that I guessed he would turn on, he quickly turned the volume almost all the way up and put on the local hits channel. As the heavy bass vibrated through the car, I picked my head off of the window, opened my eyes and looked right at him, a confused look across my now half awake face.

Looking at me, I watched as he blushed a little and suppressed a smile. “Cute face”, were the only words he replied and as they floated into my head, my stomach erupted into a cage for wild butterflies, ones that could not be tamed. “You don’t mind the loud music, do you?” he asked glancing at me and then looking back at the road, leaning himself back into the chair.

Shaking my head, I yawned and let my eyes trace around the interior of the car. Black leather, everything was new and shimmering in the sunlight and the radio was also equipped with a navigation system and some other screen. “Fa-ancy car”, I chuckled glancing over at Michael who rolled his eyes in reply.

“This is Boyle’s car. You’re the only reason I got to drive it”, he put both hands on the wheel as the car came to a slow stop at another red light. “I like this car”, sending me a devilish smile, I let out a small laugh and shook my head as I raked a hand through my smooth hair. “Sorry about him by the way”, he said nervously keeping his left hand on the wheel and looking at me. “I didn’t know he would act like that over the phone, I mean you know him better than me, but-“

“It’s fine. He’s just being himself. Don’t worry about it”, I said giving him a full tooth bearing smile. Eyes getting caught up in a stare, he lost track of the cars slowly moving in front of him. Letting a small laugh out of my throat I nudge Michael to look over at the traffic, and as he did a deep blush surfaced on his cheeks and he sunk down in the seat as the car lurched forward.

The rest of the ride was silence despite the loud music and fresh city air blowing through the windows. When we finally reached the parking lot of the arena, a heavy sigh escaped my lips and as I opened the door and got out, I noticed as Michael stood in the car a little longer, hit his palm against the steering wheel, then he opened the door and went to get out when he put a little too much pressure on his ankle. After a small yell of pain, I ran over to him and put my hands out for him to grab so he could stand up.

Shaking his head, he pushed himself out of the car and stood on his goo ankle and moved away from the car so he could shut the door. Placing the keys in his back pocket, he went to start walking when he put too much pressure on his ankle again and almost fell. When I went to help him, he snapped that he was fine. “Listen, you dumbass”, I snapped back in a harsh tone, “You’re going to fuck up your ankle more, just let me help you!” Eyes wide, he looked over at me and just stared. “Are you going to stare at me, or let me help?” my voice was small, but still stern enough to make Michael cave and lift his arm up so I could support him on the side of the body his bad leg was.

As we walked all the way to the back door, he sighed heavily and looked over at me. “Thanks Jessica”

“Geez, just call me Jess. Not Retz though, Boyle would castrate you”, sharing a small laugh, we walked into the back door and into the main hallway where the familiar loud music and sounds of machines filled my head.

“Jessica!” Jim said quickly taking me away from Michael’s side. As I walked down the hallway, I listened as Michael let out a groan and dragged his body into the weight room where he was welcomed by a bunch of guys asking him a billion questions. Shaking my head I looked ahead to see where Jim was walking me, we were heading right for ice. When we reached the bench, I noticed a few guys look at me, then start talking quietly.

Laughing, Jim turned to me and shook his head. “You see this! They’re like a bunch of little girls in grade school!” Laughing I nodded and watched as the boys on the bench quickly stopped talking and looked back out into the ice where ten boys were running around in different jerseys. “Alright, so today you’re going to watch over on the bench, something we do during games. All you have to do is stand there and watch the game, see if any players get hit the wrong way and are squirming in pain on the bench. If so, go be the medical assistant”, nodding with a smile, I took a step into the little nook Jim told me to stand in.

Leaning against the wall behind me, I let my eyes scan over all of the names on the bench on their corresponding numbers, then I looked at all of the boys on the ice and watched as they moved so quickly over the ice without the least bit of worry that they would fall over. As I watched it felt like maybe a few minutes, but before I knew it it had almost been an hour.

“Jessica!” Gasping I turned my head to see Coach Tortorella standing right next to me, his eyes focused on the boys on the ice skating their last few minutes, but his full attention was on me. “How is your car?”

Clearing my throat, I nodded and informed him that Del Zotto gave me a ride to the practice since I didn’t have enough time to wait around for AAA to come and bring my car to a shop and have to go through all of that. After my voice went quiet, he nodded with a small smile and glanced down at me. “We have a road trip coming up soon, did you know?”, heart stopping from his words, I nodded and looked down at my feet, then let out a small nervous breath and looked back at the ice. My mind quickly jolted back to the calendar I had been given and I remembered that it was a road trip to Columbus, Detroit, and Chicago, then on the way back we would stop for a game in New Jersey and the Island.

“Blue Jackets, Wings, Hawks, Devils, and Islanders, right?” I said in a small tone, but after that the man next to me fell silent and his eyes quickly darted to mine. After giving me an intense stare, he nodded and looked back to the ice, then blew a whistle and took a deep breath as the boys emptied from the bench and went out to centre ice.

