Your Love is my Drug

I walked in, simply. It was like tearing off a band-aid, I wasn’t going to stand outside the door and convince myself; I just needed to do it. I entered and saw the red and white jerseys that had been removed after the scrap and the mess that was in progress before coach kicked them all out.

Then, I saw Patrick Kane sitting in his under armour on one side, and Jonathan Toews in his, on the other.

They both looked up to at me at the same time. Pat’s gaze was simple, Jonathan rolled his eyes.

“Hi,” I said quietly, neither of them said anything, “You two are stupid, you know that?”

Jonathan scoffed and gave me a bitter look, “Why? Don’t worry; I didn’t say anything about you fucking Brent’s teammate. You’re safe.”

I sighed, shutting my eyes and taking it. I deserved it, I deserved more than that. I quickly noted how Patrick didn’t defend me, he stayed quiet. He felt guilty.

“No,” I managed to say stably, “Because you two shouldn’t be fighting, you’re best friends, pretty much brothers, and you’re hitting each other... over this ?”

“You’re with BRENT, Leah!” Jonathan screamed, literally at the top of his lungs, and it scared the hell out of me, “He’s in LOVE with you, and you’re sleeping with PAT?! Do you even give a shit about Brent?!”

Finally, Patrick snapped, “Fuck off Tazer!”

“Fuck you!”

“You don’t even know the truth,” Patrick spat, “And it really has nothing to fucking do with you, so stop putting your nose where it doesn’t fucking belong.”

Jonathan got even angrier and his face changed slightly red, “The fact that you fucking kept it from me is bullshit, and the fact that he’s my friend and my team mate matters, I get a fucking say in this now- and I think you’re both pathetic, you’re both fucked and you both need to fucking tell Brent.”

I started crying, almost instantly. The sobs I held in last night were now taking over my entire being. I put my hands over my face to hide the tears and the shame away from the two guys who trusted me with everything, believed in me and loved me- and I realized that I’d been a horrible person to both of them.
I had fallen in love with Patrick, and you might be asking yourself why that makes me a bad person. I basically made him choose, his team mate and best friend, or me. That makes me one of the shittiest people in the world- and Jonathan... well he was my best friend.

I refused to drop my hands until I gained composure. I heard shifting and somebody walking towards me. I recognized Patrick’s arms instantly, as he pulled me into his chest.

I heard Jon sigh from the other side of the room.

“I didn’t mean to do this to him,” I finally was able to defend myself, as I tore my hands away and looked over to Jon, “It was never my intention.”

Jonathan shook his head, “Then why are you still lying to him?”

I shrugged, sniffling, “I don’t want to hurt him...”

He stared at me, for a long time, then finally said, “You sure you just don’t want to lose him, then have nobody when this gets fucked up?”

He pointed to Pat, almost as if he were just a chair in the room. I felt his arms tense around me, and that was it.

“What the FUCK does that mean?” He asked Jon boldly, eyes narrowed.

Jonathan just shrugged, eyes darting to Pat, “If she’s cheating with you, she’s going to cheat on you. The rules of cheating: Once a cheater, always a cheater.”

I felt my heart shatter at that second, I felt Pat’s grip loosen, “Watch your mouth, Tazer.”

I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back, “No,” I said dominantly, “It’s fine. Jon, I know you hate me right now, but...”

“Cut the shit and tell Brent, you’re already going to hell” Jonathan said finally, getting up and throwing his bag and throwing it over his shoulder, “I’ll see you guys tonight.”

He left and I didn’t stop him.