Your Love is my Drug

I walked into Jon’s house and heard the TV. In a slump, I carried my weight to the living room and shot him a sad look, before falling down on the spot next to him. After a quiet second, I leaned over and rested my head on his shoulder.

He sighed, putting his on top of mine, “Where were you?”

I stuck out my bottom lip, pouting, trying not to get emotional, “Brent’s.”

He froze and then his head was up, he moved his shoulder so that my head fell and looked at me, “Where?!”

I nodded, my bottom lip shaking, “Brent’s. I went to get my stuff. He came home.”

His eyes widened to the size of saucers, “What happened?”

I shrugged, feeling the red in my cheeks, “He yelled, then kissed me, then told me to go. He doesn’t want to be with me... at all, and I’m okay with that. I really didn’t deserve him.”

Jon sighed, leaning up to rub the back of his neck, “You’re only okay with that because you want Patrick.”

I didn’t even hesitate; I just nodded, still staring him dead in the eye, “He doesn’t want to be with me either, though. I fucked up royally, Jon.”

“Well...” Jon paused, glancing at the TV, “If it helps, I know Pat cares about you... he loves you Lee, and it’s killing him just as much as it’s killing you.”

I slammed my eyes shut together, shaking my head repeatedly. If there was anything I didn’t want to hear, it was this. I don’t want to stay away from him because we had to, but he still wanted to be with me. I couldn’t do that. I could stay away because he didn’t love me... that was it.

“Stop, Jon... Please.”

He let out a soft breath and reached over to squeeze my shoulder, “You’ll be fine. You’re tough, you can get through this.”

The temptation to cry was so heavy that it nearly killed me to contain. I glanced up at him, my eyes burning, “I don’t think I can...”

“Well what are you going to do then?” he asked gently, brushing his thumb lightly.

I sniffled, feeling a single tear, just one, fall down my cheek. I wasn’t going to have a meltdown, but I couldn’t pretend anymore. I shrugged, watching his eyes follow the tear down my face.

“I think I need to leave Chicago.”

He frowned, his eyes darting up to mine, “What?”

I could only nod, like it was the only option, “I can’t see Pat everyday... I just can’t, it KILLS me and Brent... he doesn’t deserve to have me hanging around here.”

“But what about us?” he fought back instantly, frowning deeply, “What about your FRIENDS? The ones who are going to help you get through this and help you get over it.”

“I’m thankful for that,” I said, now pretty much unable to get any words out, “I really am... but I don’t think I can do it.”

He rolled his eyes, throwing the blanket off of himself and standing up. He raised his hands, eyes nearly spewing fire, “Think about somebody else, Leah!” he screamed, “You’re not the only one who is going to suffer- you have a team... a TEAM, of people ready to help you... and you’re going to walk away from that?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, “I-It’s for the best...”

He threw the blanket at me and gave me a steady look, “It’s the best for you... running away. Classic. Brent’s dropping off your shit when he’s done, have fun.”

I shut my eyes as he stormed out of the house, grabbing his keys and slamming the door. When the car engine roared, I pulled the blanket to my face and wept. Could I not do ANYTHING right? Regardless of what I do, I hurt somebody else. I was getting sick of it.

Brent would be over soon and once again, I was left to deal with it on my own. There was a lot I had to say, things I had to do, before he left my life and I barely had time to prepare. Brent was one of the most amazing people in the world... and what do you say to the best person out there before they walk out of your life?