“You will be tagging along on that then”, the air in my chest turned into a rock, and as I gasped for more air, I looked up at the man, eyes wide. “Ramsey will give you the details on how those work. You can head back to the weight room now, the scrimmage part of practice is over”, nodding as he walked away, I tripped into the hallway that led back to the weight room. My head in a fog the rest of the way, I managed to walk straight into a tall boy who instead of just pushing me off put his arms on my shoulders and looked at me, confused.

Snapping his fingers in front of my face, snapping me out of my fogged up state of mind, I looked up to see the bright blue eyes of a boy I had never met before. “You alright there?” he chuckled as I found myself staring into his bright blue eyes, eyes wide.

“Me”, I said slowly, “Yeah, I am fine”, my breath started to come out normal and after a few seconds, I looked down and chuckled. “Sorry about walking into you, I just kind of got a little sidetracked.”

“I’m Matt”, he said giving me a flirtatious smile, and a small wink.

“She’s Jessica”, a sweaty arm draped over my shoulders, and as I listened to the deep male voice go on, I realized that this sweaty arm belonged to no one other than Brian. “Retz actually, but only I can call her that. She’s the new intern in the medical staff”, he gave Matt the look as to inform him ‘paws off’, but I on the other hand just smiled at him and his gorgeous eyes.

“Oh, you’re that Jessica”, his bright blue eyes traveled up and down my body until Brian ruined his little moment with a loud, ‘Alright’.

Turning me away from the boy, he started walking me toward the weight room. “Alright, well”, he stuck his arm in the air and waved at Matt, “She’ll see you later buddy, try not to break your neck staring at her, we need you in the game in two days, Okay?”

The boy giving a small laugh as his reply walked back down the hallway toward the locker room, and after he was gone and it was only Brian and I, I turned to him and crossed my arms. “I can handle myself, thank you very much!”

“You are a young girl in the middle of a dangerous arena filled with twenty-two pro hockey men who have raging ego’s because we are all ridiculously in shape, except little del Zotto, he’s just a baby. Anyway, you’re a beautiful young girl, you are not going to be able to handle yourself, which is why I am here, you’re brother, to make sure you don’t get with any of them, especially the little baby boy”, he flashed me a smile as we entered the weight room and he walked me over to where Ramsey was watching two of the younger players work on machines.

When he noticed my arrival, he gave me a huge smile and held up his blackberry; informing me that he received the news that I was going to be tagging along for road trips. Luckily he decided to share the moment with me after Boyle had already gone to a machine and was not within ear shot. “I’m so proud of you!” He chuckled and gave a quick glance around the room, “It’s like I’m your father or something, speaking of your parents, what do they think of-”

“They’re thrilled”, the lie passed through my lips quickly as my stomach filled to the brim with sickness. As my eyes tired to stay on a stationary object, making it seem like it was no big deal talking about my parents, I noticed as Brian’s eyes quickly darted over to me. Those huge brown eyes that helped me through my childhood with my parents caught mine, and within seconds I felt like bursting into hysterics.

Sucking in a deep breath and trying to force all of the new thoughts about how fucked up I was now thanks to them to the back burner of my head, I quickly asked Jim where the bathroom was. As he gave me the direction, I nodded a thank you and quickly walked into the hallway. As I kept walking, eyes only looking up to see if I was going in the right direction, I noticed a familiar smile and eyes.

“Jess”, the way he said my name sent fireworks exploding in my spine. Although the reoccurring feeling whenever I saw him was something new, usually these feelings would have faded by now, I wasn’t welcoming them now, I had too much on my mind, and enough going on in my stomach. “Hey, are you alright?” he called after me as I nodded a little and kept walking down the hall. Passed the locker room where a few guys sent me smiles, I gave a pathetic excuse for a smile back and practically fell into the bathroom. After closing the door, I leaned myself up against the mirror and examined my pale face reflection.

If there was one time in my life when I needed to get a hold of everything, it was now. My parents carelessness to raise me right shouldn’t be affecting me anymore. I was my own person now, I was a brilliant young girl, was I really going to let all of the skeletons in my closet pull me down until I was just another college student that lets their life go nowhere? I had a chance, I had a chance to be something, I had a chance to work for a NHL Organization as a Medic, was I going to throw that all away because I couldn’t hold up when talking about my parents? Was I that pathetic?

A loud knock echoed through the bathroom and I knew it could only be two people; Brian or Michael. Splashing some water on my face and gathering my composure I walked over to the door and slowly opened it, looking up just enough to see that it wasn’t Brian like I had hoped, it was Michael, and as his worried eyes met mine, that tingling feeling rushed through me.

Putting a hand on my shoulder he looked right into my eyes, “Are you alright, you looked like you were going to die.”

“Well, thanks for the compliment”, I chuckled a little watching Michael’s eyes fill to the brim with embarrassment. “I’m fine, just felt a little weird, you shouldn’t be walking around, go back to the med office and sit down or something”, I snapped and watched as Brian started to sneak up behind him. Waving his arms frantically to keep Michael in that spot, I nodded a little and looked up at the boy in front of me, his eyes were locked on mine, and as I went to look behind him to see if Brian was any closer I felt his hand slip onto my face, directing my eyes right into his.

Suddenly whole body shut down. He was going to kiss me, our eyes were aligned, our breath was ragged, it was going to happen, if Brian needed to be his normal arrogant childish self, now was the time. Right, now. “Whoa there!”, I sighed in relief as the boy in front of me was taken off of his feet and discarded to the side. Brian walked over to me and took me under his arm like a father trying to protect his daughter from some foul creature. “What did I tell you only maybe minutes ago about the baby!”

“I… He… We… Oh just shut up, Brian” I finally spit out and watched as Michael shook his head and slid down the wall until he was sitting back against the wall, legs stretched out in the hallway. As the silence consumed the hallway, Brian let out a heavy sigh and threw me over his shoulder, then walked over to Michael and pulled at his shirt.

“Let’s go Romeo, practice is over”, he stated and then after a few seconds set me back down on my feet and told me that I needed to go talk with Ramsey and Coach Tortorella. Nodding, I started my way back to the weight room where I saw Ramsey last. On the way there, I heard Brian’s deep voice echo through the hallway. “Am I going to have to keep you in a cage, when she moves in?”

Holding back a laugh, I walked into the weight room to see Coach Tortorella and Ramsey talking, but the second I stepped in; they stopped and stuck their eyes on me. Looking at them, I took my bottom lip between my teeth and stepped closer to them, my heart racing. What if they told me that I couldn’t do this anymore? What if they saw Michael almost kiss me in the hallway, and because of that are relieving me of my job?

I will kill that boy.

“Jessica!” Ramsey sent me a huge smile, “We have some rules that we tell all of our players when they go on road trips. Some of them may apply, and some of them won’t, but just humor me”, Ramsey chuckled and I watched as Coach walked over and stood next to him, examining my facial expressions very closely. “One, there is a curfew of midnight, everyone has to be in their rooms by then. Two, you cannot get drunk before the game, as in the night before. Three; you have to show up for every practice and meeting. Four, and this one is for you, we understand that you’re a grown woman surrounded by a bunch of-“

“Listen”, Coach stepped in and gave me a serious look that almost reduced me to a crying five year old, “You’re a nineteen year old girl surrounded by twenty-two men, don’t do anything stupid, alright? We catch you doing something stupid, you’re back in college”, he said sternly and after he was done gave me a small smile and a pat on the shoulder, then walked away down the hallway, leaving me with Jim, still in that scared five year old state.

Chuckling, Jim motioned me to follow him back into the hallway where Brian had Michael in a very unmanly hug. Brian was behind him and Michael was in front. His arms were draped over Michael’s shoulders, and as I first looked at them, I held back the urge to laugh. “He’s my son”, Brian stated simply causing me to let out a laugh. Luckily Ramsey laughed along with us, making me look a little less immature.

“Anyway”, he shook his head, “You got the rules, and since, well it seems to me, you have your older brother around hopefully we won’t have to worry about you, but just remember, you don’t want to get sent back to college for doing something stupid. If all of this goes extremely well like it has been, there’s a good chance you could be working here when you get out’”

“Rules for what?” Brian had finally let Michael go from his awkward hug and walked over to us, taking me under his wing. “You told-“, I quickly pressed my elbow into Brian’s ribcage. They didn’t know that I was moving in with them, and by the looks of how serious Tortorella was about me ‘sleeping around with the guys’ telling him I was moving in with two of the guys was not going to be a good idea, especially the one that was my age and a new rising star for the team.

“Oh”, Ramsey chuckled and checked his phone. Michael soon appeared next to me and sent me a small smile that made my heart flutter. Containing the obvious expression that I was glad he was there, I bit down on my lip, almost drawing blood and looked at Ramsey. “Jessica here is going on all of our road trips for the next couple weeks, we just set her the ground rules.”

Nodding Brian quickly sent a death glare to Michael, and then looked back at Ramsey and informed him that he was going to be giving me a ride back to the dorms. Bidding us a good-bye, we turned away from him, and as we walked silently through the hallway, Brian sighed heavily and looked over at Michael.

“You could’ve had her fired, you fucking moron”, he snapped hitting Michael upside the head, “Great, this is just great”, he angrily opened the door and walked me through it. “I’m seriously going to have to by that cage now”

As Brian went on about how it was going ot be hell trying to cover up that I lived with them, Michael and I made eye contact and as we stared at each other, the feelings that I had so badly wished for in previous relationships came to life. With a heavy sigh, I looked down at the asphalt and squeezed my eyes shut, the one time I need these emotions to fade away like normal, they just keep coming back stronger and stronger.